1
00:00:00,951 --> 00:00:03,952
So people tell me I'm a nice person ...

2
00:00:06,020 --> 00:00:10,063
to the point where it's part
of my personal and professional identity

3
00:00:10,087 --> 00:00:14,426
that I'm so nice
and able to get along with anyone,

4
00:00:14,450 --> 00:00:17,684
even my most fierce opponents.

5
00:00:18,837 --> 00:00:21,047
It's like my "thing,"
it's what I'm known for.

6
00:00:21,071 --> 00:00:24,037
(Laughter)

7
00:00:24,061 --> 00:00:26,997
But what no one knows ...

8
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:30,586
is that I was a bully.

9
00:00:32,709 --> 00:00:35,121
Honestly, I didn't think
about it much myself.

10
00:00:35,145 --> 00:00:38,623
I buried the memories for years,

11
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:42,179
and even still, a lot of it's really hazy.

12
00:00:42,203 --> 00:00:44,846
Denial, by the way, apparently
is also one of my things.

13
00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:46,099
(Laughter)

14
00:00:46,123 --> 00:00:48,679
But the more people started to praise me

15
00:00:48,703 --> 00:00:51,466
for being a liberal who could
get along with conservatives,

16
00:00:51,490 --> 00:00:53,641
and the more I wrote articles
about being nice

17
00:00:53,665 --> 00:00:56,689
and gave talks about being nice,

18
00:00:56,713 --> 00:01:00,868
the more I felt this hypocrisy
creeping up inside me.

19
00:01:02,865 --> 00:01:04,690
What if I was actually really mean?

20
00:01:07,877 --> 00:01:10,614
When I was 10 years old,

21
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:15,175
there was a girl in my class
at school named Vicky.

22
00:01:15,199 --> 00:01:16,648
(Sigh)

23
00:01:16,672 --> 00:01:18,218
And I tormented her ...

24
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:21,480
mercilessly.

25
00:01:23,359 --> 00:01:24,750
I mean, everyone did.

26
00:01:24,774 --> 00:01:26,358
Even the teachers picked on her.

27
00:01:27,769 --> 00:01:29,666
It doesn't make it any better, does it?

28
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:34,318
Vicky was clearly a troubled kid.

29
00:01:34,342 --> 00:01:36,884
She would hit herself
and give herself bloody noses

30
00:01:36,908 --> 00:01:38,425
and she had hygiene problems --

31
00:01:38,449 --> 00:01:40,310
she had big hygiene problems.

32
00:01:41,193 --> 00:01:43,338
But instead of helping this girl,

33
00:01:43,362 --> 00:01:46,495
who was plainly suffering
from hardships in her life ...

34
00:01:47,889 --> 00:01:49,809
we called her "Sticky Vicky."

35
00:01:51,821 --> 00:01:53,571
I called her "Sticky Vicky."

36
00:01:56,634 --> 00:02:00,993
My clearest memory
is standing in the empty hallway

37
00:02:01,017 --> 00:02:02,947
outside the fifth grade classrooms

38
00:02:02,971 --> 00:02:05,771
waiting for Vicky
to come out of the bathroom,

39
00:02:05,795 --> 00:02:08,986
and I have a clipboard and a pen
and a survey I've made up,

40
00:02:09,010 --> 00:02:10,776
asking about shampoo preferences,

41
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,915
like I'm doing a study
for science class or something.

42
00:02:13,939 --> 00:02:16,340
And when Vicky comes out of the bathroom,

43
00:02:16,364 --> 00:02:19,174
I pounce on her and I ask her
what shampoo she uses.

44
00:02:19,198 --> 00:02:21,404
Now, to put this in perspective,

45
00:02:21,428 --> 00:02:23,471
I can't remember the names of my teachers,

46
00:02:23,495 --> 00:02:26,512
I can't remember the names
of any of the books I read that year,

47
00:02:26,536 --> 00:02:29,108
I pretty much can't remember
anything from fifth grade,

48
00:02:29,132 --> 00:02:32,079
but I remember that Vicky told me
she used White Rain shampoo.

49
00:02:33,285 --> 00:02:34,466
Clear as yesterday,

50
00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:35,640
like it just happened.

51
00:02:36,775 --> 00:02:37,925
And as classes let out,

52
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:40,728
I ran down the hall shouting
at all the other kids,

53
00:02:40,752 --> 00:02:43,109
"Sticky Vicky uses White Rain shampoo.

54
00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:45,004
Don't use White Rain shampoo

55
00:02:45,028 --> 00:02:48,185
or you'll smell like Sticky Vicky."

56
00:02:50,641 --> 00:02:52,642
I forgot about this memory
for a long time.

57
00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:54,506
When I finally started remembering it,

58
00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:56,151
I immediately needed to know more.

59
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,667
I reached out to friends
and eventually social media,

60
00:02:58,691 --> 00:03:01,026
and I did everything I could
to try to find Vicky.

61
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,852
I needed to know that she was OK,

62
00:03:03,876 --> 00:03:05,546
and that I hadn't ruined her life.

63
00:03:07,471 --> 00:03:08,510
(Sigh)

64
00:03:08,534 --> 00:03:10,054
But what I quickly realized

65
00:03:10,078 --> 00:03:13,030
was I wasn't just trying to figure out
what happened to Vicky.

66
00:03:13,369 --> 00:03:15,656
I was trying to figure out
what happened to me.

67
00:03:17,802 --> 00:03:19,096
When I was 10 years old,

68
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:23,889
I treated another human being
like some worthless other ...

69
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:26,296
like I was better than her,

70
00:03:27,349 --> 00:03:28,568
and she was garbage.

71
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:31,906
What kind of a nice person does that?

72
00:03:32,578 --> 00:03:34,189
I mean, I know I was only a kid,

73
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,695
but not all kids do that.

74
00:03:35,719 --> 00:03:37,968
Most kids don't do that, right?

75
00:03:39,168 --> 00:03:41,537
So, what if I wasn't nice after all?

76
00:03:41,561 --> 00:03:44,378
I was really just a hateful monster.

77
00:03:45,914 --> 00:03:50,806
Then I started to notice myself
having these mean impulses,

78
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:52,676
thinking mean thoughts

79
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:53,916
and wanting to say them.

80
00:03:56,026 --> 00:03:59,195
Admittedly, most of my mean thoughts
were about conservatives.

81
00:03:59,219 --> 00:04:04,009
(Laughter)

82
00:04:04,033 --> 00:04:05,361
But not just conservatives.

83
00:04:05,385 --> 00:04:09,486
I also caught myself thinking mean things
about mushy, centrist liberals

84
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:11,388
and greedy Wall Street bankers

85
00:04:11,412 --> 00:04:12,870
and Islamophobes

86
00:04:12,894 --> 00:04:14,368
and slow drivers,

87
00:04:14,392 --> 00:04:16,677
because I really hate slow drivers.

88
00:04:16,701 --> 00:04:19,220
(Laughter)

89
00:04:19,244 --> 00:04:22,244
And as I'd catch myself
in these moments of hypocrisy,

90
00:04:22,268 --> 00:04:25,967
either I was just noticing them
or they were getting worse,

91
00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:27,574
especially in the last few years.

92
00:04:28,149 --> 00:04:30,274
And as I felt more hateful --

93
00:04:30,298 --> 00:04:32,586
rageful, really --

94
00:04:32,610 --> 00:04:35,850
I noticed the world around me
seemed to be getting more hateful, too.

95
00:04:35,874 --> 00:04:38,428
Like there was this steady
undercurrent of hate

96
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:40,557
bubbling up all around us

97
00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:42,288
and increasingly overflowing.

98
00:04:43,973 --> 00:04:46,461
So the plus side, I guess,

99
00:04:46,485 --> 00:04:51,703
is that I realized that hate
was not just my problem,

100
00:04:51,727 --> 00:04:54,822
which is like, the most
selfish plus side ever --

101
00:04:54,846 --> 00:04:56,373
(Laughter)

102
00:04:56,813 --> 00:05:02,329
because now instead of just my own hate
and cruelty to try to figure out,

103
00:05:02,353 --> 00:05:06,334
I had a whole world of hate
I wanted to unravel

104
00:05:06,358 --> 00:05:08,413
and understand and fix.

105
00:05:10,506 --> 00:05:15,483
So I did what all overly intellectual
people do when they have a problem

106
00:05:15,507 --> 00:05:17,054
that they want to understand,

107
00:05:17,078 --> 00:05:18,229
and I wrote a book.

108
00:05:18,253 --> 00:05:20,434
(Laughter)

109
00:05:21,026 --> 00:05:22,919
I wrote a book about hate.

110
00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:24,557
Spoiler alert:

111
00:05:25,443 --> 00:05:26,594
I'm against it.

112
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,395
(Laughter)

113
00:05:29,419 --> 00:05:32,001
Now at this point,
you might be thinking to yourself,

114
00:05:32,025 --> 00:05:33,825
"Why are y'all worried about hate?

115
00:05:33,849 --> 00:05:35,000
You didn't hate Vicky.

116
00:05:35,024 --> 00:05:36,800
Bullying isn't hate."

117
00:05:38,474 --> 00:05:39,624
Isn't it?

118
00:05:41,267 --> 00:05:42,576
Gordon Allport,

119
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,822
the psychologist who pioneered
the study of hate in the early 1900s,

120
00:05:46,846 --> 00:05:49,339
developed what he called
a "scale of prejudice."

121
00:05:49,363 --> 00:05:55,085
At one end are things like genocide
and other bias-motivated violence.

122
00:05:55,109 --> 00:05:56,641
But at the other end

123
00:05:56,665 --> 00:05:59,830
are things like believing
that your in-group

124
00:05:59,854 --> 00:06:03,450
is inherently superior to some out-group,

125
00:06:03,474 --> 00:06:08,237
or avoiding social interaction
with those others.

126
00:06:09,583 --> 00:06:10,789
Isn't that all hate?

127
00:06:12,186 --> 00:06:13,997
I mean, it wasn't an accident

128
00:06:14,021 --> 00:06:17,187
that I was a rich kid
picking on a poor kid,

129
00:06:18,982 --> 00:06:23,212
or that Vicky, it turns out,
would eventually end up being gay.

130
00:06:24,861 --> 00:06:28,954
Poor kids and gay kids
are more likely to be bullied,

131
00:06:28,978 --> 00:06:32,263
even by kids who also end up being gay.

132
00:06:33,988 --> 00:06:36,894
I know there was a lot going on
in my little 10-year-old mind.

133
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,586
I'm not saying hate was the only
reason I picked on Vicky

134
00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:42,584
or even that I was consciously
hateful or anything,

135
00:06:42,608 --> 00:06:44,436
but the fact is,

136
00:06:44,460 --> 00:06:49,405
the people we discriminate against
in our public policies and in our culture

137
00:06:49,429 --> 00:06:54,008
are also the groups of people
most likely to be bullied in school.

138
00:06:55,984 --> 00:06:57,666
That is not just a coincidence.

139
00:06:59,799 --> 00:07:01,190
That's hate.

140
00:07:03,554 --> 00:07:05,925
I am defining hate in a broad way

141
00:07:07,451 --> 00:07:10,340
because I think we have a big problem.

142
00:07:11,214 --> 00:07:14,873
And we need to solve all of it,
not just the most extremes.

143
00:07:14,897 --> 00:07:16,148
So for instance,

144
00:07:16,172 --> 00:07:18,736
we probably all agree
that marching down the street,

145
00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,038
chanting about you should take away
rights from some group of people

146
00:07:22,062 --> 00:07:24,112
because of their skin color
or their gender,

147
00:07:24,136 --> 00:07:26,085
we'd all agree that's hate, right? OK.

148
00:07:27,594 --> 00:07:31,387
What if you believe
that group of people is inferior,

149
00:07:32,771 --> 00:07:33,981
but you don't say it?

150
00:07:35,546 --> 00:07:36,696
Is that hate?

151
00:07:37,780 --> 00:07:41,400
Or what if you believe
that group of people is inferior

152
00:07:41,424 --> 00:07:43,694
but you aren't aware
that you believe it --

153
00:07:43,718 --> 00:07:45,304
what's known as implicit bias.

154
00:07:45,990 --> 00:07:47,140
Is that hate?

155
00:07:47,918 --> 00:07:50,157
I mean they all have
the same roots, don't they?

156
00:07:50,181 --> 00:07:53,195
In the historic patterns
of racism and sexism

157
00:07:53,219 --> 00:07:56,303
that have shaped our history
and still infect our society today.

158
00:07:56,327 --> 00:07:57,808
Isn't it all hate?

159
00:07:58,573 --> 00:08:01,066
I'm not saying they're the same thing,

160
00:08:01,090 --> 00:08:03,416
just like I am not saying

161
00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,194
that being a bully
is as bad as being a Nazi,

162
00:08:06,218 --> 00:08:10,162
just like I'm not saying that being a Nazi
is the same thing as punching a Nazi ...

163
00:08:10,636 --> 00:08:16,335
(Laughter)

164
00:08:16,359 --> 00:08:20,353
But hating a Nazi is still hate, right?

165
00:08:21,294 --> 00:08:24,010
What about hating someone
who isn't as enlightened as you?

166
00:08:25,231 --> 00:08:27,302
See, what I learned

167
00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:31,073
is that we all are against hate

168
00:08:31,097 --> 00:08:33,104
and we all think hate is a problem.

169
00:08:33,929 --> 00:08:35,668
We think it's their problem,

170
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,993
not our problem.

171
00:08:38,824 --> 00:08:40,126
They're hateful.

172
00:08:40,690 --> 00:08:43,219
I mean, if I think the people
who didn't vote like me

173
00:08:43,243 --> 00:08:46,720
are stupid racist monsters who don't
deserve to call themselves Americans,

174
00:08:46,744 --> 00:08:48,423
alright, fine, I'm not being nice,

175
00:08:48,447 --> 00:08:49,694
I get it.

176
00:08:49,718 --> 00:08:51,115
(Laughter)

177
00:08:51,139 --> 00:08:54,409
I'm not hateful, I'm just right, right?

178
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:56,116
(Laughter)

179
00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:57,290
Wrong.

180
00:08:59,346 --> 00:09:01,695
We all hate.

181
00:09:02,568 --> 00:09:06,818
And I do not mean that
in some abstract, generic sense.

182
00:09:06,842 --> 00:09:09,043
I mean all of us ...

183
00:09:10,571 --> 00:09:12,111
me and you.

184
00:09:13,684 --> 00:09:18,929
That sanctimonious pedestal of superiority
on which we all place ourselves,

185
00:09:18,953 --> 00:09:22,280
that they are hateful and we are not,

186
00:09:22,304 --> 00:09:26,178
is a manifestation
of the essential root of hate:

187
00:09:26,202 --> 00:09:29,731
that we are fundamentally good
and they are not,

188
00:09:31,106 --> 00:09:32,695
which is what needs to change.

189
00:09:33,968 --> 00:09:37,725
So in trying to understand and solve hate,

190
00:09:37,749 --> 00:09:40,667
I read every book
and every research study I could find,

191
00:09:40,691 --> 00:09:44,857
but I also went and talked
to some former Nazis

192
00:09:44,881 --> 00:09:46,390
and some former terrorists

193
00:09:46,414 --> 00:09:49,026
and some former genocidal killers,

194
00:09:49,050 --> 00:09:53,234
because I figured if they could
figure out how to escape hate,

195
00:09:53,258 --> 00:09:54,688
surely the rest of us could.

196
00:09:55,617 --> 00:09:59,804
Let me give you just one example
of the former terrorist I spent time with

197
00:09:59,828 --> 00:10:01,076
in the West Bank.

198
00:10:01,719 --> 00:10:04,569
When Bassam Aramin was 16 years old,

199
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:10,017
he tried to blow up an Israeli
military convoy with a grenade.

200
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:14,202
He failed, fortunately,

201
00:10:14,226 --> 00:10:16,656
but he was still sentenced
to seven years in prison.

202
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,617
When he was in prison,
they showed a film about the Holocaust.

203
00:10:19,641 --> 00:10:20,792
Up until that point,

204
00:10:20,816 --> 00:10:23,685
Bassam had thought the Holocaust
was mostly a myth.

205
00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:25,509
He went to go watch the film

206
00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:28,619
because he thought he would enjoy
seeing Jews get killed.

207
00:10:30,424 --> 00:10:34,187
But when he saw what really happened,
he broke down crying.

208
00:10:35,691 --> 00:10:37,117
And eventually, after prison,

209
00:10:37,141 --> 00:10:40,502
Bassam went on to get
a master's degree in Holocaust studies

210
00:10:40,526 --> 00:10:44,557
and he founded an organization
where former Palestinian combatants

211
00:10:44,581 --> 00:10:46,962
and Israeli combatants come together,

212
00:10:47,963 --> 00:10:50,623
work together, try to find common ground.

213
00:10:52,287 --> 00:10:55,779
By his own account,
Bassam used to hate Israelis,

214
00:10:57,304 --> 00:11:00,456
but through knowing Israelis
and learning their stories

215
00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:02,265
and working together for peace,

216
00:11:02,289 --> 00:11:03,551
he overcame his hate.

217
00:11:05,654 --> 00:11:09,189
Bassam says he still
doesn't hate Israelis,

218
00:11:10,183 --> 00:11:11,952
even after the Israeli military --

219
00:11:13,232 --> 00:11:15,618
shot and killed his [10]-year-old
daughter, Abir,

220
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,342
while she was walking to school.

221
00:11:20,021 --> 00:11:22,028
(Sigh)

222
00:11:22,339 --> 00:11:25,102
Bassam even forgave the soldier
who killed his daughter.

223
00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:28,100
That soldier, he taught me,

224
00:11:29,998 --> 00:11:34,220
was just a product
of the same hateful system as he was.

225
00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,727
If a former terrorist ...

226
00:11:44,169 --> 00:11:48,423
if a terrorist can learn to stop hating

227
00:11:48,447 --> 00:11:50,591
and still not hate
when their child is killed,

228
00:11:50,615 --> 00:11:54,621
surely the rest of us can stop our habits

229
00:11:54,645 --> 00:11:57,255
of demeaning and dehumanizing each other.

230
00:11:57,279 --> 00:12:00,613
And I will tell you there are stories
like Bassam's all over the world,

231
00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:02,598
plus study after study after study

232
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:07,741
that says, no, we are neither designed
nor destined as human beings to hate,

233
00:12:07,765 --> 00:12:11,385
but rather taught to hate
by the world around us.

234
00:12:11,409 --> 00:12:12,584
I promise you,

235
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:16,102
none of us pops out of the womb
hating black people or Republicans.

236
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:21,015
There is nothing in our DNA
that makes us hate Muslims or Mexicans.

237
00:12:21,513 --> 00:12:22,715
For better or for worse,

238
00:12:22,739 --> 00:12:26,291
we are all a product
of the culture around us.

239
00:12:27,870 --> 00:12:29,919
And the good news is,

240
00:12:29,943 --> 00:12:32,687
we're also the ones
who shape that culture,

241
00:12:34,139 --> 00:12:35,731
which means we can change it.

242
00:12:36,661 --> 00:12:42,061
The first step is starting to recognize
the hate inside ourselves.

243
00:12:42,085 --> 00:12:43,694
We need to catch ourselves

244
00:12:43,718 --> 00:12:46,200
and our hateful thoughts
in all their forms

245
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,987
in all of us ...

246
00:12:49,556 --> 00:12:51,924
and work to challenge
our ideas and assumptions.

247
00:12:51,948 --> 00:12:53,394
That doesn't happen overnight,

248
00:12:53,418 --> 00:12:54,773
I am telling you right here,

249
00:12:54,797 --> 00:12:57,701
it is a lifelong journey,
but it's one we all need to take.

250
00:12:58,367 --> 00:12:59,542
And then second:

251
00:12:59,566 --> 00:13:02,947
if we want to challenge
the hate in our societies,

252
00:13:02,971 --> 00:13:06,916
we need to promote policies
and institutions and practices

253
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:09,669
that connect us as communities.

254
00:13:10,295 --> 00:13:13,365
Literally, like integrated
neighborhoods and schools.

255
00:13:13,389 --> 00:13:15,867
That by the way is the reason
to support integration.

256
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Not just because
it's the right thing to do,

257
00:13:18,168 --> 00:13:21,593
but because integration
systematically combats hate.

258
00:13:21,617 --> 00:13:23,951
There are studies
that teenagers who participate

259
00:13:23,975 --> 00:13:28,162
in racially integrated classes
and activities reduce their racial bias.

260
00:13:28,186 --> 00:13:31,556
And when little kids go to racially
integrated kindergartens

261
00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:33,700
and elementary schools --

262
00:13:33,724 --> 00:13:35,525
they develop less bias to begin with.

263
00:13:36,672 --> 00:13:40,593
But the fact is in so many ways
and in so many places around our world,

264
00:13:40,617 --> 00:13:43,388
we are separated from each other.

265
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:46,972
In the United States, for instance,

266
00:13:46,996 --> 00:13:51,439
three-quarters of white people
don't have any non-white friends.

267
00:13:52,683 --> 00:13:56,753
So in addition to promoting
those proactive solutions,

268
00:13:56,777 --> 00:14:00,603
the other thing we need to do
is upend the hate in our institutions

269
00:14:00,627 --> 00:14:02,063
and our policies

270
00:14:02,087 --> 00:14:06,826
that perpetuate dehumanization
and difference

271
00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:08,778
and otherizing and hate,

272
00:14:08,802 --> 00:14:14,541
like systems of sexual harassment
and sexual assault in the workplace,

273
00:14:14,565 --> 00:14:18,730
or our deeply racially imbalanced

274
00:14:18,754 --> 00:14:22,125
and deeply racially biased
criminal "justice" system.

275
00:14:22,814 --> 00:14:24,470
We need to change that.

276
00:14:24,494 --> 00:14:26,360
Again, it will not happen overnight.

277
00:14:26,384 --> 00:14:28,334
It needs to happen.

278
00:14:29,763 --> 00:14:30,913
And then ...

279
00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:33,615
when we connect together

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00:14:34,885 --> 00:14:37,607
in these connection spaces,

281
00:14:38,518 --> 00:14:41,319
facilitated by connection systems,

282
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:45,374
we need to change the way
we talk to each other

283
00:14:46,992 --> 00:14:48,470
and connect with one another

284
00:14:48,494 --> 00:14:53,843
and relate with generosity
and open-mindedness

285
00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,272
and kindness and compassion

286
00:14:55,296 --> 00:14:56,479
and not hate.

287
00:14:57,837 --> 00:14:59,252
And that's it.

288
00:14:59,276 --> 00:15:00,427
That's it.

289
00:15:00,451 --> 00:15:04,713
(Applause)

290
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,832
I have solved it all, right?

291
00:15:06,856 --> 00:15:08,007
That's it.

292
00:15:08,031 --> 00:15:09,190
That is pretty much --

293
00:15:09,214 --> 00:15:10,381
there's a few details --

294
00:15:10,405 --> 00:15:12,359
but that's pretty much all we have to do.

295
00:15:12,383 --> 00:15:14,106
It's not that complicated, right?

296
00:15:15,556 --> 00:15:16,843
But it's hard.

297
00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:22,739
The hate that we feel
towards certain groups of people

298
00:15:23,814 --> 00:15:26,662
because of who they are
or what they believe

299
00:15:26,686 --> 00:15:30,098
is so ingrained in our minds
and in our society

300
00:15:30,122 --> 00:15:31,661
that it can feel inevitable

301
00:15:33,031 --> 00:15:34,477
and impossible to change.

302
00:15:37,393 --> 00:15:38,677
Change is possible.

303
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:45,735
Just look at the terrorist
who became a peace activist.

304
00:15:47,483 --> 00:15:52,515
Or look at the bully who learned
to apologize to her victim.

305
00:15:55,338 --> 00:16:00,490
The entire time I was traveling
around the Middle East and Rwanda

306
00:16:00,514 --> 00:16:01,897
and across the United States,

307
00:16:01,921 --> 00:16:06,006
hearing these unbelievable stories
of people in communities

308
00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:08,713
who had left entire histories
of hate behind,

309
00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:10,194
I was still looking for Vicky.

310
00:16:11,024 --> 00:16:13,810
It was so hard find her that I hired
a private investigator

311
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,272
and he found her.

312
00:16:15,296 --> 00:16:17,194
I mean, he sort of found her.

313
00:16:17,218 --> 00:16:21,523
The truth is, it became clear
that the person I'm calling Vicky

314
00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:26,339
had gone to extraordinary lengths
to hide her identity.

315
00:16:28,564 --> 00:16:32,429
But anyway, a year after
I began my journey,

316
00:16:34,556 --> 00:16:36,052
I wrote Vicky an apology.

317
00:16:38,199 --> 00:16:39,461
And a few months later,

318
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:41,750
she wrote back.

319
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:44,730
(Sigh)

320
00:16:45,090 --> 00:16:46,958
I'm not going to lie,

321
00:16:46,982 --> 00:16:48,684
I wanted to be forgiven.

322
00:16:53,018 --> 00:16:54,168
I wasn't.

323
00:16:54,192 --> 00:16:55,342
(Sigh)

324
00:16:55,815 --> 00:16:58,744
She offered me sort of
conditional forgiveness.

325
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,021
What she wrote was ...

326
00:17:01,158 --> 00:17:05,825
"Messages such as yours
cannot absolve you of your past actions.

327
00:17:06,914 --> 00:17:10,257
The only way to do that
is to improve the world,

328
00:17:10,281 --> 00:17:12,596
prevent others
from behaving in similar ways

329
00:17:14,093 --> 00:17:15,602
and foster compassion."

330
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,402
And Vicky's right.

331
00:17:21,529 --> 00:17:22,879
Which is why I'm here.

332
00:17:23,601 --> 00:17:24,752
Thank you.

333
00:17:24,776 --> 00:17:31,776
(Applause)