[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.78,0:00:03.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a confession.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.04,0:00:07.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have been in an affair
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.51,0:00:09.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,since I was 17 years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.88,0:00:14.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I could talk about\Nbutterflies in my stomach
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.76,0:00:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or maps I drew on the ground
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.62,0:00:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I think about this affair,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.93,0:00:21.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I cannot.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.08,0:00:25.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I could talk about\Nsweet words spoken
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.36,0:00:27.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or gifts that I received
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.46,0:00:29.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from this affair,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.20,0:00:30.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I cannot.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.92,0:00:35.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All I can tell you about is the aftermath,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.92,0:00:39.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about days I spent constantly asking
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.70,0:00:43.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why, why, why me?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.42,0:00:47.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember how it all began.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.27,0:00:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in my final year of high school,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.08,0:00:54.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my class had just won in the sports,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.23,0:00:58.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we were singing and dancing\Nand hugging each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.97,0:01:00.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went and took a shower.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.78,0:01:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I went for dinner.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.24,0:01:05.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I sat down to eat,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.52,0:01:08.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my teeth started chattering,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.09,0:01:10.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so I couldn't put\Nthe spoon in my mouth.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.65,0:01:13.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I rushed to the nurse's office,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.23,0:01:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and because I couldn't talk,\NI just pointed at my mouth.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.16,0:01:18.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She didn't know what was happening,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.97,0:01:21.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so she told me to lie down,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.08,0:01:22.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it worked.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.38,0:01:24.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few minutes,\Nthe chattering stopped.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.86,0:01:29.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was about to dash out,\Nand she told me --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.32,0:01:33.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no, she insisted -- that I go up\Nto the dormitories to sleep.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.26,0:01:37.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here I was in my final year of high school
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.41,0:01:41.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just a few months from doing\Nmy end of high school exams
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.98,0:01:46.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a few days from doing a set\Nof exams we call here in Kenya "mocks,"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.90,0:01:52.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which are somehow meant to gauge\Nhow prepared one is for the final exams.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.60,0:01:54.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is no way I was going to sleep
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.92,0:01:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and let a set of exams mock me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.39,0:02:00.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to class, sat down,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.41,0:02:02.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,took my Kenyan history notes,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.79,0:02:06.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there I was down Kenyan coastal town
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.58,0:02:09.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the great Mekatilili wa Menza,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.09,0:02:14.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the Giriama woman who led her people\Nagainst British colonial rule.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.50,0:02:18.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, without any notice,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.44,0:02:21.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my left hand started jerking,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.56,0:02:25.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was as if I was marking\Nimaginary papers.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.07,0:02:28.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In and out it went,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.13,0:02:32.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and with every stroke, one by one,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.35,0:02:35.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my classmates stopped\Nconcentrating on their reading
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.86,0:02:37.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and started looking at me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.56,0:02:41.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I tried really hard to stop it,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.25,0:02:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I couldn't
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.93,0:02:44.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it had a life of its own.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.29,0:02:50.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, when it was sure\Neverybody was looking at us,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.93,0:02:55.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in its final show\Nand official introduction,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.15,0:02:57.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had my first full-blown seizure,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.98,0:03:03.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was the beginning of what\Nhas been a 15-year long affair.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.54,0:03:09.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seizures are the trademark characteristic
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.62,0:03:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for most types of epilepsy,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.12,0:03:16.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and every first ever seizure\Nneeds to be assessed by a doctor
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.62,0:03:19.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to determine if one has epilepsy,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.15,0:03:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if it's a symptom of something else.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.86,0:03:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In my case, it was confirmed\Nthat I had epilepsy.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.27,0:03:31.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent a large chunk of my time\Nin hospital and at home,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.19,0:03:34.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and only went back to do my final exams.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.44,0:03:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had seizures in between papers,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.31,0:03:41.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but managed to get good enough grades
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.47,0:03:44.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be admitted for an Actuarial\NScience degree
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.75,0:03:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the University of Nairobi.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.37,0:03:49.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.71,0:03:57.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unfortunately, I had to drop out\Nin my second year.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.30,0:03:59.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't have good enough coping skills
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.76,0:04:01.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a support community around me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.50,0:04:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was lucky enough to get a job,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.23,0:04:09.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was fired from that job\Nwhen I had a seizure in the workplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.70,0:04:18.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I found myself in a space\Nwhere I was constantly asking myself
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.30,0:04:20.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why this had to happen to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.73,0:04:24.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I lived in denial for a long time,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.44,0:04:32.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the denial was maybe because\Nof the things that had happened:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.33,0:04:35.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dropping out of school\Nand being fired from my job.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.70,0:04:39.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe it was because\Nof the things I had heard about epilepsy
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.74,0:04:42.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and about people living with epilepsy --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.35,0:04:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they would never live on their own;
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.61,0:04:46.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they would never travel on their own
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.87,0:04:48.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even get work;
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.37,0:04:51.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they were outcasts,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.24,0:04:55.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a spirit in them that they needed\Nto be delivered from.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.66,0:05:00.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so the more I thought\Nabout these things,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.31,0:05:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more my seizures became,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.01,0:05:07.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I spent days with my legs locked
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.14,0:05:10.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my speech became blurred,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.59,0:05:14.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and on days on end, this is how I'd be.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.05,0:05:17.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two or three days after a seizure,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.10,0:05:20.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my head and my head\Nwould still be twitching.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.26,0:05:23.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt lost,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.68,0:05:26.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like I'd lost everything,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.53,0:05:28.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sometimes,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.78,0:05:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even the will to live.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.72,0:05:43.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Sigh)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.56,0:05:51.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had so much frustration in me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.00,0:05:53.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so I started writing,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.57,0:05:56.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because the people around me\Ndidn't have answers
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.44,0:05:58.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the questions that I had.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.11,0:06:01.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I wrote my fears
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.84,0:06:03.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my doubts.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.93,0:06:08.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote about my good days\Nand my bad days and my really ugly days,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.22,0:06:09.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I shared them on a blog.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.08,0:06:12.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And before long,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.49,0:06:17.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I began to be seen and heard\Nby people who had epilepsy
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.14,0:06:18.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their families,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.60,0:06:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even those who did not\Nhave the diagnosis.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.95,0:06:26.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I moved from that girl\Nwho constantly asked why me
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.07,0:06:28.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to one who not only self-advocates,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.88,0:06:32.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but does it for those who are yet\Nto find their voices.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.38,0:06:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.08,0:06:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My seizures are greatly reduced,\Nfrom two to three times a day
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.05,0:06:50.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to sometimes two to three\Ntimes in one year.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.48,0:06:51.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went on --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.71,0:06:55.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.48,0:07:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went on to employ five people
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.11,0:07:03.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I began what was Kenya's first\Nfree mental health
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.61,0:07:05.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and epilepsy support line.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.86,0:07:07.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I travel --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.21,0:07:09.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.53,0:07:14.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I travel to speak about my affair,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.05,0:07:16.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all these things that I had been told
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.43,0:07:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people like me living with epilepsy\Ncould never be able to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.29,0:07:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every year, a population\Nas big as 80 percent of Nairobi
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.53,0:07:29.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gets diagnosed with epilepsy
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.32,0:07:30.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,across the globe.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.35,0:07:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they, like me,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.53,0:07:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,go through the emotions\Nof stigma and exclusion.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.60,0:07:42.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I have made it my life journey
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.10,0:07:44.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to keep these conversations going,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.71,0:07:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I keep confessing about my affair
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.91,0:07:51.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that those people who do not\Nhave the diagnosis
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.29,0:07:55.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,might know and might have\Na constant reminder
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.25,0:07:58.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it is all right to engage\Nwith people like us,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.45,0:08:04.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that as long as they pull down\Nthe walls of stigma and exclusion,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.04,0:08:06.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we, just like them,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.28,0:08:09.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be able to take anything\Nlife throws at us.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.98,0:08:11.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.19,0:08:15.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)