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(音樂)

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[印度語]

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這是歌頌女神之母

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我們大部份的印度人在很小的時候已經學會

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我是在四歲的時候

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坐在我媽媽的膝蓋上學

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那年她讓我認識舞蹈

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從那時候起

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我與古典舞蹈結下不解緣

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從那時候起到現在已有四十年寒暑了

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我與舞蹈界最優秀的人一起練習

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穿洋過海去表演

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教導年幼和年老的人士

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一起創作，互動

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精心設計

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來織出一個豐富的藝術作品

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成就及獎項

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最榮幸的是在2007年

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當我獲得美國

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第四高的民間獎項， Padmashri 獎

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以肯定我對藝術的貢獻

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(鼓掌)

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但沒有。。。沒有任何東西準備

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我將在2008年七月一日

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所聽到的事情

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我聽到 carcinoma，癌，這個字

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沒錯，是乳癌

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我在醫生的辦公室內晴天霹靂

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我聽到其他詞語

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"cancer" (癌細胞), "stage" (期), "grade" (階段)

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直至那時，我只知道 "cancer" 是一個星座，

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巨蟹座，我朋友的一個星座

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"stage" 是我表演的地方

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而"grades" 是我在學校得到的學分

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那天我知道

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我有一個不受歡迎，亦沒有被邀請

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的一個新的生命拍檔

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作為一個舞蹈家

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我明白九種情感

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憤怒，勇猛，

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厭惡，幽默，

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和恐懼

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我以為我知道什麼是恐懼

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但直至那一天我才學曉恐懼

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被那種窮兇極惡的感覺壓倒

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完全不能自控的無力感

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我不斷的流下眼淚

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我問我親愛的丈夫，Jayant

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我說: 是不是這樣? 這是不是絕路?

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這是不是我舞蹈事業的終結?

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而他，帶著正能量說:

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不是，這只是一個障礙

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在治療中的一個跨越

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而你將會回復你以往那般優秀

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我從那一刻明白到

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我一直以為我能完全控制我我生命

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其實只是控制了三件東西

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我的思想，我的意志 --

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即我在腦海中所創造的影象 --

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以及從那衍生出來的動作

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那時我的內心在

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這些不同的情感裡爭扎

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內心的失落

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加上那窮兇極惡的處境

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與想被醫治，那健康快樂的地方在交戰

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我想從我以往的那樣

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到我理想的樣子

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我需要一些東西

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我需要一些東西把我從這些中拉出來

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我抹乾我的淚水

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我向世界宣佈

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癌症只是我生命的一頁

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而我不會讓這一頁影響我餘下的人生

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我向世界宣佈

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我會克服它

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我不會讓癌症擊敗我

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但要從我這樣

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到我想的那樣

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我需要一些東西

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我需要一個靠山，一個形象

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一個依據

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來把這個過程給繫上

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從而使我出發

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我在我的舞蹈中找到它

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我的舞蹈，我的潛能，我的力量，我的熱誠

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我生命的氣息

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但這不容易

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相信我，這絕對的不容易

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你要如何保持開朗

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當你在三天內從美麗

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變成禿子

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你要怎樣才不沮喪

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當你的身體被化療毀壞

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爬上僅僅的數個樓梯也是折磨的時候

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有什麼人能像我跳三個小時的舞

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你要怎樣不被

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沮喪和悲慘給壓倒

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我所希望做的只有縮在一角飲泣

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但我不斷告訴我自己，恐懼和淚水

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不是我唯一的選擇

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因此我把我自己拖到我的跳舞室

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我的身體、思想和意志。每天來到我的跳舞室

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重新學習的從四歲以來

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所學過的

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重新作、重新學習、重新組合

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這是極其痛苦的，但我做到了

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非常困難

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我專注在我的馬德拉舞中

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專注在我舞蹈的演繹中

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專注在詩篇中和比喻中

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還有舞蹈本身的哲學

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慢慢地，我從

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那個低谷的狀況下走出來

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但我需要其他東西

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需要能支持我走多一步的東西

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而我找到了這個比喻

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這個比喻是當我在四歲的時候從我媽媽身上學到的

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是Mahesh Mahatmya裡

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Durga 的象徵

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Durga 眾女神之母，無懼之神

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是印度教諸神殿所創造

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Durga 是華麗的，點綴的，美麗的

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她有十八雙手

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準備戰爭

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她騎在她的獅子上

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進入戰場擊敗Mahishasur

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Durga 是

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創意女性能力的化身

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或是印度語 shakti

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Durga，無懼之神

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我將Durga女神的形象

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她的每一特質，每一細微差別

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轉化成我自己

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從她的神話的象徵

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與及我對訓練的熱情得到能量

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我高度的專注在我的舞蹈中

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這個高度的專注讓我在

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手術數星期後便跳舞

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我在化療和放射線過程中亦有跳

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這令我的治療師很驚慌

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我在化療和放射線過程中跳舞

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我要他遷就

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我的表演時間

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我所做的是

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從癌症中調轉出來

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再專注在我的舞蹈當中

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沒錯，癌症只是我生命中的一頁罷了

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我的故事是一個有關

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如何克服

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生命上所遇到的挫折、

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障礙和挑戰的故事

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我的故事是意念的力量

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亦是選擇的力量

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是集中的能力

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是把我們重新去注意

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那些激勵你的

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感動你的事情的力量

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那些連癌症也變得不重要的事情

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我的故事是隱喻的力量

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是影象的威力

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我的是印度女神Durga

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Durga，無懼者

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她亦名叫 Simhanandini

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那個騎在獅子上的女神

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好像讓我安全渡過

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好像在支配我的內在潛能

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我自身的內在回復

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好像在我接受治療時得到保護

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和不斷的治療

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好像讓我馳騁於癌症的戰場上

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好叫我的惡細胞檢點一些

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我想被人知道，我不只是一個癌症幸存者

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而是癌症鬥士

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我現在為你們呈獻舞曲

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Simhanandani 的節錄

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(鼓掌)

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(音樂)

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(鼓掌)