WEBVTT

00:00:01.048 --> 00:00:03.293
Everyone has a story,

00:00:03.317 --> 00:00:06.262
and that story is filled with chapters

00:00:06.286 --> 00:00:08.848
that have made us who we are today.

00:00:10.442 --> 00:00:13.696
Those early chapters of that story

00:00:13.720 --> 00:00:16.920
sometimes are the ones
that define us the most.

00:00:17.641 --> 00:00:20.315
The Center for Disease Control

00:00:20.339 --> 00:00:24.105
has estimated that over half
of our nation's children

00:00:24.129 --> 00:00:28.328
have experienced at least
one or two types of childhood trauma.

00:00:29.392 --> 00:00:32.772
That adversity can have lasting effects.

00:00:34.146 --> 00:00:37.181
When I began to have
opportunities to speak

00:00:37.205 --> 00:00:40.522
and advocate for students
and for teachers,

00:00:40.546 --> 00:00:43.768
I found myself uniquely positioned

00:00:43.792 --> 00:00:46.725
to be able to speak
about childhood trauma.

00:00:47.585 --> 00:00:49.958
But I had to make a decision first.

00:00:49.982 --> 00:00:51.759
I had to decide,

00:00:51.783 --> 00:00:55.339
did I want to share
the bright and shiny parts of my life,

00:00:55.363 --> 00:00:58.323
you know, those ones
that we put out on social media

00:00:58.347 --> 00:01:01.022
that make us all look perfect,

00:01:01.046 --> 00:01:05.664
or did I want to make myself vulnerable

00:01:05.688 --> 00:01:07.288
and become an open book?

00:01:08.450 --> 00:01:10.656
The choice became very clear.

00:01:11.109 --> 00:01:13.918
In order to make a difference
in the life of a child,

00:01:13.942 --> 00:01:17.069
I had to become transparent.

00:01:17.823 --> 00:01:21.613
So I made the commitment
to tell my personal story.

00:01:22.629 --> 00:01:26.947
And this story is filled
with people that have loved me

00:01:26.971 --> 00:01:29.237
and taken care of me and grown me.

00:01:29.796 --> 00:01:32.744
And have helped me overcome and heal.

00:01:33.351 --> 00:01:36.884
And now it's time for me
to help others do the same.

00:01:39.970 --> 00:01:43.192
When I first started school,
I was the picture of normalcy.

00:01:44.053 --> 00:01:46.624
I was from a good family,

00:01:46.648 --> 00:01:49.029
I was always dressed nicely,

00:01:49.053 --> 00:01:51.362
had a smile on my face,

00:01:51.386 --> 00:01:53.409
I was prepared for school.

00:01:54.252 --> 00:01:57.140
But my life was anything but normal.

00:01:57.927 --> 00:02:02.846
By this time, I had already become
a victim of sexual abuse.

00:02:03.664 --> 00:02:06.036
And it was still happening.

00:02:07.100 --> 00:02:09.290
My parents didn't know,

00:02:09.314 --> 00:02:12.084
and I had not told anyone else.

00:02:13.593 --> 00:02:19.460
When I started school, I felt like
this was going to be my safe place.

00:02:19.862 --> 00:02:21.564
So I was excited.

00:02:22.281 --> 00:02:27.074
Imagine my dismay when I met my teacher,

00:02:28.551 --> 00:02:30.249
Mr. Randolph.

00:02:30.868 --> 00:02:33.898
Now Mr. Randolph was not my abuser.

00:02:34.652 --> 00:02:38.216
But Mr. Randolph was an epitome

00:02:38.240 --> 00:02:42.326
of everything that scared me
the most in my life.

00:02:43.339 --> 00:02:47.447
I had already started these
self-preservation techniques

00:02:47.471 --> 00:02:53.004
to where I took myself out of positions
where I was going to be alone with a man.

00:02:53.355 --> 00:02:57.148
And here I was, as a student,

00:02:57.172 --> 00:03:00.411
I was going to be in a classroom
with a man every day,

00:03:00.435 --> 00:03:02.862
for a year of school.

00:03:04.188 --> 00:03:06.990
I was scared, I didn't trust him.

00:03:08.141 --> 00:03:09.339
But you know what,

00:03:09.363 --> 00:03:12.371
Mr. Randolph would turn out to be
my greatest advocate.

00:03:13.388 --> 00:03:15.141
But in the beginning,

00:03:15.165 --> 00:03:18.536
oh, I made sure he knew
I did not like him.

00:03:18.927 --> 00:03:21.253
I was non compliant,

00:03:21.277 --> 00:03:24.889
I was that kid that was disengaged.

00:03:25.770 --> 00:03:29.754
And I also made it really hard
on my parents too.

00:03:30.183 --> 00:03:31.651
I didn't want to go to school,

00:03:31.675 --> 00:03:34.536
so I fought them every morning,
getting on the bus.

00:03:35.150 --> 00:03:36.888
At night, I couldn't sleep,

00:03:36.912 --> 00:03:39.745
because my anxiety was so high.

00:03:40.087 --> 00:03:43.195
So I was going into class exhausted.

00:03:43.746 --> 00:03:48.211
Which, exhausted children
are cranky children,

00:03:48.235 --> 00:03:49.972
and they're not easy to teach,

00:03:49.996 --> 00:03:51.146
you know that.

00:03:52.163 --> 00:03:56.871
Mr. Randolph could have
approached me with frustration,

00:03:56.895 --> 00:03:59.958
like so many teachers do
with students like me.

00:04:01.657 --> 00:04:02.807
But not him.

00:04:03.480 --> 00:04:07.196
He approached me with empathy

00:04:07.220 --> 00:04:09.045
and with flexibility.

00:04:09.911 --> 00:04:12.172
I was so grateful for that.

00:04:12.783 --> 00:04:16.981
He saw this six-year-old
was tired and weary.

00:04:17.719 --> 00:04:20.560
And so instead of making me
go outside for recess,

00:04:20.584 --> 00:04:22.843
he would let me stay in and take naps,

00:04:22.867 --> 00:04:25.680
because he knew I needed rest.

00:04:27.204 --> 00:04:30.847
Instead of sitting
at the teacher table at lunch,

00:04:30.871 --> 00:04:33.942
he would come and sit with the students
at the student table.

00:04:34.339 --> 00:04:38.960
He would engage me
and all my classmates in conversation.

00:04:39.949 --> 00:04:42.370
And I now look back and I know

00:04:42.394 --> 00:04:43.751
he had a purpose for that,

00:04:43.775 --> 00:04:46.575
he was listening, he was asking questions.

00:04:47.108 --> 00:04:49.991
He needed to find out what was going on.

00:04:51.061 --> 00:04:53.505
He built a relationship with me.

00:04:53.902 --> 00:04:55.806
He earned my trust.

00:04:56.584 --> 00:04:57.783
And slowly but surely,

00:04:57.807 --> 00:05:00.434
those walls that I had built around myself

00:05:00.458 --> 00:05:02.403
he started chipping away at

00:05:02.427 --> 00:05:05.997
and I eventually realized
he was one of the good guys.

00:05:08.919 --> 00:05:13.784
I know that he felt like he wasn't enough.

00:05:14.983 --> 00:05:19.101
Because he made the move
to talk to my mom.

00:05:19.538 --> 00:05:21.592
And got my mom's permission

00:05:21.616 --> 00:05:25.259
to let me start seeing
a school guidance counselor,

00:05:25.283 --> 00:05:26.815
Ms. McFadyen.

00:05:27.993 --> 00:05:30.794
I started seeing Ms. McFadyen
once or twice a week

00:05:30.818 --> 00:05:32.977
for the next two years.

00:05:33.001 --> 00:05:34.524
It was a process.

00:05:35.874 --> 00:05:37.085
During that time period,

00:05:37.109 --> 00:05:39.498
I never disclosed to her the abuse,

00:05:39.522 --> 00:05:42.164
because, it was a secret,

00:05:42.188 --> 00:05:43.922
I wasn't supposed to tell.

00:05:44.449 --> 00:05:46.990
But she connected the dots,
I know she did,

00:05:47.014 --> 00:05:50.379
because everything that she did with me

00:05:50.403 --> 00:05:53.926
was to empower me
and help me find my voice.

00:05:54.942 --> 00:05:57.688
She taught me how to use mental images

00:05:57.712 --> 00:06:00.167
to push through my fears.

00:06:00.572 --> 00:06:02.604
She taught me breathing techniques

00:06:02.628 --> 00:06:05.397
to help me get through
those anxiety attacks

00:06:05.421 --> 00:06:07.349
that I would have so often.

00:06:08.071 --> 00:06:10.118
And she role played with me.

00:06:11.022 --> 00:06:12.181
And she made sure

00:06:12.205 --> 00:06:16.434
that I could stand up
for myself in situations.

00:06:17.252 --> 00:06:18.803
And the day came

00:06:18.827 --> 00:06:21.351
where I was in the room with my abuser

00:06:21.375 --> 00:06:23.124
and one other adult.

00:06:23.895 --> 00:06:25.577
And I told my truth.

00:06:27.212 --> 00:06:29.886
I told about the abuse.

00:06:30.807 --> 00:06:34.863
Immediately, my abused began to deny,

00:06:34.887 --> 00:06:37.902
and the person I disclosed to,

00:06:37.926 --> 00:06:40.676
they just weren't equipped
to handle the bombshell

00:06:40.700 --> 00:06:42.833
that I had just dropped on them.

00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:47.227
It was easier to believe the abuser,

00:06:47.251 --> 00:06:48.870
rather than a child.

00:06:50.196 --> 00:06:54.195
So I was told
never to speak of it again.

00:06:55.154 --> 00:06:59.129
I was made to feel
like I had something wrong, again.

00:07:01.392 --> 00:07:03.359
It was devastating.

00:07:05.257 --> 00:07:06.426
But you know what,

00:07:06.450 --> 00:07:08.387
something good came out of that day.

00:07:08.411 --> 00:07:11.847
My abuser knew that I was no longer
going to be silent.

00:07:13.133 --> 00:07:14.609
The power shifted.

00:07:15.252 --> 00:07:17.847
And the abuse stopped.

00:07:18.617 --> 00:07:25.470
(Applause)

00:07:25.494 --> 00:07:27.668
But the shame

00:07:27.692 --> 00:07:31.105
and fear of it happening again

00:07:31.129 --> 00:07:32.557
remained.

00:07:32.581 --> 00:07:34.760
And it would remain with me

00:07:34.784 --> 00:07:37.474
for many, many years to come.

00:07:39.593 --> 00:07:42.879
Mr. Randolph and Ms. McFadyen,

00:07:42.903 --> 00:07:45.569
they helped me find my voice.

00:07:47.895 --> 00:07:52.116
They helped me find the light out.

00:07:53.657 --> 00:07:54.839
But you know what,

00:07:54.863 --> 00:07:57.426
there are so many kids
that aren't as fortunate as me.

00:07:58.109 --> 00:08:00.576
And you have them in your classrooms.

00:08:01.196 --> 00:08:04.791
That is why it's so important for me
to talk to you today,

00:08:04.815 --> 00:08:06.934
so you can be aware,

00:08:06.958 --> 00:08:10.521
and you can start asking the questions
that need to be asked.

00:08:10.855 --> 00:08:13.794
And paying attention to these students,

00:08:13.818 --> 00:08:18.055
so you too can help them find their way.

00:08:19.572 --> 00:08:21.635
As a kindergarten teacher,

00:08:21.659 --> 00:08:23.561
I start my year off

00:08:23.585 --> 00:08:27.616
with my kids making box biographies.

00:08:28.204 --> 00:08:30.138
These are two of my students.

00:08:30.633 --> 00:08:32.521
And I encourage them

00:08:32.545 --> 00:08:36.283
to fill those boxes with things
that tell me about them,

00:08:36.307 --> 00:08:37.490
and about their life,

00:08:37.514 --> 00:08:40.466
what's important to you, you know?

00:08:40.490 --> 00:08:42.069
They decorate them,

00:08:42.093 --> 00:08:44.229
I mean, they really take time,

00:08:44.253 --> 00:08:48.777
they fill them with pictures
of their families, and of their pets,

00:08:48.801 --> 00:08:52.478
and then I let them present them
to me and to the class.

00:08:53.336 --> 00:08:56.403
And during that time,
I'm an active listener.

00:08:57.408 --> 00:08:59.907
Because the things they say,

00:08:59.931 --> 00:09:03.037
the facial expressions that they give me,

00:09:03.061 --> 00:09:06.688
the things they don't say,

00:09:06.712 --> 00:09:09.316
can become red flags for me,

00:09:09.340 --> 00:09:13.099
and can help me figure out
what their needs are.

00:09:13.123 --> 00:09:15.876
What is driving them

00:09:15.900 --> 00:09:19.367
to maybe have the behaviors
that they're showing me in class.

00:09:20.377 --> 00:09:22.776
How can I be a better teacher

00:09:22.800 --> 00:09:25.148
by listening to their voices?

00:09:26.069 --> 00:09:29.450
I also make times to develop
relationships with them,

00:09:29.474 --> 00:09:31.777
much like Mr. Randolph did with me.

00:09:31.801 --> 00:09:33.364
I sit with them at lunch,

00:09:33.388 --> 00:09:36.301
I have conversations with them at recess,

00:09:36.325 --> 00:09:38.967
I go to their games on the weekends,

00:09:38.991 --> 00:09:41.117
I go to their dance recitals.

00:09:41.141 --> 00:09:43.141
I become a part of their life.

00:09:43.585 --> 00:09:46.989
Because in order to really know a student,

00:09:47.013 --> 00:09:50.040
you've got to infuse yourself
into their lives.

00:09:51.461 --> 00:09:54.238
Now I know some of you
are middle school teachers,

00:09:54.262 --> 00:09:56.111
and high school teachers

00:09:56.135 --> 00:09:58.887
and you might think that those kids

00:09:58.911 --> 00:10:02.148
have already kind of
developed, and you know,

00:10:02.172 --> 00:10:04.715
they're on autopilot at that point.

00:10:05.022 --> 00:10:06.903
But don't be deceived.

00:10:06.927 --> 00:10:09.553
Especially the kids that you think
have it all together,

00:10:09.577 --> 00:10:13.450
because those are the ones
that might need you the most.

00:10:14.046 --> 00:10:15.815
If you were to look at my yearbook,

00:10:15.839 --> 00:10:18.069
you would see me on about every page,

00:10:18.093 --> 00:10:21.794
because I was involved in everything.

00:10:22.502 --> 00:10:24.161
I even drove a school bus.

00:10:24.185 --> 00:10:25.550
(Laughs)

00:10:25.574 --> 00:10:27.353
So I was that kid

00:10:27.377 --> 00:10:30.097
that teachers thought
was the overachiever,

00:10:30.121 --> 00:10:31.641
the popular person,

00:10:31.665 --> 00:10:33.942
the one that had it together.

00:10:34.942 --> 00:10:37.627
But guys, I was lost.

00:10:37.990 --> 00:10:39.375
I was lost,

00:10:39.399 --> 00:10:42.379
and I wanted someone to ask me,

00:10:42.403 --> 00:10:44.514
"Lisa, why are you here all the time,

00:10:44.538 --> 00:10:48.004
why are you throwing yourself
into all these things?"

00:10:48.500 --> 00:10:50.667
Did they ever wonder,

00:10:50.691 --> 00:10:52.994
was I running away from someone,

00:10:53.018 --> 00:10:55.580
was I running away from something?

00:10:55.937 --> 00:10:59.742
Why did I not want to be in my community

00:10:59.766 --> 00:11:01.175
or in my home?

00:11:01.199 --> 00:11:03.984
Why did I want to be
at school all the time?

00:11:05.374 --> 00:11:07.461
No one ever asked.

00:11:08.945 --> 00:11:10.504
Now don't get me wrong,

00:11:10.528 --> 00:11:12.717
all overachievers in your schools

00:11:12.741 --> 00:11:16.210
are not victims of abuse or trauma.

00:11:16.234 --> 00:11:20.527
But I just want you
to take the time to be curious.

00:11:21.244 --> 00:11:23.466
Ask them why.

00:11:24.466 --> 00:11:28.196
You may find out
that there is a reason behind it.

00:11:28.220 --> 00:11:33.474
You could be the reason
that they move forward

00:11:33.498 --> 00:11:36.069
with their story.

00:11:37.212 --> 00:11:39.703
Be careful not to assume

00:11:39.727 --> 00:11:42.585
that you already know
the ending to their story.

00:11:42.609 --> 00:11:45.809
Don't put a period
where a semicolon should be.

00:11:46.339 --> 00:11:47.855
Keep that story going

00:11:47.879 --> 00:11:52.489
and help them know that even if
something has happened traumatic to them,

00:11:52.513 --> 00:11:55.113
that their life is still worth telling.

00:11:56.188 --> 00:11:59.251
Their story is worth telling.

00:12:01.632 --> 00:12:03.926
Now in order to do that,

00:12:03.950 --> 00:12:08.918
I really feel like we have to embrace
our own personal stories as educators.

00:12:09.752 --> 00:12:12.045
Many of you might be sitting there

00:12:12.069 --> 00:12:14.331
and thinking, "Yeah.

00:12:15.522 --> 00:12:16.855
That happened to me.

00:12:17.518 --> 00:12:19.385
But I'm not ready to share."

00:12:20.153 --> 00:12:21.589
And that's OK.

00:12:22.653 --> 00:12:24.518
The time will come

00:12:24.542 --> 00:12:27.566
when you will feel it inside your soul

00:12:27.590 --> 00:12:31.102
that it's time to turn your past pain

00:12:31.126 --> 00:12:33.585
into purpose for the future.

00:12:33.935 --> 00:12:36.355
These children are our future.

00:12:38.015 --> 00:12:40.948
I just encourage you
to take it day by day.

00:12:41.426 --> 00:12:42.973
Talk to someone.

00:12:43.577 --> 00:12:46.291
Be willing and just open.

00:12:48.045 --> 00:12:50.950
My life story came full circle.

00:12:51.641 --> 00:12:54.625
In the spring of 2018,

00:12:54.649 --> 00:12:56.314
where I was invited to speak

00:12:56.338 --> 00:12:59.990
to a group of beginning
teachers and mentors,

00:13:00.014 --> 00:13:03.260
I shared my story,
much like today with you,

00:13:03.284 --> 00:13:06.164
and afterwards I had a lady approach me.

00:13:07.330 --> 00:13:11.402
She had tears in her eyes
and she quietly said, "Thank you.

00:13:12.226 --> 00:13:13.855
Thank you for sharing.

00:13:14.657 --> 00:13:18.549
I cannot wait to tell my dad

00:13:18.573 --> 00:13:20.639
everything that I heard today."

00:13:21.636 --> 00:13:25.096
She must have seen
the perplexed look on my face,

00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:28.104
because she followed up by saying,

00:13:28.128 --> 00:13:30.323
"Mr. Randolph is my dad."

00:13:30.347 --> 00:13:32.280
Audience: Aww.

00:13:32.680 --> 00:13:36.561
"And he often wonders,

00:13:36.585 --> 00:13:38.319
did he make a difference.

00:13:39.815 --> 00:13:41.991
Today, I get to go home and tell him,

00:13:42.015 --> 00:13:44.347
'You definitely made a difference.' "

00:13:45.839 --> 00:13:47.569
What a gift.

00:13:47.593 --> 00:13:49.156
What a gift.

00:13:49.625 --> 00:13:51.164
And that prompted me

00:13:51.188 --> 00:13:54.244
to reach out to Ms. McFadyen's
daughter as well,

00:13:54.268 --> 00:13:56.172
and to share with her

00:13:56.196 --> 00:13:58.759
what an impact her mother had made.

00:13:59.141 --> 00:14:00.942
And I wanted her to know

00:14:00.966 --> 00:14:03.863
I have advocated for more funding

00:14:03.887 --> 00:14:07.116
for guidance counselors,
for school social workers,

00:14:07.140 --> 00:14:09.045
for psychologists, for nurses,

00:14:09.069 --> 00:14:13.481
because they are so vital
to the mental and physical health

00:14:13.505 --> 00:14:14.655
of our children.

00:14:15.402 --> 00:14:17.402
I'm thankful for Ms. McFadyen.

00:14:17.426 --> 00:14:21.788
(Applause)

00:14:21.812 --> 00:14:24.550
I once heard someone say,

00:14:24.574 --> 00:14:27.177
in order to find your way
out of the darkness,

00:14:27.201 --> 00:14:29.240
you have to find the light.

00:14:30.438 --> 00:14:33.596
Today, I hope that you leave this place

00:14:33.620 --> 00:14:37.572
and you seek opportunities
to be the light.

00:14:37.898 --> 00:14:39.633
For not only students,

00:14:39.657 --> 00:14:42.855
but for adults in your classrooms,

00:14:42.879 --> 00:14:45.346
in your schools, in your communities.

00:14:46.299 --> 00:14:49.260
You have the gift

00:14:49.284 --> 00:14:51.767
to help someone navigate

00:14:52.919 --> 00:14:55.450
through their trauma,

00:14:55.474 --> 00:14:58.870
and make their story worth telling.

00:14:59.601 --> 00:15:00.752
Thank you.

00:15:00.776 --> 00:15:07.139
(Applause)