0:00:00.840,0:00:02.207
I used to think

0:00:02.207,0:00:04.117
the whole purpose of life

0:00:04.117,0:00:06.546
was pursuing happiness.

0:00:06.546,0:00:10.267
Everyone said the path[br]to happiness was success,

0:00:10.267,0:00:12.788
so I searched for that ideal job,

0:00:12.788,0:00:14.299
that perfect boyfriend,[br]that beautiful apartment.

0:00:14.299,0:00:20.020
But instead of ever feeling fulfilled,

0:00:20.020,0:00:23.305
I felt anxious and adrift,

0:00:23.305,0:00:24.576
and I wasn't alone.

0:00:24.576,0:00:28.007
My friends, they struggled with this too.

0:00:28.007,0:00:31.603
Eventually I decided to go[br]to graduate school

0:00:31.603,0:00:37.091
for positive psychology to learn[br]what truly makes people happy,

0:00:37.091,0:00:41.097
but what I discovered there[br]changed my life.

0:00:41.097,0:00:43.385
The data showed that chasing happiness

0:00:43.385,0:00:46.119
can make people unhappy,

0:00:46.119,0:00:49.158
and what really struck me was this:

0:00:49.158,0:00:51.670
the suicide rate has been rising[br]around the world,

0:00:51.670,0:00:55.889
and it recently reached[br]a 30-year high in America.

0:00:55.889,0:00:59.180
Even though life is getting[br]objectively better

0:00:59.180,0:01:01.254
by nearly every conceivable standard,

0:01:01.254,0:01:03.477
more people feel hopeless,

0:01:03.477,0:01:06.403
depressed and alone.

0:01:06.403,0:01:09.877
There's an emptiness[br]gnawing away at people,

0:01:09.877,0:01:12.493
and you don't have to be[br]clinically depressed to feel it.

0:01:12.493,0:01:15.744
Sooner or later, I think we all wonder,

0:01:15.744,0:01:20.031
is this all there is?

0:01:20.031,0:01:22.542
And according to the research,[br]what predicts this despair

0:01:22.542,0:01:24.350
is not a lack of happiness.

0:01:24.350,0:01:26.968
It's a lack of something else,

0:01:26.968,0:01:31.091
a lack of having meaning in life.

0:01:31.091,0:01:33.492
But that raised some questions for me.

0:01:33.492,0:01:37.040
Is there more to life than being happy?

0:01:37.040,0:01:39.663
And what's the difference[br]between being happy

0:01:39.663,0:01:42.582
and having meaning in life?

0:01:42.582,0:01:45.053
Many psychologists define happiness

0:01:45.053,0:01:47.503
as a state of comfort and ease,

0:01:47.503,0:01:50.167
feeling good in the moment.

0:01:50.167,0:01:52.922
Meaning, though, is deeper.

0:01:52.922,0:01:54.724
The renowned psychologist[br]Martin Seligman

0:01:54.724,0:01:59.436
says meaning comes from belonging to[br]and serving something beyond yourself,

0:01:59.436,0:02:03.438
and from developing the best within you.

0:02:03.438,0:02:06.512
Our culture is obsessed with happiness,

0:02:06.512,0:02:10.453
but I came to see that seeking meaning[br]is the more fulfilling path,

0:02:10.453,0:02:13.421
and the studies show that people[br]who have meaning in life,

0:02:13.421,0:02:14.838
they're more resilient,

0:02:14.838,0:02:17.457
they do better in school and at work,

0:02:17.457,0:02:19.985
and they even live longer.

0:02:19.985,0:02:22.169
So this all made me wonder,

0:02:22.169,0:02:25.352
how can we each live more meaningfully?

0:02:25.352,0:02:29.760
To find out, I spent five years[br]interviewing hundreds of people

0:02:29.760,0:02:33.051
and reading through thousands[br]of pages of psychology,

0:02:33.051,0:02:35.366
neuroscience and philosophy.

0:02:35.366,0:02:37.315
Bringing it all together,

0:02:37.315,0:02:39.887
I found that there are what I call

0:02:39.887,0:02:42.544
four pillars of a meaningful life,

0:02:42.544,0:02:45.002
and we can each create lives of meaning

0:02:45.002,0:02:49.550
by building some or all[br]of these pillars in our lives.

0:02:49.550,0:02:52.378
The first pillar is belonging.

0:02:52.378,0:02:54.907
Belonging comes[br]from being in relationships

0:02:54.907,0:02:57.559
where you're valued[br]for who you are intrinsically

0:02:57.559,0:02:59.951
and where you value others as well,

0:02:59.951,0:03:05.038
but some groups and relationships[br]deliver a cheap form of belonging.

0:03:05.038,0:03:07.282
You're valued for what you believe,

0:03:07.282,0:03:08.410
for who you hate,

0:03:08.410,0:03:10.420
not for who you are.

0:03:10.420,0:03:13.386
True belonging springs from love.

0:03:13.386,0:03:16.480
It lives in moments among individuals,

0:03:16.480,0:03:19.093
and it's a choice.

0:03:19.093,0:03:20.788
You can choose to cultivate[br]belonging with others.

0:03:20.788,0:03:22.190
Here's an example.

0:03:22.190,0:03:25.871
Each morning, my friend Jonathan[br]buys a newspaper

0:03:25.871,0:03:28.639
from the same street vendor in New York.

0:03:28.639,0:03:30.684
They don't just conduct[br]a transaction, though.

0:03:30.684,0:03:32.816
They take a moment to slow down,

0:03:32.816,0:03:35.894
talk, and treat each other like humans.

0:03:35.894,0:03:39.571
But one time, Jonathan[br]didn't have the right change,

0:03:39.571,0:03:42.361
and the vendor said,

0:03:42.361,0:03:44.867
"Don't worry about it."

0:03:44.867,0:03:46.284
But Jonathan insisted on paying,

0:03:46.284,0:03:47.189
so he went to the store

0:03:47.189,0:03:48.093
and bought something he didn't need

0:03:48.093,0:03:49.578
to make change.

0:03:49.578,0:03:52.886
But when he gave the money to the vendor,

0:03:52.886,0:03:54.995
the vendor drew back.

0:03:54.995,0:03:56.874
He was hurt.

0:03:56.874,0:03:58.746
He was trying to do something kind,

0:03:58.746,0:04:01.609
but Jonathan had rejected him.

0:04:01.609,0:04:06.460
I think we all reject people in small ways[br]like this without realizing it.

0:04:06.460,0:04:07.524
I do.

0:04:07.524,0:04:10.645
I'll walk by someone I know[br]and barely acknowledge them.

0:04:10.645,0:04:13.678
I'll check my phone[br]when someone's talking to me.

0:04:13.678,0:04:15.631
These acts devalue others.

0:04:15.631,0:04:18.872
They make them feel[br]invisible and unworthy.

0:04:18.872,0:04:21.961
But when you lead with love,[br]you create a bond

0:04:21.961,0:04:24.909
that lifts each of you up.

0:04:24.909,0:04:28.995
For many people, belonging[br]is the most essential source of meaning,

0:04:28.995,0:04:31.176
those bonds of family and friends.

0:04:31.176,0:04:35.844
For others, the key to meaning[br]is the second pillar: purpose.

0:04:35.844,0:04:38.905
Now, finding your purpose[br]is not the same thing

0:04:38.905,0:04:41.520
as finding that job that makes you happy.

0:04:41.520,0:04:45.154
Purpose is less about what you want[br]than about what you give.

0:04:45.154,0:04:49.634
A hospital custodian told me[br]her purpose is healing sick people.

0:04:49.634,0:04:52.368
Many parents tell me,

0:04:52.368,0:04:53.768
"My purpose is raising my children."

0:04:53.768,0:04:56.197
The key to purpose is using your strengths

0:04:56.197,0:04:58.198
to serve others.

0:04:58.198,0:05:01.913
Of course, for many of us,[br]that happens through work.

0:05:01.913,0:05:05.586
That's how we contribute and feel needed.

0:05:05.586,0:05:08.998
But that also means that issues[br]like disengagement at work,

0:05:08.998,0:05:10.434
unemployment,

0:05:10.434,0:05:12.684
low labor force participation,

0:05:12.684,0:05:17.004
these aren't just economic problems,[br]they're existential ones too.

0:05:17.004,0:05:19.294
Without something worthwhile to do,

0:05:19.294,0:05:21.668
people flounder.

0:05:21.668,0:05:24.409
Of course, you don't have[br]to find purpose at work,

0:05:24.409,0:05:27.327
but purpose gives you[br]something to live for,

0:05:27.327,0:05:30.476
some why that drives you forward.

0:05:30.476,0:05:34.125
The third pillar of meaning[br]is also about stepping beyond yourself,

0:05:34.125,0:05:36.422
but in a completely different way:

0:05:36.422,0:05:38.133
transcendance.

0:05:38.133,0:05:41.410
Transcendent states are those rare moments[br]when you're lifted above

0:05:41.410,0:05:43.931
the hustle and bustle of daily life,

0:05:43.931,0:05:45.937
your sense of self fades away,

0:05:45.937,0:05:49.136
and you feel connected[br]to a higher reality.

0:05:49.136,0:05:53.179
For one person I talked to,[br]transcendence came from seeing art.

0:05:53.179,0:05:55.625
For another person, it was at church.

0:05:55.625,0:05:57.470
For me, I'm a writer,

0:05:57.470,0:05:59.243
and it happens through writing.

0:05:59.243,0:06:01.374
Sometimes I get so in the zone

0:06:01.374,0:06:04.757
that I lose all sense of time and place.

0:06:04.757,0:06:08.086
And these transcendent[br]experiences can change you.

0:06:08.086,0:06:12.633
One study had students look up[br]at 200-feet tall eucalyptus trees

0:06:12.633,0:06:14.417
for one minute,

0:06:14.417,0:06:16.267
but afterwards they felt[br]less self-centered

0:06:16.267,0:06:21.703
and they even behaved more generously[br]when given the chance to help someone.

0:06:21.703,0:06:26.089
Belonging, purpose, transcendence.

0:06:26.089,0:06:28.933
Now, the fourth pillar of meaning,

0:06:28.933,0:06:31.644
I've found, tends to surprise people.

0:06:31.644,0:06:34.331
The fourth pillar is storytelling,

0:06:34.331,0:06:37.907
the story you tell yourself[br]about yourself.

0:06:37.907,0:06:41.900
Creating a narrative from the events[br]of your life brings clarity.

0:06:41.900,0:06:45.955
It helps you understand[br]how you became you.

0:06:45.955,0:06:48.732
But we don't always realize[br]that we're the authors of our stories

0:06:48.732,0:06:51.127
and can change the way we're telling them.

0:06:51.127,0:06:53.679
Your life isn't just a list of events.

0:06:53.679,0:06:56.960
You can edit, interpret,[br]and retell your story

0:06:56.960,0:06:59.881
even as you're constrained by the facts.

0:06:59.881,0:07:02.586
I met a young man named Emeka

0:07:02.586,0:07:04.920
who'd been paralyzed playing football.

0:07:04.920,0:07:07.625
After his injury, Emeka told himself,

0:07:07.625,0:07:10.338
"My life was great playing football,

0:07:10.338,0:07:13.722
but now look at me."

0:07:13.722,0:07:16.318
People who tell stories like this --

0:07:16.318,0:07:19.054
"My life was good. Now it's bad." --

0:07:19.054,0:07:21.899
they tend to be more[br]anxious and depressed.

0:07:21.899,0:07:24.653
And that was Emeka for a while.

0:07:24.653,0:07:28.598
But with time, he started[br]to weave a different story.

0:07:28.598,0:07:30.354
His new story was,

0:07:30.354,0:07:33.757
"Before my injury,[br]my life was purposeless.

0:07:33.757,0:07:36.868
I partied a lot and was[br]a pretty selfish guy.

0:07:36.868,0:07:41.296
But my injury made me realize[br]I could be a better man."

0:07:41.296,0:07:45.214
That edit to his story[br]changed Emeka's life.

0:07:45.214,0:07:47.424
After telling the new story to himself,

0:07:47.424,0:07:49.688
Emeka started mentoring kids,

0:07:49.688,0:07:51.844
and he discovered what his purpose was:

0:07:51.844,0:07:54.101
serving others.

0:07:54.101,0:07:57.617
The psychologist Dan McAdams[br]calls this a redemptIve story,

0:07:57.617,0:08:00.497
where the bad is redeemed by the good.

0:08:00.497,0:08:02.834
People leading meaningful[br]lives, he's found,

0:08:02.834,0:08:04.648
they tend to tell stories[br]about their lives

0:08:04.648,0:08:08.569
defined by redemption, growth and love.

0:08:08.569,0:08:11.515
But what makes people[br]change their stories?

0:08:11.515,0:08:13.955
Some people get help from a therapist,

0:08:13.955,0:08:15.679
but you can do it on your own too

0:08:15.679,0:08:18.462
just by reflecting[br]on your life thoughtfully,

0:08:18.462,0:08:20.502
how your defining experiences shaped you,

0:08:20.502,0:08:22.804
what you lost, what you gained.

0:08:22.804,0:08:24.920
That's what Emeka did.

0:08:24.920,0:08:27.246
You won't change your story overnight.

0:08:27.246,0:08:29.614
It could take years and be painful.

0:08:29.614,0:08:33.069
After all, we've all suffered,[br]and we all struggle.

0:08:33.069,0:08:37.431
But embracing those painful memories[br]can lead to new insights and wisdom,

0:08:37.431,0:08:41.682
to finding that good that sustains you.

0:08:41.682,0:08:47.911
Belonging, purpose,[br]transcendence, storytelling:

0:08:47.911,0:08:51.381
those are the four pillars of meaning.

0:08:51.381,0:08:54.177
When I was younger,

0:08:54.177,0:08:57.564
I was lucky enough to be surrounded[br]by all of the pillars.

0:08:57.564,0:09:00.266
My parents ran a Sufi meeting house

0:09:00.266,0:09:02.797
from our home in Montreal.

0:09:02.797,0:09:07.303
Sufism is a spiritual practice[br]associated with the Whirling Dervishes

0:09:07.303,0:09:09.534
and the poet Rumi.

0:09:09.534,0:09:12.132
Twice a week, Sufis would come to our home

0:09:12.132,0:09:16.209
to meditate, drink Persian tea,[br]and share stories.

0:09:16.209,0:09:21.214
Their practice also involved serving[br]all of creation through small acts of love,

0:09:21.214,0:09:24.578
which meant being kind[br]even when people wronged you.

0:09:24.578,0:09:26.147
But it gave them a purpose,

0:09:26.147,0:09:29.111
to reign in the ego.

0:09:29.111,0:09:31.632
Eventually, I left home for college

0:09:31.632,0:09:35.804
and without the daily grounding[br]of Sufism in my life,

0:09:35.804,0:09:37.177
I felt unmoored

0:09:37.177,0:09:40.679
and I started searching for those things[br]that make life worth living.

0:09:40.679,0:09:43.132
That's what set me on this journey.

0:09:43.132,0:09:46.026
Looking back, I now recognize[br]that the Sufi house

0:09:46.026,0:09:48.387
had a real culture of meaning.

0:09:48.387,0:09:50.740
The pillars were part of the architecture,

0:09:50.740,0:09:54.414
and the presence of the pillars[br]helped us all live more deeply.

0:09:54.414,0:09:56.759
Of course, the same principle applies

0:09:56.759,0:09:59.302
in other strong communities as well,

0:09:59.630,0:10:01.676
good ones and bad ones.

0:10:01.676,0:10:03.494
Gangs, cults:

0:10:03.494,0:10:07.445
these are cultures of meaning[br]that use the pillars and give people

0:10:07.445,0:10:10.048
something to live and die for,

0:10:10.048,0:10:12.709
but that's exactly why we as a society

0:10:12.709,0:10:15.072
must offer better alternatives.

0:10:15.072,0:10:17.795
We need to build these pillars[br]within our families

0:10:17.795,0:10:22.477
and our institutions to help people[br]become their best selves.

0:10:22.477,0:10:25.603
But living a meaningful life takes work.

0:10:25.603,0:10:27.200
It's an ongoing process.

0:10:27.200,0:10:29.241
As each day goes by,[br]we're constantly creating our lives,

0:10:29.241,0:10:32.769
adding to our story,

0:10:32.769,0:10:36.362
and sometimes we can get off track.

0:10:36.362,0:10:38.921
Whenever that happens to me,

0:10:38.921,0:10:42.614
I remember a powerful experience[br]I had with my father.

0:10:42.614,0:10:46.492
Several months after[br]I graduated from college,

0:10:46.492,0:10:51.199
my dad had a massive heart attack[br]that should have killed him.

0:10:51.199,0:10:54.232
He survived, and when I asked him[br]what was going through his mind

0:10:54.232,0:10:56.018
as he faced death,

0:10:56.018,0:10:58.624
he said all he could think about[br]was needing to live

0:10:58.624,0:11:01.507
so he could be there[br]for my brother and me,

0:11:01.507,0:11:04.302
and this gave him the will[br]to fight for life.

0:11:04.302,0:11:07.247
When he went under anesthesia[br]for emergency surgery,[br]

0:11:07.247,0:11:09.739
instead of counting backwards from 10,

0:11:09.739,0:11:13.677
he repeated our names like a mantra.

0:11:13.677,0:11:17.847
He wanted our names to be[br]the last words he spoke on Earth

0:11:17.847,0:11:20.835
if he died.

0:11:20.835,0:11:25.185
My dad is a carpenter and a Sufi.

0:11:25.185,0:11:26.956
It's a humble life but a good life.

0:11:26.956,0:11:30.736
Lying there facing death,[br]he had a reason to live:

0:11:30.736,0:11:34.076
love.

0:11:34.076,0:11:36.407
His sense of belonging within his family,

0:11:36.407,0:11:38.245
his purpose as a dad,

0:11:38.245,0:11:41.198
his transcendent meditation,[br]repeating our names,

0:11:41.198,0:11:44.003
these, he says, are the reasons[br]why he survived.

0:11:44.003,0:11:47.914
That's the story he tells himself.

0:11:47.914,0:11:50.866
That's the power of meaning.

0:11:50.866,0:11:53.586
Happiness comes and goes,

0:11:53.586,0:11:55.359
but when life is really good

0:11:55.359,0:11:57.388
and when things are really bad,

0:11:57.388,0:12:00.464
having meaning gives you[br]something to hold onto.

0:12:00.464,0:12:01.711
Thank you.

0:12:01.711,0:12:05.293
(Applause)