[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.69,0:00:08.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我們今晚的主題是\N--我不敢相信還成真了--
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.28,0:00:11.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,是唐納·川普\N
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.36,0:00:14.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我知道每講一次他的名字
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.25,0:00:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他就會高潮一次
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.88,0:00:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我們在這節目一直\N故意忽略川普的存在
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.34,0:00:24.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,但他現在已贏得三州初選\N並得到紐澤西州長克里斯蒂支持
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.50,0:00:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,並在民意調查中於多數 \N"超級星期二" 州黨內初選領先
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.48,0:00:30.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,這很重要\N因為自1988年以來
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.13,0:00:33.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,於 "超級星期二" 贏得最多州的候選人
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.03,0:00:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,都順利贏得全國黨初選提名
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.20,0:00:39.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,川普就像是美國背上的黑痣
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.07,0:00:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,幾年前好像無關痛癢\N但如今已長大的有點噁心
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.20,0:00:47.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,繼續忽略下去就不太聰明了
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.36,0:00:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我能夠瞭解為什麼\N川普的支持者喜歡他
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.34,0:00:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他出乎意料地具娛樂效果
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.28,0:00:55.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,比如說他星期五時\N攻擊魯比歐的招數
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.57,0:00:59.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,你看過有人流汗成這樣嗎?\N這就是魯比歐!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.22,0:01:03.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[觀眾笑聲]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.27,0:01:14.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,這具客觀的笑點啊\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.89,0:01:17.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,就如同他幾年前於推特說
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.25,0:01:20.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,," 在這特別的日子，我想祝福所有人，\N衰人和魯蛇在內，
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.85,0:01:24.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,9/11快樂 ! "
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.38,0:01:27.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他祝衰人和魯蛇 9/11快樂
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.96,0:01:32.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我真心底有一小小點喜歡川普\N當然那是我恨的那一小點
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.40,0:01:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,但那還是我心中的一部分\N你若對黨內大老感到厭惡
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.30,0:01:40.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,川普可能會讓你覺得\N他是新興的清流
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.57,0:01:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我們喜歡他\N因為他有話直說
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.54,0:01:47.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我真的認為他說的是實話
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.13,0:01:49.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他自己掏腰包競選
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.56,0:01:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他很有競爭力，不怕冒犯人
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.26,0:01:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我認為他是個成功的企業家
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.28,0:02:01.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,若他像治理他的企業一樣治理國家\N我們應該會更好
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.06,0:02:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,在你仔細觀察之前\N川普可能像是個好選擇
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.16,0:02:09.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,就像是脫衣舞秀的自助餐
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.30,0:02:12.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,或是美式足球聯盟\N或是養黑猩猩當寵物一樣
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.62,0:02:17.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,一開始可能很好玩\N但總有一天，猴寶貝會把你手扯斷
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.43,0:02:21.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,讓我們一一檢視那些人\N所說川普的好處
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.61,0:02:25.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,第一，他有話直說不撒謊\N真的嗎?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.30,0:02:28.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Politifact 網站著實檢查\N他發表的 77 項聲明
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.06,0:02:32.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,並證實其中 76% 並不屬實
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.35,0:02:36.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,這我有親生經歷過\N他曾於推特攻擊我前老闆
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.60,0:02:40.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,," 如果 喬恩·史都華 如此清高，\N那他為什麼要取藝名?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.35,0:02:43.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,應用本名 Jonathan Leibowitz\N以自己的血緣為傲!"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.85,0:02:47.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,然後兩年後他又說\N"我從來沒有
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.28,0:02:50.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,取笑過 喬恩·史都華 的笨本名\N我才不會呢 ! "
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.96,0:02:53.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,然後去年他不實地說
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.01,0:02:57.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他拒絕這個 "非常無聊" 的節目的邀請
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.15,0:03:04.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他撒這謊是想炫耀啥啊?\N我們的節目貴賓包含樹懶和小狗
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.47,0:03:07.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我們基本上是個\N有辦公桌的動物園
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.45,0:03:10.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,但是當我們指出\N我們從來就沒有邀請過他時
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.91,0:03:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,這是他的回應
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.68,0:03:15.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"忽然間我聽大家都在說\NJohn Oliver
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.12,0:03:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我跟我的幕僚問過
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.59,0:03:19.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他曾經四、五度邀我上他節目
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.66,0:03:23.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我連他是誰我都不知道\N他長甚麼樣都不知道 "
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.90,0:03:27.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,一開始我也不期盼川普知道我是誰
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.42,0:03:30.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,但為了這段節目撥出後\N他於推特的憤怒文方便
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.03,0:03:34.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我可以直接跟他說 :\N我看起來像在銀行工作的近視鸚鵡
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.49,0:03:41.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,但其實，如此信心滿滿的謊言\N還真讓我嚇到了一下
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.14,0:03:45.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我甚至向同仁重新確認
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.01,0:03:49.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,沒有人不小心邀請過他\N當然結果是沒有
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.69,0:03:52.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我真不瞭他知不知道自己在撒謊?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.29,0:03:55.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我認為他根本不在乎真相是甚麼
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.57,0:04:00.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,川普對待真相就如\N這隻狐猴對待最高法院態度一樣
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.49,0:04:05.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,," 我對那鳥事一點都不在乎\N別吵我，我有隻香蕉要吃 "
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.22,0:04:10.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,讓我們來看看他第二個優點 :\N他不受利益團體影響
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.68,0:04:13.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他誰也不欠\N或如他自己說的 :
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.50,0:04:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,," 我自己掏腰包參選\N我說的是實話 "
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.11,0:04:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,," 你至今競選花了多少款項 ?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.93,0:04:20.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"喔大概 兩千、兩千五百萬吧"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.18,0:04:24.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我們來想想看，第一\N"我很有錢所以我說實話"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.88,0:04:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,邏輯程度大約相當\N"我吃素所以我武功很強"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.76,0:04:32.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,兩者之間並無因果關係
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.22,0:04:35.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,說實在因果關係\N通常是與他所說的相反
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.25,0:04:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,雖說他真的沒有企業贊助
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.68,0:04:42.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,但是說他自掏腰包花了\N兩千五百萬美金也不太對
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.65,0:04:47.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,實際上他是借錢\N給自己的競選基金
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.75,0:04:54.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,總共 1750 萬\N他實際出的錢不過 25 萬
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.47,0:04:56.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,這很重要\N因為在初選結束前
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.89,0:05:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他可以把自己借出去的錢\N用競選基金還回來
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.02,0:05:03.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,如果你認為借和給是大同小異
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.66,0:05:08.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,你 "借" 你老婆結婚周年禮物\N看看下場如何
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.74,0:05:14.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,川普本人也承認\N他並不完全自掏腰包
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.34,0:05:18.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,我競選全部自掏腰包\N除了那些小額捐款
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.20,0:05:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,像是有小姐捐了$7.59
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.84,0:05:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,總不能把錢寄回去吧\N那太可愛，太美麗了
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.83,0:05:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,她們會覺得自己\N有投資於這場選舉中
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.10,0:05:32.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他把這講成好像家庭主婦\N在把零錢塞進紅包裡
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.22,0:05:36.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,前面寫個 川普收\N然後他不忍心退回一樣
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.74,0:05:41.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,事實上他基金的個人捐款\N已收入高達750萬
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.27,0:05:46.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他若不需要別人的錢\N也許網站不該有兩個 "捐款" 按鈕
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.81,0:05:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,當你要別人的信用卡號時\N錢就不算是不請自來的
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.46,0:05:55.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,接下來，有些人覺得他\N有競爭力，是個硬漢，這怎麼說?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.81,0:05:59.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,恩， 如果他真是個硬漢\N他也太玻璃心了吧
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.13,0:06:03.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,1988 年 Spy 雜誌形容他為\N"手指很短的粗魯人"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.69,0:06:08.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,從那時起，編輯 Carter\N沒事就會收到
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.50,0:06:11.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,川普方面來信\N內含他的照片
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.97,0:06:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,每一張中的手都被圈起來\N以示手指長短
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.44,0:06:20.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,通常附函註解\N"看吧一點都不短"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.38,0:06:27.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,他手指我看來挺普通\N但是他對這話題敏感程度
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.04,0:06:31.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,真的有夠好笑\N更好笑的是那些附函
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.85,0:06:36.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,據說用金色馬克筆寫的\N真的有夠川普
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.97,0:06:42.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,看起來富麗堂皇\N但只不過是個便宜的爛貨
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.87,0:06:45.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[掌聲]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.71,0:06:51.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.89,0:06:53.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.78,0:06:56.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.36,0:06:59.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.79,0:07:03.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.26,0:07:07.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.81,0:07:10.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.94,0:07:14.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.02,0:07:18.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.09,0:07:21.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.81,0:07:26.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.22,0:07:30.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.66,0:07:34.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.46,0:07:38.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.21,0:07:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.24,0:07:44.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.93,0:07:48.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.30,0:07:51.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.04,0:07:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.04,0:07:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.93,0:08:04.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.43,0:08:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.38,0:08:15.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.32,0:08:19.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.18,0:08:22.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.34,0:08:26.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.34,0:08:30.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.91,0:08:34.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.86,0:08:38.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.65,0:08:40.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.48,0:08:43.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.70,0:08:49.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.40,0:08:51.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.96,0:08:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.46,0:08:59.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.07,0:09:03.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.70,0:09:07.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.74,0:09:11.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.19,0:09:16.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.51,0:09:19.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.83,0:09:23.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.22,0:09:27.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.50,0:09:32.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.47,0:09:36.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.36,0:09:39.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.97,0:09:43.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.96,0:09:48.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.49,0:09:55.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.05,0:09:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.52,0:10:02.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.21,0:10:04.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.88,0:10:10.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.12,0:10:15.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.75,0:10:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.14,0:10:23.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.40,0:10:25.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.36,0:10:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.62,0:10:32.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.19,0:10:37.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.67,0:10:40.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.66,0:10:45.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.16,0:10:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.00,0:10:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.98,0:11:00.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.75,0:11:03.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.39,0:11:07.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.24,0:11:09.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.56,0:11:11.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.79,0:11:15.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.06,0:11:18.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.35,0:11:24.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.74,0:11:27.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.50,0:11:31.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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Dialogue: 0,0:17:53.36,0:17:57.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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Dialogue: 0,0:18:05.90,0:18:09.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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Dialogue: 0,0:18:22.95,0:18:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.85,0:18:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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Dialogue: 0,0:18:34.35,0:18:38.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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Dialogue: 0,0:20:33.13,0:20:37.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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Dialogue: 0,0:20:41.95,0:20:44.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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Dialogue: 0,0:21:05.93,0:21:08.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:08.28,0:21:11.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:11.02,0:21:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:12.98,0:21:15.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:15.07,0:21:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:20.61,0:21:26.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:27.68,0:21:30.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:30.63,0:21:33.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:33.80,0:21:38.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:38.75,0:21:40.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,
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