0:00:00.904,0:00:02.183
I used to think

0:00:02.207,0:00:05.941
the whole purpose of life[br]was pursuing happiness.

0:00:06.680,0:00:10.064
Everyone said the path[br]to happiness was success,

0:00:10.088,0:00:12.586
so I searched for that ideal job,

0:00:12.610,0:00:15.641
that perfect boyfriend,[br]that beautiful apartment.

0:00:16.998,0:00:19.996
But instead of ever feeling fulfilled,

0:00:20.020,0:00:22.624
I felt anxious and adrift.

0:00:23.195,0:00:27.204
And I wasn't alone; my friends --[br]they struggled with this, too.

0:00:28.720,0:00:32.989
Eventually, I decided to go[br]to graduate school for positive psychology

0:00:33.013,0:00:36.233
to learn what truly makes people happy.

0:00:36.971,0:00:39.627
But what I discovered there[br]changed my life.

0:00:40.452,0:00:45.062
The data showed that chasing happiness[br]can make people unhappy.

0:00:45.967,0:00:48.224
And what really struck me was this:

0:00:49.058,0:00:51.845
the suicide rate has been rising[br]around the world,

0:00:51.869,0:00:54.960
and it recently reached[br]a 30-year high in America.

0:00:55.753,0:00:58.516
Even though life is getting[br]objectively better

0:00:58.540,0:01:01.230
by nearly every conceivable standard,

0:01:01.254,0:01:03.453
more people feel hopeless,

0:01:03.477,0:01:05.602
depressed and alone.

0:01:06.214,0:01:09.027
There's an emptiness[br]gnawing away at people,

0:01:09.051,0:01:12.321
and you don't have to be[br]clinically depressed to feel it.

0:01:12.345,0:01:15.245
Sooner or later, I think we all wonder:

0:01:15.784,0:01:18.016
Is this all there is?

0:01:19.167,0:01:22.373
And according to the research,[br]what predicts this despair

0:01:22.397,0:01:24.224
is not a lack of happiness.

0:01:24.248,0:01:26.090
It's a lack of something else,

0:01:26.817,0:01:29.755
a lack of having meaning in life.

0:01:30.962,0:01:33.355
But that raised some questions for me.

0:01:33.855,0:01:36.454
Is there more to life than being happy?

0:01:37.216,0:01:39.639
And what's the difference[br]between being happy

0:01:39.663,0:01:41.554
and having meaning in life?

0:01:42.879,0:01:47.479
Many psychologists define happiness[br]as a state of comfort and ease,

0:01:47.503,0:01:49.392
feeling good in the moment.

0:01:50.098,0:01:51.756
Meaning, though, is deeper.

0:01:52.278,0:01:54.842
The renowned psychologist[br]Martin Seligman says

0:01:54.866,0:01:59.513
meaning comes from belonging to[br]and serving something beyond yourself

0:01:59.537,0:02:02.220
and from developing the best within you.

0:02:03.617,0:02:06.212
Our culture is obsessed with happiness,

0:02:06.236,0:02:10.343
but I came to see that seeking meaning[br]is the more fulfilling path.

0:02:10.367,0:02:13.296
And the studies show that people[br]who have meaning in life,

0:02:13.320,0:02:14.730
they're more resilient,

0:02:14.754,0:02:17.311
they do better in school and at work,

0:02:17.335,0:02:18.942
and they even live longer.

0:02:19.985,0:02:22.006
So this all made me wonder:

0:02:22.030,0:02:24.504
How can we each live more meaningfully?

0:02:25.980,0:02:29.658
To find out, I spent five years[br]interviewing hundreds of people

0:02:29.682,0:02:32.583
and reading through thousands[br]of pages of psychology,

0:02:32.607,0:02:34.708
neuroscience and philosophy.

0:02:35.366,0:02:37.155
Bringing it all together,

0:02:37.179,0:02:42.520
I found that there are what I call[br]four pillars of a meaningful life.

0:02:42.544,0:02:44.978
And we can each create lives of meaning

0:02:45.002,0:02:48.351
by building some or all[br]of these pillars in our lives.

0:02:49.428,0:02:51.616
The first pillar is belonging.

0:02:52.378,0:02:54.685
Belonging comes[br]from being in relationships

0:02:54.709,0:02:57.414
where you're valued[br]for who you are intrinsically

0:02:57.438,0:02:59.551
and where you value others as well.

0:03:00.218,0:03:04.908
But some groups and relationships[br]deliver a cheap form of belonging;

0:03:04.932,0:03:06.825
you're valued for what you believe,

0:03:06.849,0:03:08.095
for who you hate,

0:03:08.119,0:03:09.664
not for who you are.

0:03:10.420,0:03:13.203
True belonging springs from love.

0:03:13.227,0:03:16.212
It lives in moments among individuals,

0:03:16.236,0:03:20.081
and it's a choice -- you can choose[br]to cultivate belonging with others.

0:03:20.661,0:03:22.268
Here's an example.

0:03:22.292,0:03:25.847
Each morning, my friend Jonathan[br]buys a newspaper

0:03:25.871,0:03:28.089
from the same street vendor in New York.

0:03:28.502,0:03:30.782
They don't just conduct[br]a transaction, though.

0:03:30.806,0:03:33.489
They take a moment to slow down, talk,

0:03:33.513,0:03:35.419
and treat each other like humans.

0:03:36.038,0:03:39.432
But one time, Jonathan[br]didn't have the right change,

0:03:39.456,0:03:40.676
and the vendor said,

0:03:40.700,0:03:42.220
"Don't worry about it."

0:03:42.244,0:03:44.731
But Jonathan insisted on paying,

0:03:44.755,0:03:47.767
so he went to the store[br]and bought something he didn't need

0:03:47.791,0:03:49.252
to make change.

0:03:49.992,0:03:52.615
But when he gave the money to the vendor,

0:03:52.639,0:03:54.161
the vendor drew back.

0:03:54.820,0:03:56.098
He was hurt.

0:03:56.715,0:03:58.564
He was trying to do something kind,

0:03:58.588,0:04:00.835
but Jonathan had rejected him.

0:04:02.113,0:04:06.264
I think we all reject people in small ways[br]like this without realizing it.

0:04:06.288,0:04:07.486
I do.

0:04:07.510,0:04:10.573
I'll walk by someone I know[br]and barely acknowledge them.

0:04:10.597,0:04:13.244
I'll check my phone[br]when someone's talking to me.

0:04:13.678,0:04:15.607
These acts devalue others.

0:04:15.631,0:04:18.384
They make them feel[br]invisible and unworthy.

0:04:19.130,0:04:21.882
But when you lead with love,[br]you create a bond

0:04:21.906,0:04:23.578
that lifts each of you up.

0:04:25.030,0:04:28.658
For many people, belonging[br]is the most essential source of meaning,

0:04:28.682,0:04:30.680
those bonds to family and friends.

0:04:31.176,0:04:35.181
For others, the key to meaning[br]is the second pillar: purpose.

0:04:35.844,0:04:38.759
Now, finding your purpose[br]is not the same thing

0:04:38.783,0:04:41.031
as finding that job that makes you happy.

0:04:41.520,0:04:44.979
Purpose is less about what you want[br]than about what you give.

0:04:45.003,0:04:49.491
A hospital custodian told me[br]her purpose is healing sick people.

0:04:49.515,0:04:51.226
Many parents tell me,

0:04:51.250,0:04:53.186
"My purpose is raising my children."

0:04:53.527,0:04:57.571
The key to purpose[br]is using your strengths to serve others.

0:04:58.381,0:05:01.889
Of course, for many of us,[br]that happens through work.

0:05:01.913,0:05:04.892
That's how we contribute and feel needed.

0:05:04.916,0:05:08.776
But that also means[br]that issues like disengagement at work,

0:05:08.800,0:05:10.213
unemployment,

0:05:10.237,0:05:12.464
low labor force participation --

0:05:12.488,0:05:16.179
these aren't just economic problems,[br]they're existential ones, too.

0:05:16.821,0:05:19.034
Without something worthwhile to do,

0:05:19.058,0:05:20.359
people flounder.

0:05:21.493,0:05:24.109
Of course, you don't have to find[br]purpose at work,

0:05:24.133,0:05:26.862
but purpose gives you[br]something to live for,

0:05:26.886,0:05:28.966
some "why" that drives you forward.

0:05:31.147,0:05:34.447
The third pillar of meaning[br]is also about stepping beyond yourself,

0:05:34.471,0:05:36.313
but in a completely different way:

0:05:36.337,0:05:37.924
transcendence.

0:05:37.948,0:05:40.325
Transcendent states are those rare moments

0:05:40.349,0:05:43.761
when you're lifted above[br]the hustle and bustle of daily life,

0:05:43.785,0:05:45.490
your sense of self fades away,

0:05:45.514,0:05:48.288
and you feel connected[br]to a higher reality.

0:05:49.214,0:05:52.904
For one person I talked to,[br]transcendence came from seeing art.

0:05:52.928,0:05:55.458
For another person, it was at church.

0:05:55.482,0:05:59.036
For me, I'm a writer,[br]and it happens through writing.

0:05:59.060,0:06:04.130
Sometimes I get so in the zone[br]that I lose all sense of time and place.

0:06:04.757,0:06:07.903
These transcendent[br]experiences can change you.

0:06:07.927,0:06:12.451
One study had students look up[br]at 200-feet-tall eucalyptus trees

0:06:12.475,0:06:13.676
for one minute.

0:06:14.263,0:06:16.417
But afterwards[br]they felt less self-centered,

0:06:16.441,0:06:18.385
and they even behaved more generously

0:06:18.409,0:06:20.479
when given the chance to help someone.

0:06:21.582,0:06:25.302
Belonging, purpose, transcendence.

0:06:26.374,0:06:29.097
Now, the fourth pillar[br]of meaning, I've found,

0:06:29.121,0:06:30.876
tends to surprise people.

0:06:31.366,0:06:34.100
The fourth pillar is storytelling,

0:06:34.124,0:06:36.989
the story you tell yourself[br]about yourself.

0:06:37.616,0:06:41.760
Creating a narrative from the events[br]of your life brings clarity.

0:06:41.784,0:06:44.820
It helps you understand[br]how you became you.

0:06:45.669,0:06:48.765
But we don't always realize[br]that we're the authors of our stories

0:06:48.789,0:06:50.952
and can change the way we're telling them.

0:06:50.976,0:06:53.467
Your life isn't just a list of events.

0:06:53.491,0:06:56.707
You can edit, interpret[br]and retell your story,

0:06:56.731,0:06:58.951
even as you're constrained by the facts.

0:06:59.681,0:07:04.309
I met a young man named Emeka,[br]who'd been paralyzed playing football.

0:07:04.920,0:07:07.379
After his injury, Emeka told himself,

0:07:07.403,0:07:10.108
"My life was great playing football,

0:07:10.132,0:07:12.256
but now look at me."

0:07:14.002,0:07:16.294
People who tell stories like this --

0:07:16.318,0:07:18.842
"My life was good. Now it's bad." --

0:07:18.866,0:07:21.688
tend to be more anxious and depressed.

0:07:21.712,0:07:24.041
And that was Emeka for a while.

0:07:24.573,0:07:27.964
But with time, he started[br]to weave a different story.

0:07:28.415,0:07:30.148
His new story was,

0:07:30.172,0:07:33.439
"Before my injury,[br]my life was purposeless.

0:07:33.463,0:07:36.716
I partied a lot and was[br]a pretty selfish guy.

0:07:36.740,0:07:40.448
But my injury made me realize[br]I could be a better man."

0:07:41.488,0:07:45.029
That edit to his story[br]changed Emeka's life.

0:07:45.053,0:07:47.484
After telling the new story to himself,

0:07:47.508,0:07:49.430
Emeka started mentoring kids,

0:07:49.454,0:07:51.820
and he discovered what his purpose was:

0:07:51.844,0:07:53.234
serving others.

0:07:54.101,0:07:57.479
The psychologist Dan McAdams[br]calls this a "redemptive story,"

0:07:57.503,0:07:59.786
where the bad is redeemed by the good.

0:08:00.627,0:08:02.810
People leading meaningful[br]lives, he's found,

0:08:02.834,0:08:04.765
tend to tell stories about their lives

0:08:04.789,0:08:07.811
defined by redemption, growth and love.

0:08:08.723,0:08:11.185
But what makes people[br]change their stories?

0:08:11.725,0:08:13.653
Some people get help from a therapist,

0:08:13.677,0:08:15.487
but you can do it on your own, too,

0:08:15.511,0:08:18.271
just by reflecting[br]on your life thoughtfully,

0:08:18.295,0:08:20.382
how your defining experiences shaped you,

0:08:20.406,0:08:22.143
what you lost, what you gained.

0:08:22.589,0:08:24.123
That's what Emeka did.

0:08:25.012,0:08:27.058
You won't change your story overnight;

0:08:27.082,0:08:29.427
it could take years and be painful.

0:08:29.451,0:08:32.385
After all, we've all suffered,[br]and we all struggle.

0:08:32.957,0:08:37.296
But embracing those painful memories[br]can lead to new insights and wisdom,

0:08:37.320,0:08:40.385
to finding that good that sustains you.

0:08:42.584,0:08:47.117
Belonging, purpose,[br]transcendence, storytelling:

0:08:47.863,0:08:50.594
those are the four pillars of meaning.

0:08:51.626,0:08:53.232
When I was younger,

0:08:53.256,0:08:56.894
I was lucky enough to be surrounded[br]by all of the pillars.

0:08:57.381,0:09:01.921
My parents ran a Sufi meetinghouse[br]from our home in Montreal.

0:09:02.686,0:09:07.169
Sufism is a spiritual practice[br]associated with the whirling dervishes

0:09:07.193,0:09:08.586
and the poet Rumi.

0:09:09.430,0:09:12.005
Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home

0:09:12.029,0:09:15.789
to meditate, drink Persian tea,[br]and share stories.

0:09:16.209,0:09:19.166
Their practice also involved[br]serving all of creation

0:09:19.190,0:09:21.000
through small acts of love,

0:09:21.024,0:09:24.365
which meant being kind[br]even when people wronged you.

0:09:24.389,0:09:27.543
But it gave them a purpose:[br]to rein in the ego.

0:09:28.912,0:09:31.528
Eventually, I left home for college

0:09:31.552,0:09:35.254
and without the daily grounding[br]of Sufism in my life,

0:09:35.278,0:09:36.866
I felt unmoored.

0:09:36.890,0:09:40.478
And I started searching for those things[br]that make life worth living.

0:09:40.502,0:09:42.615
That's what set me on this journey.

0:09:43.012,0:09:44.769
Looking back, I now realize

0:09:44.793,0:09:48.035
that the Sufi house[br]had a real culture of meaning.

0:09:48.059,0:09:50.565
The pillars were part of the architecture,

0:09:50.589,0:09:53.815
and the presence of the pillars[br]helped us all live more deeply.

0:09:54.414,0:09:56.735
Of course, the same principle applies

0:09:56.759,0:09:58.960
in other strong communities as well --

0:09:58.984,0:10:01.006
good ones and bad ones.

0:10:01.556,0:10:03.585
Gangs, cults:

0:10:03.609,0:10:06.622
these are cultures of meaning[br]that use the pillars

0:10:06.646,0:10:10.024
and give people[br]something to live and die for.

0:10:10.048,0:10:12.915
But that's exactly why we as a society

0:10:12.939,0:10:15.048
must offer better alternatives.

0:10:15.072,0:10:18.823
We need to build these pillars[br]within our families and our institutions

0:10:18.847,0:10:21.429
to help people become their best selves.

0:10:22.524,0:10:25.110
But living a meaningful life takes work.

0:10:25.134,0:10:27.009
It's an ongoing process.

0:10:27.033,0:10:30.762
As each day goes by,[br]we're constantly creating our lives,

0:10:30.786,0:10:32.355
adding to our story.

0:10:32.831,0:10:35.580
And sometimes we can get off track.

0:10:36.362,0:10:38.273
Whenever that happens to me,

0:10:38.297,0:10:41.686
I remember a powerful experience[br]I had with my father.

0:10:43.821,0:10:46.468
Several months after[br]I graduated from college,

0:10:46.492,0:10:50.350
my dad had a massive heart attack[br]that should have killed him.

0:10:51.033,0:10:54.247
He survived, and when I asked him[br]what was going through his mind

0:10:54.271,0:10:55.893
as he faced death,

0:10:55.917,0:10:58.600
he said all he could think about[br]was needing to live

0:10:58.624,0:11:00.762
so he could be there[br]for my brother and me,

0:11:00.786,0:11:03.375
and this gave him the will[br]to fight for life.

0:11:04.063,0:11:07.361
When he went under anesthesia[br]for emergency surgery,

0:11:07.385,0:11:09.715
instead of counting backwards from 10,

0:11:09.739,0:11:12.909
he repeated our names like a mantra.

0:11:13.790,0:11:17.601
He wanted our names to be[br]the last words he spoke on earth

0:11:17.625,0:11:18.850
if he died.

0:11:21.033,0:11:24.645
My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi.

0:11:25.185,0:11:26.732
It's a humble life,

0:11:26.756,0:11:28.025
but a good life.

0:11:28.564,0:11:32.476
Lying there facing death,[br]he had a reason to live:

0:11:32.500,0:11:33.908
love.

0:11:33.932,0:11:36.383
His sense of belonging within his family,

0:11:36.407,0:11:38.136
his purpose as a dad,

0:11:38.160,0:11:41.174
his transcendent meditation,[br]repeating our names --

0:11:41.198,0:11:43.979
these, he says, are the reasons[br]why he survived.

0:11:44.003,0:11:46.442
That's the story he tells himself.

0:11:47.747,0:11:49.897
That's the power of meaning.

0:11:50.643,0:11:53.435
Happiness comes and goes.

0:11:53.459,0:11:55.308
But when life is really good

0:11:55.332,0:11:57.221
and when things are really bad,

0:11:57.241,0:12:00.294
having meaning gives you[br]something to hold on to.

0:12:00.322,0:12:01.546
Thank you.

0:12:01.570,0:12:05.152
(Applause)