0:00:08.176,0:00:09.177 Good afternoon. 0:00:09.177,0:00:12.258 It's a real pleasure[br]to do another TED Talk. 0:00:12.258,0:00:16.048 And today I'm going to talk[br]to you about you. 0:00:16.748,0:00:19.238 And share with you, hopefully, 0:00:19.238,0:00:22.748 an idea that's really made[br]a massive difference in my life 0:00:22.748,0:00:25.789 and hopefully could make[br]a massive difference in your life too. 0:00:26.888,0:00:29.809 I've spent my life, really,[br]studying human beings. 0:00:30.196,0:00:32.470 When I was a kid,[br]I was the youngest of four, 0:00:32.470,0:00:35.370 so I spent a lot of time[br]just watching my brothers and sisters 0:00:35.370,0:00:38.260 and seeing the mess[br]and the challenge that they got into, 0:00:38.260,0:00:40.499 and trying to clock how I avoided that. 0:00:40.499,0:00:43.131 Then I had the great fortune[br]of training as a physician, 0:00:43.131,0:00:45.091 and some of you may know 0:00:45.091,0:00:48.941 that medical training[br]is the most incredible opportunity, 0:00:48.941,0:00:52.141 because you get up close[br]and personal with human suffering 0:00:52.141,0:00:55.271 on every single level, on a daily basis. 0:00:55.791,0:00:58.792 I've been in a room where people[br]have died right in front of me, 0:00:58.792,0:01:00.561 and it's a really profound moment. 0:01:00.561,0:01:03.821 I've also been in a room[br]where life has come into the world; 0:01:03.821,0:01:09.263 I've delivered a number of children,[br]including three of my own four boys, 0:01:09.823,0:01:11.203 one of whom is at the back - 0:01:11.203,0:01:12.213 Hi, son. 0:01:12.213,0:01:14.842 (Laughter) 0:01:14.842,0:01:17.842 (Son from the audience) Hi, dad! 0:01:19.423,0:01:22.154 So medical training,[br]a fantastic experience. 0:01:23.104,0:01:26.373 I became a researcher,[br]initially an immunologist, 0:01:26.373,0:01:28.974 and studied right down to the nano detail 0:01:28.974,0:01:33.126 of how our white blood cells[br]roll along the inside of our blood vessels 0:01:33.516,0:01:35.484 and with really clever adhesion molecules 0:01:35.484,0:01:38.555 stick and kind of squeeze out[br]between the endothelia cells 0:01:38.555,0:01:40.084 and fight infection. 0:01:40.084,0:01:44.125 More recently as a neuroscientist.[br]So right down at nano level. 0:01:44.505,0:01:46.615 And also at a much bigger scale. 0:01:46.615,0:01:50.815 I had the good fortune of working[br]with CEOs and leaders around the world 0:01:50.815,0:01:53.306 in some of our biggest companies[br]and multi-nationals, 0:01:53.306,0:01:56.347 looking at the hidden social dynamics[br]and the networks that exist 0:01:56.347,0:01:59.676 that determine whether a company[br]succeeds or fails. 0:02:00.308,0:02:01.277 As you heard, 0:02:01.277,0:02:04.618 I've worked with elite athletes,[br]helping them to win gold medals. 0:02:05.218,0:02:07.778 I've read a lot, learned a lot. 0:02:07.778,0:02:11.808 And through all that time,[br]one question kept bothering me, 0:02:11.808,0:02:14.008 sort of eating away at my brain. 0:02:14.008,0:02:15.239 And that question was: 0:02:15.239,0:02:22.029 if you could teach yourself,[br]your children, or anybody one thing, 0:02:22.619,0:02:23.848 what would it be? 0:02:23.848,0:02:25.238 What would that one thing be? 0:02:25.638,0:02:27.009 You can only teach one thing 0:02:27.009,0:02:29.150 of all the things[br]I've learned and understood, 0:02:29.150,0:02:31.480 and it's that that I want[br]to share with you today. 0:02:31.480,0:02:32.590 What is that one thing? 0:02:32.590,0:02:36.510 I can tell you it's not "Eat an apple";[br]that's not what it is. 0:02:37.160,0:02:38.641 We're going to talk about that. 0:02:38.641,0:02:42.950 But before, I want to return, just,[br]to really the story of you. 0:02:42.950,0:02:44.581 I don't know whether you remember, 0:02:44.581,0:02:48.582 but there was a time[br]before you knew you existed. 0:02:48.582,0:02:51.961 For some of you that was probably[br]last Friday night, after a skinful. 0:02:51.961,0:02:52.961 (Laughter) 0:02:53.891,0:02:56.392 But as we all grow up,[br]there's a moment in our life - 0:02:56.392,0:02:59.192 and this is a really[br]beautiful moment if you witness it - 0:02:59.192,0:03:01.193 where you can see, about one year old - 0:03:01.193,0:03:04.712 it might happen a bit sooner, a bit later,[br]but roughly about one year old - 0:03:04.712,0:03:08.253 where a child realizes they exist[br]as a physical entity. 0:03:08.533,0:03:11.733 It's that moment where they look[br]in the mirror, and they kind of go, 0:03:11.733,0:03:13.552 "Oh, that's me!" 0:03:13.552,0:03:15.484 They move their hand[br]and that hand moves, 0:03:15.484,0:03:17.383 and they realize that that's them. 0:03:17.383,0:03:20.033 So they have a physical[br]awareness, if you will. 0:03:20.033,0:03:23.244 But they haven't yet developed[br]an awareness of their emotional self, 0:03:23.244,0:03:25.245 which is why you get the terrible twos. 0:03:25.245,0:03:26.825 So when a two-year-old is hungry, 0:03:26.825,0:03:30.275 the world is hungry[br]and why aren't we eating? 0:03:30.275,0:03:34.735 So there's that kind of intensity,[br]that egocentricity in a two-year-old. 0:03:35.775,0:03:38.076 That's where they kind of get[br]to test the power. 0:03:38.076,0:03:39.276 So in the supermarket, 0:03:39.276,0:03:43.177 it's "Mom, mom, that that, me, me,[br]food, food, me, me, me, food," 0:03:43.177,0:03:45.986 and they kind of bother you[br]to a great extent. 0:03:45.986,0:03:50.428 And then again, it's witnessable,[br]this moment where they suddenly realize 0:03:50.428,0:03:52.946 that not only are they[br]physically separate from you, 0:03:52.946,0:03:55.908 but their emotions[br]are not your emotions. 0:03:55.908,0:03:57.398 You may have witnessed this 0:03:57.398,0:04:00.629 with a child walking down[br]the aisle in the supermarket, 0:04:00.629,0:04:05.317 eyes, streaming red,[br]bawling in frustration and rage 0:04:05.317,0:04:07.233 that they can't get what they want, 0:04:07.233,0:04:10.009 and then looking at you[br]completely baffled, 0:04:10.009,0:04:11.479 like: "Why aren't you crying?" 0:04:11.479,0:04:13.909 "We're hungry;[br]we want those chocolates." 0:04:13.909,0:04:15.189 (Laughter) 0:04:15.189,0:04:17.037 There's that bafflement in their eyes, 0:04:17.037,0:04:19.010 that sort of thousand yard stare. 0:04:19.010,0:04:22.600 And that's the emergence[br]of the awareness of the emotional self, 0:04:22.600,0:04:25.470 separate from the parent or the caregiver. 0:04:25.470,0:04:27.210 So that's a sort of second level up, 0:04:27.210,0:04:29.801 but it's not until they get[br]to three to six years old 0:04:29.801,0:04:32.070 that they get into the "conceptual self," 0:04:32.070,0:04:35.241 and part of that emergence[br]is a sense of identity. 0:04:35.241,0:04:37.380 So it's what you would know[br]as consciousness, 0:04:37.380,0:04:39.442 is they start to become aware - 0:04:39.442,0:04:42.032 not only that they're physically,[br]emotionally separate, 0:04:42.032,0:04:43.972 but they've got an identity. 0:04:43.972,0:04:46.231 And it blossoms between[br]three and six years old. 0:04:46.231,0:04:47.692 One of the things that happens 0:04:47.692,0:04:49.982 in the emergence[br]of conceptual self is language. 0:04:49.982,0:04:53.983 So language is essentially a concept:[br]it's a noise to represent something. 0:04:53.983,0:04:56.923 So the emergence[br]of conceptual self happens, 0:04:56.923,0:04:59.303 and we start to label our universe - 0:04:59.303,0:05:02.844 you know, cat, dog, bat, ball,[br]window, floor, and so on. 0:05:02.844,0:05:06.134 So the world starts to make sense[br]and we start to be able to navigate. 0:05:06.134,0:05:08.304 Children between the age[br]of three and six 0:05:08.304,0:05:10.664 learn about six new words[br]every single day. 0:05:10.664,0:05:13.355 There's phenomenal[br]language acquisition going on. 0:05:13.355,0:05:15.215 But only from the fourth level, 0:05:15.215,0:05:17.303 which is called concrete consciousness, 0:05:17.303,0:05:20.955 they start to learn[br]the rules that govern the concepts. 0:05:21.525,0:05:23.126 Then it all starts to make sense: 0:05:23.126,0:05:25.106 why is a dog a dog and a cat a cat? 0:05:25.106,0:05:27.026 Why is a mummy a mummy[br]and daddy a daddy? 0:05:27.026,0:05:28.315 What's the rule? 0:05:28.885,0:05:31.265 It's in that between[br]six and nine years old 0:05:31.265,0:05:32.716 that the fun starts to happen. 0:05:32.716,0:05:34.986 So if you speak to a seven-year-old, 0:05:34.986,0:05:37.807 you can start to have fun[br]by playing against the rules - 0:05:37.807,0:05:39.996 you know, look at that cat[br]going woof-woof? 0:05:39.996,0:05:41.018 No! 0:05:41.978,0:05:45.448 Cats go meow! They don't go woof-woof. 0:05:45.998,0:05:49.057 And it makes them laugh[br]because you're playing against the rules. 0:05:49.057,0:05:51.827 There's this whole[br]rule emergence that occurs 0:05:51.827,0:05:53.938 in a child between six and nine. 0:05:53.938,0:05:57.488 And then that's where most people 0:05:57.488,0:05:59.038 stay ... 0:05:59.038,0:06:01.818 (Laughter) 0:06:02.518,0:06:05.268 Most of the people[br]you're going to meet, 20, 30, 40, 0:06:05.268,0:06:07.190 on the inside: nine! 0:06:07.190,0:06:09.059 (Laughter) 0:06:09.742,0:06:11.412 See it in accompanies all the time: 0:06:11.412,0:06:13.730 toys out of the pram,[br]behaving like children. 0:06:13.730,0:06:15.070 It's very common. 0:06:15.070,0:06:17.700 There is an attempt,[br]usually in the early teenage years, 0:06:17.700,0:06:20.751 to get beyond that concrete self,[br]to get beyond the rules, 0:06:20.751,0:06:23.131 which is why you get teenage conflict. 0:06:23.131,0:06:26.101 You'll see it, and parents[br]try to suppress this, 0:06:26.101,0:06:27.261 like it's a bad thing. 0:06:27.261,0:06:28.562 It's a developmental stage! 0:06:28.562,0:06:31.701 You shouldn't be suppressing this stuff;[br]they're testing the rules. 0:06:31.701,0:06:33.152 So this battle ensues: 0:06:33.152,0:06:36.682 you told me to be home at ten,[br]I want to be home at 11. 0:06:36.682,0:06:39.132 You told me to be honest;[br]you're not being honest, 0:06:39.132,0:06:40.572 and the fight breaks out. 0:06:40.572,0:06:43.013 And they have their whole[br]turbulent teenage years. 0:06:43.013,0:06:47.442 Regardless of who wins that battle,[br]whether it's mom or dad or the child, 0:06:47.442,0:06:49.693 it bubbles along for a few years. 0:06:49.693,0:06:52.484 Now eventually,[br]regardless of who wins the battle, 0:06:52.484,0:06:54.723 they leave home - hopefully. 0:06:54.723,0:06:57.864 (Laughter) 0:06:57.864,0:07:01.184 (Applause) 0:07:02.294,0:07:03.915 They go! Right? 0:07:05.265,0:07:08.643 But then a much bigger parent[br]called society comes in 0:07:08.643,0:07:10.734 and imposes its rules. 0:07:10.734,0:07:13.265 So a lot of people go back[br]into the concrete, 0:07:13.265,0:07:16.646 not like transferred but back[br]in the concrete following a set of rules, 0:07:16.646,0:07:19.376 that we start to believe[br]that we've got to get a degree, 0:07:19.376,0:07:23.295 we've got to get a job,[br]a relationship, a car, a house, 0:07:23.295,0:07:27.066 we've got to get all these things[br]to be a good corporate citizen. 0:07:27.066,0:07:29.947 So we start to follow the rules,[br]and we enter a company, 0:07:29.947,0:07:33.037 and we start to work our way[br]up the career ladder, 0:07:33.037,0:07:34.477 following the rules. 0:07:35.257,0:07:38.256 So a lot of people you'll encounter[br]are back in that concrete, 0:07:38.256,0:07:40.368 their life become stereotypical. 0:07:40.368,0:07:42.008 You'll see people talk about this: 0:07:42.008,0:07:44.108 "That's not how we[br]do things at this company. 0:07:44.108,0:07:47.257 You'll be the Chief Executive,[br]I'll be the Chief Financial Officer. 0:07:47.257,0:07:48.829 That's how we do it around here." 0:07:48.829,0:07:51.439 It's a set of rules[br]that we're all following, 0:07:51.439,0:07:53.789 and we're often not even[br]aware of those rules. 0:07:53.789,0:07:56.309 And that will often happen[br]for the rest of your life; 0:07:56.309,0:07:58.649 you don't even realize[br]you're running the rules. 0:07:58.649,0:08:01.770 By the way, these rules weren't given[br]to you with your permission; 0:08:01.770,0:08:05.429 they were just imposed[br]by parents or society. 0:08:05.779,0:08:07.370 We're not even aware of it. 0:08:07.650,0:08:10.470 If you're lucky, you have a crisis. 0:08:10.750,0:08:12.041 At some point in your life, 0:08:12.041,0:08:15.376 something terrible happens[br]to get you to question the rules. 0:08:15.376,0:08:17.434 Now, most people this never happens to - 0:08:17.434,0:08:20.410 or if it does, it doesn't[br]cause them to question. 0:08:20.410,0:08:22.232 That might be the loss of a loved one, 0:08:22.232,0:08:25.012 the loss of a relationship[br]or something terrible happens, 0:08:25.012,0:08:27.301 usually, most commonly, in midlife. 0:08:27.951,0:08:30.912 Then you enter the stage[br]what we call "the disease of meaning," 0:08:30.912,0:08:32.260 is it starts to occur to you 0:08:32.260,0:08:34.793 there's something wrong[br]with the picture of your life. 0:08:34.793,0:08:38.803 I've been following all these rules,[br]and it hasn't delivered. 0:08:38.803,0:08:41.123 I thought if I was[br]a good corporate citizen, 0:08:41.123,0:08:44.773 and I got a good job, and a good house,[br]and paid tax and all of that stuff, 0:08:44.773,0:08:47.184 I would be happy and blissful forever; 0:08:47.184,0:08:48.424 and I'm not. 0:08:48.884,0:08:52.034 That's the disease of meaning,[br]and that is real pain. 0:08:52.034,0:08:55.375 If that happens in a religious context,[br]people call it purgatory. 0:08:56.014,0:08:58.045 I mean, literally, it's hell on earth. 0:08:58.045,0:09:00.574 So people get into this state[br]and often they lash out, 0:09:00.574,0:09:03.574 they become unpleasant[br]and negative and so on, 0:09:03.574,0:09:05.604 because they're basically in pain. 0:09:05.604,0:09:08.175 Now there are two strategies to that pain. 0:09:08.175,0:09:10.243 First strategy - much loved by students - 0:09:10.243,0:09:11.773 anaesthetic. 0:09:11.773,0:09:13.665 (Laughter) 0:09:14.275,0:09:17.076 Because if I can blot[br]out the meaning of life, 0:09:17.076,0:09:19.176 that kind of existential question - 0:09:19.176,0:09:21.287 if I'm wasted on a Friday night, 0:09:21.287,0:09:24.687 I don't have to think[br]about what's the meaning of all this. 0:09:24.687,0:09:26.756 It just goes away as a question. 0:09:26.756,0:09:31.068 So then some people do this every night,[br]some people every weekend, getting wasted, 0:09:31.068,0:09:32.698 either through alcohol and drugs. 0:09:32.698,0:09:35.368 But the problem is[br]when the hangover wears off, 0:09:35.368,0:09:38.319 the question returns; it's still there. 0:09:39.259,0:09:40.609 You can't answer it. 0:09:40.609,0:09:43.229 If you're smart, you realize[br]anesthetics won't help you. 0:09:43.229,0:09:45.969 So you get into the second strategy,[br]which is distraction. 0:09:46.369,0:09:49.009 There are lots of different[br]types of distraction. 0:09:49.009,0:09:52.345 That distraction can simply be[br]that you become a gym bunny. 0:09:53.425,0:09:55.029 Let's pump some iron. 0:09:55.029,0:09:59.660 Because when I'm feeling the burn,[br]I don't have to think about the question. 0:09:59.660,0:10:03.861 So I become "the body beautiful,"[br]stuck at the gym the whole time, 0:10:04.391,0:10:07.241 getting the kick[br]on the endorphins and so on. 0:10:07.241,0:10:10.201 But you realize that, actually,[br]when you get away from the gym, 0:10:10.201,0:10:11.801 the question is there again. 0:10:12.011,0:10:13.612 So the gym doesn't solve it. 0:10:13.612,0:10:16.392 So you might use[br]a very common strategy: 0:10:16.392,0:10:17.961 sex ... 0:10:17.961,0:10:18.961 Right? 0:10:18.961,0:10:21.972 Because while I am engaged[br]in the intimacy of the sexual union, 0:10:21.972,0:10:25.483 I don't have to think about the question,[br]because I'm too busy doing this. 0:10:25.483,0:10:27.443 (Laughter) 0:10:28.983,0:10:32.383 But you may have noticed[br]that when the act is over, 0:10:32.383,0:10:34.614 that bloody question comes back again. 0:10:35.744,0:10:38.763 So some people go even more nuts:[br]I'll have sex with two people, 0:10:38.763,0:10:39.764 (Laughter) 0:10:39.764,0:10:41.324 then a whole crowd - 0:10:41.824,0:10:45.561 desperately trying to get away[br]from this question that's bothering them: 0:10:46.431,0:10:48.235 the meaning of their life. 0:10:48.235,0:10:51.555 So if sex doesn't work -[br]and it doesn't, ultimately - 0:10:51.555,0:10:54.212 then you get into materialism: shoes! 0:10:54.212,0:10:56.166 I'll go and buy some shoes. 0:10:56.926,0:10:59.256 Or a car, or a house, or a yacht. 0:10:59.256,0:11:00.545 So we get into materialism, 0:11:00.545,0:11:03.676 or some people that we see,[br]very common in industry, workaholism - 0:11:03.676,0:11:04.976 they become work-addicted. 0:11:04.976,0:11:07.656 Because while I am working[br]that hard, having to do stuff, 0:11:07.656,0:11:09.617 I don't have to think about the question. 0:11:09.617,0:11:11.565 None of that solves the problem. 0:11:11.565,0:11:13.637 Because we mistakenly believe 0:11:13.637,0:11:16.527 that the problem is out there[br]and the solution is out there, 0:11:16.527,0:11:18.678 whereas the real problem is in here. 0:11:19.158,0:11:23.868 You cannot solve your sense[br]of emptiness, or your unrest, 0:11:23.868,0:11:26.347 with an external solution[br]outside of yourself. 0:11:26.347,0:11:29.499 So stop looking out there,[br]you have to look in here, 0:11:29.499,0:11:33.127 and particularly to look[br]at your own emotional experience. 0:11:33.127,0:11:37.149 Now, most people go through their life[br]completely unaware of emotions, 0:11:37.149,0:11:38.689 particularly us fellows, right? 0:11:38.689,0:11:42.130 If somebody mentions the word "emotions,"[br]we run for the hills! 0:11:43.130,0:11:46.980 Emotions are just energy in motion,[br]they're composite biological signals: 0:11:46.980,0:11:49.541 the signals made up[br]of all the pounding heart rate, 0:11:49.541,0:11:51.641 the sweaty palms,[br]the tension in the muscles 0:11:51.641,0:11:53.891 or whatever is going on biologically, 0:11:53.891,0:11:58.731 it's stereotypical energetic patterns -[br]energy in motion, they are e-motions. 0:11:58.731,0:12:01.870 Now, we all have emotions,[br]every single second of every single day, 0:12:01.870,0:12:03.231 even us fellows. 0:12:03.231,0:12:05.682 Feelings, however,[br]are something entirely different. 0:12:05.682,0:12:08.992 Feelings are the awareness[br]in our mind of the energy. 0:12:08.992,0:12:11.953 So the energy is always there[br]but we don't necessarily feel it, 0:12:11.953,0:12:13.633 and that's where we're stuck - 0:12:14.303,0:12:18.663 is we haven't really learned[br]to understand our own emotional life. 0:12:18.663,0:12:19.883 So we go through our life 0:12:19.883,0:12:22.464 believing how we're feeling[br]on a moment by moment basis 0:12:22.464,0:12:23.824 is down to somebody else. 0:12:23.824,0:12:25.044 We actually say this: 0:12:25.044,0:12:28.324 "You annoyed me,"[br]"You made me unhappy," 0:12:28.594,0:12:32.104 "You did it to me,"[br]and we point the finger at other people, 0:12:32.104,0:12:35.304 believing other people are[br]the cause of our own unhappiness. 0:12:35.304,0:12:36.355 So newsflash: 0:12:37.355,0:12:39.345 nobody's doing it to you. 0:12:39.725,0:12:41.535 Nobody's making you feel these things. 0:12:41.535,0:12:43.355 I mean, what do you think that happens 0:12:43.355,0:12:46.015 when you get frustrated[br]with somebody else? 0:12:46.015,0:12:48.986 Did they come up to you[br]and inject you with frustration, 0:12:48.986,0:12:50.906 with the chemicals of frustration? 0:12:51.276,0:12:53.815 Did they create the electrical[br]signals of frustration, 0:12:53.815,0:12:55.876 the pressure waves, the sound waves? 0:12:55.876,0:12:58.127 No. You did that. 0:12:58.127,0:13:02.456 You created that inside yourself[br]in response to their poor behavior. 0:13:03.526,0:13:06.948 So, if you can accept[br]that you're doing it - 0:13:08.048,0:13:10.038 it's not them, it's you - 0:13:10.728,0:13:14.658 that simple truth takes you[br]from what we call the victim position, 0:13:15.408,0:13:18.648 and it crosses the threshold to ownership. 0:13:19.108,0:13:22.399 That's the most important transition[br]you'll ever make in your life. 0:13:22.399,0:13:24.939 So to help you navigate that, 0:13:24.939,0:13:28.839 first and foremost, you have to understand[br]where am I in the universe of emotions. 0:13:28.839,0:13:32.489 If I asked you to write down your current[br]emotions and gave you five minutes, 0:13:32.489,0:13:33.870 you'd have a list of things, 0:13:33.870,0:13:36.640 and then we said, OK,[br]put your hands up who's got how many, 0:13:36.640,0:13:39.020 and we did a test of how many you got, 0:13:39.020,0:13:42.051 the average in a room like this[br]would be about ten or twelve. 0:13:42.611,0:13:47.401 There are 34,000 emotions[br]that you can experience. 0:13:47.401,0:13:49.710 Most people go through life[br]with ten or twelve. 0:13:49.710,0:13:53.489 And just to try to help you navigate,[br]I'll show you an app that we've built 0:13:53.489,0:13:56.811 to help people know where they are[br]in the universe of emotions. 0:13:56.811,0:14:00.951 So we've plotted[br]all these emotions on a map, 0:14:00.951,0:14:03.342 and this map shows you the axes. 0:14:03.342,0:14:08.903 So, to the top of the axis[br]in the universe of emotions, 0:14:08.903,0:14:12.153 we've got the ones that are,[br]sort of, more energy, if you like, 0:14:12.153,0:14:14.803 and to the bottom the ones[br]that are more relaxed. 0:14:14.803,0:14:16.844 To the left the ones[br]that are more positive 0:14:16.844,0:14:19.144 and to the right the ones[br]that are more negative. 0:14:19.144,0:14:22.714 So you can see that we've plotted[br]maybe the 20 commonest emotions there, 0:14:22.714,0:14:26.365 and as I'm talking to you, right now,[br]you're somewhere on this grid. 0:14:26.365,0:14:30.355 You're somewhere in the universe[br]experiencing one of these planets, 0:14:30.355,0:14:33.685 and we can bring in the next 100 emotions, 0:14:33.685,0:14:37.225 we can bring in the next[br]200 emotions, the next 1,000. 0:14:37.225,0:14:40.786 So we've built this app to try[br]and crowd source with you all 34,000, 0:14:40.786,0:14:43.996 we've built it with[br]just 2,000 as a starter. 0:14:43.996,0:14:49.286 And you can enter into[br]one of the 64 galaxies that exist 0:14:49.286,0:14:51.297 and start to navigate round 0:14:51.297,0:14:55.277 and see where you are in relation[br]to some of the other emotions, 0:14:55.277,0:14:58.466 because if you don't know[br]where you are, you're lost. 0:14:59.476,0:15:02.008 Now, you'd never get control[br]of your own state, 0:15:02.008,0:15:05.818 and it's really important for your health,[br]for your well-being, for your success, 0:15:05.818,0:15:06.958 whatever you're doing, 0:15:06.958,0:15:09.468 whether you're a sportsperson[br]or a business leader, 0:15:09.468,0:15:12.129 that you can start to control[br]your own emotional state 0:15:12.129,0:15:13.728 of what's going on for you. 0:15:13.728,0:15:15.268 If you don't know where you are, 0:15:15.268,0:15:17.479 how can you possibly[br]control any of this stuff? 0:15:17.479,0:15:19.239 The answer is you can't. 0:15:19.239,0:15:23.339 So the start of the journey[br]is even knowing which planet are you on. 0:15:24.009,0:15:27.310 This is designed to help you,[br]and you can see in the top corner there, 0:15:27.310,0:15:31.199 it shows you roughly where you are[br]in the universe, at any point in time. 0:15:31.199,0:15:35.431 Now, we can zoom in[br]into one of these 64 galaxies 0:15:35.431,0:15:37.521 and look at a specific solar system. 0:15:37.521,0:15:40.661 So, where do we go into? Maybe, Sociable. 0:15:40.661,0:15:41.671 We can see. 0:15:41.671,0:15:44.542 So let's zoom in [br]to the solar system of Sociable 0:15:44.542,0:15:47.611 and start to see[br]what planets are around you. 0:15:47.611,0:15:49.992 If you want to move[br]from Sociable to something else 0:15:49.992,0:15:53.832 and then gradually navigate yourself[br]to a different part of the universe, 0:15:53.832,0:15:55.303 you can see where you are. 0:15:56.283,0:15:59.022 Most importantly,[br]you can track where you are, 0:15:59.022,0:16:00.951 so you can enter some notes. 0:16:00.951,0:16:04.413 You visit the planet of,[br]I don't know, Popular. 0:16:04.413,0:16:06.424 I felt popular today. 0:16:06.424,0:16:09.434 People came up and gave me[br]various messages, and I felt popular. 0:16:09.434,0:16:13.415 And you could enter[br]how popular you felt or you didn't feel 0:16:13.415,0:16:15.124 and actually keep an audit trail, 0:16:15.124,0:16:17.455 and you can socialize this[br]with your mates. 0:16:17.455,0:16:23.074 You can either share it on Facebook[br]or tweet it or Gmail it 0:16:23.074,0:16:27.535 and see, well, who else [br]is in the solar system of Sociable 0:16:27.535,0:16:30.465 or even on the planet Popular -[br]who else is out there. 0:16:30.465,0:16:31.596 And I can track, 0:16:31.596,0:16:34.296 as it does with these audit trails,[br]of where I've been. 0:16:34.296,0:16:36.875 So this is your start point,[br]starting to get a grip 0:16:36.875,0:16:39.927 of do you even know[br]which planet you're on, 0:16:40.397,0:16:43.537 which are the nearest planets[br]and how you can start to move around, 0:16:43.537,0:16:47.447 start to get some navigational capability[br]within that universe. 0:16:48.027,0:16:51.187 So the first thing is you've got[br]to learn navigational potential, 0:16:51.187,0:16:54.998 and this is designed to help you build[br]your emotional repertoire. 0:16:54.998,0:16:57.358 So you're not just stuck[br]with twelve emotions, 0:16:57.358,0:16:58.898 or in some people frankly: 0:16:58.898,0:17:00.028 two! 0:17:00.998,0:17:04.979 I feel "yuck" or "OK,"[br]the only two motions they've got. 0:17:05.919,0:17:07.749 So you've got to build a repertoire, 0:17:07.749,0:17:10.429 and what you discover[br]as you start to build a repertoire, 0:17:10.429,0:17:13.819 some emotions are[br]better antidotes than others. 0:17:13.819,0:17:16.590 So you can start to navigate around. 0:17:16.590,0:17:17.849 The second maneuver, 0:17:17.849,0:17:21.010 once you've started[br]to navigate around the universe, 0:17:21.010,0:17:24.489 is really, once you get[br]to a more constructive planet, 0:17:24.489,0:17:27.931 there's no right and wrong,[br]but is this emotion really serving you? 0:17:27.931,0:17:30.201 When you get[br]to a more constructive planet, 0:17:30.201,0:17:31.649 can you stay there? 0:17:31.649,0:17:34.531 And that really requires you[br]to do a separate maneuver, 0:17:34.531,0:17:35.702 it's called Mastery, 0:17:35.702,0:17:40.141 where you actually take the emotion[br]which is subject to you - 0:17:40.141,0:17:44.742 it's a subjective experience,[br]below the level of your real awareness, 0:17:44.742,0:17:48.223 you're sort of subject to it,[br]i.e. it's got you. 0:17:48.223,0:17:52.033 So if you've got anger,[br]if anger is going through your system, 0:17:52.033,0:17:53.613 if you're on the planet of Anger, 0:17:53.613,0:17:54.612 it's got you. 0:17:54.612,0:17:57.344 You haven't got it; it's got you. 0:17:57.344,0:18:00.193 The way to get control over it[br]is to objectify it. 0:18:00.193,0:18:02.274 Like, "Oh, it is anger." 0:18:02.274,0:18:04.414 So you take it out[br]as a subjective experience, 0:18:04.414,0:18:05.734 and you objectify it. 0:18:05.734,0:18:08.325 And if you can objectify it,[br]you can get a grip of it. 0:18:08.795,0:18:11.185 If you can do that[br]with your positive emotions, 0:18:11.185,0:18:14.464 then you can move yourself[br]over to the positive side of the universe 0:18:14.464,0:18:15.895 and stay there. 0:18:16.415,0:18:20.686 So you really don't have to feel anything[br]you do not want to feel. 0:18:21.606,0:18:24.915 Misery is optional,[br]you don't have to feel that. 0:18:25.305,0:18:27.935 But if you haven't got control, 0:18:27.935,0:18:28.976 then who has? 0:18:28.976,0:18:31.567 And the answer is usually[br]somebody outside of you. 0:18:31.567,0:18:33.157 So I'd really encourage you, 0:18:33.157,0:18:35.427 if you want to transform[br]your life forever - 0:18:35.427,0:18:38.636 because, ultimately,[br]emotions will predict your health, 0:18:38.636,0:18:42.888 they'll predict your performance,[br]your wellbeing, your sense of fulfillment, 0:18:42.888,0:18:47.658 they'll determine your ability[br]to make effective decisions, 0:18:47.658,0:18:50.988 emotions drive all of that,[br]your motivation and so on. 0:18:50.988,0:18:53.669 If you don't know about them[br]and have control over them, 0:18:53.669,0:18:56.479 it's a little bit of a lottery as life. 0:18:56.479,0:19:00.650 So if you go away after today,[br]and ask yourself one question: 0:19:00.650,0:19:02.860 what planet am I on? 0:19:03.520,0:19:05.880 And what planet would I like to be on? 0:19:05.880,0:19:09.260 And start to work to be[br]on the planet that you want to be on 0:19:09.260,0:19:12.311 rather than wherever life has pushed you. 0:19:13.221,0:19:15.910 Imagine a world where all of us 0:19:15.910,0:19:18.781 could be on the planet[br]we wanted to be on, 0:19:18.781,0:19:20.870 or navigate around[br]that kind of solar system 0:19:20.870,0:19:23.262 or the galaxies that we[br]wanted to experience. 0:19:23.262,0:19:24.782 Imagine a world 0:19:24.782,0:19:29.512 where, when you go to the bar to chat up[br]that attractive person at the bar, 0:19:29.512,0:19:31.512 you didn't need four pints[br]of Dutch courage 0:19:31.512,0:19:33.363 before you could go there. 0:19:33.893,0:19:36.821 Imagine you could just do that yourself. 0:19:36.821,0:19:37.943 Imagine a world 0:19:37.943,0:19:42.223 where you didn't need to feel anxious[br]going into an exam or a job interview, 0:19:42.223,0:19:45.504 where you didn't need[br]to feel terrified coming on stage. 0:19:45.504,0:19:49.103 Imagine a world where your children,[br]on the receiving end of bullying, 0:19:49.103,0:19:51.314 didn't feel terrified or bullied. 0:19:52.094,0:19:56.943 If you could control your emotions,[br]you can change your life completely. 0:19:57.463,0:19:58.785 So I'd really encourage you 0:19:58.785,0:20:02.615 to start wondering about[br]what planet you're on 0:20:02.615,0:20:05.434 and start putting[br]yourself in the universe, 0:20:05.434,0:20:09.005 in that part of the universe[br]where you really want to live your life. 0:20:09.005,0:20:10.276 Thank you very much. 0:20:10.276,0:20:13.316 (Applause)