[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.23,0:00:12.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I teach negotiation.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.71,0:00:15.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do research in negotiation.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.45,0:00:18.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I write books in negotiation.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.26,0:00:21.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I work with students and executives
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.25,0:00:24.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to help them get more of what they want\Nfrom their negotiations.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.20,0:00:28.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one of the biggest challenges\Nthat we face in negotiations
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.30,0:00:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that we view negotiations as a battle.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.11,0:00:32.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that battle is characterized
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.68,0:00:36.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by "I'm going to try to get stuff from you\Nthat you don't want to give me;
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.18,0:00:38.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm going to try to keep you\Nfrom getting my stuff."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.34,0:00:42.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we view negotiations as a battle,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.22,0:00:44.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we already have a problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.26,0:00:47.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to suggest\Nthat what's more important
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.46,0:00:48.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that we look at negotiations
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.94,0:00:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as an opportunity\Nfor collaborative problem-solving,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.16,0:00:55.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looking for a solution\Nthat makes me better off,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.70,0:01:00.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,better off than my alternatives,\Nbetter off than my status quo.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.04,0:01:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But because there is no command\Nand control in negotiation,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.17,0:01:07.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I cannot force you to say "Yes."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.18,0:01:09.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All I can do is present proposals
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.100,0:01:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you believe\Nit is in your interest to say "Yes."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.56,0:01:18.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, once I take\Nthat perspective on negotiation
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.71,0:01:22.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which highlights the importance\Nof the other as well as me,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.40,0:01:26.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so many more things\Nopen up to negotiation:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.25,0:01:27.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether it's a new job -
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.50,0:01:30.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm trying to negotiate the terms\Nof my employment contract -
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.38,0:01:32.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether I'm trying to do\Nan acquisition for my company;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.98,0:01:34.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether I'm in a meeting;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.52,0:01:36.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether I'm deciding with my spouse
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.68,0:01:39.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's going to take the dog out\Non a cold and rainy night;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.43,0:01:42.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or whether I'm thinking\Nabout what the rules are
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.32,0:01:45.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my offspring will have to follow\Nand I will have to agree to
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.76,0:01:47.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when they use my car.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.76,0:01:52.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is very good advice,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.69,0:01:55.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I am here today with a confession
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.87,0:01:59.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I don't always follow\Nmy very good advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.46,0:02:06.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to introduce you\Nto my longtime negotiating counterpart.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.86,0:02:09.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is Sal.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.96,0:02:13.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sal is a 15-year-old quarter horse.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.78,0:02:14.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is a mare.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.52,0:02:22.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Sal came to me\Nas a gift from my husband.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.36,0:02:27.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My husband was the prior owner of Sal,\Nand he discovered, very quickly,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.77,0:02:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that Sal was more horse\Nthan he could handle.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.17,0:02:37.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, as a solution to his problem,\Nhe thought he would just give her to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.21,0:02:42.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he did that because he thought -\Nand he told this to me -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.39,0:02:44.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You two are so alike."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.10,0:02:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.81,0:02:53.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to demonstrate that,\Nwe have a picture.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.86,0:02:58.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is Sal and me,\Nbut early on in our relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.77,0:03:02.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we are about to attempt\Na relatively complex maneuver
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.25,0:03:04.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called the flying lead change.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.57,0:03:10.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at my jaw: it's tight,\Nmy lips: pressed.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.34,0:03:12.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My eyes, if you can see them\Nthrough the sunglasses,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.83,0:03:17.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a laser-like focus\Non where I need to be with my horse,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.40,0:03:19.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my reins have a death grip.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.00,0:03:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this is a move that requires\Nboth of us, both Sal and me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.17,0:03:32.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you look at Sal, you see\Nshe has a similar look on her face.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.80,0:03:34.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her jaw is tight.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.15,0:03:36.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at her ears.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.07,0:03:39.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Clearly, I have a goal in mind\Nbut so does she,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.78,0:03:42.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it might not be the same thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.72,0:03:43.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.45,0:03:49.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But my vision was good:\Nwhat I wanted us to be was good.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.63,0:03:53.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me show you what I had in my head\Nabout how we might look.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.80,0:03:55.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Music)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.44,0:03:58.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is Buck Brannamon\Nand his horse Rebel.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.80,0:04:00.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at these.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.19,0:04:02.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at how they move together.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.19,0:04:05.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The smoothness with which they move\Nacross the pasture.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.07,0:04:10.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's stunning - the fluidity, the dance.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.07,0:04:17.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's as if this man's brain\Nis attached directly to this horse's feet.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.42,0:04:20.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what I wanted. \N
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.35,0:04:23.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was a good goal.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.94,0:04:27.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I decided, "Yes."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.25,0:04:33.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I started working hard\Non getting Sal to look like Rebel.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.65,0:04:35.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the harder and harder I pushed her,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.17,0:04:39.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more she got resistant,\Nthe more she got tight,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.05,0:04:44.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more she got anxious,\Nthe more we didn't go forward.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.48,0:04:49.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it came to a head \Nabout three years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.60,0:04:52.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two of my friends\Nand I were in the pasture.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.12,0:04:56.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they took off to go do\Nsomething with their horses,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.03,0:05:00.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I decided that Sal and I should stay
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.70,0:05:04.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and work on a particular dance step\Nthat we were trying to achieve.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.22,0:05:09.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when they left, she got anxious,\Nwhich is not surprising,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.57,0:05:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because horses are prey animals,\Ntheir herds are their source of support.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.13,0:05:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when she was left alone,\Nshe was feeling very scared.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.83,0:05:23.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I made, of course, \Nmy first mistake in all of this.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.72,0:05:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I focused on winning,\Non getting her to do what I wanted
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.66,0:05:30.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than problem solving.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.80,0:05:34.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so if she saw\Nherself alone - no support -
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.26,0:05:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she certainly didn't see\Nme as her support.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.60,0:05:42.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What she saw was the thing\Nthat could protect her, her herd,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.54,0:05:45.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was leaving, and now she was alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.37,0:05:48.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was isolated, and she was at risk.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.70,0:05:53.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so as we continued,\NI tried to keep her with me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.74,0:05:55.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but she wanted to go with them.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.34,0:05:56.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what happened was
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.84,0:05:58.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because she couldn't go forward,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.84,0:06:02.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the only thing she could do is go up.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.76,0:06:05.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she reared.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.80,0:06:10.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I struggled mightily\Nto get all four feet back on the ground,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.20,0:06:13.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I did for a moment,\Nbut soon after that,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.26,0:06:15.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she reared again, and then a third time,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.16,0:06:20.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and at that point, \Nscared for my life, I bailed on Sal.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.67,0:06:21.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I abandoned her.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.86,0:06:26.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, at this point,\NI had created a power struggle.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.30,0:06:34.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, at that moment, we were both\Nin a struggle for our survival.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.35,0:06:39.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right now, you are probably thinking,\N"You know, you are such a drama queen."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.99,0:06:40.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.08,0:06:42.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What's a little rear?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.95,0:06:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, after all, if you are my age,\Nyou remember Roy Rogers and Trigger.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.14,0:06:50.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right? And Trigger would rear.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.71,0:06:53.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember my younger self\Nseeing that, thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.31,0:06:59.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I want a horse like that.\NI want that power, that beauty."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.70,0:07:01.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or if you are much younger than me
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.07,0:07:06.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and maybe one of the few people who saw\Nthat latest movie "The Lone Ranger,"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.88,0:07:13.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might have seen Silver rearing,\Nand again, power and beauty.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.69,0:07:16.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But these are Hollywood horses,\Nand those are tricks.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.70,0:07:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What rearing is like in the real world?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.14,0:07:21.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is not beautiful.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.96,0:07:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is scary. It is dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.34,0:07:29.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When a horse rears,\Nthey can fall over backwards.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.57,0:07:34.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when they fall over backwards,\Nthe rider is crushed or killed.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.91,0:07:36.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when they fall over backwards,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.40,0:07:39.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they hit their head on the way down.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.45,0:07:41.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they are dead.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.14,0:07:45.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, while rearing has this Hollywood view,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.14,0:07:50.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the real world, it is so dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.31,0:07:56.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while I know my goal,\Nmy vision was good and important,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.21,0:08:00.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I had forgotten\Nwas to be flexible in how I got there.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.07,0:08:02.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my vision was good.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.74,0:08:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a beautiful picture;\NSal and I could be ...
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.27,0:08:08.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we could be wonderful together.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.41,0:08:10.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But while I was hoping for this,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.26,0:08:13.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is more like Sal thought.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.24,0:08:16.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What Sal saw was:\Nwe were at a complete impasse.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.29,0:08:20.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This wasn't a win-win.\NThis wasn't even a win-lose.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.68,0:08:23.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For us, we were at lose-lose.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.40,0:08:28.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And maybe I was at the time\Nwhere I had to, like my husband, Al,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.19,0:08:31.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say, "This horse was too much for me."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.15,0:08:34.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And maybe give her to a rider\Nwho could do more with her,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.89,0:08:36.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who could help her out.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.35,0:08:40.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I cared about this horse,\Nand I cared about us,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.16,0:08:43.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I cared about our relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.05,0:08:46.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I had to change.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.26,0:08:52.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After all, I'm the one with the big brain;\NI'm the one with the opposable thumbs.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.84,0:08:54.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I have all these tools.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.62,0:08:58.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm the one who needed to change.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.44,0:09:02.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I talked to my teachers.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.01,0:09:06.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I went back and they said to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.09,0:09:10.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You have forgotten\Nthe most important lesson:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.20,0:09:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that this relationship between\Nyou and Sal is a partnership.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.78,0:09:19.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not a dictatorship.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.14,0:09:21.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you need to go back
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.94,0:09:26.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because Sal doesn't have the language\Nof words to make offers and counteroffers.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.49,0:09:28.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She can't say 'No' to you."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.70,0:09:33.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what Sal was doing\Nwith every fiber of her being
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.42,0:09:37.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was using her language\Nof touch and feel to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.10,0:09:41.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"No." This wasn't working.\NThis wasn't a partnership.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.07,0:09:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she was afraid.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.48,0:09:45.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was not being stubborn\Nwhen she reared;
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.76,0:09:47.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she was fearing for her life.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.95,0:09:50.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so we did go back.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.04,0:09:54.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I could tell you\NI had to start all over again
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.05,0:09:59.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I had to be the leader\Nwhere she found comfort and support.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.62,0:10:03.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because if I were fearful,\Nshe could feel that fear
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.78,0:10:07.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,through the layers of leather\Nof a western saddle.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.79,0:10:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if I, the rider,\Nthe person in charge, was afraid,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.30,0:10:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what hope did she as a prey animal have?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.52,0:10:21.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had to remember a lesson that I learned\Nwhen I - for being an academic,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.83,0:10:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that you can't just bull\Nyour way through things.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.28,0:10:26.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to learn how to problem-solve.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.17,0:10:30.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, for some reason,\NI hadn't brought that lesson to Sal.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.87,0:10:32.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I had to go back.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.31,0:10:38.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had to become that calm, confident\Nleader that allowed Sal to make mistakes
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.99,0:10:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to learn from those mistakes.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.77,0:10:45.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because horses have\Nreally two motivations:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.07,0:10:48.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they do what they think\Nthey are supposed to do,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.81,0:10:51.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or they do what they need\Nto do to survive.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.34,0:10:54.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had to move us\Nout of a survival mode
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.61,0:10:56.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because nobody can learn then,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.74,0:11:00.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and move us into a learning mode.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.87,0:11:07.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, it's been almost three years\Nto the day that that happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.46,0:11:10.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Sal and I are very different.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.44,0:11:16.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We did go back, and we moved forward\Nwith such speed this time
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.84,0:11:21.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I'd never have predicted back then\Nthat we would ever make it to here.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.49,0:11:24.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, are we perfect? No.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.56,0:11:27.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sal and I have good days,\Nand we have bad days.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.73,0:11:31.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I make mistakes all the time.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.100,0:11:35.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the difference\Nis that now Sal sees me
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.58,0:11:38.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a source of support\Nand comfort for her.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.94,0:11:43.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She sees me as someone\Nwho will where good things happen,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.04,0:11:45.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I can keep the bad things away.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.38,0:11:47.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to demonstrate,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.57,0:11:50.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let me show you a picture of Sal and me
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.55,0:11:54.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was taken by Al last March.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.08,0:11:56.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was like last month.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.48,0:11:59.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now I want you to notice a couple\Nof things about this picture.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.71,0:12:02.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Notice that there is nothing\Non Sal's face;
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.51,0:12:05.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is no rope, no reins, no bridle.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.55,0:12:10.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sal is behaving exactly\Nas she chooses to behave.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.49,0:12:12.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And notice that she is choosing.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.48,0:12:15.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her horse buddies are behind her\Nin the background.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.25,0:12:19.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is choosing to walk away\Nfrom them and with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.09,0:12:22.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And look at her.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.31,0:12:27.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is soft; she is willing; she is calm.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.32,0:12:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And look at me. I'm really different too.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.47,0:12:36.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am soft, and I am calm,\Nand I am confident.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.60,0:12:44.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, perhaps, as you think\Nabout your next big negotiation,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.83,0:12:48.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might be tempted to see\Nif you can borrow Sal
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.97,0:12:51.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a little tune-up in how to negotiate.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.24,0:12:57.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what might be more,\Nsafer for all of us
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.34,0:13:01.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that if you just remember\Nthe lessons of Sal and me.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.96,0:13:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Focus on solving the problem,\Nnot on winning the battle,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.10,0:13:13.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if you find yourself in a battle,\Nin a power struggle in a negotiation,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.79,0:13:16.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have already lost.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.02,0:13:23.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the key to being able to solve\Nproblems in a negotiation
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.80,0:13:28.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to understand your counterpart,\Nto know what motivates them,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.77,0:13:32.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what will influence them to move\Ndown that path of agreement
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.53,0:13:34.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with you, of their own volition.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.97,0:13:38.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember there is no command\Nand control in negotiation;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.59,0:13:40.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't force you to say "Yes."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.74,0:13:45.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And remember that that works\Nfor your counterparts,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.49,0:13:48.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether they are human or horse.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.48,0:13:51.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And goals are important;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.10,0:13:54.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you absolutely need to know\Nwhat a good deal is for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.84,0:14:00.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you also need to have flexibility\Nin how to achieve that goal.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.73,0:14:06.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for me, this is the lesson\Nthat I must learn and relearn
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.10,0:14:12.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because too often, I choose a path \Nto my goal because I have chosen it,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.62,0:14:14.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not because it is the right one.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.45,0:14:21.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in closing, I want to acknowledge\Nthe considerable debt I owe
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.98,0:14:28.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for becoming a better negotiator\Nand a better human to my partner Sal.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.73,0:14:30.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.79,0:14:32.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)