WEBVTT 00:00:01.441 --> 00:00:03.857 Speaking up is hard to do. 00:00:04.588 --> 00:00:09.507 I understood the true meaning of this phrase exactly one month ago, 00:00:09.531 --> 00:00:12.434 when my wife and I became new parents. 00:00:13.113 --> 00:00:14.791 It was an amazing moment. 00:00:14.815 --> 00:00:17.000 It was exhilarating and elating, 00:00:17.024 --> 00:00:20.345 but it was also scary and terrifying. 00:00:20.369 --> 00:00:24.571 And it got particularly terrifying when we got home from the hospital, 00:00:24.595 --> 00:00:26.056 and we were unsure 00:00:26.080 --> 00:00:30.169 whether our little baby boy was getting enough nutrients from breastfeeding. 00:00:30.616 --> 00:00:33.943 And we wanted to call our pediatrician, 00:00:33.967 --> 00:00:36.542 but we also didn't want to make a bad first impression 00:00:36.566 --> 00:00:39.030 or come across as a crazy, neurotic parent. 00:00:39.054 --> 00:00:40.701 So we worried. 00:00:40.725 --> 00:00:42.107 And we waited. 00:00:42.131 --> 00:00:44.426 When we got to the doctor's office the next day, 00:00:44.450 --> 00:00:48.704 she immediately gave him formula because he was pretty dehydrated. 00:00:49.312 --> 00:00:50.746 Our son is fine now, 00:00:50.770 --> 00:00:53.726 and our doctor has reassured us we can always contact her. 00:00:54.106 --> 00:00:55.632 But in that moment, 00:00:55.656 --> 00:00:58.290 I should've spoken up, but I didn't. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:58.943 --> 00:01:02.238 But sometimes we speak up when we shouldn't, 00:01:02.262 --> 00:01:06.188 and I learned that over 10 years ago when I let my twin brother down. 00:01:06.579 --> 00:01:09.221 My twin brother is a documentary filmmaker, 00:01:09.245 --> 00:01:10.775 and for one of his first films, 00:01:10.799 --> 00:01:13.414 he got an offer from a distribution company. 00:01:13.438 --> 00:01:14.776 He was excited, 00:01:14.800 --> 00:01:17.467 and he was inclined to accept the offer. 00:01:17.491 --> 00:01:19.584 But as a negotiations researcher, 00:01:19.608 --> 00:01:22.561 I insisted he make a counteroffer, 00:01:22.585 --> 00:01:25.815 and I helped him craft the perfect one. 00:01:25.839 --> 00:01:27.520 And it was perfect -- 00:01:27.544 --> 00:01:29.548 it was perfectly insulting. 00:01:30.423 --> 00:01:32.136 The company was so offended, 00:01:32.160 --> 00:01:34.209 they literally withdrew the offer 00:01:34.233 --> 00:01:36.450 and my brother was left with nothing. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:36.474 --> 00:01:40.334 And I've asked people all over the world about this dilemma of speaking up: 00:01:40.358 --> 00:01:42.192 when they can assert themselves, 00:01:42.216 --> 00:01:43.930 when they can push their interests, 00:01:43.954 --> 00:01:46.149 when they can express an opinion, 00:01:46.173 --> 00:01:48.384 when they can make an ambitious ask. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:48.887 --> 00:01:53.120 And the range of stories are varied and diverse, 00:01:53.144 --> 00:01:55.815 but they also make up a universal tapestry. 00:01:55.839 --> 00:01:58.517 Can I correct my boss when they make a mistake? 00:01:58.541 --> 00:02:02.644 Can I confront my coworker who keeps stepping on my toes? 00:02:02.996 --> 00:02:06.063 Can I challenge my friend's insensitive joke? 00:02:06.390 --> 00:02:10.486 Can I tell the person I love the most my deepest insecurities? NOTE Paragraph 00:02:10.963 --> 00:02:13.676 And through these experiences, I've come to recognize 00:02:13.700 --> 00:02:17.557 that each of us have something called a range of acceptable behavior. 00:02:17.581 --> 00:02:22.832 Now, sometimes we're too strong; we push ourselves too much. 00:02:22.856 --> 00:02:24.619 That's what happened with my brother. 00:02:24.643 --> 00:02:29.269 Even making an offer was outside his range of acceptable behavior. 00:02:29.663 --> 00:02:31.187 But sometimes we're too weak. 00:02:31.211 --> 00:02:33.275 That's what happened with my wife and I. 00:02:33.299 --> 00:02:35.515 And this range of acceptable behaviors -- 00:02:35.539 --> 00:02:38.634 when we stay within our range, we're rewarded. 00:02:38.658 --> 00:02:42.827 When we step outside that range, we get punished in a variety of ways. 00:02:42.851 --> 00:02:45.990 We get dismissed or demeaned or even ostracized. 00:02:46.014 --> 00:02:49.273 Or we lose that raise or that promotion or that deal. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:49.929 --> 00:02:52.693 Now, the first thing we need to know is: 00:02:52.717 --> 00:02:54.205 What is my range? 00:02:54.744 --> 00:02:58.689 But the key thing is, our range isn't fixed; 00:02:59.265 --> 00:03:00.681 it's actually pretty dynamic. 00:03:00.705 --> 00:03:04.961 It expands and it narrows based on the context. 00:03:05.344 --> 00:03:09.472 And there's one thing that determines that range more than anything else, 00:03:10.038 --> 00:03:11.331 and that's your power. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:11.355 --> 00:03:13.512 Your power determines your range. 00:03:13.536 --> 00:03:14.973 What is power? 00:03:14.997 --> 00:03:16.764 Power comes in lots of forms. 00:03:16.788 --> 00:03:19.877 In negotiations, it comes in the form of alternatives. 00:03:19.901 --> 00:03:21.901 So my brother had no alternatives; 00:03:21.925 --> 00:03:23.112 he lacked power. 00:03:23.136 --> 00:03:24.956 The company had lots of alternatives; 00:03:24.980 --> 00:03:26.146 they had power. 00:03:26.170 --> 00:03:29.230 Sometimes it's being new to a country, like an immigrant, 00:03:29.254 --> 00:03:30.713 or new to an organization 00:03:30.737 --> 00:03:32.296 or new to an experience, 00:03:32.320 --> 00:03:34.425 like my wife and I as new parents. 00:03:34.449 --> 00:03:35.950 Sometimes it's at work, 00:03:35.974 --> 00:03:38.585 where someone's the boss and someone's the subordinate. 00:03:38.609 --> 00:03:40.293 Sometimes it's in relationships, 00:03:40.317 --> 00:03:43.298 where one person's more invested than the other person. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:43.322 --> 00:03:46.837 And the key thing is that when we have lots of power, 00:03:46.861 --> 00:03:48.690 our range is very wide. 00:03:48.714 --> 00:03:51.345 We have a lot of leeway in how to behave. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:51.813 --> 00:03:54.141 But when we lack power, our range narrows. 00:03:54.537 --> 00:03:56.332 We have very little leeway. 00:03:56.947 --> 00:03:59.729 The problem is that when our range narrows, 00:03:59.753 --> 00:04:03.856 that produces something called the low-power double bind. 00:04:04.310 --> 00:04:06.983 The low-power double bind happens 00:04:07.007 --> 00:04:09.944 when, if we don't speak up, we go unnoticed, 00:04:10.576 --> 00:04:12.918 but if we do speak up, we get punished. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:13.359 --> 00:04:16.070 Now, many of you have heard the phrase the "double bind" 00:04:16.094 --> 00:04:19.041 and connected it with one thing, and that's gender. 00:04:19.065 --> 00:04:23.275 The gender double bind is women who don't speak up go unnoticed, 00:04:23.299 --> 00:04:25.730 and women who do speak up get punished. 00:04:26.127 --> 00:04:31.111 And the key thing is that women have the same need as men to speak up, 00:04:31.135 --> 00:04:33.032 but they have barriers to doing so. 00:04:34.004 --> 00:04:37.282 But what my research has shown over the last two decades 00:04:37.306 --> 00:04:40.587 is that what looks like a gender difference 00:04:41.035 --> 00:04:43.432 is not really a gender double bind, 00:04:43.456 --> 00:04:45.812 it's a really a low-power double bind. 00:04:45.836 --> 00:04:47.720 And what looks like a gender difference 00:04:47.744 --> 00:04:50.850 are really often just power differences in disguise. 00:04:51.394 --> 00:04:54.117 Oftentimes we see a difference between a man and a woman 00:04:54.141 --> 00:04:55.339 or men and women, 00:04:55.363 --> 00:04:58.971 and think, "Biological cause. There's something fundamentally different 00:04:58.995 --> 00:05:00.241 about the sexes." 00:05:00.265 --> 00:05:02.119 But in study after study, 00:05:02.143 --> 00:05:06.349 I've found that a better explanation for many sex differences 00:05:06.893 --> 00:05:08.405 is really power. 00:05:08.429 --> 00:05:11.496 And so it's the low-power double bind. 00:05:11.975 --> 00:05:16.791 And the low-power double bind means that we have a narrow range, 00:05:16.815 --> 00:05:18.645 and we lack power. 00:05:18.669 --> 00:05:19.901 We have a narrow range, 00:05:19.925 --> 00:05:21.847 and our double bind is very large. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:22.335 --> 00:05:24.691 So we need to find ways to expand our range. 00:05:24.715 --> 00:05:26.292 And over the last couple decades, 00:05:26.316 --> 00:05:29.297 my colleagues and I have found two things really matter. 00:05:29.887 --> 00:05:33.892 The first: you seem powerful in your own eyes. 00:05:34.284 --> 00:05:37.605 The second: you seem powerful in the eyes of others. 00:05:37.629 --> 00:05:39.484 When I feel powerful, 00:05:40.117 --> 00:05:41.992 I feel confident, not fearful; 00:05:42.016 --> 00:05:43.858 I expand my own range. 00:05:43.882 --> 00:05:46.028 When other people see me as powerful, 00:05:46.614 --> 00:05:49.150 they grant me a wider range. 00:05:49.174 --> 00:05:53.928 So we need tools to expand our range of acceptable behavior. 00:05:53.952 --> 00:05:56.343 And I'm going to give you a set of tools today. 00:05:56.367 --> 00:05:57.985 Speaking up is risky, 00:05:58.503 --> 00:06:02.432 but these tools will lower your risk of speaking up. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:03.067 --> 00:06:08.901 The first tool I'm going to give you got discovered in negotiations 00:06:08.925 --> 00:06:10.305 in an important finding. 00:06:10.329 --> 00:06:14.225 On average, women make less ambitions offers 00:06:14.249 --> 00:06:17.723 and get worse outcomes than men at the bargaining table. 00:06:18.200 --> 00:06:21.317 But Hannah Riley Bowles and Emily Amanatullah have discovered 00:06:21.341 --> 00:06:25.019 there's one situation where women get the same outcomes as men 00:06:25.043 --> 00:06:26.642 and are just as ambitious. 00:06:27.196 --> 00:06:30.804 That's when they advocate for others. 00:06:31.251 --> 00:06:33.388 When they advocate for others, 00:06:33.412 --> 00:06:38.289 they discover their own range and expand it in their own mind. 00:06:38.313 --> 00:06:39.722 They become more assertive. 00:06:39.746 --> 00:06:42.620 This is sometimes called "the mama bear effect." 00:06:43.483 --> 00:06:45.742 Like a mama bear defending her cubs, 00:06:45.766 --> 00:06:49.714 when we advocate for others, we can discover our own voice. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:50.328 --> 00:06:53.445 But sometimes, we have to advocate for ourselves. 00:06:53.469 --> 00:06:54.809 How do we do that? 00:06:54.833 --> 00:06:58.838 One of the most important tools we have to advocate for ourselves 00:06:58.862 --> 00:07:01.234 is something called perspective-taking. 00:07:01.258 --> 00:07:04.010 And perspective-taking is really simple: 00:07:04.034 --> 00:07:08.319 it's simply looking at the world through the eyes of another person. 00:07:09.014 --> 00:07:12.802 It's one of the most important tools we have to expand our range. 00:07:12.826 --> 00:07:14.533 When I take your perspective, 00:07:14.557 --> 00:07:16.996 and I think about what you really want, 00:07:17.020 --> 00:07:20.390 you're more likely to give me what I really want. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:21.461 --> 00:07:22.961 But here's the problem: 00:07:22.985 --> 00:07:25.266 perspective-taking is hard to do. 00:07:25.290 --> 00:07:26.820 So let's do a little experiment. 00:07:26.844 --> 00:07:29.858 I want you all to hold your hand just like this: 00:07:29.882 --> 00:07:31.177 your finger -- put it up. 00:07:31.770 --> 00:07:36.002 And I want you to draw a capital letter E on your forehead 00:07:36.026 --> 00:07:37.607 as quickly as possible. 00:07:40.066 --> 00:07:43.383 OK, it turns out that we can draw this E in one of two ways, 00:07:43.407 --> 00:07:46.892 and this was originally designed as a test of perspective-taking. 00:07:46.916 --> 00:07:48.837 I'm going to show you two pictures 00:07:48.861 --> 00:07:50.861 of someone with an E on their forehead -- 00:07:50.885 --> 00:07:52.743 my former student, Erika Hall. 00:07:53.294 --> 00:07:55.262 And you can see over here, 00:07:55.286 --> 00:07:56.553 that's the correct E. 00:07:56.577 --> 00:08:00.027 I drew the E so it looks like an E to another person. 00:08:00.051 --> 00:08:02.158 That's the perspective-taking E 00:08:02.182 --> 00:08:05.237 because it looks like an E from someone else's vantage point. 00:08:05.261 --> 00:08:08.271 But this E over here is the self-focused E. 00:08:08.856 --> 00:08:10.509 We often get self-focused. 00:08:10.533 --> 00:08:13.500 And we particularly get self-focused in a crisis. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:14.064 --> 00:08:16.235 I want to tell you about a particular crisis. 00:08:16.259 --> 00:08:19.263 A man walks into a bank in Watsonville, California. 00:08:20.285 --> 00:08:22.724 And he says, "Give me $2,000, 00:08:22.748 --> 00:08:25.044 or I'm blowing the whole bank up with a bomb." 00:08:25.503 --> 00:08:28.028 Now, the bank manager didn't give him the money. 00:08:28.052 --> 00:08:29.351 She took a step back. 00:08:29.873 --> 00:08:31.329 She took his perspective, 00:08:31.353 --> 00:08:33.720 and she noticed something really important. 00:08:33.744 --> 00:08:36.450 He asked for a specific amount of money. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:36.474 --> 00:08:37.679 So she said, 00:08:38.669 --> 00:08:40.928 "Why did you ask for $2,000?" NOTE Paragraph 00:08:41.265 --> 00:08:43.633 And he said, "My friend is going to be evicted 00:08:43.657 --> 00:08:45.920 unless I get him $2,000 immediately." NOTE Paragraph 00:08:45.944 --> 00:08:48.994 And she said, "Oh! You don't want to rob the bank -- 00:08:49.018 --> 00:08:50.506 you want to take out a loan." NOTE Paragraph 00:08:50.530 --> 00:08:51.615 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:08:51.639 --> 00:08:53.512 "Why don't you come back to my office, 00:08:53.536 --> 00:08:55.715 and we can have you fill out the paperwork." NOTE Paragraph 00:08:55.739 --> 00:08:56.778 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:08:57.214 --> 00:09:01.717 Now, her quick perspective-taking defused a volatile situation. 00:09:02.276 --> 00:09:04.095 So when we take someone's perspective, 00:09:04.119 --> 00:09:08.725 it allows us to be ambitious and assertive, but still be likable. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:09.182 --> 00:09:12.450 Here's another way to be assertive but still be likable, 00:09:12.474 --> 00:09:15.005 and that is to signal flexibility. 00:09:15.413 --> 00:09:19.475 Now, imagine you're a car salesperson, and you want to sell someone a car. 00:09:19.790 --> 00:09:23.793 You're going to more likely make the sale if you give them two options. 00:09:24.141 --> 00:09:25.564 Let's say option A: 00:09:25.588 --> 00:09:28.688 $24,000 for this car and a five-year warranty. 00:09:29.084 --> 00:09:30.257 Or option B: 00:09:30.701 --> 00:09:33.493 $23,000 and a three-year warranty. 00:09:33.845 --> 00:09:37.423 My research shows that when you give people a choice among options, 00:09:37.447 --> 00:09:39.336 it lowers their defenses, 00:09:39.360 --> 00:09:41.558 and they're more likely to accept your offer. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:42.202 --> 00:09:44.319 And this doesn't just work with salespeople; 00:09:44.343 --> 00:09:45.534 it works with parents. 00:09:45.558 --> 00:09:46.837 When my niece was four, 00:09:46.861 --> 00:09:49.778 she resisted getting dressed and rejected everything. 00:09:50.160 --> 00:09:52.688 But then my sister-in-law had a brilliant idea. 00:09:53.079 --> 00:09:55.630 What if I gave my daughter a choice? 00:09:55.654 --> 00:09:57.675 This shirt or that shirt? OK, that shirt. 00:09:57.699 --> 00:09:59.821 This pant or that pant? OK, that pant. 00:09:59.845 --> 00:10:01.183 And it worked brilliantly. 00:10:01.207 --> 00:10:04.741 She got dressed quickly and without resistance. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:05.498 --> 00:10:07.785 When I've asked the question around the world 00:10:07.809 --> 00:10:09.860 when people feel comfortable speaking up, 00:10:09.884 --> 00:10:11.220 the number one answer is: 00:10:11.244 --> 00:10:15.998 "When I have social support in my audience; when I have allies." 00:10:16.022 --> 00:10:19.568 So we want to get allies on our side. 00:10:19.957 --> 00:10:21.227 How do we do that? 00:10:21.841 --> 00:10:24.010 Well, one of the ways is be a mama bear. 00:10:24.034 --> 00:10:25.510 When we advocate for others, 00:10:25.534 --> 00:10:29.063 we expand our range in our own eyes and the eyes of others, 00:10:29.087 --> 00:10:31.243 but we also earn strong allies. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:31.806 --> 00:10:36.513 Another way we can earn strong allies, especially in high places, 00:10:36.537 --> 00:10:39.386 is by asking other people for advice. 00:10:39.410 --> 00:10:45.291 When we ask others for advice, they like us because we flatter them, 00:10:45.315 --> 00:10:46.802 and we're expressing humility. 00:10:47.281 --> 00:10:50.477 And this really works to solve another double bind. 00:10:50.831 --> 00:10:53.159 And that's the self-promotion double bind. 00:10:53.498 --> 00:10:55.002 The self-promotion double bind 00:10:55.026 --> 00:10:58.181 is that if we don't advertise our accomplishments, 00:10:58.205 --> 00:10:59.415 no one notices. 00:10:59.439 --> 00:11:01.843 And if we do, we're not likable. NOTE Paragraph 00:11:01.867 --> 00:11:05.433 But if we ask for advice about one of our accomplishments, 00:11:05.457 --> 00:11:09.767 we are able to be competent in their eyes but also be likeable. 00:11:10.495 --> 00:11:12.502 And this is so powerful 00:11:12.526 --> 00:11:15.074 it even works when you see it coming. 00:11:15.469 --> 00:11:19.509 There have been multiple times in life when I have been forewarned 00:11:19.533 --> 00:11:23.971 that a low-power person has been given the advice to come ask me for advice. 00:11:24.289 --> 00:11:26.531 I want you to notice three things about this: 00:11:26.555 --> 00:11:29.543 First, I knew they were going to come ask me for advice. 00:11:29.930 --> 00:11:33.932 Two, I've actually done research on the strategic benefits 00:11:33.956 --> 00:11:35.257 of asking for advice. 00:11:35.882 --> 00:11:38.208 And three, it still worked! 00:11:38.656 --> 00:11:39.873 I took their perspective, 00:11:39.897 --> 00:11:42.084 I became more invested in their calls, 00:11:42.108 --> 00:11:45.914 I became more committed to them because they asked for advice. NOTE Paragraph 00:11:46.343 --> 00:11:49.527 Now, another time we feel more confident speaking up 00:11:49.949 --> 00:11:51.690 is when we have expertise. 00:11:52.144 --> 00:11:54.299 Expertise gives us credibility. 00:11:54.862 --> 00:11:57.789 When we have high power, we already have credibility. 00:11:57.813 --> 00:11:59.278 We only need good evidence. 00:11:59.777 --> 00:12:02.747 When we lack power, we don't have the credibility. 00:12:02.771 --> 00:12:05.033 We need excellent evidence. NOTE Paragraph 00:12:05.394 --> 00:12:09.141 And one of the ways we can come across as an expert 00:12:09.165 --> 00:12:11.263 is by tapping into our passion. 00:12:11.784 --> 00:12:15.958 I want everyone in the next few days to go up to friend of theirs 00:12:15.982 --> 00:12:17.227 and just say to them, 00:12:17.251 --> 00:12:19.961 "I want you to describe a passion of yours to me." 00:12:20.738 --> 00:12:23.223 I've had people do this all over the world 00:12:23.247 --> 00:12:24.503 and I asked them, 00:12:24.527 --> 00:12:26.696 "What did you notice about the other person 00:12:26.720 --> 00:12:28.774 when they described their passion?" 00:12:28.798 --> 00:12:30.698 And the answers are always the same. 00:12:30.722 --> 00:12:32.730 "Their eyes lit up and got big." 00:12:32.754 --> 00:12:35.703 "They smiled a big beaming smile." 00:12:35.727 --> 00:12:37.371 "They used their hands all over -- 00:12:37.395 --> 00:12:39.877 I had to duck because their hands were coming at me." 00:12:39.911 --> 00:12:42.112 "They talk quickly with a little higher pitch." NOTE Paragraph 00:12:42.136 --> 00:12:43.110 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:12:43.134 --> 00:12:45.578 "They leaned in as if telling me a secret." NOTE Paragraph 00:12:45.602 --> 00:12:46.923 And then I said to them, 00:12:46.947 --> 00:12:50.021 "What happened to you as you listened to their passion?" NOTE Paragraph 00:12:50.374 --> 00:12:52.654 They said, "My eyes lit up. 00:12:52.678 --> 00:12:53.948 I smiled. 00:12:53.972 --> 00:12:55.345 I leaned in." NOTE Paragraph 00:12:55.369 --> 00:12:57.438 When we tap into our passion, 00:12:57.462 --> 00:13:00.828 we give ourselves the courage, in our own eyes, to speak up, 00:13:00.852 --> 00:13:03.720 but we also get the permission from others to speak up. 00:13:04.534 --> 00:13:09.824 Tapping into our passion even works when we come across as too weak. 00:13:10.533 --> 00:13:15.007 Both men and women get punished at work when they shed tears. 00:13:15.344 --> 00:13:21.762 But Lizzie Wolf has shown that when we frame our strong emotions as passion, 00:13:21.786 --> 00:13:27.872 the condemnation of our crying disappears for both men and women. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:28.598 --> 00:13:32.066 I want to end with a few words from my late father 00:13:32.090 --> 00:13:34.251 that he spoke at my twin brother's wedding. 00:13:34.675 --> 00:13:36.260 Here's a picture of us. 00:13:37.664 --> 00:13:39.921 My dad was a psychologist like me, 00:13:39.945 --> 00:13:43.667 but his real love and his real passion was cinema, 00:13:43.691 --> 00:13:44.891 like my brother. 00:13:44.915 --> 00:13:47.481 And so he wrote a speech for my brother's wedding 00:13:47.505 --> 00:13:50.654 about the roles we play in the human comedy. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:50.678 --> 00:13:52.967 And he said, "The lighter your touch, 00:13:52.991 --> 00:13:56.843 the better you become at improving and enriching your performance. 00:13:57.170 --> 00:14:01.256 Those who embrace their roles and work to improve their performance 00:14:02.001 --> 00:14:04.620 grow, change and expand the self. 00:14:05.067 --> 00:14:06.375 Play it well, 00:14:06.399 --> 00:14:08.372 and your days will be mostly joyful." NOTE Paragraph 00:14:08.946 --> 00:14:10.571 What my dad was saying 00:14:10.595 --> 00:14:14.381 is that we've all been assigned ranges and roles in this world. 00:14:15.048 --> 00:14:18.513 But he was also saying the essence of this talk: 00:14:19.005 --> 00:14:24.022 those roles and ranges are constantly expanding and evolving. NOTE Paragraph 00:14:24.770 --> 00:14:26.532 So when a scene calls for it, 00:14:27.114 --> 00:14:28.730 be a ferocious mama bear 00:14:29.251 --> 00:14:30.893 and a humble advice seeker. 00:14:31.802 --> 00:14:35.515 Have excellent evidence and strong allies. 00:14:35.910 --> 00:14:38.248 Be a passionate perspective taker. 00:14:38.770 --> 00:14:40.490 And if you use those tools -- 00:14:40.514 --> 00:14:44.080 and each and every one of you can use these tools -- 00:14:44.104 --> 00:14:47.970 you will expand your range of acceptable behavior, 00:14:47.994 --> 00:14:50.952 and your days will be mostly joyful. NOTE Paragraph 00:14:52.082 --> 00:14:53.232 Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:14:53.256 --> 00:14:55.687 (Applause)