WEBVTT 00:00:05.034 --> 00:00:07.145 (Applause) 00:00:07.145 --> 00:00:08.826 Joseph Campbell once said, 00:00:08.826 --> 00:00:11.565 "Everything begins with a story" 00:00:11.565 --> 00:00:15.866 So I thought I would start by telling you the story of my life. 00:00:15.866 --> 00:00:18.862 I was born, one month early 00:00:18.862 --> 00:00:22.123 in the midst of a terrible winter snow storm 00:00:22.123 --> 00:00:26.872 in Toronta, Canada, in November of 1969. 00:00:26.872 --> 00:00:29.103 My mother was all alone that night. 00:00:29.103 --> 00:00:32.197 She had just made her way from India to Toronto 00:00:32.197 --> 00:00:34.861 and my father still hadn't made it over there. 00:00:34.861 --> 00:00:36.114 And I still think about 00:00:36.114 --> 00:00:38.111 what it must have been like for her that night 00:00:38.111 --> 00:00:40.303 all alone in this far off country 00:00:40.303 --> 00:00:42.034 with this new baby in her arms. 00:00:42.034 --> 00:00:44.586 Maybe she was staring outside the window 00:00:44.586 --> 00:00:46.820 and looking at snow flakes whirling around 00:00:46.820 --> 00:00:49.185 for the very first time in her life. 00:00:49.185 --> 00:00:52.700 Unbeknownst to her, the low visibility of that night 00:00:52.700 --> 00:00:54.984 and the absence of my father 00:00:54.984 --> 00:00:59.201 would prove important of things to come. 00:00:59.201 --> 00:01:03.346 So that is one story of my life. 00:01:03.346 --> 00:01:05.684 Now let me tell you another story of my life. 00:01:05.715 --> 00:01:08.673 Its a 'Jack in the box' world. 00:01:08.673 --> 00:01:11.110 You open it up carefully, 00:01:11.110 --> 00:01:13.623 one parcel at a time. 00:01:13.623 --> 00:01:16.947 But sometimes, things just spring up and out. 00:01:16.947 --> 00:01:19.512 So I did, sprang out one month early 00:01:19.512 --> 00:01:22.016 and my father wasn't even there to receive me. 00:01:22.016 --> 00:01:25.303 My mother, who had never intended to leave India, 00:01:25.303 --> 00:01:27.062 suddenly found that she was married 00:01:27.062 --> 00:01:29.063 and shipped off to Toronto, 00:01:29.063 --> 00:01:31.026 and from Toronto to New York, 00:01:31.026 --> 00:01:33.308 and then from there to New Jersey. 00:01:33.308 --> 00:01:35.221 My parents, who were Sikhs, 00:01:35.221 --> 00:01:38.216 lived among the Sikhs wherever they went. 00:01:38.216 --> 00:01:41.673 So I lived within a country, in a country 00:01:41.673 --> 00:01:43.988 and they had every intention 00:01:43.988 --> 00:01:46.304 to raise me as a good Sikh child. 00:01:46.304 --> 00:01:48.383 I was gonna grow up and come back to India 00:01:48.383 --> 00:01:51.592 and a whole bunch of Sikh men were gonna line up 00:01:51.592 --> 00:01:55.061 and they were gonna choose the right Sikh husband. 00:01:55.061 --> 00:01:56.544 So when i was a kid, 00:01:56.544 --> 00:01:58.165 at one point my parents started to wonder 00:01:58.180 --> 00:02:01.745 why they had to constantly shout "Watch Out!". 00:02:01.745 --> 00:02:05.987 Surely even a a klutz would notice a parking meter on occasion. 00:02:05.987 --> 00:02:09.500 Well, the mystery was solved by a vision specialist 00:02:09.500 --> 00:02:11.824 at the Columbia Presbyterian Hospital 00:02:11.824 --> 00:02:13.822 who told my parents that I had been born 00:02:13.822 --> 00:02:17.304 with a rare form of retinitis pigmentosa 00:02:17.304 --> 00:02:20.989 and would be blind before I finish school. 00:02:20.989 --> 00:02:24.261 When I was 13, my father woke up one morning 00:02:24.261 --> 00:02:25.913 complaining of a leg pain. 00:02:25.913 --> 00:02:27.831 My mother told him to go to the doctor 00:02:27.831 --> 00:02:30.140 and even set up an appointment for him. 00:02:30.140 --> 00:02:33.256 He never went to see the doctor. 00:02:33.256 --> 00:02:37.816 Eventually, he was found collapsed outside a bar, 00:02:37.816 --> 00:02:39.543 and by the time he made it to the hospital, 00:02:39.543 --> 00:02:44.226 he had already suffered three heart attacks and was no more. 00:02:44.226 --> 00:02:46.583 This is not to say 00:02:46.583 --> 00:02:54.330 that our lives are made up of solely unpleasant and random events. 00:02:54.330 --> 00:02:57.897 How well can any of us plan for our future 00:02:57.897 --> 00:03:00.389 if we can only see so far? 00:03:00.389 --> 00:03:03.005 How well can you direct your future 00:03:03.005 --> 00:03:07.590 if the weather changes faster than you can say "Surprise!" 00:03:07.590 --> 00:03:12.975 But wait, I have another story for you. 00:03:12.975 --> 00:03:16.106 My parents left India. 00:03:16.106 --> 00:03:19.178 They chose to leave India. 00:03:19.178 --> 00:03:21.776 They chose to go to Canada. 00:03:21.776 --> 00:03:24.760 They chose to go to the United States. 00:03:24.760 --> 00:03:29.699 And they chose this because they were in pursuit of a better life 00:03:29.699 --> 00:03:32.219 for themselves, for their children. 00:03:32.219 --> 00:03:34.341 Like my father would always talk about 00:03:34.341 --> 00:03:39.468 how he landed up in the United States with exactly one dollar in his pocket, 00:03:39.468 --> 00:03:42.168 but he had a lot of dreams. 00:03:42.168 --> 00:03:44.015 I was born into that dream 00:03:44.015 --> 00:03:48.237 and I grew up with that dream. 00:03:48.237 --> 00:03:52.931 And you might say that I understood that what shines so bright in that dream 00:03:52.931 --> 00:03:58.681 that you could see it even if you were blind like me, was choice. 00:03:58.681 --> 00:04:02.656 Anyone of you could tell the story of your life 00:04:02.656 --> 00:04:08.217 in terms of fate, chance or choice. 00:04:08.217 --> 00:04:10.978 Its worth doing the mental exercise sometimes. 00:04:10.978 --> 00:04:16.695 "What are the circumstances of your birth that affected where you are today?" 00:04:16.695 --> 00:04:20.219 "what were those random events that happened to happen one day 00:04:20.219 --> 00:04:23.664 that affected who you are and where you got to?" 00:04:23.664 --> 00:04:26.382 "What were the choices that you made?" 00:04:26.382 --> 00:04:28.129 No matter how you tell the story of your life 00:04:28.129 --> 00:04:32.044 you will discover some interesting truths about yourself. 00:04:32.044 --> 00:04:35.427 But I think that there is something very special 00:04:35.427 --> 00:04:40.749 when you tell the story of your life in terms of choice. 00:04:40.749 --> 00:04:45.058 Choice in the end is the only one of these forces 00:04:45.058 --> 00:04:47.576 that puts control in your hands. 00:04:47.576 --> 00:04:51.588 Its the only thing that enables you to go from who you are today 00:04:51.588 --> 00:04:54.141 to who you want to be tomorrow. 00:04:54.141 --> 00:05:01.898 So its the most powerful tool we have for shaping ourselves, our lives, our futures. 00:05:01.898 --> 00:05:06.901 And ultimately, regardless of what fate or chance may have in store for us, 00:05:06.901 --> 00:05:10.744 we are evaluated by the choices that we make. 00:05:10.744 --> 00:05:15.895 "Ok, but for God's sake, how do I make choices?" 00:05:15.895 --> 00:05:21.498 Its is a particularly perplexing question to an Indian-American. 00:05:21.498 --> 00:05:23.219 They have a name for us you know. 00:05:23.219 --> 00:05:31.542 They call us ABCD - American Born Confused Desi. 00:05:31.542 --> 00:05:37.176 As an Indian-American. its not just that you learn two different languages. 00:05:37.176 --> 00:05:41.388 Sure, as a Sikh girl with a heritage from Delhi, 00:05:41.388 --> 00:05:48.194 I learned some mix of Hindi and Punjabi, much like what they speak in the Hindi movie, versus English. 00:05:48.194 --> 00:05:51.296 But its not just that you learn two different languages, 00:05:51.296 --> 00:05:53.438 [instead] you learn two different ways of life, 00:05:53.438 --> 00:05:55.276 two different ways of thinking 00:05:55.276 --> 00:05:57.693 two different ways of choosing. 00:05:57.693 --> 00:06:00.616 I understood growing up that as a Sikh child 00:06:00.616 --> 00:06:02.974 you had to be a good Sikh child, listen to what your parents said 00:06:02.974 --> 00:06:05.537 respect your elders, respect the wishes of God 00:06:05.537 --> 00:06:11.063 Sure, career choices were very much decided by your parents. 00:06:11.063 --> 00:06:13.105 Doctor/Engineers [is] obviously good. 00:06:13.105 --> 00:06:19.775 And your marriage choice was, of course, influenced heavily by your parents. 00:06:19.775 --> 00:06:24.691 Choice was something that had consequences. 00:06:24.691 --> 00:06:28.058 And, so when you made a choice, you made it carefully, 00:06:28.058 --> 00:06:32.254 because, ultimately, choice had its limitations. 00:06:32.254 --> 00:06:35.778 That's what I learned from my Sikh culture. 00:06:35.778 --> 00:06:38.525 Well, what about the American point of view? 00:06:38.525 --> 00:06:40.216 You get to choose, 00:06:40.216 --> 00:06:43.271 you get to decide who your are, what you want, 00:06:43.271 --> 00:06:46.109 what you will be when you grow up, what your will wear, 00:06:46.109 --> 00:06:48.226 what you will eat, what you will do with your hair, 00:06:48.226 --> 00:06:50.055 what kind of career you will pursue, whom you will marry, 00:06:50.055 --> 00:06:52.902 how you will marry, what sort of a life you will lead. 00:06:52.902 --> 00:06:56.576 Choice was all about possibilities. 00:06:56.576 --> 00:07:01.494 So here I am, an Indian American and I've got to make 00:07:01.494 --> 00:07:03.537 some pretty big choices in my life. 00:07:03.537 --> 00:07:05.902 Who's gonna decide my career? 00:07:05.902 --> 00:07:08.284 Who's gonna decide my marriage? 00:07:08.284 --> 00:07:10.654 How is this gonna be decided? 00:07:10.654 --> 00:07:14.216 By the dictates of Indian culture? 00:07:14.216 --> 00:07:16.704 By the dictates of American culture. 00:07:16.704 --> 00:07:19.135 As a blind person, everyone is always asking, 00:07:19.135 --> 00:07:22.137 "What will become of her when she grows up?" 00:07:22.137 --> 00:07:24.453 That was asked by both Americans and Indians. 00:07:24.453 --> 00:07:26.777 At least they were in consensus on that one. 00:07:26.777 --> 00:07:29.142 (Laughter) 00:07:29.142 --> 00:07:31.623 So in school, I remember our teachers used to say, 00:07:31.623 --> 00:07:36.216 "You can grow up and do whatever it is you want to be 00:07:36.216 --> 00:07:38.943 as long as you put your mind and heart to it. 00:07:38.943 --> 00:07:43.700 One day my teacher said and asked all of us in class, 00:07:43.700 --> 00:07:47.537 "What do you guys wanna be when you grow up?" 00:07:47.537 --> 00:07:49.614 Well, I very confidently raised my hand and said, 00:07:49.614 --> 00:07:51.376 "I wanna be a pilot." 00:07:51.376 --> 00:07:54.215 (Laughter) 00:07:54.215 --> 00:07:57.265 That was exactly everybody's reaction. 00:07:57.265 --> 00:07:59.781 The poor teacher was so speechless she said, 00:07:59.781 --> 00:08:01.864 "Oh, that's interesting child." 00:08:01.864 --> 00:08:04.215 (Laughter) 00:08:04.215 --> 00:08:06.376 But I wasn't very good at that. 00:08:06.376 --> 00:08:09.532 So, then they decided that I could go to college. 00:08:09.532 --> 00:08:13.044 At which point, the choice of what I was gonna be when I grew up 00:08:13.044 --> 00:08:15.790 was so obvious, it just wasn't obvious to me. 00:08:15.790 --> 00:08:17.897 I was gonna become a lawyer! 00:08:17.897 --> 00:08:19.734 Because justice was blind. 00:08:19.734 --> 00:08:23.818 (Laughter) 00:08:25.660 --> 00:08:28.279 So, everywhere I went, people just gave me roles to play 00:08:28.279 --> 00:08:31.495 trying to stick me in a niche 00:08:31.495 --> 00:08:35.814 and it became imperative for me to learn how to separate 00:08:35.814 --> 00:08:39.576 my true limitations from my perceived ones. 00:08:39.576 --> 00:08:43.537 I started to develop this keen awareness at some point, 00:08:43.537 --> 00:08:44.902 when I was growing up, 00:08:44.902 --> 00:08:48.893 that so many of our hopes, dreams and expectations 00:08:48.893 --> 00:08:52.274 struggle constantly against our limitations. 00:08:52.274 --> 00:08:55.136 One of the big challenges that we all have in our lives 00:08:55.136 --> 00:08:58.614 is in figuring out how to overcome those challenges. 00:08:58.614 --> 00:09:01.622 Which ones can we overcome and which ones we can't. 00:09:01.622 --> 00:09:05.781 I guess, I wanna convince you today 00:09:05.781 --> 00:09:08.455 that I was blessed. 00:09:08.455 --> 00:09:12.419 What I learned from my Indian heritage was that 00:09:12.419 --> 00:09:16.706 the question that you ask is not 'What do you want?' 00:09:16.706 --> 00:09:22.705 The question that you ask is 'What can you be good at?' 00:09:22.705 --> 00:09:26.054 'What can you be excellent at?' 00:09:26.054 --> 00:09:28.133 Pursue it with great discipline. 00:09:28.133 --> 00:09:32.447 That is the life of someone who has integrity. 00:09:32.447 --> 00:09:35.961 What I learned from the American culture 00:09:35.961 --> 00:09:38.382 was that you don't have to settle for those 00:09:38.382 --> 00:09:40.797 meager options put before you 00:09:40.797 --> 00:09:43.619 People can say no to you, and they will. 00:09:43.619 --> 00:09:46.621 People can take choices away from you, and they will. 00:09:46.621 --> 00:09:50.420 But you can create choices for yourself. 00:09:50.420 --> 00:09:54.984 Choices that those other people may not have even imagined. 00:09:54.984 --> 00:09:58.871 I didn't have all the choices that the sighted have 00:09:58.871 --> 00:10:00.703 but in a way that was easier. 00:10:00.703 --> 00:10:03.382 Any time I wanted to pursure a choice, 00:10:03.382 --> 00:10:07.705 it had to be something that I was willing to dedicate myself to 00:10:07.705 --> 00:10:15.382 And, because I had to push past doorkeepers and nay-sayers, I could never afford to choose on a whim. 00:10:15.382 --> 00:10:21.541 And that meant that you had to be choosy about choosing. 00:10:21.541 --> 00:10:24.792 So now let's take up these three criteria: 00:10:24.792 --> 00:10:26.184 The Indian View. 00:10:26.184 --> 00:10:27.460 The American View. 00:10:27.460 --> 00:10:29.382 The Blindness View. 00:10:29.382 --> 00:10:31.119 How am I gonna choose? 00:10:31.119 --> 00:10:32.703 What am I gonna choose? 00:10:32.703 --> 00:10:36.112 Well, it was obvious wasn't it? 00:10:36.112 --> 00:10:39.288 You choose the thing that you've been thinking about your whole life, 00:10:39.288 --> 00:10:43.703 The thing that you have thought about in ways that other people haven't thought about, 00:10:43.703 --> 00:10:47.437 the thing with which you can contribute something new to 00:10:47.437 --> 00:10:52.205 it became the most natural choice in the world to study 00:10:52.205 --> 00:10:53.946 Choice. 00:10:53.946 --> 00:10:56.378 So, that's what I've been studying for the past 20 years. 00:10:56.378 --> 00:10:58.042 People ask me, 00:10:58.042 --> 00:11:02.885 "Why did you title your book: The Art of Choosing? What is the art of choosing anyway?" 00:11:02.885 --> 00:11:05.426 It's a great question. 00:11:05.426 --> 00:11:08.510 And I think, the answer to the question, 00:11:08.510 --> 00:11:14.040 you above all else will understand what I mean when I say it. 00:11:14.040 --> 00:11:19.112 Indians taught me the value of choice and it's limitations, 00:11:19.112 --> 00:11:22.264 and I have studied that in many ways in my research. 00:11:22.264 --> 00:11:26.386 Americans taught me the value of choice in terms of the 00:11:26.386 --> 00:11:29.737 possibilities that it all offers. 00:11:29.737 --> 00:11:32.540 You might say that these are antithetical to one another 00:11:32.540 --> 00:11:35.139 But they're not. 00:11:35.139 --> 00:11:39.101 They are two sides of the same coin. 00:11:39.101 --> 00:11:43.779 It is when we are able to balance our hopes, 00:11:43.779 --> 00:11:48.710 our dreams and appreciation for the possibilities 00:11:48.710 --> 00:11:52.704 with a clear-eyed assessment of the limitations, 00:11:52.704 --> 00:11:56.739 that we are best prepared to practice 00:11:56.739 --> 00:11:59.337 The Art of Choosing. 00:11:59.337 --> 00:12:00.821 Thank you very much. 00:12:00.821 --> 00:12:06.794 (Applause)