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[Can one be mindful while being connected[br]to social media and smartphone applications?]

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[How does this affect[br]our deep listening skills?]

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My other question regards[br]the use of media in general.

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I wonder if one can be mindful

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while at the same time one is connected,[br]as most of us are nowadays,

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to the social media,[br]smartphone applications, etcetera.

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I also wonder how this is affecting[br]our deep listening skills.

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We believe that the smartphones,

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and the internet, and the emails

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can help us connect with each other.

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But communication[br]has become more difficult,

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even with these electronic devices.

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Even if we hear the news[br]several times a day,

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even if we communicate with each other[br]several times a day,

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that does not mean[br]that real communication is possible.

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We still do not understand each other,

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we still do not understand[br]the suffering en difficulties of others,

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we still continue to blame each other.

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So, --

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many electronic devices

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are helping us to get away from ourselves,

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and do not give us[br]a chance to be with ourselves.

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There is suffering, there is fear,[br]anger in ourselves,

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and we not have[br]the time and the way

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to handle the suffering inside of us.

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We can not communicate with ourselves,

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in fact we're trying[br]to run away from ourselves.

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We can not listen to ourselves,

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we can not help ourselves to suffer less.

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So, how can we understand another person,

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and help him or her suffer less,

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even if he has a lot of electronic devices?

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That is why mindfulness is very important.

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It helps us release[br]the tension in our body,

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and help us to go home[br]to our self without fear,

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in order to recognize[br]the suffering inside,

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embrace it, and begin to understand it.

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Understanding our suffering,

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we understand the suffering[br]of our father, our mother,

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our ancestors, our people.

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That understanding brings about compassion[br]that has the power to heal, to transform.

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When we get lighter,[br]when we get healed,

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we can help other people[br]around us to do the same,

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to get the healing and transformation,

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and we can do that[br]without any electronic devices.

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The power to listen,

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to understand and to restore communication

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and reconcile

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is possible.

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When you understand your own suffering,

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you reconcile with yourself easily,

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you reconcile with your father,[br]your mother, your ancestors easily,

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because your suffering[br]carries within itself

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the suffering of your father,[br]mother, and ancestors.

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When you understand your suffering,

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when you have reconciled with yourself,

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then it's much easier to understand[br]the suffering of the other person,

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of the world, and reconcile with them.

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When you look at them, you're able[br]to see the suffering in them.

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They do not have the capacity

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to handle the suffering.

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They continue to suffer,

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and that is why they make[br]people around them suffer,

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even when the people around them[br]are those they love.

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So, when you look at them,

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and if you see the suffering,

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that so far there is no one[br]who has helped them

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to handle the suffering[br]in him or in her,

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suddenly an understanding arises in you,

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and compassion is born in you.

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Then you can look at him or her[br]with compassion,

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you don't suffer anymore.

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You want to do something

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to help that person suffer less.

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You want to say something[br]to help him or her suffer less,

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because you have some amount[br]of compassion within yourself.

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With compassion in your heart,

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you can talk to him or to her

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in such a way that can[br]help him or her suffer less.

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You can say: "Darling, my friend,

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I know that you have suffered a lot[br]in the past ten years.

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There's a lot of suffering in you,

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there's a lot of difficulties in you,

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and in the past I have not been able[br]to help you to suffer less.

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In fact I have reacted angrily

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and with stubbornness[br]that made you suffer more.

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I'm sorry.

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It's not my intention to make you suffer.

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My dear, it's just because[br]I did not see the suffering in you.

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I did not understand the suffering in you,[br]the difficulties in you.

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So, please darling, help me.

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Tell me what is in your heart.

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Tell me about your suffering,[br]your difficulties,

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so that I will understand.

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I believe that,[br]if I understand your suffering,

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I will not react the way I have[br]in the past, and make you suffer anymore.

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Please help me, tell me[br]what is in your heart."

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That kind of speaking,[br]we call loving speech,

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and you can do that if you have[br]compassion in your heart.

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Compassion is possible when you[br]understand the suffering in that person.

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When you speak like that, the other person[br]will open his heart to you.

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With the tool of loving speech, you can[br]open the heart of the other person,

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and she will tell you the suffering,[br]the difficulties in her.

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Then you practice deep listening,

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and compassionate listening.

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When you listen with compassion,[br]you help the other person suffer less.

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One hour of compassionate listening[br]can help someone suffer much less,

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and you may be the first person[br]in the world to listen to him or to her.

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You are a Bodhisattva of deep listening. [br]You are Avalokiteshvara.

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To listen with compassion,[br]you have to learn in order to do.

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When you sit and listen,

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you have to keep compassion alive[br]in your heart in order to do so.

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Because while speaking

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the other person may have[br]a lot of bitterness

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or accusation or blaming,

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and may touch off the irritation,[br]the anger in you,

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and you loose the capacity of listening.

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So you have to clean yourself[br]for many days.

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When you listen to him or to her,[br]you have to practice mindful breathing,

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and remind yourself that the purpose[br]of listening to that person

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is only to help him or her suffer less.

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So, even if what the other person says[br]is full of wrong perception,

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you will not interrupt and correct

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because that will ruin the session.

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You tell yourself:

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"Well, he is full of wrong perceptions,

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full of bitterness and anger,

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but I am not going to interrupt him.

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I just listen to help him to suffer less.

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And several days later,

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I may provide him with some information

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so that he can correct his perception,

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but not now.

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So breath in and out,

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and remember to keep[br]your compassion alive,

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then you can listen for one hour[br]or more with compassion.

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That can be very healing.

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According to our experiences,

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practicing four or five days[br]of mindful breathing,

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and looking into the suffering of yourself[br]and of the other person,

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can already allow you[br]to practice deep listening,

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compassionate listening[br]and loving speech.

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Because we have organized[br]so many retreats in the world,

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and in every retreat

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people learn the art of deep listening[br]and loving speech.

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The miracle of reconciliation[br]always happens in our retreats.

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On the fifth day,

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they have to put into practice

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the teaching of deep listening[br]and loving speech.

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If the other person[br]is in the retreat, that is easy,

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but if the other person is at home

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then you can use your telephone

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in order to practice[br]loving speech and deep listening.

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And in our experiences[br]many have used their phone,

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and reconcile with their father[br]or mother at home, after the retreat.

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It's very effective,

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the practice of loving speech[br]and deep listening,

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and that is the object of[br]the fourth mindfulness training

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that many of us[br]have received from the sangha.

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This is the art[br]of restoring communication.

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It is the art of reconciling, and --

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you don't need[br]a lot of electronic devices,

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you need only your in-breath,[br]your out-breath,

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your capacity of looking deeply[br]into your own suffering,

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into the suffering of the other person,

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and finally you need[br]loving speech, tender speech,

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and deep listening,[br]compassionate listening,

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and you can transform the whole situation

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in just a few days

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[Connect, be inspired, be nourished]