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Everyone has a story,

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and that story is filled with chapters

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that have made us who we are today.

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Those early chapters of that story

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sometimes are the ones
that define us the most.

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The Center for Disease Control

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has estimated that over half
of our nation's children

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have experienced at least
one or two types of childhood trauma.

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That adversity can have lasting effects.

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When I began to have
opportunities to speak

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and advocate for students
and for teachers,

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I found myself uniquely positioned

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to be able to speak
about childhood trauma.

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But I had to make a decision first.

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I had to decide,

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did I want to share
the bright and shiny parts of my life,

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you know, those ones
that we put out on social media

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that make us all look perfect,

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or did I want to make myself vulnerable

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and become an open book?

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The choice became very clear.

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In order to make a difference
in the life of a child,

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I had to become transparent.

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So I made the commitment
to tell my personal story.

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And this story is filled
with people that have loved me

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and taken care of me and grown me.

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And have helped me overcome and heal.

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And now it's time for me
to help others do the same.

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When I first started school,
I was the picture of normalcy.

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I was from a good family,

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I was always dressed nicely,

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had a smile on my face,

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I was prepared for school.

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But my life was anything but normal.

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By this time, I had already become
a victim of sexual abuse.

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And it was still happening.

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My parents didn't know,

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and I had not told anyone else.

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When I started school, I felt like
this was going to be my safe place.

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So I was excited.

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Imagine my dismay when I met my teacher,

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Mr. Randolph.

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Now Mr. Randolph was not my abuser.

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But Mr. Randolph was an epitome

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of everything that scared me
the most in my life.

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I had already started these
self-preservation techniques

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to where I took myself out of positions
where I was going to be alone with a man.

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And here I was, as a student,

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I was going to be in a classroom
with a man every day,

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for a year of school.

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I was scared, I didn't trust him.

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But you know what,

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Mr. Randolph would turn out to be
my greatest advocate.

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But in the beginning,

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oh, I made sure he knew
I did not like him.

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I was non compliant,

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I was that kid that was disengaged.

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And I also made it really hard
on my parents too.

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I didn't want to go to school,

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so I fought them every morning,
getting on the bus.

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At night, I couldn't sleep,

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because my anxiety was so high.

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So I was going into class exhausted.

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Which, exhausted children
are cranky children,

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and they're not easy to teach,

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you know that.

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Mr. Randolph could have
approached me with frustration,

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like so many teachers do
with students like me.

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But not him.

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He approached me with empathy

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and with flexibility.

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I was so grateful for that.

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He saw this six-year-old
was tired and weary.

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And so instead of making me
go outside for recess,

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he would let me stay in and take naps,

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because he knew I needed rest.

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Instead of sitting
at the teacher table at lunch,

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he would come and sit with the students
at the student table.

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He would engage me
and all my classmates in conversation.

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And I now look back and I know

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he had a purpose for that,

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he was listening, he was asking questions.

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He needed to find out what was going on.

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He built a relationship with me.

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He earned my trust.

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And slowly but surely,

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those walls that I had built around myself

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he started chipping away at

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and I eventually realized
he was one of the good guys.

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I know that he felt like he wasn't enough.

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Because he made the move
to talk to my mom.

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And got my mom's permission

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to let me start seeing
a school guidance counselor,

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Ms. McFadyen.

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I started seeing Ms. McFadyen
once or twice a week

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for the next two years.

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It was a process.

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During that time period,

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I never disclosed to her the abuse,

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because, it was a secret,

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I wasn't supposed to tell.

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But she connected the dots,
I know she did,

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because everything that she did with me

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was to empower me
and help me find my voice.

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She taught me how to use mental images

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to push through my fears.

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She taught me breathing techniques

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to help me get through
those anxiety attacks

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that I would have so often.

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And she role played with me.

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And she made sure

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that I could stand up
for myself in situations.

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And the day came

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where I was in the room with my abuser

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and one other adult.

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And I told my truth.

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I told about the abuse.

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Immediately, my abused began to deny,

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and the person I disclosed to,

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they just weren't equipped
to handle the bombshell

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that I had just dropped on them.

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It was easier to believe the abuser,

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rather than a child.

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So I was told
never to speak of it again.

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I was made to feel
like I had something wrong, again.

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It was devastating.

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But you know what,

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something good came out of that day.

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My abuser knew that I was no longer
going to be silent.

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The power shifted.

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And the abuse stopped.

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(Applause)

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But the shame

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and fear of it happening again

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remained.

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And it would remain with me

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for many, many years to come.

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Mr. Randolph and Ms. McFadyen,

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they helped me find my voice.

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They helped me find the light out.

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But you know what,

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there are so many kids
that aren't as fortunate as me.

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And you have them in your classrooms.

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That is why it's so important for me
to talk to you today,

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so you can be aware,

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and you can start asking the questions
that need to be asked.

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And paying attention to these students,

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so you too can help them find their way.

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As a kindergarten teacher,

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I start my year off

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with my kids making box biographies.

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These are two of my students.

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And I encourage them

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to fill those boxes with things
that tell me about them,

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and about their life,

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what's important to you, you know?

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They decorate them,

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I mean, they really take time,

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they fill them with pictures
of their families, and of their pets,

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and then I let them present them
to me and to the class.

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And during that time,
I'm an active listener.

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Because the things they say,

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the facial expressions that they give me,

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the things they don't say,

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can become red flags for me,

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and can help me figure out
what their needs are.

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What is driving them

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to maybe have the behaviors
that they're showing me in class.

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How can I be a better teacher

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by listening to their voices?

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I also make times to develop
relationships with them,

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much like Mr. Randolph did with me.

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I sit with them at lunch,

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I have conversations with them at recess,

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I go to their games on the weekends,

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I go to their dance recitals.

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I become a part of their life.

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Because in order to really know a student,

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you've got to infuse yourself
into their lives.

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Now I know some of you
are middle school teachers,

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and high school teachers

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and you might think that those kids

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have already kind of
developed, and you know,

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they're on autopilot at that point.

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But don't be deceived.

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Especially the kids that you think
have it all together,

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because those are the ones
that might need you the most.

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If you were to look at my yearbook,

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you would see me on about every page,

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because I was involved in everything.

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I even drove a school bus.

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(Laughs)

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So I was that kid

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that teachers thought
was the overachiever,

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the popular person,

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the one that had it together.

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But guys, I was lost.

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I was lost,

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and I wanted someone to ask me,

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"Lisa, why are you here all the time,

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why are you throwing yourself
into all these things?"

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Did they ever wonder,

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was I running away from someone,

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was I running away from something?

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Why did I not want to be in my community

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or in my home?

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Why did I want to be
at school all the time?

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No one ever asked.

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Now don't get me wrong,

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all overachievers in your schools

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are not victims of abuse or trauma.

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But I just want you
to take the time to be curious.

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Ask them why.

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You may find out
that there is a reason behind it.

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You could be the reason
that they move forward

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with their story.

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Be careful not to assume

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that you already know
the ending to their story.

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Don't put a period
where a semicolon should be.

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Keep that story going

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and help them know that even if
something has happened traumatic to them,

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that their life is still worth telling.

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Their story is worth telling.

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Now in order to do that,

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I really feel like we have to embrace
our own personal stories as educators.

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Many of you might be sitting there

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and thinking, "Yeah.

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That happened to me.

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But I'm not ready to share."

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And that's OK.

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The time will come

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when you will feel it inside your soul

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that it's time to turn your past pain

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into purpose for the future.

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These children are our future.

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I just encourage you
to take it day by day.

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Talk to someone.

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Be willing and just open.

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My life story came full circle.

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In the spring of 2018,

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where I was invited to speak

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to a group of beginning
teachers and mentors,

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I shared my story,
much like today with you,

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and afterwards I had a lady approach me.

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She had tears in her eyes
and she quietly said, "Thank you.

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Thank you for sharing.

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I cannot wait to tell my dad

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everything that I heard today."

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She must have seen
the perplexed look on my face,

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because she followed up by saying,

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"Mr. Randolph is my dad."

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Audience: Aww.

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"And he often wonders,

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did he make a difference.

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Today, I get to go home and tell him,

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'You definitely made a difference.' "

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What a gift.

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What a gift.

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And that prompted me

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to reach out to Ms. McFadyen's
daughter as well,

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and to share with her

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what an impact her mother had made.

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And I wanted her to know

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I have advocated for more funding

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for guidance counselors,
for school social workers,

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for psychologists, for nurses,

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because they are so vital
to the mental and physical health

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of our children.

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I'm thankful for Ms. McFadyen.

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(Applause)

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I once heard someone say,

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in order to find your way
out of the darkness,

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you have to find the light.

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Today, I hope that you leave this place

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and you seek opportunities
to be the light.

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For not only students,

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but for adults in your classrooms,

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in your schools, in your communities.

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You have the gift

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to help someone navigate

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00:14:52,919 --> 00:14:55,450
through their trauma,

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00:14:55,474 --> 00:14:58,870
and make their story worth telling.

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Thank you.

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(Applause)