Hello, I'm David Carlton, the Deputy Prime Minister.
Hello. I is Ali G, the dominating MC.
Making bitches touch their punani.
- The number after two, it be... - Three.
Not Ali A, not Ali B, not Ali C, not Ali D,
not Ali...
E...
not Ali...
F...
- but Ali... - G.
Bo! Your rhymes is tight for a honkey, yes, sir.
That's his full name and address.
Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?
I is recently gone on the dole.
- When? - Eight years and three months ago.
It says here you claim disability. Are you...?
Yes, I is actually spasticated.
I is got a terrible DJing injury
and still ain't got full mobility in me mixing finger.
Fok-chickety-fok-fok-fresh. Ow.
Everything down there is still working. Oh, yes. Yes.
Ali, erm...would you sit down? Please, sit down.
- Would you ever become an MP? - What for? It's full of pricks.
That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?
- Yes. - Let's try a different angle.
Is there nothing you'd like to change?
Me'd wanna save the John Nike Leisure Centre, obviously.
As the MP for Staines, you could achieve that.
Would you stand in this by-election?
Me gotta be honest, me ain't actually bi.
- Well... - I mean,
obviously I done it with two girls.
Well, I seen it on the internet.
But me would never feel completely comfortable being bummed by a man.
A lot of people say never say ever
but me feel strongly that me exit hole should stay me exit hole
and never become me entry hole, you know what I is saying?
Yes, yes.
Well, it's been a pleasure meeting you.
David.
Later, sweetheart.