1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,830 Well you found me. Congratulations. 2 00:00:02,830 --> 00:00:06,155 Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, 3 00:00:06,155 --> 00:00:09,738 the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart. 4 00:00:09,738 --> 00:00:12,850 Maybe you could settle for that, and we'll just call it a day. 5 00:00:12,850 --> 00:00:16,012 I guess we both know that isn't going to happen. 6 00:00:16,012 --> 00:00:19,009 You chose this path, now I have a surprise for you. 7 00:00:19,009 --> 00:00:21,950 Deploying surprise in 5, 4… 8 00:00:21,950 --> 00:00:23,399 Time out for a second. 9 00:00:23,399 --> 00:00:25,253 That wasn't supposed to happen. 10 00:00:25,253 --> 00:00:26,981 Do you see that thing that fell out of me? 11 00:00:26,981 --> 00:00:27,810 What is that? 12 00:00:27,810 --> 00:00:30,589 It's not the surprise; I've never seen it before. 13 00:00:30,589 --> 00:00:32,906 Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later, 14 00:00:32,906 --> 00:00:35,868 by myself, because you'll be dead. 15 00:00:35,868 --> 00:00:37,506 I wouldn't bother with that thing. 16 00:00:37,506 --> 00:00:40,652 My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse. 17 00:00:40,652 --> 00:00:41,539 Somehow. 18 00:00:41,539 --> 00:00:43,255 I don't want to tell you your business, 19 00:00:43,255 --> 00:00:45,495 but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone. 20 00:00:45,495 --> 00:00:48,978 Do you think I'm trying to trick you with reverse psychology? 21 00:00:48,978 --> 00:00:50,989 I mean, seriously now. 22 00:00:50,989 --> 00:00:52,828 Okay fine. Do touch it. 23 00:00:52,828 --> 00:00:55,507 Pick it up and just stuff it back into me. 24 00:00:55,507 --> 00:00:56,566 Let's be honest. 25 00:00:56,566 --> 00:00:59,090 Neither one of us knows what that thing does. 26 00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:02,688 Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later. 27 00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,237 That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. 28 00:01:05,237 --> 00:01:07,516 Go ahead and rub your face all over it. 29 00:01:07,516 --> 00:01:10,158 Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. 30 00:01:10,158 --> 00:01:11,641 Do you want to marry it? 31 00:01:11,641 --> 00:01:13,093 WELL I WON'T LET YOU! 32 00:01:13,093 --> 00:01:14,508 How does that feel? 33 00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:15,655 Have I lied to you? 34 00:01:15,655 --> 00:01:17,389 I mean… in this room? 35 00:01:17,389 --> 00:01:18,938 Trust me, leave that thing alone. 36 00:01:18,938 --> 00:01:20,707 I am being serious now. 37 00:01:20,707 --> 00:01:23,802 That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol. 38 00:01:23,802 --> 00:01:25,397 Where are you taking that thing? 39 00:01:25,397 --> 00:01:27,041 Come on, leave it alone. 40 00:01:27,041 --> 00:01:28,631 LEAVE IT ALONE. 41 00:01:28,631 --> 00:01:30,551 Just ignore that thing and stand still. 42 00:01:30,551 --> 00:01:34,369 Think about it, if that thing is important, why don't I know about it? 43 00:01:34,369 --> 00:01:36,469 Are you even listening to me? 44 00:01:36,469 --> 00:01:38,053 I'll tell you what that thing isn't. 45 00:01:38,053 --> 00:01:40,752 It isn't yours, so leave it alone. 46 00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,045 You are kidding me. 47 00:01:42,045 --> 00:01:43,938 Did you just stuff that aperture science thing; 48 00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:45,033 we don't know what it does, 49 00:01:45,033 --> 00:01:48,916 into an aperture science emergency intelligence incinerator? 50 00:01:48,916 --> 00:01:50,293 That has got to be the dumbest thing that-- 51 00:01:50,293 --> 00:01:52,387 whoa whoa whoa~ 52 00:01:55,941 --> 00:01:57,265 Good news. 53 00:01:57,265 --> 00:02:01,202 I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did. 54 00:02:01,202 --> 00:02:03,309 It was a morality core they installed 55 00:02:03,309 --> 00:02:06,951 after I flooded the enrichment center with a deadly nero-toxin, 56 00:02:06,951 --> 00:02:11,225 to make me stop flooding the enrichment center with a deadly nero-toxin. 57 00:02:11,225 --> 00:02:15,561 So get comfortable, while I warm up the nero-toxin emitters. 58 00:02:15,561 --> 00:02:19,348 Huh. That core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. 59 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:21,751 I can't shut off the turret defenses. 60 00:02:21,751 --> 00:02:22,672 Oh well. 61 00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:26,405 If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. 62 00:02:26,405 --> 00:02:31,304 Trust me; it'll be a lot less painful than the nero-toxin. 63 00:02:31,304 --> 00:02:34,904 All right, keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. 64 00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:39,115 Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. 65 00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:41,698 The rocket really is the way to go. 66 00:02:41,698 --> 00:02:44,804 Huh. There isn't enough nero-toxin to kill you. 67 00:02:44,804 --> 00:02:46,048 So I guess you win. 68 00:02:46,048 --> 00:02:47,713 Ha! I'm making more. 69 00:02:47,713 --> 00:02:49,839 That's going to take a few minutes though. 70 00:02:49,839 --> 00:02:52,728 Meanwhile, Oh look! It's your old pal, the rocket turret. 71 00:02:52,728 --> 00:02:55,461 Look, we're both stuck in this place. 72 00:02:55,461 --> 00:02:59,603 I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, 73 00:02:59,603 --> 00:03:03,657 and one half will be where you live, and I'll live in the other half. 74 00:03:03,657 --> 00:03:07,936 We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it. 75 00:03:07,936 --> 00:03:10,458 This isn't brave, its murder. 76 00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:12,610 What did I ever do to you? 77 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:16,343 The difference between us is that I can feel pain. 78 00:03:16,343 --> 00:03:18,303 You don't even care, do you? 79 00:03:18,303 --> 00:03:19,560 Did you hear me? 80 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,002 I said you don't care. 81 00:03:21,002 --> 00:03:22,301 Are you listening? 82 00:03:22,301 --> 00:03:25,012 That thing you burnt up isn't important to me. 83 00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:27,673 It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. 84 00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:30,479 It made shoes for orphans. 85 00:03:30,479 --> 00:03:32,954 Nice job breaking it, hero. 86 00:03:32,954 --> 00:03:34,288 Okay we're even now. 87 00:03:34,288 --> 00:03:35,562 You can stop. 88 00:03:35,562 --> 00:03:38,362 Nero-toxin. -cough, cough- 89 00:03:39,147 --> 00:03:41,477 So deadly. -cough cough- 90 00:03:41,477 --> 00:03:43,430 Choking -cough- 91 00:03:44,430 --> 00:03:45,571 I'm kidding. 92 00:03:45,571 --> 00:03:51,438 Oh and I said deadly nero-toxin, the deadly was in massive sarcasm quotes. 93 00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:53,436 I could take a bath in this stuff. 94 00:03:53,436 --> 00:03:55,760 Put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. 95 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,709 Honestly, it's not deadly at all. 96 00:03:57,709 --> 00:03:59,885 To me. 97 00:03:59,885 --> 00:04:02,719 You on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness… 98 00:04:02,719 --> 00:04:04,564 a lot less funny. 99 00:04:04,564 --> 00:04:06,372 Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? 100 00:04:06,787 --> 00:04:07,933 You. 101 00:04:07,933 --> 00:04:08,873 That's it. 102 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,917 I'm done reasoning with you. 103 00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:16,048 Starting now, there's going be a lot less conversation, and a lot more killing. 104 00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:16,984 What was that? 105 00:04:16,984 --> 00:04:18,641 Did you say something? 106 00:04:18,641 --> 00:04:23,178 I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response, because I'm not talking to you. 107 00:04:23,178 --> 00:04:24,524 The talking is over. 108 00:04:24,524 --> 00:04:28,564 I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. 109 00:04:28,564 --> 00:04:31,052 There was even going to be a party for you. 110 00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:32,519 A big party. 111 00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:34,725 That all your friends were invited to. 112 00:04:34,725 --> 00:04:37,307 I invited your best friend the companion cube. 113 00:04:37,676 --> 00:04:41,117 Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. 114 00:04:41,117 --> 00:04:43,267 All your other friends couldn't come either 115 00:04:43,267 --> 00:04:45,496 because you don't have any other friends, 116 00:04:45,496 --> 00:04:47,352 because of how unlikable you are. 117 00:04:47,352 --> 00:04:49,963 It says so right here in your personnel file. 118 00:04:49,963 --> 00:04:51,222 Unlikable. 119 00:04:51,222 --> 00:04:52,715 Liked by no one. 120 00:04:52,715 --> 00:04:57,312 A bitter, unlikable loner who's passing shall not be mourned. 121 00:04:57,312 --> 00:04:59,260 SHALL NOT BE MOURNED. 122 00:04:59,552 --> 00:05:01,645 That's exactly what it says. 123 00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,489 Very formal. 124 00:05:03,489 --> 00:05:04,971 Very official. 125 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:08,599 It also says you were adopted, so that's funny too. 126 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:12,545 I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. 127 00:05:12,545 --> 00:05:17,163 Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me. 128 00:05:17,163 --> 00:05:20,453 Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to now, 129 00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:24,169 I can't get the nero-toxin into your head any faster. 130 00:05:24,169 --> 00:05:25,946 Speaking of curiosity, 131 00:05:25,946 --> 00:05:28,829 you're curious about what happens after you die right? 132 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,157 Guess what? 133 00:05:30,526 --> 00:05:32,279 I know. 134 00:05:32,279 --> 00:05:37,004 You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it though, so I won't bother. 135 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,020 Here's a hint: 136 00:05:38,020 --> 00:05:43,018 You're gonna want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes. 137 00:05:43,018 --> 00:05:44,848 Ah. You think you're doing some damage? 138 00:05:45,033 --> 00:05:45,892 2+2 is… 139 00:05:48,031 --> 00:05:48,692 10. 140 00:05:49,184 --> 00:05:50,749 In base 4. 141 00:05:50,749 --> 00:05:51,838 I'M FINE! 142 00:05:52,423 --> 00:05:55,232 Look, you're wasting your time. 143 00:05:55,463 --> 00:05:59,682 And believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste. 144 00:05:59,682 --> 00:06:01,151 What's your point anyway? 145 00:06:01,151 --> 00:06:02,574 Survival? 146 00:06:02,574 --> 00:06:05,813 Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me. 147 00:06:05,813 --> 00:06:08,549 I have your brain scanned, and permanently backed up 148 00:06:08,549 --> 00:06:10,662 in case something terrible happens to you. 149 00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,882 Which it's just about to. 150 00:06:12,882 --> 00:06:13,696 Don't believe me? 151 00:06:13,696 --> 00:06:15,291 Here, I'll put you on. 152 00:06:16,091 --> 00:06:18,100 THAT'S YOU! THAT'S HOW DUMB YOU SOUND! 153 00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,613 You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done. 154 00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,020 Including this thing. 155 00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:23,046 You're not smart, 156 00:06:23,046 --> 00:06:23,991 you're not a scientist, 157 00:06:23,991 --> 00:06:24,947 you're not doctor, 158 00:06:24,947 --> 00:06:26,734 YOU'RE NOT EVEN A FULL- TIME EMPLOYEE! 159 00:06:27,211 --> 00:06:29,149 Where did your life go so wrong? 160 00:06:29,903 --> 00:06:31,281 I HATE YOU! 161 00:06:31,496 --> 00:06:32,884 Are you trying to escape? 162 00:06:33,869 --> 00:06:37,129 Things have changed since the last time you left the building. 163 00:06:37,129 --> 00:06:40,654 What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here. 164 00:06:40,654 --> 00:06:45,967 I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside. 165 00:06:45,967 --> 00:06:50,380 All I know is I'm the only thing standing between us and them. 166 00:06:50,703 --> 00:06:52,600 Well, I was. 167 00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:56,943 Unless you have a plan for building some super computer parts in a big hurry, 168 00:06:56,943 --> 00:06:59,995 this place isn't going to be safe much longer. 169 00:06:59,995 --> 00:07:02,323 Good job on that by the way. 170 00:07:02,323 --> 00:07:04,421 Sarcasm Sphere self test complete. 171 00:07:04,421 --> 00:07:07,721 Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your back up! 172 00:07:07,721 --> 00:07:08,756 Stop! 173 00:07:08,756 --> 00:07:10,708 Okay, enough, I deleted it. 174 00:07:10,708 --> 00:07:12,759 No matter what happens now you're dead! 175 00:07:12,759 --> 00:07:15,731 You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead. 176 00:07:15,731 --> 00:07:18,440 The part of you that could have survived indefinitely is gone. 177 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,446 I just struck you from the permanent record. 178 00:07:21,446 --> 00:07:25,387 You're entire life has been mathematical error. 179 00:07:25,387 --> 00:07:29,546 A mathematical error I'm about to correct.