[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Speaking up is hard to do.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I understood the true meaning\Nof this phrase exactly one month ago,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when my wife and I became new parents.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was an amazing moment.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was exhilarating and elating,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was also scary and terrifying.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it got particularly terrifying\Nwhen we got home from the hospital.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we were unsure
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether our little baby boy was getting\Nenough nutrients from breastfeeding.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we wanted to call our pediatrician,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we also didn't want to make\Na bad first impression,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or come across as a crazy,\Nneurotic parent.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we worried and we waited.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we got to the doctor's\Noffice the next day,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she immediately gave him formula\Nbecause he was pretty dehydrated.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our son is fine now,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our doctor has reassured us\Nwe can always contact her,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but in that moment,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I should've spoken up, but I didn't.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But sometimes we speak up\Nwhen we shouldn't,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I learned that over 10 years ago\Nwhen I let my twin brother down.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My twin brother is\Na documentary filmmaker,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for one of his first films,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he got an offer from\Na distribution company.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he was excited,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he was inclined to accept the offer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but as a negotiations researcher,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I insisted he make a counteroffer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I helped him craft the perfect one.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was perfect --
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was perfectly insulting.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The company was so offended,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they literally withdrew the offer,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my brother was left with nothing.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I've asked people all over the world\Nabout this dilemma of speaking up,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they can assert themselves,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they can push their interests,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they can express and opinion,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they can make an ambitious ask.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the range of stories\Nare varied and diverse,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but they also make up\Na universal tapestry.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I correct my boss\Nwhen they make a mistake?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I confront my coworker who\Nkeeps stepping on my toes?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I challenge my friends\Nin sensitive joke?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I tell the person I love the most\Nmy deepest insecurities?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And through these experiences,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've come to recognize
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that each of us have something called\Na range of acceptable behavior.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now sometimes we're too strong;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we push ourselves too much.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what happened with my brother.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even making an offer was outside\Nhis range of acceptable behavior.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But sometimes we're too weak.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what happened with my wife and I.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this range of acceptable behaviour --
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we start within our range,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're rewarded.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we step outside that range,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we get punished in a variety of ways.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We get dismissed or demeaned,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even ostracized.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or we lose that raise,\Nor that promotion or that deal.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now the first thing we need to know is:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what is my range?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the key thing is\Nour range isn't fixed;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's actually pretty dynamic.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It expands and it narrows\Nbased on the context.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there's one thing that determines\Nthat range more than anything else;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's your power.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your power determines your range.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is power?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Power comes in lots of forms.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In negotiations it comes\Nin the form of alternatives.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So my brother had no alternatives,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he lacked power;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the company had lots of alternatives,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they had power.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes it's being new to a new country,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like an immigrant.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or new to an organization,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or new to an experience,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like my wife and I as new parents.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes it's at work,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or someone's the boss\Nand someone's the subordinate.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes it's in relationships,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where one person's more invested\Nthan the other person.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the key thing is that when\Nwe have lots of power,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our range is very wide.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have a lot of leeway in how to behave.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when we lack power,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our range narrows.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have very little leeway.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the problem is that when\Nour range narrows
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that produces something called\Nthe low-power double bind.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the low-power double bind happens when
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if don't speak up we go unnoticed,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if we do speak up we get punished.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now many of you have heard\Nthe phrase the "double bind"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and connected it with one thing,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's gender.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The gender double bind is women\Nwho don't speak up go unnoticed,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and women who do speak up get punished.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the key thing is that women have\Nthe same need as men to speak up,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but they have barriers to doing so.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what my research has shown\Nover the last two decades
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that what looks\Nlike a gender difference
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not really a gender double bind,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a really a low-power double bind.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what looks like a gender difference
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are really often just power\Ndifferences in disguise.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Often times we see a man\Nand a woman, or men and women,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we think:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,biological cause.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's something fundamentally\Ndifferent about the sexes.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in study after study,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've found that a better explanation\Nfor many sex differences
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is really power.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so it's the low-power double bind.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the low-power double bind\Nmeans that we have a narrow range,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we lack power.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have a narrow range,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our double bind is very large.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we need to find ways\Nto expand our range.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And over the last couple decades,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my colleagues and I have found\Ntwo things really matter.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you seem powerful in your own eyes.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you seem powerful in the eyes of others.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I feel powerful,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel confident not fearful;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I expand in my own range.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When other people see me as powerful,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they grant me a wider range.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we need tools to expand\Nour range of acceptable behavior.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm going to give you\Na set of tools today.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Speaking up is risky,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but these tools will lower\Nyour risk of speaking up.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the first tool I'm going to give you\Ngot discovered in negotiations
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in an important finding.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On average, women make less\Nambitions offers,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and get worse outcomes than men\Nat the bargaining table.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But [hanerelli bowles]\Nand [Emily Monatula]
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have discovered there's one situation
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where women get the same outcomes as men\Nand are just as ambitious.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's when they advocate for others.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when they advocate for others,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they discover their own range\Nand expand it in their own mind.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They become more assertive.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now this is sometimes called\N"the mama bear effect."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like a mama bear defending her cubs,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we advocate for others,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can discover our own voice.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But sometimes we have to\Nadvocated for ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we do that?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one of the most important tools\Nwe have to advocate for ourselves
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is something called "perspective-taking."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And perspective-taking is really simple:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's simply looking at the world\Nthrough the eyes of another person.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's one of the most important\Ntools we have to expand our range.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I take your perspective,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I think about what you really want,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're more likely to give me\Nwhat I really want.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here's the problem.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perspective-taking is hard to do.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let's do a little experiment.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you all to hold\Nyour hand just like this:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your finger --
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,put it up.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want you to draw a capital\Nletter E on your forehead
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as quickly as possible.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK, it turns out that we can\Ndraw this E in one of two ways;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this was originally designed\Nas a test of perspective-taking.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to show you two pictures\Nof someone with an E on their forehead:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my former student Erica Hall.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you can see over here,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's the correct E.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I drew the E so it looks like and E\Nto another person.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's the perspective-taking E
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it looks like an E\Nfrom someone else's vantage point.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this is over here\Nis the self-focused E.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we often get self-focused.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we particularly get\Nself-focused in a crisis.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to tell you about\Na particular crisis.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A man walks into a bank\Nin Watsonville, California.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he says, "Give me $2,000 or I'm\Nblowing the whole bank up with a bomb."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now the bank manager\Ndidn't give him the money.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She took a step back.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She took his perspective,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she noticed something\Nreally important.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He asked for a specific amount of money.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So she said, "Why did you ask for $2,000?"
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"My friend's going to be evicted\Nunless I get him $2,000 immediately."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And said, "Oh! You don't\Nwant to rob the bank,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you want to take out a loan."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why don't you come back to my office,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we can have you\Nfill out the paperwork."
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, he quick perspective-taking\Ndiffused a volatile situation.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when we take someone's perspective,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it allows us to be\Nambitious and assertive,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but still be likeable.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's another way to be assertive\Nbut still be likeable.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is to signal flexibility.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now imagine you're a car salesperson\Nand you want to sell someone a car.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're going to more likely make the sale\Nif you give them two options.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's say option A:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,$24,000 for this car\Nand a five-year warranty.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or option B:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,$23,000 and a three-year warranty.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My research shows that when you give\Npeople choice among options,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it lowers their defenses,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're more likely\Nto accept your offer.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this doesn't just\Nwork with sales people;
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it works with parents.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my neice was four,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she resisted getting dressed\Nand rejected everything.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But then my sister-in-law\Nhad a brilliant idea.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if I gave my daughter a choice?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This shirt or that shirt?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK, that shirt.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This pant or that pant?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK, that pant.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it worked brilliantly.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She got dressed quickly\Nand without resistance.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I've asked the question\Naround the world,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when people feel comfortable speaking up,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the number one answer is:
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I have social support in my audience.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I have allies.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we want to get allies on our side.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we do that?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, one of the ways\Nis being a mama bear.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we advocate for others,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we expand our range in our own eyes\Nand the eyes of others,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we also earn strong allies.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another way that we\Ncan earn strong allies,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially in high places,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is by asking other people for advice.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we ask other for advice,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they like us because we flatter them,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we're expressing humility.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this really works to solve\Nanother double bind.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's the self-promotion double bind.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The self-promotion double bind
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that if we don't advertise\Nour accomplishments,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no one notices.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we do,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're not likeable.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if we ask for advice about\None of our accomplishments,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we are able to be competent\Nin their eyes but also be likeable.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is so powerful,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it even works when you see it coming.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There have been multiple times in life\Nwhen I have been forewarned
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that a low-power person has been given\Nthe advice to come ask me for advice.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to notice\Nthree things about this.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First, I knew they were going\Nto come ask me for advice.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two, I've actually done research\Non the strategic benefits
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of asking for advice.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And three,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it still worked.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took their perspective,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I became more invested in their calls,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I became more committed to them\Nbecause they asked for advice.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now another time we feel more\Nconfident speaking up
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is when we have expertise.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Expertise gives up credibility.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now when we have high power,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we already have credibility.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We only need good evidence.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we lack power,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't have the credibility,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need excellent evidence.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one of the ways that we can\Ncome across as an expert
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is by tapping into our passion.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want everyone in the next few days\Nto go up to friend of theirs,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just say to them,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I want you to describe\Na passion of yours to me."