0:00:01.042,0:00:03.309
Everyone has a story,

0:00:03.333,0:00:06.268
and that story is filled with chapters

0:00:06.292,0:00:08.833
that have made us who we are today.

0:00:10.458,0:00:13.684
Those early chapters of that story

0:00:13.708,0:00:17.601
sometimes are the ones[br]that define us the most.

0:00:17.625,0:00:20.309
The Center for Disease Control

0:00:20.333,0:00:24.101
has estimated that over half[br]of our nation's children

0:00:24.125,0:00:28.333
have experienced at least[br]one or two types of childhood trauma.

0:00:29.375,0:00:32.792
That adversity can have lasting effects.

0:00:34.167,0:00:37.184
When I began to have[br]opportunities to speak

0:00:37.208,0:00:40.518
and advocate for students[br]and for teachers,

0:00:40.542,0:00:43.768
I found myself uniquely positioned

0:00:43.792,0:00:46.750
to be able to speak[br]about childhood trauma.

0:00:47.583,0:00:49.976
But I had to make a decision first.

0:00:50.000,0:00:51.768
I had to decide,

0:00:51.792,0:00:55.351
did I want to just share[br]the bright and shiny parts of my life,

0:00:55.375,0:00:58.309
you know, those ones[br]that we put out on social media

0:00:58.333,0:01:01.018
that make us all look perfect,

0:01:01.042,0:01:05.684
or did I want to make myself vulnerable

0:01:05.708,0:01:07.292
and become an open book?

0:01:08.458,0:01:11.101
The choice became very clear.

0:01:11.125,0:01:13.934
In order to make a difference[br]in the life of a child,

0:01:13.958,0:01:17.809
I had to become transparent.

0:01:17.833,0:01:21.625
So I made the commitment[br]to tell my personal story.

0:01:22.625,0:01:26.934
And this story is filled[br]with people that have loved me

0:01:26.958,0:01:29.768
and taken care of me and grown me.

0:01:29.792,0:01:33.351
And have helped me overcome and heal.

0:01:33.375,0:01:36.875
And now it's time for me[br]to help others do the same.

0:01:39.958,0:01:43.208
When I first started school,[br]I was the picture of normalcy.

0:01:44.042,0:01:46.643
I was from a good family,

0:01:46.667,0:01:49.018
I was always dressed nicely,

0:01:49.042,0:01:51.351
had a smile on my face,

0:01:51.375,0:01:53.417
I was prepared for school.

0:01:54.250,0:01:57.893
But my life was anything but normal.

0:01:57.917,0:02:02.833
By this time, I had already become[br]a victim of sexual abuse.

0:02:03.667,0:02:06.042
And it was still happening.

0:02:07.083,0:02:09.309
My parents didn't know,

0:02:09.333,0:02:12.083
and I had not told anyone else.

0:02:13.583,0:02:19.851
When I started school, I felt like[br]this was going to be my safe place.

0:02:19.875,0:02:22.268
So I was excited.

0:02:22.292,0:02:27.083
Imagine my dismay when I met my teacher,

0:02:28.542,0:02:30.851
Mr. Randolph.

0:02:30.875,0:02:34.643
Now Mr. Randolph was not my abuser.

0:02:34.667,0:02:38.226
But Mr. Randolph was an epitome

0:02:38.250,0:02:42.333
of everything that scared me[br]the most in my life.

0:02:43.333,0:02:47.434
I had already started[br]these self-preservation techniques

0:02:47.458,0:02:53.351
to where I took myself out of positions[br]where I was going to be alone with a man.

0:02:53.375,0:02:57.143
And here I was, as a student,

0:02:57.167,0:03:00.393
I was going to be in a classroom[br]with a man every day,

0:03:00.417,0:03:02.875
for a year of school.

0:03:04.208,0:03:07.000
I was scared, I didn't trust him.

0:03:08.125,0:03:09.393
But you know what,

0:03:09.417,0:03:12.375
Mr. Randolph would turn out[br]to be my greatest advocate.

0:03:13.375,0:03:15.143
But in the beginning,

0:03:15.167,0:03:18.893
oh, I made sure he knew[br]I did not like him.

0:03:18.917,0:03:21.268
I was noncompliant,

0:03:21.292,0:03:24.875
I was that kid that was disengaged.

0:03:25.750,0:03:30.143
And I also made it really hard[br]on my parents too.

0:03:30.167,0:03:31.643
I didn't want to go to school,

0:03:31.667,0:03:35.143
so I fought them every morning,[br]getting on the bus.

0:03:35.167,0:03:36.893
At night, I couldn't sleep,

0:03:36.917,0:03:40.059
because my anxiety was so high.

0:03:40.083,0:03:43.726
So I was going into class exhausted.

0:03:43.750,0:03:48.226
Which, exhausted children[br]are cranky children,

0:03:48.250,0:03:49.976
and they're not easy to teach,

0:03:50.000,0:03:51.250
you know that.

0:03:52.167,0:03:56.851
Mr. Randolph could have[br]approached me with frustration,

0:03:56.875,0:03:59.958
like so many teachers do[br]with students like me.

0:04:01.667,0:04:03.476
But not him.

0:04:03.500,0:04:07.184
He approached me with empathy

0:04:07.208,0:04:09.042
and with flexibility.

0:04:09.917,0:04:12.768
I was so grateful for that.

0:04:12.792,0:04:17.684
He saw this six-year-old[br]was tired and weary.

0:04:17.708,0:04:20.559
And so instead of making me[br]go outside for recess,

0:04:20.583,0:04:22.851
he would let me stay in and take naps,

0:04:22.875,0:04:25.667
because he knew I needed rest.

0:04:27.208,0:04:30.851
Instead of sitting[br]at the teacher table at lunch,

0:04:30.875,0:04:34.309
he would come and sit with the students[br]at the student table.

0:04:34.333,0:04:38.958
He would engage me[br]and all my classmates in conversation.

0:04:39.958,0:04:42.351
And I now look back and I know

0:04:42.375,0:04:43.768
he had a purpose for that,

0:04:43.792,0:04:47.101
he was listening, he was asking questions.

0:04:47.125,0:04:50.000
He needed to find out what was going on.

0:04:51.000,0:04:53.893
He built a relationship with me.

0:04:53.917,0:04:56.559
He earned my trust.

0:04:56.583,0:04:57.851
And slowly but surely,

0:04:57.875,0:05:00.434
those walls that I had built around myself

0:05:00.458,0:05:02.393
he started chipping away at,

0:05:02.417,0:05:06.000
and I eventually realized[br]he was one of the good guys.

0:05:08.917,0:05:13.792
I know that he felt like he wasn't enough.

0:05:15.000,0:05:19.518
Because he made the move[br]to talk to my mom.

0:05:19.542,0:05:21.601
And got my mom's permission

0:05:21.625,0:05:25.268
to let me start seeing[br]a school guidance counselor,

0:05:25.292,0:05:26.833
Ms. McFadyen.

0:05:28.000,0:05:30.809
I started seeing Ms. McFadyen[br]once or twice a week

0:05:30.833,0:05:32.934
for the next two years.

0:05:32.958,0:05:34.542
It was a process.

0:05:35.875,0:05:37.143
During that time period,

0:05:37.167,0:05:39.518
I never disclosed to her the abuse,

0:05:39.542,0:05:42.184
because it was a secret,

0:05:42.208,0:05:44.434
I wasn't supposed to tell.

0:05:44.458,0:05:46.976
But she connected the dots,[br]I know she did,

0:05:47.000,0:05:50.393
because everything that she did with me

0:05:50.417,0:05:53.875
was to empower me[br]and help me find my voice.

0:05:54.958,0:05:57.684
She taught me how to use mental images

0:05:57.708,0:06:00.559
to push through my fears.

0:06:00.583,0:06:02.601
She taught me breathing techniques

0:06:02.625,0:06:05.393
to help me get through[br]those anxiety attacks

0:06:05.417,0:06:08.059
that I would have so often.

0:06:08.083,0:06:10.125
And she role-played with me.

0:06:11.042,0:06:12.309
And she made sure

0:06:12.333,0:06:16.417
that I could stand up[br]for myself in situations.

0:06:17.250,0:06:18.809
And the day came

0:06:18.833,0:06:21.351
where I was in the room with my abuser

0:06:21.375,0:06:23.851
and one other adult.

0:06:23.875,0:06:25.583
And I told my truth.

0:06:27.208,0:06:29.875
I told about the abuse.

0:06:30.792,0:06:34.851
Immediately, my abuser began to deny,

0:06:34.875,0:06:37.893
and the person I disclosed to,

0:06:37.917,0:06:40.684
they just weren't equipped[br]to handle the bombshell

0:06:40.708,0:06:43.559
that I had just dropped on them.

0:06:43.583,0:06:47.226
It was easier to believe the abuser

0:06:47.250,0:06:48.875
rather than a child.

0:06:50.208,0:06:54.125
So I was told never to speak of it again.

0:06:55.167,0:06:59.125
I was made to feel like I had done[br]something wrong, again.

0:07:01.375,0:07:03.375
It was devastating.

0:07:05.250,0:07:06.518
But you know what,

0:07:06.542,0:07:08.393
something good came out of that day.

0:07:08.417,0:07:11.833
My abuser knew that I was no longer[br]going to be silent.

0:07:13.125,0:07:15.226
The power shifted.

0:07:15.250,0:07:18.601
And the abuse stopped.

0:07:18.625,0:07:25.476
(Applause)

0:07:25.500,0:07:27.684
But the shame

0:07:27.708,0:07:31.101
and fear of it happening again

0:07:31.125,0:07:32.559
remained.

0:07:32.583,0:07:34.768
And it would remain with me

0:07:34.792,0:07:37.458
for many, many years to come.

0:07:39.583,0:07:42.893
Mr. Randolph and Ms. McFadyen,

0:07:42.917,0:07:45.583
they helped me find my voice.

0:07:47.875,0:07:52.125
They helped me find the light out.

0:07:53.667,0:07:54.934
But you know what,

0:07:54.958,0:07:58.101
there are so many kids[br]that aren't as fortunate as me.

0:07:58.125,0:08:01.184
And you have them in your classrooms.

0:08:01.208,0:08:04.809
That is why it's so important for me[br]to talk to you today,

0:08:04.833,0:08:06.934
so you can be aware

0:08:06.958,0:08:10.851
and you can start asking the questions[br]that need to be asked.

0:08:10.875,0:08:13.809
And paying attention to these students,

0:08:13.833,0:08:18.042
so you too can help them find their way.

0:08:19.583,0:08:21.643
As a kindergarten teacher,

0:08:21.667,0:08:23.559
I start my year off

0:08:23.583,0:08:28.184
with my kids making box biographies.

0:08:28.208,0:08:30.601
These are two of my students.

0:08:30.625,0:08:32.518
And I encourage them

0:08:32.542,0:08:36.268
to fill those boxes with things[br]that tell me about them

0:08:36.292,0:08:37.559
and about their life,

0:08:37.583,0:08:40.476
what's important to you, you know?

0:08:40.500,0:08:42.059
They decorate them,

0:08:42.083,0:08:44.226
I mean, they really take time,

0:08:44.250,0:08:48.768
they fill them with pictures[br]of their families, and of their pets,

0:08:48.792,0:08:52.458
and then I let them present them[br]to me and to the class.

0:08:53.333,0:08:56.417
And during that time,[br]I am an active listener.

0:08:57.417,0:08:59.893
Because the things they say,

0:08:59.917,0:09:03.018
the facial expressions that they give me,

0:09:03.042,0:09:06.684
the things they don't say

0:09:06.708,0:09:09.309
can become red flags for me

0:09:09.333,0:09:13.101
and can help me figure out[br]what their needs are.

0:09:13.125,0:09:15.893
What is driving them

0:09:15.917,0:09:19.375
to maybe have the behaviors[br]that they're showing me in class.

0:09:20.375,0:09:22.768
How can I be a better teacher

0:09:22.792,0:09:24.917
by listening to their voices?

0:09:26.083,0:09:29.434
I also make times to develop[br]relationships with them,

0:09:29.458,0:09:31.768
much like Mr. Randolph did with me.

0:09:31.792,0:09:33.351
I sit with them at lunch,

0:09:33.375,0:09:36.309
I have conversations with them at recess,

0:09:36.333,0:09:38.976
I go to their games on the weekends,

0:09:39.000,0:09:41.101
I go to their dance recitals.

0:09:41.125,0:09:43.559
I become a part of their life.

0:09:43.583,0:09:46.976
Because in order to really know a student,

0:09:47.000,0:09:50.042
you've got to infuse yourself[br]into their lives.

0:09:51.458,0:09:54.226
Now I know some of you[br]are middle school teachers

0:09:54.250,0:09:56.101
and high school teachers,

0:09:56.125,0:09:58.893
and you might think that those kids

0:09:58.917,0:10:02.143
have already kind of[br]developed, and you know,

0:10:02.167,0:10:05.018
they're on autopilot at that point.

0:10:05.042,0:10:06.893
But don't be deceived.

0:10:06.917,0:10:09.559
Especially the kids that you think[br]have it all together,

0:10:09.583,0:10:14.018
because those are the ones[br]that might need you the most.

0:10:14.042,0:10:15.809
If you were to look at my yearbook,

0:10:15.833,0:10:18.059
you would see me on about every page,

0:10:18.083,0:10:22.476
because I was involved in everything.

0:10:22.500,0:10:24.143
I even drove a school bus.

0:10:24.167,0:10:25.559
(Laughs)

0:10:25.583,0:10:27.351
So I was that kid

0:10:27.375,0:10:30.101
that teachers thought[br]was the overachiever,

0:10:30.125,0:10:31.643
the popular person,

0:10:31.667,0:10:34.042
the one that had it together.

0:10:34.958,0:10:37.976
But guys, I was lost.

0:10:38.000,0:10:39.393
I was lost,

0:10:39.417,0:10:42.393
and I wanted someone to ask me,

0:10:42.417,0:10:44.518
"Lisa, why are you here all the time,

0:10:44.542,0:10:48.476
why are you throwing yourself[br]into all these things?"

0:10:48.500,0:10:50.684
Did they ever wonder,

0:10:50.708,0:10:52.976
was I running away from someone,

0:10:53.000,0:10:55.893
was I running away from something?

0:10:55.917,0:10:59.726
Why did I not want to be in my community

0:10:59.750,0:11:01.184
or in my home?

0:11:01.208,0:11:04.000
Why did I want to be[br]at school all the time?

0:11:05.375,0:11:07.458
No one ever asked.

0:11:08.958,0:11:10.518
Now don't get me wrong,

0:11:10.542,0:11:12.726
all overachievers in your schools

0:11:12.750,0:11:16.226
are not victims of abuse or trauma.

0:11:16.250,0:11:21.226
But I just want you[br]to take the time to be curious.

0:11:21.250,0:11:23.458
Ask them why.

0:11:24.458,0:11:28.184
You may find out[br]that there is a reason behind it.

0:11:28.208,0:11:33.476
You could be the reason[br]that they move forward

0:11:33.500,0:11:36.083
with their story.

0:11:37.208,0:11:39.684
Be careful not to assume

0:11:39.708,0:11:42.601
that you already know[br]the ending to their story.

0:11:42.625,0:11:46.309
Don't put a period[br]where a semicolon should be.

0:11:46.333,0:11:47.851
Keep that story going

0:11:47.875,0:11:52.476
and help them know that even if[br]something has happened traumatic to them,

0:11:52.500,0:11:55.125
that their life is still worth telling.

0:11:56.208,0:11:59.250
Their story is worth telling.

0:12:01.625,0:12:03.934
Now in order to do that,

0:12:03.958,0:12:09.000
I really feel like we have to embrace[br]our own personal stories as educators.

0:12:09.750,0:12:12.059
Many of you might be sitting there

0:12:12.083,0:12:14.333
and thinking, "Yeah.

0:12:15.542,0:12:17.476
That happened to me.

0:12:17.500,0:12:20.143
But I'm not ready to share."

0:12:20.167,0:12:21.583
And that's OK.

0:12:22.667,0:12:24.518
The time will come

0:12:24.542,0:12:27.559
when you will feel it inside your soul

0:12:27.583,0:12:31.101
that it's time to turn your past pain

0:12:31.125,0:12:33.893
into purpose for the future.

0:12:33.917,0:12:36.375
These children are our future.

0:12:38.000,0:12:41.393
I just encourage you[br]to take it day by day.

0:12:41.417,0:12:43.559
Talk to someone.

0:12:43.583,0:12:46.292
Be willing and just open.

0:12:48.042,0:12:51.601
My life story came full circle

0:12:51.625,0:12:54.643
in the spring of 2018,

0:12:54.667,0:12:56.309
where I was invited to speak

0:12:56.333,0:12:59.976
to a group of beginning[br]teachers and mentors.

0:13:00.000,0:13:03.268
I shared my story,[br]much like today with you,

0:13:03.292,0:13:06.167
and afterwards I had a lady approach me.

0:13:07.333,0:13:12.184
She had tears in her eyes[br]and she quietly said, "Thank you.

0:13:12.208,0:13:14.643
Thank you for sharing.

0:13:14.667,0:13:18.559
I cannot wait to tell my dad

0:13:18.583,0:13:20.625
everything that I heard today."

0:13:21.625,0:13:25.101
She must have seen[br]the perplexed look on my face,

0:13:25.125,0:13:28.101
because she followed up by saying,

0:13:28.125,0:13:30.309
"Mr. Randolph is my dad."

0:13:30.333,0:13:32.643
Audience: Aww.

0:13:32.667,0:13:36.559
"And he often wonders,

0:13:36.583,0:13:38.333
did he make a difference.

0:13:39.833,0:13:41.976
Today, I get to go home and tell him,

0:13:42.000,0:13:44.667
'You definitely made a difference.' "

0:13:45.833,0:13:47.559
What a gift.

0:13:47.583,0:13:49.601
What a gift.

0:13:49.625,0:13:51.184
And that prompted me

0:13:51.208,0:13:54.226
to reach out to Ms. McFadyen's[br]daughter as well,

0:13:54.250,0:13:56.184
and to share with her

0:13:56.208,0:13:59.518
what an impact Ms. McFadyen had made.

0:13:59.542,0:14:01.351
And I wanted her to know

0:14:01.375,0:14:04.226
I have advocated for more funding

0:14:04.250,0:14:07.476
for guidance counselors,[br]for school social workers,

0:14:07.500,0:14:09.393
for psychologists, for nurses,

0:14:09.417,0:14:13.851
because they are so vital[br]to the mental and physical health

0:14:13.875,0:14:15.726
of our children.

0:14:15.750,0:14:17.726
I'm thankful for Ms. McFadyen.

0:14:17.750,0:14:22.143
(Applause)

0:14:22.167,0:14:24.934
I once heard someone say,

0:14:24.958,0:14:27.643
in order to find your way[br]out of the darkness,

0:14:27.667,0:14:29.792
you have to find the light.

0:14:30.792,0:14:33.976
Today, I hope that you leave this place

0:14:34.000,0:14:38.268
and you seek opportunities[br]to be the light.

0:14:38.292,0:14:40.018
For not only students

0:14:40.042,0:14:43.226
but for adults in your classrooms,

0:14:43.250,0:14:45.583
in your schools, in your communities.

0:14:46.672,0:14:49.643
You have the gift

0:14:49.667,0:14:52.042
to help someone navigate

0:14:53.292,0:14:55.809
through their trauma

0:14:55.833,0:14:59.934
and make their story worth telling.

0:14:59.958,0:15:01.226
Thank you.

0:15:01.250,0:15:07.125
(Applause)