WEBVTT

00:00:01.042 --> 00:00:03.309
Everyone has a story,

00:00:03.333 --> 00:00:06.268
and that story is filled with chapters

00:00:06.292 --> 00:00:08.833
that have made us who we are today.

00:00:10.458 --> 00:00:13.684
Those early chapters of that story

00:00:13.708 --> 00:00:17.601
sometimes are the ones
that define us the most.

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:17.625 --> 00:00:20.309
The Center for Disease Control

00:00:20.333 --> 00:00:24.101
has estimated that over half
of our nation's children

00:00:24.125 --> 00:00:28.333
have experienced at least
one or two types of childhood trauma.

00:00:29.375 --> 00:00:32.792
That adversity can have lasting effects.

00:00:34.167 --> 00:00:37.184
When I began to have
opportunities to speak

00:00:37.208 --> 00:00:40.518
and advocate for students
and for teachers,

00:00:40.542 --> 00:00:43.768
I found myself uniquely positioned

00:00:43.792 --> 00:00:46.750
to be able to speak
about childhood trauma.

00:00:47.583 --> 00:00:49.976
But I had to make a decision first.

00:00:50.000 --> 00:00:51.768
I had to decide,

00:00:51.792 --> 00:00:55.351
did I want to just share
the bright and shiny parts of my life,

00:00:55.375 --> 00:00:58.309
you know, those ones
that we put out on social media

00:00:58.333 --> 00:01:01.018
that make us all look perfect,

00:01:01.042 --> 00:01:05.684
or did I want to make myself vulnerable

00:01:05.708 --> 00:01:07.292
and become an open book?

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:08.458 --> 00:01:11.101
The choice became very clear.

00:01:11.125 --> 00:01:13.934
In order to make a difference
in the life of a child,

00:01:13.958 --> 00:01:17.809
I had to become transparent.

00:01:17.833 --> 00:01:21.625
So I made the commitment
to tell my personal story.

00:01:22.625 --> 00:01:26.934
And this story is filled
with people that have loved me

00:01:26.958 --> 00:01:29.768
and taken care of me and grown me.

00:01:29.792 --> 00:01:33.351
And have helped me overcome and heal.

00:01:33.375 --> 00:01:36.875
And now it's time for me
to help others do the same.

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:39.958 --> 00:01:43.208
When I first started school,
I was the picture of normalcy.

00:01:44.042 --> 00:01:46.643
I was from a good family,

00:01:46.667 --> 00:01:49.018
I was always dressed nicely,

00:01:49.042 --> 00:01:51.351
had a smile on my face,

00:01:51.375 --> 00:01:53.417
I was prepared for school.

00:01:54.250 --> 00:01:57.893
But my life was anything but normal.

00:01:57.917 --> 00:02:02.833
By this time, I had already become
a victim of sexual abuse.

00:02:03.667 --> 00:02:06.042
And it was still happening.

00:02:07.083 --> 00:02:09.309
My parents didn't know,

00:02:09.333 --> 00:02:12.083
and I had not told anyone else.

00:02:13.583 --> 00:02:19.851
When I started school, I felt like
this was going to be my safe place.

00:02:19.875 --> 00:02:22.268
So I was excited.

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:22.292 --> 00:02:27.083
Imagine my dismay when I met my teacher,

00:02:28.542 --> 00:02:30.851
Mr. Randolph.

00:02:30.875 --> 00:02:34.643
Now Mr. Randolph was not my abuser.

00:02:34.667 --> 00:02:38.226
But Mr. Randolph was an epitome

00:02:38.250 --> 00:02:42.333
of everything that scared me
the most in my life.

00:02:43.333 --> 00:02:47.434
I had already started
these self-preservation techniques

00:02:47.458 --> 00:02:53.351
to where I took myself out of positions
where I was going to be alone with a man.

00:02:53.375 --> 00:02:57.143
And here I was, as a student,

00:02:57.167 --> 00:03:00.393
I was going to be in a classroom
with a man every day,

00:03:00.417 --> 00:03:02.875
for a year of school.

00:03:04.208 --> 00:03:07.000
I was scared, I didn't trust him.

00:03:08.125 --> 00:03:09.393
But you know what,

00:03:09.417 --> 00:03:12.375
Mr. Randolph would turn out
to be my greatest advocate.

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:13.375 --> 00:03:15.143
But in the beginning,

00:03:15.167 --> 00:03:18.893
oh, I made sure he knew
I did not like him.

00:03:18.917 --> 00:03:21.268
I was noncompliant,

00:03:21.292 --> 00:03:24.875
I was that kid that was disengaged.

00:03:25.750 --> 00:03:30.143
And I also made it really hard
on my parents too.

00:03:30.167 --> 00:03:31.643
I didn't want to go to school,

00:03:31.667 --> 00:03:35.143
so I fought them every morning,
getting on the bus.

00:03:35.167 --> 00:03:36.893
At night, I couldn't sleep,

00:03:36.917 --> 00:03:40.059
because my anxiety was so high.

00:03:40.083 --> 00:03:43.726
So I was going into class exhausted.

00:03:43.750 --> 00:03:48.226
Which, exhausted children
are cranky children,

00:03:48.250 --> 00:03:49.976
and they're not easy to teach,

00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:51.250
you know that.

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:52.167 --> 00:03:56.851
Mr. Randolph could have
approached me with frustration,

00:03:56.875 --> 00:03:59.958
like so many teachers do
with students like me.

00:04:01.667 --> 00:04:03.476
But not him.

00:04:03.500 --> 00:04:07.184
He approached me with empathy

00:04:07.208 --> 00:04:09.042
and with flexibility.

00:04:09.917 --> 00:04:12.768
I was so grateful for that.

00:04:12.792 --> 00:04:17.684
He saw this six-year-old
was tired and weary.

00:04:17.708 --> 00:04:20.559
And so instead of making me
go outside for recess,

00:04:20.583 --> 00:04:22.851
he would let me stay in and take naps,

00:04:22.875 --> 00:04:25.667
because he knew I needed rest.

00:04:27.208 --> 00:04:30.851
Instead of sitting
at the teacher table at lunch,

00:04:30.875 --> 00:04:34.309
he would come and sit with the students
at the student table.

00:04:34.333 --> 00:04:38.958
He would engage me
and all my classmates in conversation.

00:04:39.958 --> 00:04:42.351
And I now look back and I know

00:04:42.375 --> 00:04:43.768
he had a purpose for that,

00:04:43.792 --> 00:04:47.101
he was listening, he was asking questions.

00:04:47.125 --> 00:04:50.000
He needed to find out what was going on.

00:04:51.000 --> 00:04:53.893
He built a relationship with me.

00:04:53.917 --> 00:04:56.559
He earned my trust.

00:04:56.583 --> 00:04:57.851
And slowly but surely,

00:04:57.875 --> 00:05:00.434
those walls that I had built around myself

00:05:00.458 --> 00:05:02.393
he started chipping away at,

00:05:02.417 --> 00:05:06.000
and I eventually realized
he was one of the good guys.

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:08.917 --> 00:05:13.792
I know that he felt like he wasn't enough.

00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:19.518
Because he made the move
to talk to my mom.

00:05:19.542 --> 00:05:21.601
And got my mom's permission

00:05:21.625 --> 00:05:25.268
to let me start seeing
a school guidance counselor,

00:05:25.292 --> 00:05:26.833
Ms. McFadyen.

00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:30.809
I started seeing Ms. McFadyen
once or twice a week

00:05:30.833 --> 00:05:32.934
for the next two years.

00:05:32.958 --> 00:05:34.542
It was a process.

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:35.875 --> 00:05:37.143
During that time period,

00:05:37.167 --> 00:05:39.518
I never disclosed to her the abuse,

00:05:39.542 --> 00:05:42.184
because it was a secret,

00:05:42.208 --> 00:05:44.434
I wasn't supposed to tell.

00:05:44.458 --> 00:05:46.976
But she connected the dots,
I know she did,

00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:50.393
because everything that she did with me

00:05:50.417 --> 00:05:53.875
was to empower me
and help me find my voice.

00:05:54.958 --> 00:05:57.684
She taught me how to use mental images

00:05:57.708 --> 00:06:00.559
to push through my fears.

00:06:00.583 --> 00:06:02.601
She taught me breathing techniques

00:06:02.625 --> 00:06:05.393
to help me get through
those anxiety attacks

00:06:05.417 --> 00:06:08.059
that I would have so often.

00:06:08.083 --> 00:06:10.125
And she role-played with me.

00:06:11.042 --> 00:06:12.309
And she made sure

00:06:12.333 --> 00:06:16.417
that I could stand up
for myself in situations.

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:17.250 --> 00:06:18.809
And the day came

00:06:18.833 --> 00:06:21.351
where I was in the room with my abuser

00:06:21.375 --> 00:06:23.851
and one other adult.

00:06:23.875 --> 00:06:25.583
And I told my truth.

00:06:27.208 --> 00:06:29.875
I told about the abuse.

00:06:30.792 --> 00:06:34.851
Immediately, my abuser began to deny,

00:06:34.875 --> 00:06:37.893
and the person I disclosed to,

00:06:37.917 --> 00:06:40.684
they just weren't equipped
to handle the bombshell

00:06:40.708 --> 00:06:43.559
that I had just dropped on them.

00:06:43.583 --> 00:06:47.226
It was easier to believe the abuser

00:06:47.250 --> 00:06:48.875
rather than a child.

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:50.208 --> 00:06:54.125
So I was told never to speak of it again.

00:06:55.167 --> 00:06:59.125
I was made to feel like I had done
something wrong, again.

00:07:01.375 --> 00:07:03.375
It was devastating.

00:07:05.250 --> 00:07:06.518
But you know what,

00:07:06.542 --> 00:07:08.393
something good came out of that day.

00:07:08.417 --> 00:07:11.833
My abuser knew that I was no longer
going to be silent.

00:07:13.125 --> 00:07:15.226
The power shifted.

00:07:15.250 --> 00:07:18.601
And the abuse stopped.

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:18.625 --> 00:07:25.476
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:25.500 --> 00:07:27.684
But the shame

00:07:27.708 --> 00:07:31.101
and fear of it happening again

00:07:31.125 --> 00:07:32.559
remained.

00:07:32.583 --> 00:07:34.768
And it would remain with me

00:07:34.792 --> 00:07:37.458
for many, many years to come.

NOTE Paragraph

00:07:39.583 --> 00:07:42.893
Mr. Randolph and Ms. McFadyen,

00:07:42.917 --> 00:07:45.583
they helped me find my voice.

00:07:47.875 --> 00:07:52.125
They helped me find the light out.

00:07:53.667 --> 00:07:54.934
But you know what,

00:07:54.958 --> 00:07:58.101
there are so many kids
that aren't as fortunate as me.

00:07:58.125 --> 00:08:01.184
And you have them in your classrooms.

00:08:01.208 --> 00:08:04.809
That is why it's so important for me
to talk to you today,

00:08:04.833 --> 00:08:06.934
so you can be aware

00:08:06.958 --> 00:08:10.851
and you can start asking the questions
that need to be asked.

00:08:10.875 --> 00:08:13.809
And paying attention to these students,

00:08:13.833 --> 00:08:18.042
so you too can help them find their way.

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:19.583 --> 00:08:21.643
As a kindergarten teacher,

00:08:21.667 --> 00:08:23.559
I start my year off

00:08:23.583 --> 00:08:28.184
with my kids making box biographies.

00:08:28.208 --> 00:08:30.601
These are two of my students.

00:08:30.625 --> 00:08:32.518
And I encourage them

00:08:32.542 --> 00:08:36.268
to fill those boxes with things
that tell me about them

00:08:36.292 --> 00:08:37.559
and about their life,

00:08:37.583 --> 00:08:40.476
what's important to you, you know?

00:08:40.500 --> 00:08:42.059
They decorate them,

00:08:42.083 --> 00:08:44.226
I mean, they really take time,

00:08:44.250 --> 00:08:48.768
they fill them with pictures
of their families, and of their pets,

00:08:48.792 --> 00:08:52.458
and then I let them present them
to me and to the class.

00:08:53.333 --> 00:08:56.417
And during that time,
I am an active listener.

00:08:57.417 --> 00:08:59.893
Because the things they say,

00:08:59.917 --> 00:09:03.018
the facial expressions that they give me,

00:09:03.042 --> 00:09:06.684
the things they don't say

00:09:06.708 --> 00:09:09.309
can become red flags for me

00:09:09.333 --> 00:09:13.101
and can help me figure out
what their needs are.

00:09:13.125 --> 00:09:15.893
What is driving them

00:09:15.917 --> 00:09:19.375
to maybe have the behaviors
that they're showing me in class.

00:09:20.375 --> 00:09:22.768
How can I be a better teacher

00:09:22.792 --> 00:09:24.917
by listening to their voices?

NOTE Paragraph

00:09:26.083 --> 00:09:29.434
I also make times to develop
relationships with them,

00:09:29.458 --> 00:09:31.768
much like Mr. Randolph did with me.

00:09:31.792 --> 00:09:33.351
I sit with them at lunch,

00:09:33.375 --> 00:09:36.309
I have conversations with them at recess,

00:09:36.333 --> 00:09:38.976
I go to their games on the weekends,

00:09:39.000 --> 00:09:41.101
I go to their dance recitals.

00:09:41.125 --> 00:09:43.559
I become a part of their life.

00:09:43.583 --> 00:09:46.976
Because in order to really know a student,

00:09:47.000 --> 00:09:50.042
you've got to infuse yourself
into their lives.

NOTE Paragraph

00:09:51.458 --> 00:09:54.226
Now I know some of you
are middle school teachers

00:09:54.250 --> 00:09:56.101
and high school teachers,

00:09:56.125 --> 00:09:58.893
and you might think that those kids

00:09:58.917 --> 00:10:02.143
have already kind of
developed, and you know,

00:10:02.167 --> 00:10:05.018
they're on autopilot at that point.

00:10:05.042 --> 00:10:06.893
But don't be deceived.

00:10:06.917 --> 00:10:09.559
Especially the kids that you think
have it all together,

00:10:09.583 --> 00:10:14.018
because those are the ones
that might need you the most.

00:10:14.042 --> 00:10:15.809
If you were to look at my yearbook,

00:10:15.833 --> 00:10:18.059
you would see me on about every page,

00:10:18.083 --> 00:10:22.476
because I was involved in everything.

00:10:22.500 --> 00:10:24.143
I even drove a school bus.

NOTE Paragraph

00:10:24.167 --> 00:10:25.559
(Laughs)

NOTE Paragraph

00:10:25.583 --> 00:10:27.351
So I was that kid

00:10:27.375 --> 00:10:30.101
that teachers thought
was the overachiever,

00:10:30.125 --> 00:10:31.643
the popular person,

00:10:31.667 --> 00:10:34.042
the one that had it together.

00:10:34.958 --> 00:10:37.976
But guys, I was lost.

00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:39.393
I was lost,

00:10:39.417 --> 00:10:42.393
and I wanted someone to ask me,

00:10:42.417 --> 00:10:44.518
"Lisa, why are you here all the time,

00:10:44.542 --> 00:10:48.476
why are you throwing yourself
into all these things?"

00:10:48.500 --> 00:10:50.684
Did they ever wonder,

00:10:50.708 --> 00:10:52.976
was I running away from someone,

00:10:53.000 --> 00:10:55.893
was I running away from something?

00:10:55.917 --> 00:10:59.726
Why did I not want to be in my community

00:10:59.750 --> 00:11:01.184
or in my home?

00:11:01.208 --> 00:11:04.000
Why did I want to be
at school all the time?

00:11:05.375 --> 00:11:07.458
No one ever asked.

NOTE Paragraph

00:11:08.958 --> 00:11:10.518
Now don't get me wrong,

00:11:10.542 --> 00:11:12.726
all overachievers in your schools

00:11:12.750 --> 00:11:16.226
are not victims of abuse or trauma.

00:11:16.250 --> 00:11:21.226
But I just want you
to take the time to be curious.

00:11:21.250 --> 00:11:23.458
Ask them why.

00:11:24.458 --> 00:11:28.184
You may find out
that there is a reason behind it.

00:11:28.208 --> 00:11:33.476
You could be the reason
that they move forward

00:11:33.500 --> 00:11:36.083
with their story.

00:11:37.208 --> 00:11:39.684
Be careful not to assume

00:11:39.708 --> 00:11:42.601
that you already know
the ending to their story.

00:11:42.625 --> 00:11:46.309
Don't put a period
where a semicolon should be.

00:11:46.333 --> 00:11:47.851
Keep that story going

00:11:47.875 --> 00:11:52.476
and help them know that even if
something has happened traumatic to them,

00:11:52.500 --> 00:11:55.125
that their life is still worth telling.

00:11:56.208 --> 00:11:59.250
Their story is worth telling.

NOTE Paragraph

00:12:01.625 --> 00:12:03.934
Now in order to do that,

00:12:03.958 --> 00:12:09.000
I really feel like we have to embrace
our own personal stories as educators.

00:12:09.750 --> 00:12:12.059
Many of you might be sitting there

00:12:12.083 --> 00:12:14.333
and thinking, "Yeah.

00:12:15.542 --> 00:12:17.476
That happened to me.

00:12:17.500 --> 00:12:20.143
But I'm not ready to share."

00:12:20.167 --> 00:12:21.583
And that's OK.

00:12:22.667 --> 00:12:24.518
The time will come

00:12:24.542 --> 00:12:27.559
when you will feel it inside your soul

00:12:27.583 --> 00:12:31.101
that it's time to turn your past pain

00:12:31.125 --> 00:12:33.893
into purpose for the future.

00:12:33.917 --> 00:12:36.375
These children are our future.

00:12:38.000 --> 00:12:41.393
I just encourage you
to take it day by day.

00:12:41.417 --> 00:12:43.559
Talk to someone.

00:12:43.583 --> 00:12:46.292
Be willing and just open.

NOTE Paragraph

00:12:48.042 --> 00:12:51.601
My life story came full circle

00:12:51.625 --> 00:12:54.643
in the spring of 2018,

00:12:54.667 --> 00:12:56.309
where I was invited to speak

00:12:56.333 --> 00:12:59.976
to a group of beginning
teachers and mentors.

00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:03.268
I shared my story,
much like today with you,

00:13:03.292 --> 00:13:06.167
and afterwards I had a lady approach me.

00:13:07.333 --> 00:13:12.184
She had tears in her eyes
and she quietly said, "Thank you.

00:13:12.208 --> 00:13:14.643
Thank you for sharing.

00:13:14.667 --> 00:13:18.559
I cannot wait to tell my dad

00:13:18.583 --> 00:13:20.625
everything that I heard today."

00:13:21.625 --> 00:13:25.101
She must have seen
the perplexed look on my face,

00:13:25.125 --> 00:13:28.101
because she followed up by saying,

00:13:28.125 --> 00:13:30.309
"Mr. Randolph is my dad."

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:30.333 --> 00:13:32.643
Audience: Aww.

NOTE Paragraph

00:13:32.667 --> 00:13:36.559
"And he often wonders,

00:13:36.583 --> 00:13:38.333
did he make a difference.

00:13:39.833 --> 00:13:41.976
Today, I get to go home and tell him,

00:13:42.000 --> 00:13:44.667
'You definitely made a difference.'"

00:13:45.833 --> 00:13:47.559
What a gift.

00:13:47.583 --> 00:13:49.601
What a gift.

00:13:49.625 --> 00:13:51.184
And that prompted me

00:13:51.208 --> 00:13:54.226
to reach out to Ms. McFadyen's
daughter as well,

00:13:54.250 --> 00:13:56.184
and to share with her

00:13:56.208 --> 00:13:59.518
what an impact Ms. McFadyen had made.

00:13:59.542 --> 00:14:01.351
And I wanted her to know

00:14:01.375 --> 00:14:04.226
I have advocated for more funding

00:14:04.250 --> 00:14:07.476
for guidance counselors,
for school social workers,

00:14:07.500 --> 00:14:09.393
for psychologists, for nurses,

00:14:09.417 --> 00:14:13.851
because they are so vital
to the mental and physical health

00:14:13.875 --> 00:14:15.726
of our children.

00:14:15.750 --> 00:14:17.726
I'm thankful for Ms. McFadyen.

NOTE Paragraph

00:14:17.750 --> 00:14:22.143
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:14:22.167 --> 00:14:24.934
I once heard someone say,

00:14:24.958 --> 00:14:27.643
in order to find your way
out of the darkness,

00:14:27.667 --> 00:14:29.792
you have to find the light.

00:14:30.792 --> 00:14:33.976
Today, I hope that you leave this place

00:14:34.000 --> 00:14:38.268
and you seek opportunities
to be the light.

00:14:38.292 --> 00:14:40.018
For not only students

00:14:40.042 --> 00:14:43.226
but for adults in your classrooms,

00:14:43.250 --> 00:14:45.583
in your schools, in your communities.

00:14:46.672 --> 00:14:49.643
You have the gift

00:14:49.667 --> 00:14:52.042
to help someone navigate

00:14:53.292 --> 00:14:55.809
through their trauma

00:14:55.833 --> 00:14:59.934
and make their story worth telling.

NOTE Paragraph

00:14:59.958 --> 00:15:01.226
Thank you.

NOTE Paragraph

00:15:01.250 --> 00:15:07.125
(Applause)