0:00:00.000,0:00:04.000 What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 If you were going to invest now 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in your best future self, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 where would you put your time 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and your energy? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 There was a recent survey of Millenials 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 asking them what their most important 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 life goals were, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and over 80% said that the major life goal for them 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was to get rich. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And another 50% of the same young adults 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 said that another major life goal was 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to become famous. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And we're constantly told to lean into work 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to push harder and achieve more. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We're given the impression that these are the things 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that we go after in order to have a good life 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Pictures of entire lifes, of the choices that people make 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and how those choices work out for them 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 those pictures are almost impossible to get. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Most of what we know about human life 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we know from asking people[br]to remember the past, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and as we know, hindsight[br]is anything but 20/20. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We forget vast amounts[br]of what happens to us in life, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and sometimes memory[br]is downright creative. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Mark Twain understood this. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 He's quoted as saying, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Some of the worst things in my life[br]never happened." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And research shows us that we actually[br]remember the past more positively 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as we get older. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 I'm reminded of a bumper sticker[br]that says, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "It's never too late[br]to have a happy childhood." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But what if we could watch entire lives 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 as they unfold through time? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What if we could study people[br]from the time that they were teenagers 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 all the way into old age 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to see what really keeps people[br]happy and healthy? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We did that. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The Harvard Study of Adult Development 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 may be the longest study[br]of adult life that's ever been done. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 For 75 years, we've tracked[br]the lives of 724 men, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 year after year, asking about their work,[br]their home lives, their health, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and of course asking all along the way[br]without knowing how their life stories 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 were going to turn out. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Studies like this are exceedingly rare. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Almost all projects of this kind[br]fall apart within a decade 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 because too many people[br]drop out of the study, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or funding for the research dries up, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or the researchers get distracted, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 or they die, and nobody moves the ball[br]further down the field. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But through a combination of luck 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and the persistence[br]of several generations of researchers, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 this study has survived. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 About 60 of our original 724 men 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 are still alive, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 still participating in the study, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 most of them in their 90s. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And we are now beginning to study 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 the more than 2,000 children of these men. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And I'm the fourth director of the study. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Since 1938, we've tracked the lives[br]of two groups of men. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The first group started in the study 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when they were sophomores[br]at Harvard College. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The were from what Tom Brokaw has called[br]"the greatest generation". 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They all finished college[br]during World War II, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and then most went off[br]to serve in the war. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the second group that we've followed 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 was a group of boys[br]from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 boys who were chosen for the study 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 specifically because they were[br]from some of the most troubled 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and disadvantaged families 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 in the Boston of the 1930s. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Most lived in tenements,[br]many without hot and cold running water. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 When they entered the study, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 all of these teenagers were interviewed. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They were given medical exams. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We went to their homes[br]and we interviewed their parents. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And then these teenagers[br]grew up into adults 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who entered all walks of life. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 They became factory workers and lawyers[br]and bricklayers and doctors, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 one President of the United States. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Some developed alcoholism.[br]A few developed schizophrenia. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Some climbed the social ladder 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from the bottom[br]all the way to the very top, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and some made that journey[br]in the opposite direction. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The founders of this study 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 would never in their wildest dreams 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 have imagined that I would be[br]standing here today, 75 years later, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 telling you that[br]the study still continues. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Every two years, our patient[br]and dedicated research staff 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 calls up our men[br]and asks them if we can send them 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 yet one more set of questions[br]about their lives. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 "Why do you keep wanting to study me?[br]My life just isn't that interesting." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The Harvard men never ask that question. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 To get the clearest picture[br]of these lives, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we don't just send them questionnaires. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We interview them in their living rooms. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We get their medical records[br]from their doctors. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We draw their blood, we scan their brains, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we talk to their children. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We videotape them talking with their wives[br]about their deepest concerns. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when, about a decade ago,[br]we finally asked the wives 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 if they would join us[br]as members of the study, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 many of the women said,[br]"You know, it's about time." 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 (Laughter) 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So what have we learned? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 What are the lessons that come[br]from the tens of thousands of pages 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 of information that we've generated 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 on these lives? 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Well, the lessons aren't about wealth[br]or fame or working harder and harder. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The clearest message that we get[br]from this 75-year study is this: 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Good relationships keep us[br]happier and healthier. Period. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 We've learned three big lessons[br]about relationships. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The first is that social connections[br]are really good for us, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and that loneliness kills. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It turns out that people[br]who are more socially connected 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to family, to friends, to community, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 are happier, they're physically healthier,[br]and they live longer 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 than people who are less well connected. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the experience of loneliness[br]turns out to be toxic. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 People who are more isolated[br]than they want to be from others 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 find that they are less happy, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 their health declines earlier in midlife, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 their brain functioning declines sooner 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and they live shorter lives[br]than people who are not lonely. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the sad fact[br]is that at any given time, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 more than one in five Americans[br]will report that they're lonely. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And we know that you[br]can be lonely in a crowd 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and you can be lonely in a marriage, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 so the second big lesson that we learned 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is that it's not just[br]the number of friends you have, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and it's not whether or not[br]you're in a committed relationship, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but it's the quality[br]of your close relationships that matters. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It turns out that living in the midst[br]of conflict is really bad for our health. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 High-conflict marriages, for example,[br]without much affection, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 turn out to be very bad for our health,[br]perhaps worse than getting divorced. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And living in the midst of good,[br]warm relationships is protective. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Once we had followed our men[br]all the way into their 80s, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 we wanted to look back at them at midlife 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and to see if we could predict 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 who was going to grow[br]into a happy, healthy octogenarian 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 and who wasn't. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And when we gathered together[br]everything we knew about them 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 at age 50, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it wasn't their middle age[br]cholesterol levels 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that predicted how they[br]were going to grow old 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It was how satisfied they were[br]in their relationships. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 The people who were the most satisfied[br]in their relationships at age 50 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 were the healthiest at age 80. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And good, close relationships[br]seem to buffer us 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 from some of the slings and arrows[br]of getting old. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Our most happily partnered men and women 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 reported, in their 80s, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that on the days[br]when they had more physical pain, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 their mood stayed just as happy. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 But the people who were[br]in unhappy relationships, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 on the days when they[br]reported more physical pain, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 it was magnified by more emotional pain. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the third big lesson that we learned[br]about relationships and our health 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 is that good relationships[br]don't just protect our bodies, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 they protect our brains. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It turns out that being[br]in a securely attached relationship 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 to another person in your 80s[br]is protective, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that the people who are in relationships 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 where they really feel they can count[br]on the other person in times of need, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 those people's memories[br]stay sharper longer. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And the people in relationships 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 where they feel they really[br]can't count on the other one, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 those are the people who experience[br]earlier memory decline. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 And those good relationships,[br]they don't have to be smooth all the time. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Some of our octogenarian couples[br]could bicker with each other 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 day in and day out, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 but as long as they felt that they[br]could really count on the other 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 when the going got tough, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 those arguments didn't take a toll[br]on their memories. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 So this message, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 that good, close relationships[br]are good for our health and well-being, 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 [br]this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 It's your grandmother's advice,[br]and your pastor's 9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000 Why is this so hard to get?