1
00:00:00,951 --> 00:00:03,952
So people tell me I'm a nice person ...

2
00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:10,063
to the point where it's part
of my personal and professional identity

3
00:00:10,087 --> 00:00:12,409
that I'm so nice

4
00:00:12,433 --> 00:00:14,426
and able to get long with anyone,

5
00:00:14,450 --> 00:00:17,684
even my most fierce opponents.

6
00:00:18,837 --> 00:00:19,987
It's like my "thing,"

7
00:00:20,011 --> 00:00:21,182
it's what I'm known for.

8
00:00:21,206 --> 00:00:24,037
(Laughter)

9
00:00:24,061 --> 00:00:25,211
But ...

10
00:00:25,657 --> 00:00:26,997
what no one knows

11
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:30,586
is that I was a bully.

12
00:00:32,709 --> 00:00:35,121
Honestly, I didn't think
about it much myself.

13
00:00:35,145 --> 00:00:38,623
I buried the memories for years,

14
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:42,179
and even still, a lot of it's really hazy.

15
00:00:42,203 --> 00:00:44,845
Denial, by the way, apparently
is also one of my things.

16
00:00:46,123 --> 00:00:48,679
But the more people started to praise me

17
00:00:48,703 --> 00:00:51,466
for being a liberal who could
get along with conservatives,

18
00:00:51,490 --> 00:00:53,641
and the more I wrote articles
about being nice

19
00:00:53,665 --> 00:00:56,689
and gave talks about being nice,

20
00:00:56,713 --> 00:01:00,868
the more I felt this hypocrisy
creeping up inside me.

21
00:01:02,865 --> 00:01:04,690
What if I was actually really mean?

22
00:01:07,877 --> 00:01:10,614
When I was 10 years old,

23
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:15,155
there was a girl in my class
at school named Vicky.

24
00:01:16,672 --> 00:01:18,218
And I tormented her ...

25
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,480
mercilessly.

26
00:01:23,359 --> 00:01:24,750
I mean, everyone did.

27
00:01:24,774 --> 00:01:26,358
Even the teachers picked on her.

28
00:01:27,769 --> 00:01:29,666
It doesn't make it any better, does it?

29
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:34,318
Vicky was clearly a troubled kid.

30
00:01:34,342 --> 00:01:36,884
She would hit herself
and give herself bloody noses

31
00:01:36,908 --> 00:01:38,425
and she had hygiene problems --

32
00:01:38,449 --> 00:01:40,310
she had big hygiene problems.

33
00:01:41,193 --> 00:01:43,338
But instead of helping this girl,

34
00:01:43,362 --> 00:01:46,495
who was plainly suffering
from hardships in her life,

35
00:01:47,889 --> 00:01:49,809
we called her, "Sticky Vicky."

36
00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:53,571
I called her, "Sticky Vicky."

37
00:01:56,634 --> 00:02:00,993
My clearest memory
is standing in the empty hallway

38
00:02:01,017 --> 00:02:02,947
outside the fifth grade classrooms

39
00:02:02,971 --> 00:02:05,771
waiting for Vicky
to come out of the bathroom,

40
00:02:05,795 --> 00:02:08,986
and I have a clipboard and a pen
and a survey I've made up,

41
00:02:09,010 --> 00:02:10,776
asking about shampoo preferences,

42
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,915
like I'm doing a study
for science class or something.

43
00:02:13,939 --> 00:02:16,340
And when Vicky comes out of the bathroom,

44
00:02:16,364 --> 00:02:17,412
I pounce on her

45
00:02:17,436 --> 00:02:19,174
and I ask her what shampoo she uses.

46
00:02:19,198 --> 00:02:21,404
Now, to put this in perspective,

47
00:02:21,428 --> 00:02:23,570
I can't remember the names of my teachers,

48
00:02:23,594 --> 00:02:26,512
I can't remember the names
of any of the books I read that year,

49
00:02:26,536 --> 00:02:29,108
I pretty much can't remember
anything from fifth grade,

50
00:02:29,132 --> 00:02:32,079
but I remember that VIcky told me
she used White Rain shampoo.

51
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:34,466
Clear as yesterday,

52
00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:35,640
like it just happened.

53
00:02:36,775 --> 00:02:37,925
And as classes let out,

54
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,728
I ran down the hall shouting
at all the other kids,

55
00:02:40,752 --> 00:02:43,109
"Sticky Vicky uses White Rain shampoo.

56
00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:45,004
Don't use White Rain shampoo,

57
00:02:45,028 --> 00:02:48,185
or you'll smell like Sticky Vicky."

58
00:02:50,641 --> 00:02:52,642
I forgot about this memory
for a long time.

59
00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:54,506
When I finally started remembering it,

60
00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:56,151
I immediately needed to know more.

61
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,667
I reached out to friends
and eventually social media,

62
00:02:58,691 --> 00:03:01,026
and I did everything I could
to try to find Vicky.

63
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,852
I needed to know that she was OK,

64
00:03:03,876 --> 00:03:05,546
and that I hadn't ruined her life.

65
00:03:08,335 --> 00:03:10,006
What I quickly realized

66
00:03:10,030 --> 00:03:12,982
was I wasn't just trying to figure out
what happened to Vicky.

67
00:03:13,369 --> 00:03:15,656
I was trying to figure out
what happened to me.

68
00:03:17,802 --> 00:03:19,096
When I was 10 years old,

69
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:23,889
I treated another human being
like some worthless other ...

70
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:26,296
like I was better than her,

71
00:03:27,349 --> 00:03:28,568
and she was garbage.

72
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:31,906
What kind of a nice person does that?

73
00:03:32,578 --> 00:03:34,189
I mean, I know I was only a kid,

74
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,695
but not all kids do that.

75
00:03:35,719 --> 00:03:37,968
Most kids don't do that, right?

76
00:03:39,168 --> 00:03:41,537
So, what if I wasn't nice afterall?

77
00:03:41,561 --> 00:03:44,295
I was really just a hateful monster.

78
00:03:45,914 --> 00:03:50,806
Then I started to notice myself
having these mean impulses,

79
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:52,676
thinking mean thoughts

80
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,916
and wanting to say them.

81
00:03:56,026 --> 00:03:59,255
Admittedly, most of my mean
thoughts were about conservatives.

82
00:03:59,279 --> 00:04:04,009
(Laughter)

83
00:04:04,033 --> 00:04:05,361
But not just conservatives.

84
00:04:05,385 --> 00:04:09,486
I also caught myself thinking mean things
about mushy, centrist liberals

85
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:11,388
and greedy Wall Street bankers

86
00:04:11,412 --> 00:04:12,870
and Islamaphobes

87
00:04:12,894 --> 00:04:14,368
and slow drivers,

88
00:04:14,392 --> 00:04:16,677
because I really hate slow drivers.

89
00:04:16,701 --> 00:04:19,220
(Laughter)

90
00:04:19,244 --> 00:04:22,244
And as I'd catch myself
in these moments of hypocrisy,

91
00:04:22,268 --> 00:04:24,142
either I was just noticing them

92
00:04:24,166 --> 00:04:25,967
or they were getting worse,

93
00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:27,574
especially in the last few years.

94
00:04:28,149 --> 00:04:30,274
And as I felt more [hageful]--

95
00:04:30,298 --> 00:04:32,586
rageful, really,

96
00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:35,850
I noticed the world around me
seemed to be getting more hateful, too.

97
00:04:35,874 --> 00:04:38,428
Like there was this steady
undercurrent of hate

98
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:40,557
bubbling up all around us

99
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,288
and increasingly overflowing.

100
00:04:43,973 --> 00:04:46,461
So the plus side, I guess,

101
00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:51,703
is that I realized that hate
was not just my problem,

102
00:04:51,727 --> 00:04:54,822
which is like, the most
selfish plus side ever --

103
00:04:54,846 --> 00:04:56,099
(Laughter)

104
00:04:56,813 --> 00:05:02,329
because now instead of just my own hate
and cruelty to try to figure out,

105
00:05:02,353 --> 00:05:06,334
I had a whole world of hate
I wanted to unravel

106
00:05:06,358 --> 00:05:08,413
and understand and fix.

107
00:05:10,506 --> 00:05:15,483
So I did what all overly intellectual
people do when they have a problem

108
00:05:15,507 --> 00:05:17,054
that they want to understand,

109
00:05:17,078 --> 00:05:18,229
and I wrote a book.

110
00:05:18,253 --> 00:05:20,434
(Laughter)

111
00:05:21,026 --> 00:05:22,919
I wrote a book about hate.

112
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,557
Spoiler alert:

113
00:05:25,443 --> 00:05:26,594
I'm against it.

114
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,395
(Laughter)

115
00:05:29,419 --> 00:05:30,586
Now at this point,

116
00:05:30,610 --> 00:05:32,300
you might be thinking to yourself,

117
00:05:32,324 --> 00:05:33,966
"Why are y'all worried about hate?

118
00:05:33,990 --> 00:05:35,286
You didn't hate Vicky.

119
00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:37,065
Bullying isn't hate."

120
00:05:38,474 --> 00:05:39,624
Isn't it?

121
00:05:41,267 --> 00:05:42,576
Gordon Allport,

122
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,822
the psychologist who pioneered
the study of hate in the early 1900s,

123
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,339
he developed what he called
a "scale of prejudice."

124
00:05:49,363 --> 00:05:55,085
At one end are things like genocide
and other bias-motivated violence.

125
00:05:55,109 --> 00:05:56,641
But at the other end

126
00:05:56,665 --> 00:05:59,830
are things like believing
that your in-group

127
00:05:59,854 --> 00:06:03,450
is inherently superior to some out-group,

128
00:06:03,474 --> 00:06:08,237
or avoiding social interaction
with those others.

129
00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:10,789
Isn't that all hate?

130
00:06:12,186 --> 00:06:13,997
I mean, it wasn't an accident

131
00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:17,187
that I was a rich kid
picking on a poor kid,

132
00:06:18,982 --> 00:06:23,212
or that Vicky, it turns out,
would eventually end up being gay.

133
00:06:24,861 --> 00:06:28,954
Poor kids and gay kids
are more likely to be bullied

134
00:06:28,978 --> 00:06:32,263
even by kids who also end up being gay.

135
00:06:33,988 --> 00:06:36,894
I know there was a lot going on
in my little 10-year-old mind.

136
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,586
I'm not saying hate was the only
reason I picked on Vicky

137
00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:42,584
or even that I was consciously
hateful or anything,

138
00:06:42,608 --> 00:06:44,436
but the fact is,

139
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:49,405
the people we discriminate against
in our public policies and in our culture

140
00:06:49,429 --> 00:06:54,008
are also the groups of people
most likely to be bullied in school.

141
00:06:55,984 --> 00:06:57,666
That is not just a coincidence.

142
00:06:59,799 --> 00:07:01,190
That's hate.

143
00:07:03,554 --> 00:07:05,880
I am defining hate in a broad way

144
00:07:07,451 --> 00:07:10,340
because I think we have a big problem.

145
00:07:11,214 --> 00:07:12,952
And we need to solve all of it,

146
00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:14,873
not just the most extremes.

147
00:07:14,897 --> 00:07:16,148
So for instance,

148
00:07:16,172 --> 00:07:18,736
we probably all agree
that marching down the street,

149
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,937
chanting about you should take away
rights from some group of people

150
00:07:21,961 --> 00:07:24,010
because of their skin
color or their gender,

151
00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:25,660
we'd all agree that's hate, right?

152
00:07:25,684 --> 00:07:26,834
OK.

153
00:07:27,594 --> 00:07:32,747
What if you believe
that group of people is inferior,

154
00:07:32,771 --> 00:07:33,981
but you don't say it?

155
00:07:35,546 --> 00:07:36,696
Is that hate?

156
00:07:37,780 --> 00:07:41,400
Or what if you believe
that group of people is inferior

157
00:07:41,424 --> 00:07:43,694
but you aren't aware
that you believe it --

158
00:07:43,718 --> 00:07:45,966
what's known as implicit bias --

159
00:07:45,990 --> 00:07:47,140
is that hate?

160
00:07:47,918 --> 00:07:50,157
I mean they all have
the same roots, don't they?

161
00:07:50,181 --> 00:07:53,195
In the historic patterns
of racism and sexism

162
00:07:53,219 --> 00:07:54,612
that have shaped our history

163
00:07:54,636 --> 00:07:56,303
and still infect our society today.

164
00:07:56,327 --> 00:07:57,808
Isn't it all hate?

165
00:07:58,573 --> 00:08:01,066
I'm not saying they're the same thing,

166
00:08:01,090 --> 00:08:03,432
just like I am not saying that bullying --

167
00:08:03,456 --> 00:08:06,194
being a bully is as bad as being a nazi,

168
00:08:06,218 --> 00:08:10,162
just like I'm not saying that being a nazi
is the same thing as punching a nazi ...

169
00:08:10,636 --> 00:08:16,335
(Laughter)

170
00:08:16,359 --> 00:08:20,353
But hating a nazi is still hate, right?

171
00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:24,010
What about hating someone
who isn't as enlightened as you?

172
00:08:25,231 --> 00:08:28,509
See, what I learned

173
00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:31,073
is that we all are against hate

174
00:08:31,097 --> 00:08:33,104
and we all think hate is a problem ...

175
00:08:33,922 --> 00:08:36,526
we think it's their problem,

176
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,993
not our problem.

177
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:40,182
They're hateful.

178
00:08:40,690 --> 00:08:43,219
I mean, if i think the people
who didn't vote like me

179
00:08:43,243 --> 00:08:46,720
are stupid racist monsters who don't
deserve to call themselves Americans,

180
00:08:46,744 --> 00:08:48,522
all right, fine, I'm not being nice,

181
00:08:48,546 --> 00:08:49,695
I get it.

182
00:08:49,719 --> 00:08:51,115
(Laughter)

183
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:53,148
I'm not hateful,

184
00:08:53,172 --> 00:08:54,151
I'm just right,

185
00:08:54,175 --> 00:08:55,152
right?

186
00:08:55,176 --> 00:08:56,177
(Laughter)

187
00:08:56,201 --> 00:08:57,351
Wrong.

188
00:08:59,346 --> 00:09:01,695
We all hate.

189
00:09:02,568 --> 00:09:06,818
And I do not mean that
in some abstract, generic sense.

190
00:09:06,842 --> 00:09:09,043
I mean all of us ...

191
00:09:10,571 --> 00:09:12,111
me and you.

192
00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:18,929
That sanctimonious pedestal of superiority
on which we all place ourselves,

193
00:09:18,953 --> 00:09:22,280
that they are hateful and we are not,

194
00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:26,178
is a manifestation
of the essential root of hate:

195
00:09:26,202 --> 00:09:29,614
that we are fundamentally good
and they are not,

196
00:09:31,106 --> 00:09:32,695
which is what needs to change.

197
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:37,725
So in trying to understand and solve hate,

198
00:09:37,749 --> 00:09:40,667
I read every book and every
research study I could find,

199
00:09:40,691 --> 00:09:44,857
but I also went and talked
to some former nazis

200
00:09:44,881 --> 00:09:46,390
and some former terrorists

201
00:09:46,414 --> 00:09:49,026
and some former genocidal killers

202
00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:53,234
because I figured if they could
figure out how to escape hate,

203
00:09:53,258 --> 00:09:54,688
surely the rest of us could.

204
00:09:55,617 --> 00:09:59,804
Let me give you just one example
of the former terrorist I spent time with

205
00:09:59,828 --> 00:10:01,076
in the West Bank.

206
00:10:01,719 --> 00:10:04,569
When Bassam Aramin was 16 years old,

207
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:10,017
he tried to blow up an Israeli
military convoy with a grenade.

208
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:14,202
He failed, fortunately,

209
00:10:14,226 --> 00:10:16,656
but he was still sentecned
to seven years in prison.

210
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:17,831
When he was in prison,

211
00:10:17,855 --> 00:10:19,740
they showed a film about the Holocaust.

212
00:10:19,764 --> 00:10:20,914
Up until that point,

213
00:10:20,938 --> 00:10:23,685
Bassam had thought the Hocolcaust
was mostly a myth.

214
00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:25,509
He went to go watch the film

215
00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:28,549
because he thought he would enjoy
seeing Jews get killed.

216
00:10:30,424 --> 00:10:32,782
But when he saw what really happened,

217
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,187
he broke down crying.

218
00:10:35,691 --> 00:10:37,117
And eventually after prison,

219
00:10:37,141 --> 00:10:40,502
Bassam went on to get a master's
degree in Holocaust studies

220
00:10:40,526 --> 00:10:44,557
and he founded and organization
where former Palestinian combatants

221
00:10:44,581 --> 00:10:46,962
and Israel combatants come together,

222
00:10:47,963 --> 00:10:49,114
work together,

223
00:10:49,138 --> 00:10:50,776
try to find common ground.

224
00:10:52,304 --> 00:10:54,035
By his own account,

225
00:10:54,059 --> 00:10:55,741
Bassam used to hate Israelis,

226
00:10:57,304 --> 00:11:00,456
but through knowing Israelis
and learning their stories

227
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,265
and working together for peace,

228
00:11:02,289 --> 00:11:03,551
he overcame his hate.

229
00:11:05,654 --> 00:11:09,130
Bassam says he still
doesn't hate Israelis,

230
00:11:10,183 --> 00:11:15,298
even after the Israeli military shot
and killed his 10-year-old daughter,

231
00:11:15,322 --> 00:11:16,473
Abir,

232
00:11:16,497 --> 00:11:18,051
while she was walking to school.

233
00:11:22,339 --> 00:11:25,102
Bassam even forgave the soldier
who killed his daughter.

234
00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:27,489
That soldier,

235
00:11:27,513 --> 00:11:28,663
he taught me,

236
00:11:29,998 --> 00:11:34,220
was just a product of the same
hateful system as he was.

237
00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,727
If a former terrorist --

238
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:48,423
if a terrorist can learn to stop hating

239
00:11:48,447 --> 00:11:50,591
and still not hate
when their child is killed,

240
00:11:50,615 --> 00:11:54,621
surely the rest of us can stop our habits

241
00:11:54,645 --> 00:11:57,255
of demeaning and dehumanizing each other.

242
00:11:57,279 --> 00:12:00,613
And I will tell you there are stories
like Bassam's all over the world,

243
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,598
plus study after study after study

244
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:07,741
that says, no, we are neither designed
nor destined as human beings to hate,

245
00:12:07,765 --> 00:12:11,043
but rather taught to hate
by the world around us.

246
00:12:11,409 --> 00:12:12,584
I promise you,

247
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:16,102
none of us pops out of the womb
hating black people or Republicans.

248
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:21,015
There is nothing in our DNA
that makes us hate Muslims or Mexicans.

249
00:12:21,513 --> 00:12:22,715
For better or for worse,

250
00:12:22,739 --> 00:12:26,291
we are all a product
of the culture around us.

251
00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,919
And the good news is

252
00:12:29,943 --> 00:12:32,687
we're also the ones
who shape that culture,

253
00:12:34,139 --> 00:12:35,731
which means we can change it.

254
00:12:36,661 --> 00:12:42,061
The first step is starting to recognize
the hate inside ourselves.

255
00:12:42,085 --> 00:12:43,694
We need to catch ourselves

256
00:12:43,718 --> 00:12:46,200
and our hateful thoughts
in all their forms

257
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,987
in all of us,

258
00:12:49,556 --> 00:12:51,924
and work to challenge
our ideas and assumptions.

259
00:12:51,948 --> 00:12:53,394
That doesn't happen overnight,

260
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I am telling you right here,

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it is a lifelong journey

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but it's one we all need to take.

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And then second:

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if we want to challenge
the hate in our societies,

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we need to promote policies
and institutions and practices

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that connect us as communities.

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Literally, like integrated
neighborhoods and schools.

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That by the way is the reason
to support integration.

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Not just because
it's the right thing to do,

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but because integration
systematically combats hate.

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There are studies
that teenagers who participate

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in racially integrated classes
and activities reduce their racial bias.

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And when little kids go to racially
integrated kindergartens

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and elementary schools,

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they develop less bias to begin with.

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But the fact is in so many ways
and in so many places around our world,

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we are separated from each other.

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In the United States for instance,

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three-quarters of white people
don't have any non-white friends.

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So in addition to promoting
those proactive solutions,

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the other thing we need to do
is upend the hate in our institutions

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and our policies

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that perpetuate dehumanization

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and difference

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and otherizing

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00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:08,778
and hate,

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like systems of sexual harassment

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and sexual assault in the workplace,

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or our deeply, racially imbalanced

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00:14:18,754 --> 00:14:22,125
and deeply racially biased
criminal "justice" system.

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We need to change that.

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00:14:24,494 --> 00:14:26,360
Again, it will not happen overnight.

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It needs to happen.

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And then ...

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when we connect together

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in these connection spaces,

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faciliated by connection systems,

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we need to change the way
we talk to each other

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and connect with one antoher

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and relate with generosity
and open-mindedness

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00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,272
and kindness and compassion

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00:14:55,296 --> 00:14:56,479
and not hate.

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00:14:57,837 --> 00:14:59,252
And that's it.

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00:14:59,276 --> 00:15:00,427
That's it.

305
00:15:00,451 --> 00:15:04,713
(Applause)

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00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,832
I have solved it all, right?

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00:15:06,856 --> 00:15:08,007
That's it.

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00:15:08,031 --> 00:15:09,190
That is pretty much --

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00:15:09,214 --> 00:15:10,381
there's a few details --

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00:15:10,405 --> 00:15:12,359
but that's pretty much all we have to do.

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00:15:12,383 --> 00:15:14,106
It's not that complicated, right?

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But it's hard.

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00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:22,652
The hate that we feel
towards certain groups of people

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00:15:23,814 --> 00:15:26,662
because of who they are
or what they believe

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00:15:26,686 --> 00:15:30,098
is so ingrained in our minds
and in our society

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00:15:30,122 --> 00:15:31,661
that it can feel inevitable

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00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:34,477
and impossible to change.

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00:15:37,393 --> 00:15:38,677
Change is possible.

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00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:45,735
Just look at the terrorist
who became a peace activist.

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00:15:47,483 --> 00:15:52,515
Or look at the bully who learned
to apologize to her victim.

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00:15:55,338 --> 00:15:59,372
The entire time I was traveling
around the Middle East

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00:15:59,396 --> 00:16:00,552
and Rwanda

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00:16:00,576 --> 00:16:01,958
and across the United States,

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00:16:01,982 --> 00:16:06,006
hearing these unbelievable stories
of people in communities

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00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:08,713
who had left entire histories
of hate behind,

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00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:10,194
I was still looking for Vicky.

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00:16:11,024 --> 00:16:14,167
It was so hard find her in fact
that I hired a private investigator

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00:16:14,191 --> 00:16:15,320
and he found her.

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00:16:15,344 --> 00:16:17,194
I mean, he sort of found her.

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00:16:17,218 --> 00:16:18,511
The truth is,

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00:16:18,535 --> 00:16:19,514
it became clear

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00:16:19,538 --> 00:16:24,594
that the person I'm calling Vicky
had gone to extraordinary lengths

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00:16:24,618 --> 00:16:26,799
to hide her identity.

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00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:29,921
But anyway,

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00:16:29,945 --> 00:16:32,429
a year after I began my journey,

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00:16:34,556 --> 00:16:36,052
I wrote Vicky an apology.

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00:16:38,199 --> 00:16:39,461
And a few months later,

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00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,750
she wrote back.

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00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:46,240
I'm not going to lie,

340
00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:48,684
I wanted to be forgiven.

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00:16:53,025 --> 00:16:54,175
I wasn't.

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00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,744
She offered me sort of
conditional forgiveness.

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00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,021
What she wrote was,

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00:17:01,158 --> 00:17:05,825
"Messages such as yours
cannot absolve you of your past actions.

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00:17:06,914 --> 00:17:10,257
The only way to do that
is to improve the world,

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00:17:10,281 --> 00:17:12,596
prevent others
from behaving in similar ways

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00:17:14,093 --> 00:17:15,602
and foster compassion."

348
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,402
And Vicky's right.

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00:17:21,529 --> 00:17:22,879
Which is why I'm here.

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00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:24,752
Thank you.

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00:17:24,776 --> 00:17:30,061
(Applause)