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♪♪

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♪♪

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On the last day of summer, ten hours before fall, my grandfather took me out to the wall.

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For awhile we stood silent and finally he said, with a very sad shake of his very old head:

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Grandpa: As you know, on this side of the wall, we are Yooks. And the far other side of this wall live the Zooks.

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And the things that you've heard about Zooks are all true.

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The terribly, horrible thing that they do, and in every Zook house and in every Zook town every Zook

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eats his bread with the butter side down.

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♪♪

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♪ Butter, butter, butter bright ♪

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♪ Every morning, noon, and night ♪

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♪ Spread your bread and spread it right ♪

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♪ Pat, pat. Smear, smear ♪

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♪ Pat, pat. Smear, smear ♪

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♪ Pat, pat. Butter side down ♪

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Grandpa: But we Yooks, when we eat, when we breakfast or sup, spread our bread right,

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with the butter side up.

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But of course you remember our bread spreading rule that you learned as a lad back in bread

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spreading school.

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Teacher: On my honor, as a Yook youth, I do solemnly swear to spread up on top here, and

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never down there.

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Class: On my honor, as a Yook youth, I do solemnly swear to spread up on top here, and

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never down there.

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Grandpa: That's the true, honest way.

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And all honest folks know that you can't trust a Zook who spreads bread down below.

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Every Zook must be watched.

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He has kinks in his soul.

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That's why, as a young man, I made watching my goal.

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Watching Zooks for the Zook-Watching Border Patrol.

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♪♪

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♪ With a song in my heart, and a spring in my knee, with a glint in my eye and a hump, two, three ♪

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♪ I strided with pride along that wall, and I watched those Zookers, one and all ♪

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♪ And if they got fresh, I just gave them a twitch with my tough tufted prickely Snick-Berry Switch ♪

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For while, that worked fine. All the Zooks stayed away and our country was safe.

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Then, one terrible day, a very rude Zook by the name of Van Itch snuck up and sligshotted

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my Snick-Berry Switch!

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Zooks: [laughing]

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Van Itch: Hurah, hurah! Butter side down!

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♪♪

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Female Zook: Why, those dirty, upside down butterers. They can't do that to us.

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Why, I've never saw anything so aggressively affrontable.

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It's worse than that. It's acrimonious.

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Male Yook: Those Zooks are impossible. And they get impossibler and impossibler and impossibler

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every day.

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Ask me, they get too big for their britches.

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Grandpa: With my broken-off switch, with my head hung in shame, to the Chief Yookeroo

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in great sorrow I came.

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But our leader just smiled. He said, "Dear boy...

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Yookaroo: You're not to blame. You simply have suffered a minor defeat because your

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Snick-Berry Switch is a bit obsolete.

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Their slingshot is more modern.

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What we need to get is a weapon that's even more moderner, yet.

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So, I've ordered the boys in the backroom to figure how to build you

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some such super-bopper sling-jigger.

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♪♪

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Yook Scientists: [speaking very fast and in high pitched tones]

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[machines grinding and squeaking]

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Grandpa: With my Triple-Sling Jigger I sure felt much bigger.

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Yooks: [cheering]

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♪♪

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Grandpa: I marched to the Wall with my Triple-Sling Jigger.

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I marched to the Wall with great vim and great vigor.

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Right up to Van Itch with my hand on the trigger.

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"I'll have no more nonsense," I said with a frown, "from Zooks who eat bread with the butter side down!"

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Van Itch looked quite sickly. He ran off quite quickly.

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I'm unhappy to say he came back the next day.

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Van Itch: Shoot, if you must, with your Triple-Sling Jigger. But I also now have my hand on a trigger.

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My defensive weapon, the Jigger-Rock Snatchem, will fling 'em right back just as fast as we catch 'em.

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We'll take no more nonsense. We'll take no more gupp from you Yooks who eat bread with the

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butter side up!

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Grandpa: Stymied. Thwarted.

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Mission aborted.

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"I have failed, sir," I sobbed as I made my report to the Chief Yookeroo in the headquarters fort.

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Yookeroo: Not at all, my dear boy. You did fine, my dear boy.

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But a slingshot, dear me, is an old fashioned toy.

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All we need is a more modern kind of a gun.

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My boys in the backroom have already begun to think up a wolloping-wiz-zinger of one.

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Scientist: We'll show them Zooks...

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[machines grinding and bubbling]

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Grandpa: They thought up a great one, they certainly did.

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They thought up a gun called the Kick-a-Poo Kid, which they loaded with powerful Poo-a-Doo powder,

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and ant's eggs and bees' legs and dried-fried clam chowder.

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And they carefully trained a real smart dog named Daniel to serve as our country's first

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gun-toting spaniel.

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Then Daniel, the Kick-a-Poo spaniel, and I marched back toward the Wall with our heads held up high.

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Yook: It's time that we bop them!

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Those monsters that dwell on the other side of the wall.

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♪The Zooks are freaky. They're creepy and sneaky♪

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♪ They're rude and their crude. They're rightfully lude ♪

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♪ On the other side of the wall! ♪

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♪ It's time that we mashed up ♪

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♪ My dear, that be true ♪

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♪ They're ugly, unnatural ♪

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♪ Unkept and uncool ♪

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♪ They're weird ♪

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♪ They're suspicious ♪

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♪ Obnoxious ♪

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♪ Atrocious ♪

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♪ They're rotten ♪

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♪ Malicious ♪

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[inaudible]

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♪ Repugnant, repulsive they are ♪

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♪ We're refined ♪

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♪ They're cooky ♪

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♪ They're nutty ♪

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♪They're out of their mind ♪

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♪ All the things that they do... ♪

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♪ I never have met one, but I hear that they stinky! ♪

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♪ On the other, other, other side, other side, that other side of the wall! ♪

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Grandpa: Ready?

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Daniel: Ready.

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Grandpa: Aim.

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Daniel: Aim.

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Grandpa: Fir-- [stammering]

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Van Itch: Shoot, if you must, with your wee tiny shooter. But the boys in my backroom have

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rendered it neuter with this Eight-Nozzled, Elephant-Toted Boom-Blitz.

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It shoots high-explosive sour cherry stone pits and will put your dumb Kick-a-Poo Kid on the fritz!

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Grandpa: Poor Daniel and i were scared out of our witz!

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[Kick-a-Poo Kid crashes]

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Once again by the Zooks I was bested and beat.

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Once again I limped home from the Wall in defeat.

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I was losing my gumption, losing my will, when the Right-Side-Up Song Girls marched over the hill!

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♪♪

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♪ Never give up ♪

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♪ Never tremble or flutter ♪

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♪ Never sag, never drag, never stumble or stutter ♪

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♪ Believe in yourself and the bread that you butter ♪

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♪ Have faith in your butter, be steadfast and true ♪

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♪ Remember all Yookton ♪

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♪ Depends on you ♪