WEBVTT

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[Can one be mindful while being connected
to social media and smartphone applications?]

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[How does this affect
our deep listening skills?]

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My other question regards
the use of media in general.

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I wonder if one can be mindful

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while at the same time one is connected,
as most of us are nowadays,

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to the social media,
smartphone applications, etcetera.

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I also wonder how this is affecting
our deep listening skills.

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We believe that the smartphones,

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and the internet, and the emails

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can help us connect with each other.

NOTE Paragraph

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But communication
has become more difficult,

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even with these electronic devices.

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Even if we hear the news
several times a day,

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even if we communicate with each other
several times a day,

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that does not mean
that real communication is possible.

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We still do not understand each other,

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we still do not understand
the suffering en difficulties of others,

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we still continue to blame each other.

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So, --

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many electronic devices

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are helping us to get away from ourselves,

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and do not give us
a chance to be with ourselves.

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There is suffering, there is fear,
anger in ourselves,

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and we not have
the time and the way

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to handle the suffering inside of us.

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We can not communicate with ourselves,

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in fact we're trying
to run away from ourselves.

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We can not listen to ourselves,

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we can not help ourselves to suffer less.

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So, how can we understand another person,

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and help him or her suffer less,

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even if he has a lot of electronic devices?

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That is why mindfulness is very important.

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It helps us release
the tension in our body,

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and help us to go home
to our self without fear,

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in order to recognize
the suffering inside,

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embrace it, and begin to understand it.

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Understanding our suffering,

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we understand the suffering
of our father, our mother,

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our ancestors, our people.

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That understanding brings about compassion
that has the power to heal, to transform.

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When we get lighter,
when we get healed,

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we can help other people
around us to do the same,

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to get the healing and transformation,

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and we can do that
without any electronic devices.

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The power to listen,

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to understand and to restore communication

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and reconcile

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is possible.

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When you understand your own suffering,

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you reconcile with yourself easily,

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you reconcile with your father,
your mother, your ancestors easily,

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because your suffering
carries within itself

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the suffering of your father,
mother, and ancestors.

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When you understand your suffering,

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when you have reconciled with yourself,

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then it's much easier to understand
the suffering of the other person,

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of the world, and reconcile with them.

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When you look at them, you're able
to see the suffering in them.

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They do not have the capacity

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to handle the suffering.

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They continue to suffer,

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and that is why they make
people around them suffer,

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even when the people around them
are those they love.

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So, when you look at them,

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and if you see the suffering,

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that so far there is no one
who has helped them

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to handle the suffering
in him or in her,

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suddenly an understanding arises in you,

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and compassion is born in you.

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Then you can look at him or her
with compassion,

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you don't suffer anymore.

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You want to do something

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to help that person suffer less.

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You want to say something
to help him or her suffer less,

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because you have some amount
of compassion within yourself.

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With compassion in your heart,

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you can talk to him or to her

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in such a way that can
help him or her suffer less.

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You can say: "Darling, my friend,

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I know that you have suffered a lot
in the past ten years.

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There's a lot of suffering in you,

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there's a lot of difficulties in you,

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and in the past I have not been able
to help you to suffer less.

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In fact I have reacted angrily

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and with stubbornness
that made you suffer more.

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I'm sorry.

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It's not my intention to make you suffer.

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My dear, it's just because
I did not see the suffering in you.

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I did not understand the suffering in you,
the difficulties in you.

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So, please darling, help me.

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Tell me what is in your heart.

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Tell me about your suffering,
your difficulties,

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so that I will understand.

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I believe that,
if I understand your suffering,

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I will not react the way I have
in the past, and make you suffer anymore.

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Please help me, tell me
what is in your heart."

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That kind of speaking,
we call loving speech,

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and you can do that if you have
compassion in your heart.

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Compassion is possible when you
understand the suffering in that person.

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When you speak like that, the other person
will open his heart to you.

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With the tool of loving speech, you can
open the heart of the other person,

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and she will tell you the suffering,
the difficulties in her.

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Then you practice deep listening,

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and compassionate listening.

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When you listen with compassion,
you help the other person suffer less.

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One hour of compassionate listening
can help someone suffer much less,

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and you may be the first person
in the world to listen to him or to her.

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You are a Bodhisattva of deep listening. 
You are Avalokiteshvara.

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To listen with compassion,
you have to learn in order to do.

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When you sit and listen,

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you have to keep compassion alive
in your heart in order to do so.

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Because while speaking

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the other person may have
a lot of bitterness

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or accusation or blaming,

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and may touch off the irritation,
the anger in you,

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and you loose the capacity of listening.

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So you have to clean yourself
for many days.

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When you listen to him or to her,
you have to practice mindful breathing,

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and remind yourself that the purpose
of listening to that person

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is only to help him or her suffer less.

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So, even if what the other person says
is full of wrong perception,

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you will not interrupt and correct

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because that will ruin the session.

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You tell yourself:

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"Well, he is full of wrong perceptions,

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full of bitterness and anger,

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but I am not going to interrupt him.

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I just listen to help him to suffer less.

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And several days later,

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I may provide him with some information

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so that he can correct his perception,

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but not now.

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So breath in and out,

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and remember to keep
your compassion alive,

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then you can listen for one hour
or more with compassion.

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That can be very healing.

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According to our experiences,

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practicing four or five days
of mindful breathing,

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and looking into the suffering of yourself
and of the other person,

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can already allow you
to practice deep listening,

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compassionate listening
and loving speech.

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Because we have organized
so many retreats in the world,

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and in every retreat

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people learn the art of deep listening
and loving speech.

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The miracle of reconciliation
always happens in our retreats.

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On the fifth day,

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they have to put into practice

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the teaching of deep listening
and loving speech.

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If the other person
is in the retreat, that is easy,

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but if the other person is at home

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then you can use your telephone

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in order to practice
loving speech and deep listening.

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And in our experiences
many have used their phone,

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and reconcile with their father
or mother at home, after the retreat.

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It's very effective,

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the practice of loving speech
and deep listening,

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and that is the object of
the fourth mindfulness training

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that many of us
have received from the sangha.

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This is the art
of restoring communication.

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It is the art of reconciling, and --

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you don't need
a lot of electronic devices,

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you need only your in-breath,
your out-breath,

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your capacity of looking deeply
into your own suffering,

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into the suffering of the other person,

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and finally you need
loving speech, tender speech,

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and deep listening,
compassionate listening,

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and you can transform the whole situation

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in just a few days

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[Connect, be inspired, be nourished]