9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What keeps us healthy and happy [br]ขา

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:20 - 0:21

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as we go through life?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:22 - 0:25

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you were going to invest now

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:25 - 0:27

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in your future best self,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:27 - 0:31

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
where would you put your time[br]and your energy?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:32 - 0:34

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
There are lots of answers out there.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:34 - 0:38

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We're bombarded with images[br]of what's most important in life.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:40 - 0:43

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The media are filled with stories[br]of people who are rich

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:43 - 0:46

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and famous and building empires at work.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:47 - 0:49

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And we believe those stories.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:50 - 0:53

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
There was a recent survey of millennials

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:53 - 0:58

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
asking them what their[br]most important life goals were,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
0:58 - 1:00

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and over 80 percent said

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:00 - 1:04

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that a major life goal for them[br]was to get rich.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:06 - 1:10

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And another 50 percent[br]of those same young adults

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:10 - 1:13

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
said that another major life goal

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:13 - 1:14

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was to become famous.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:16 - 1:17

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:17 - 1:24

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And we're constantly told[br]to lean in to work, to push harder

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:24 - 1:26

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and achieve more.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:26 - 1:30

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We're given the impression that these[br]are the things that we need to go after

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:30 - 1:32

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in order to have a good life.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:32 - 1:34

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But is that true?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:34 - 1:38

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Is that really what keeps people happy[br]as they go through life?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:40 - 1:42

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Pictures of entire lives,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:42 - 1:47

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of the choices that people make[br]and how those choices work out for them,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:47 - 1:50

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those pictures[br]are almost impossible to get.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:52 - 1:55

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Most of what we know about human life

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:55 - 1:58

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we know from asking people[br]to remember the past,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
1:59 - 2:03

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and as we know, hindsight[br]is anything but 20/20.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:03 - 2:07

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We forget vast amounts[br]of what happens to us in life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:07 - 2:10

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and sometimes memory[br]is downright creative.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:11 - 2:12

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Mark Twain understood this.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:14 - 2:15

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
He's quoted as saying,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:16 - 2:20

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Some of the worst things in my life[br]never happened."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:20 - 2:23

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:24 - 2:28

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And research shows us that we actually[br]remember the past more positively

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:28 - 2:30

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as we get older.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:30 - 2:33

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'm reminded of a bumper sticker[br]that says,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:33 - 2:36

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"It's never too late[br]to have a happy childhood."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:36 - 2:39

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:40 - 2:44

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But what if we could watch entire lives

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:44 - 2:47

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
as they unfold through time?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:47 - 2:51

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What if we could study people[br]from the time that they were teenagers

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:51 - 2:54

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all the way into old age

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:54 - 2:57

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to see what really keeps people[br]happy and healthy?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
2:58 - 2:59

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We did that.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:00 - 3:03

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The Harvard Study of Adult Development

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:03 - 3:07

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
may be the longest study[br]of adult life that's ever been done.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:08 - 3:14

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
For 75 years, we've tracked[br]the lives of 724 men,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:16 - 3:21

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
year after year, asking about their work,[br]their home lives, their health,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:21 - 3:25

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and of course asking all along the way[br]without knowing how their life stories

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:25 - 3:27

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were going to turn out.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:28 - 3:32

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:32 - 3:36

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Almost all projects of this kind[br]fall apart within a decade

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:36 - 3:39

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because too many people[br]drop out of the study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:39 - 3:42

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or funding for the research dries up,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:42 - 3:44

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or the researchers get distracted,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:44 - 3:48

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or they die, and nobody moves the ball[br]further down the field.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:49 - 3:51

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But through a combination of luck

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:51 - 3:55

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and the persistence[br]of several generations of researchers,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:55 - 3:57

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
this study has survived.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
3:57 - 4:02

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
About 60 of our original 724 men

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:02 - 4:03

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
are still alive,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:03 - 4:05

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
still participating in the study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:05 - 4:07

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
most of them in their 90s.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:08 - 4:10

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And we are now beginning to study

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:10 - 4:14

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the more than 2,000 children of these men.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:14 - 4:17

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And I'm the fourth director of the study.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:18 - 4:23

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives[br]of two groups of men.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:23 - 4:25

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The first group started in the study

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:25 - 4:28

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
when they were sophomores[br]at Harvard College.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:28 - 4:31

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The were from what Tom Brokaw has called[br]"the greatest generation".

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:32 - 4:35

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They all finished college[br]during World War II,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:35 - 4:37

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and then most went off[br]to serve in the war.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:38 - 4:40

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the second group that we've followed

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:40 - 4:44

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
was a group of boys[br]from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:44 - 4:46

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
boys who were chosen for the study

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:46 - 4:50

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
specifically because they were[br]from some of the most troubled

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:50 - 4:52

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and disadvantaged families

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:52 - 4:54

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
in the Boston of the 1930s.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
4:54 - 4:59

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Most lived in tenements,[br]many without hot and cold running water.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:01 - 5:03

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
When they entered the study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:03 - 5:06

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
all of these teenagers were interviewed.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:06 - 5:08

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They were given medical exams.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:08 - 5:12

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We went to their homes[br]and we interviewed their parents.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:12 - 5:14

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And then these teenagers[br]grew up into adults

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:14 - 5:17

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
who entered all walks of life.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:17 - 5:23

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
They became factory workers and lawyers[br]and bricklayers and doctors,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:23 - 5:25

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
one President of the United States.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:27 - 5:31

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Some developed alcoholism.[br]A few developed schizophrenia.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:32 - 5:34

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Some climbed the social ladder

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:34 - 5:38

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
from the bottom[br]all the way to the very top,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:38 - 5:41

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and some made that journey[br]in the opposite direction.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:42 - 5:45

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The founders of this study

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:45 - 5:47

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
would never in their wildest dreams

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:47 - 5:52

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
have imagined that I would be[br]standing here today, 75 years later,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:52 - 5:55

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
telling you that[br]the study still continues.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
5:56 - 6:00

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Every two years, our patient[br]and dedicated research staff

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:00 - 6:03

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
calls up our men[br]and asks them if we can send them

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:03 - 6:06

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
yet one more set of questions[br]about their lives.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:07 - 6:10

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:10 - 6:14

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"Why do you keep wanting to study me?[br]My life just isn't that interesting."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:15 - 6:18

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The Harvard men never ask that question.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:18 - 6:23

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:28 - 6:30

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
To get the clearest picture[br]of these lives,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:31 - 6:33

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we don't just send them questionnaires.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:33 - 6:36

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We interview them in their living rooms.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:37 - 6:40

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We get their medical records[br]from their doctors.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:40 - 6:42

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:42 - 6:44

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we talk to their children.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:44 - 6:49

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We videotape them talking with their wives[br]about their deepest concerns.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:49 - 6:53

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And when, about a decade ago,[br]we finally asked the wives

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:53 - 6:55

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
if they would join us[br]as members of the study,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:55 - 6:58

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
many of the women said,[br]"You know, it's about time."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
6:58 - 6:59

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:01 - 7:02

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So what have we learned?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:02 - 7:08

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What are the lessons that come[br]from the tens of thousands of pages

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:08 - 7:11

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
of information that we've generated

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:11 - 7:12

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on these lives?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:13 - 7:18

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Well, the lessons aren't about wealth[br]or fame or working harder and harder.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:20 - 7:26

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The clearest message that we get[br]from this 75-year study is this:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:26 - 7:31

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Good relationships keep us[br]happier and healthier. Period.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:32 - 7:36

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
We've learned three big lessons[br]about relationships.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:36 - 7:40

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The first is that social connections[br]are really good for us,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:40 - 7:43

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and that loneliness kills.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:43 - 7:47

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It turns out that people[br]who are more socially connected

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:47 - 7:50

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to family, to friends, to community,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:50 - 7:55

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
are happier, they're physically healthier,[br]and they live longer

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:55 - 7:58

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
than people who are less well connected.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
7:58 - 8:02

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the experience of loneliness[br]turns out to be toxic.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:02 - 8:07

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
People who are more isolated[br]than they want to be from others

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:07 - 8:10

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
find that they are less happy,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:10 - 8:13

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their health declines earlier in midlife,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:13 - 8:15

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their brain functioning declines sooner

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:15 - 8:19

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and they live shorter lives[br]than people who are not lonely.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:20 - 8:23

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the sad fact[br]is that at any given time,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:23 - 8:28

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
more than one in five Americans[br]will report that they're lonely.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:29 - 8:31

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And we know that you[br]can be lonely in a crowd

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:31 - 8:34

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and you can be lonely in a marriage,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:34 - 8:36

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
so the second big lesson that we learned

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:36 - 8:39

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is that it's not just[br]the number of friends you have,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:39 - 8:43

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and it's not whether or not[br]you're in a committed relationship,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:43 - 8:48

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but it's the quality[br]of your close relationships that matters.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:48 - 8:53

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It turns out that living in the midst[br]of conflict is really bad for our health.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:53 - 8:57

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
High-conflict marriages, for example,[br]without much affection,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
8:58 - 9:04

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
turn out to be very bad for our health,[br]perhaps worse than getting divorced.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:04 - 9:09

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And living in the midst of good,[br]warm relationships is protective.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:09 - 9:12

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Once we had followed our men[br]all the way into their 80s,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:12 - 9:15

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we wanted to look back at them at midlife

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:16 - 9:17

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and to see if we could predict

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:17 - 9:21

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
who was going to grow[br]into a happy, healthy octogenarian

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:21 - 9:23

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and who wasn't.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:23 - 9:27

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And when we gathered together[br]everything we knew about them

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:28 - 9:29

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
at age 50,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:30 - 9:32

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it wasn't their middle age[br]cholesterol levels

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:32 - 9:35

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that predicted how they[br]were going to grow old.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:35 - 9:39

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It was how satisfied they were[br]in their relationships.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:39 - 9:44

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The people who were the most satisfied[br]in their relationships at age 50

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:44 - 9:46

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were the healthiest at age 80.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:47 - 9:50

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And good, close relationships[br]seem to buffer us

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:50 - 9:53

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
from some of the slings and arrows[br]of getting old.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:54 - 9:58

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Our most happily partnered men and women

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
9:58 - 10:00

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
reported, in their 80s,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:00 - 10:03

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that on the days[br]when they had more physical pain,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:03 - 10:05

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
their mood stayed just as happy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:06 - 10:09

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But the people who were[br]in unhappy relationships,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:09 - 10:12

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on the days when they[br]reported more physical pain,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:12 - 10:15

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it was magnified by more emotional pain.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:17 - 10:22

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the third big lesson that we learned[br]about relationships and our health

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:22 - 10:25

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
is that good relationships[br]don't just protect our bodies,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:25 - 10:27

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
they protect our brains.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:28 - 10:32

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It turns out that being[br]in a securely attached relationship

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:32 - 10:36

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to another person in your 80s[br]is protective,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:36 - 10:38

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that the people who are in relationships

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:38 - 10:42

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
where they really feel they can count[br]on the other person in times of need,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:42 - 10:46

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those people's memories[br]stay sharper longer.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:46 - 10:48

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And the people in relationships

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:48 - 10:51

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
where they feel they really[br]can't count on the other one,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:51 - 10:55

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those are the people who experience[br]earlier memory decline.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:56 - 10:59

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And those good relationships,[br]they don't have to be smooth all the time.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
10:59 - 11:03

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Some of our octogenarian couples[br]could bicker with each other

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:03 - 11:04

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
day in and day out,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:04 - 11:08

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
but as long as they felt that they[br]could really count on the other

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:08 - 11:09

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
when the going got tough,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:10 - 11:13

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
those arguments didn't take a toll[br]on their memories.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:15 - 11:17

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So this message,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:17 - 11:23

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that good, close relationships[br]are good for our health and well-being,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:23 - 11:26

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:26 - 11:29

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's your grandmother's advice,[br]and your pastor's.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:30 - 11:32

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Why is this so hard to get?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:33 - 11:35

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
For example, with respect to wealth, we know

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:35 - 11:38

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that once your basic [br]material needs are met,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:39 - 11:40

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
wealth doesn't do it.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:40 - 11:44

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
If you go from making [br]75,000 dollars a year

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:44 - 11:45

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
to 75 million,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:46 - 11:50

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
we know that your health and happiness[br]will change very little,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:50 - 11:51

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
if at all.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:52 - 11:53

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
When it comes to fame,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:54 - 11:56

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
the constant media intrusion

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:57 - 11:58

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and the lack of privacy

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
11:58 - 12:01

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
make most famous people [br]significantly less healthy.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:02 - 12:05

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It certainly doesn't keep them happier.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:06 - 12:09

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And as for working harder and harder,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:09 - 12:12

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
there is that truism[br]that nobody on their death bed

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:12 - 12:15

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
ever wished they had spent [br]more time at the office.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:15 - 12:16

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Laughter)

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:17 - 12:21

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Why is this so hard to get[br]and so easy to ignore?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:21 - 12:23

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Well, we're human.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:23 - 12:26

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What we'd really like is a quick fix,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:26 - 12:27

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
something we can get

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:27 - 12:30

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that'll make our lives good[br]and keep them that way.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:31 - 12:34

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Relationships are messy[br]and they're complicated

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:34 - 12:38

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and the hard work of tending[br]to family and friends,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:38 - 12:41

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
it's not sexy or glamorous.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:41 - 12:44

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It's also lifelong. It never ends.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:44 - 12:49

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The people in our 75-year study[br]who were the happiest in retirement

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
12:50 - 12:56

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were the people who had actively worked[br]to replace workmates with new playmates.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:00 - 13:03

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Just like the millennials[br]in that recent survey,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:03 - 13:07

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
many of our men when they[br]were starting out as young adults

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:07 - 13:11

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
really believed that fame and wealth[br]and high achievement

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:11 - 13:15

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
were what they needed to go after[br]to have a good life.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:15 - 13:20

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
But over and over, over these 75 years,[br]our study has shown

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:20 - 13:25

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
that the people who fared the best were[br]the people who leaned in to relationships,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:25 - 13:29

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
with family, with friends, with community.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:30 - 13:32

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
So what about you?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:32 - 13:36

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Let's say you're 25,[br]or you're 40, or you're 60.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:37 - 13:40

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
What might leaning in[br]to relationships even look like?

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:41 - 13:44

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Well, the possibilities[br]are practically endless.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:45 - 13:51

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
It might be something as simple[br]as replacing screen time with people time

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:51 - 13:55

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or livening up a stale relationship[br]by doing something new together,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:56 - 13:58

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
long walks or date nights,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
13:59 - 14:04

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
or reaching out to that family member[br]who you haven't spoken to in years,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:04 - 14:07

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
because those all-too-common family feuds

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:07 - 14:09

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
take a terrible toll

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:09 - 14:11

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
on the people who hold the grudges.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:13 - 14:17

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
I'd like to close with another quote[br]from Mark Twain.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:19 - 14:21

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
More than a century ago,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:21 - 14:24

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
he was looking back on his life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:24 - 14:25

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and he wrote this:

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:26 - 14:30

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
"There isn't time, so brief is life,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:30 - 14:35

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
for bickerings, apologies,[br]heartburnings, callings to account.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:36 - 14:39

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
There is only time for loving,

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:39 - 14:43

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
and but an instant,[br]so to speak, for that."

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:44 - 14:49

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
The good life is built[br]with good relationships.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:49 - 14:51

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
And that's an idea worth spreading.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:51 - 14:52

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
Thank you.

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
14:52 - 14:58

9:59:59.000,9:59:59.000
(Applause)