0:00:00.673,0:00:02.369
THANK YOU FOR WATCHING.

0:00:02.369,0:00:04.330
THANKS FOR COMING.

0:00:04.428,0:00:06.751
THANKS FOR... I DON'T KNOW...

0:00:07.913,0:00:09.783
THANKS FOR... HA, HA, HA!

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I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS,[br]BUT I HOSTED THE OSCARS LAST NIGHT.

0:00:17.353,0:00:19.577
I'LL ADMIT I WAS FISHING.

0:00:19.586,0:00:20.897
WHAT A WEIRD THING THOUGH.

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HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER HOSTED[br]THE OSCARS BEFORE?

0:00:24.030,0:00:25.446
WELL, LET ME TELL YOU [br]ABOUT IT.

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EXCEPT FOR THE END, [br]IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

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IT WAS... [br]IT WENT VERY WELL.

0:00:29.233,0:00:30.766
WE WERE CHUGGING ALONG.

0:00:30.766,0:00:32.581
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN [br]OUT OF NOWHERE,

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IT TURNED INTO ONE OF THOSE[br]MAURY POVICH PATERNITY TEST SHOWS.

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IT WAS THE WEIRDEST[br]TV FINALE SINCE "LOST."

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AS I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD, "LA LA LAND" [br]WAS SIMULTANEOUSLY SOMEHOW

0:00:44.921,0:00:47.617
THE BIGGEST WINNER [br]AND LOSER LAST NIGHT.

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YOU KNOW[br]IT'S A STRANGE NIGHT

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WHEN THE WORD "ENVELOPE" [br]IS TRENDING ON TWITTER.

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IT'S... IN CASE YOU MISSED IT, [br]WARN BEATTY AND FAYE DUNAWAY,

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IT WAS THE 50th ANNIVERSARY OF [br]"BONNIE AND CLYDE,"

0:00:57.168,0:00:58.684
THEY PLAYED BONNIE[br]AND CLYDE,

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SO THE ACADEMY ASKED THEM[br]TO PRESENT BEST PICTURE,

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IT'S BIGGEST AWARD OF THE NIGHT, [br]THE LAST ONE THEY GIVE OUT.

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SO WARREN AND FAYE COME OUT[br]WITH THE ENVELOPE.

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AND, WELL, HERE'S WHERE [br]THE STORY STARTS.

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AND THE ACADEMY AWARD...

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- FOR BEST PICTURE -

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YOU'RE AWFUL.

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COME ON.

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"LA LA LAND."

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Jimmy: SO, IN RETROSPECT NOW WHAT [br]WE KNOW IS WARREN WAS CONFUSED

0:01:29.489,0:01:33.482
SO HE HANDED IT TO FAYE[br]AND LET HER READ IT.

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IN OTHER WORDS,[br]CLYDE THREW BONNIE UNDER THE BUS.

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SLICK MOVE. [br]VERY SLICK MOVE.

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SO FAYE DUNAWAY ANNOUNCES [br]"LA LA LAND" AS BEST PICTURE,

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IT WAS THE FAVORITE TO WIN, [br]"LA LA LAND" PRODUCERS GOT ON STAGE,

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WHICH MADE SENSE.[br]A FEW OF THEM GAVE SPEECHES.

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AND I'M NOW SITTING IN THE AUDIENCE[br]WATCHING THESE SPEECHES.

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THE PLAN IS FOR ME TO END THE SHOW FROM [br]THE AUDIENCE IN A SEAT NEXT TO MATT DAMON,

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WHO I WANT YOU[br]TO MAKE NO MISTAKE,

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WHATEVER CONFUSION ABOUT [br]WHO WON, MATT DAMON LOST.

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HE WAS A LOSER.

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HE IS A LOSER. [br]BUT WE'RE SITTING THERE.

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AND WE NOTICE SOME [br]COMMOTION GOING ON.

0:02:22.002,0:02:26.167
AND MATT SAYS, I THINK I HEARD THE STAGE [br]MANAGER SAY THEY GOT THE WINNER WRONG.

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THE STAGE MANAGER'S [br]ON THE STAGE

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THE STAGE MANAGER'S NEVER [br]ON CAMERA, IT'S VERY UNUSUAL.

0:02:30.518,0:02:31.967
WE'RE SITTING THERE.

0:02:31.967,0:02:33.544
YOU FIGURE, WELL, [br]YOU KNOW.

0:02:33.544,0:02:35.455
THE HOST WILL GO ON STAGE [br]AND CLEAR THIS UP.

0:02:35.521,0:02:39.082
THEN I REMEMBER,[br]OH, I'M THE HOST.

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SO I GO, ALL RIGHT.

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WELL, I JUST WALK UP[br]THE STAIRS.

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AND AS SOON AS[br]I GET UP THERE,

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THIS HAPPENS.

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GUYS, GUYS, I'M SORRY,[br]NO. THERE'S A MISTAKE.

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"MOONLIGHT," [br]YOU GUYS WON BEST PICTURE.

0:03:01.091,0:03:02.398
"MOONLIGHT" WON.

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THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

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THIS IS NOT A JOKE, I'M AFRAID [br]THEY READ THE WRONG THING.

0:03:08.492,0:03:09.659
THIS IS NOT A JOKE.

0:03:09.662,0:03:12.067
"MOONLIGHT" [br]HAS WON BEST PICTURE.

0:03:13.652,0:03:16.128
"MOONLIGHT," [br]BEST PICTURE.

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Jimmy: KIND OF SCARY IN A WAY, [br]THAT WAS THE PRODUCER OF "LA LA LAND"

0:03:20.864,0:03:21.977
WHO THOUGHT HE WON,

0:03:21.977,0:03:24.823
HE'S STANDING THERE HOLDING AN OSCAR [br]THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE AWAY FROM HIM.

0:03:24.823,0:03:27.824
MY FIRST INSTINCT WAS [br]TO TELL HIM TO RUN.

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JUST TAKE THE OSCAR[br]AND GET OUT. BUT HE DIDN'T.

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SO NOW THERE'S [br]MASS CONFUSION.

0:03:32.657,0:03:34.413
THE AUDIENCE [br]IS CONFUSED.

0:03:34.506,0:03:36.803
THE PEOPLE STANDING [br]AROUND ME ARE CONFUSED.

0:03:36.866,0:03:39.032
I ASSUME EVERYONE [br]AT HOME IS CONFUSED.

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AND I'M PROBABLY [br]SUPPOSED TO DO SOMETHING.

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BECAUSE NO ONE'S [br]DOING ANYTHING.

0:03:44.273,0:03:47.475
AND THEN WARREN BEATTY[br]STEPS UP TO EXPLAIN.

0:03:47.793,0:03:48.723
HELLO.

0:03:49.672,0:03:51.824
I WANT...

0:03:52.402,0:03:54.435
WARREN, WHAT DID YOU DO?

0:03:54.723,0:03:57.665
I WANT TO TELL YOU [br]WHAT HAPPENED.

0:03:58.484,0:04:00.438
I OPENED THE ENVELOPE.

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AND IT SAID, [br]"EMMA STONE, LA LA LAND."

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THAT'S WHY I TOOK SUCH [br]A LONG LOOK AT FAYE.

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AND AT YOU.

0:04:10.553,0:04:12.974
I WASN'T TRYING TO BE FUNNY.

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Jimmy: WELL, YOU WERE FUNNY.

0:04:15.724,0:04:17.414
THANK YOU VERY MUCH,[br]THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

0:04:17.414,0:04:18.232
Jimmy: WOW.

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THIS IS "MOONLIGHT,"[br]THE BEST PICTURE.

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Jimmy: YEAH, WELL, THERE YOU GO.

0:04:24.722,0:04:26.242
SO "MOONLIGHT" WAS THE BEST PICTURE.

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NOW SO WE HAVE THE PRODUCERS[br]OF TWO MOVIES ON STAGE.

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WHO THE HELL EVEN KNOWS[br]WHO IS WHO FROM WHICH MOVIE?

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AND I'M STANDING THERE LIKE AN IDIOT, [br]FEELING BAD FOR THESE GUYS,

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BUT ALSO TRYING REALLY HARD [br]NOT TO LAUGH TO BE HONEST.

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AND I SEE, NOW I SEE [br]DENZEL WASHINGTON

0:04:41.666,0:04:43.946
IN THE FRONT ROW[br]TRYING TO GET MY ATTENTION.

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HE'S GESTURING, [br]HE'S POINTING.

0:04:45.735,0:04:46.985
I DON'T KNOW [br]WHAT HE'S POINTING.

0:04:47.095,0:04:48.005
BUT HE YELLS "BARRY!"

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WHAT?

0:04:49.124,0:04:50.224
BARRY!

0:04:50.436,0:04:53.706
FIGURE OUT BURIY BERRY JENKINS, [br]DIRECTOR OF "MOONLIGHT,"

0:04:53.906,0:04:55.395
IS STANDING BEHIND ME,

0:04:55.395,0:04:59.195
DENZEL WANTS HIM AT THE MICROPHONE [br]TO MAKE A SPEECH, WHICH MAKES SENSE.

0:04:59.263,0:05:01.388
THANK GOD DENZEL [br]WAS THERE TO MAKE SENSE.

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SO...

0:05:04.736,0:05:07.358
I'M LISTENING TO DENZEL, [br]AS I SHOULD.

0:05:07.816,0:05:10.797
I GOT BARRY, HE SPOKE, [br]NOT FOR VERY LONG.

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ANOTHER QUICK SPEECH.

0:05:12.787,0:05:15.518
THEN EVERYONE JUST STOOD THERE[br]AGAIN, SHELL SHOCKED.

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AND I ENDED THE SHOW.

0:05:18.107,0:05:21.998
AS I WALKED OFFSTAGE PEOPLE [br]STARTED SPECULATING SAYING, OH,

0:05:22.122,0:05:23.790
DID YOU PULL A PRANK?

0:05:23.790,0:05:26.348
I WAS LIKE, HEY, NO, I DIDN'T!

0:05:26.617,0:05:28.207
I DID NOT PULL A PRANK!

0:05:28.418,0:05:29.598
IF I'D PULLED A PRANK,

0:05:29.787,0:05:32.228
I WOULDN'T HAVE JUST HAD THE WRONG[br]WINNER'S NAME ON THE ENVELOPE,

0:05:32.427,0:05:36.138
THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN A BED, BATH [br]AND BEYOND COUPON IN THERE.

0:05:36.879,0:05:38.048
IT WAS NOT A PRANK.

0:05:38.228,0:05:40.367
THE PRODUCERS OF "LA LA LAND"[br]WERE VERY GRACIOUS,

0:05:40.557,0:05:45.433
WHICH THEY DID NOT HAVE TO BE,[br]ONSTAGE AND OFF, THEY WERE VERY NICE.

0:05:46.388,0:05:48.297
THEY HANDLED IT WELL.

0:05:48.528,0:05:50.717
IT WAS A VERY AMICABLE [br]CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT.

0:05:50.747,0:05:52.996
THEY DIDN'T ASK FOR [br]VISITATION OR ANYTHING.

0:05:53.082,0:05:54.771
SO AFTER THE SHOW,

0:05:54.771,0:05:58.711
I WENT BACK IN THE GREEN ROOM [br]TO TALK TO WARREN BEATTY.

0:05:58.735,0:06:00.831
STILL NOBODY KNOWS [br]WHAT HAPPENED.

0:06:00.831,0:06:03.163
AND HE SHOWED ME[br]THE EVIDENCE.

0:06:03.163,0:06:04.497
YOU KNOW, [br]WHEN YOU DO A SHOW,

0:06:04.497,0:06:07.014
YOU AREN'T JUST THE HOST,[br]YOU'RE THE LEAD DETECTIVE.

0:06:07.858,0:06:09.769
YOU'RE LIKE THE SHERIFF[br]OF THE SHOW.

0:06:09.838,0:06:12.774
WARREN BEATTY COULD BE [br]IN PRISON IF I WANTED HIM.

0:06:12.774,0:06:17.118
THE CARD HE HAD SAID "LA LA LAND."

0:06:18.569,0:06:21.314
WHICH IS WEIRD. BECAUSE EMMA STONE, [br]WHO WON BEST ACTRESS

0:06:21.509,0:06:23.799
FOR "LA LA LAND," WAS IN THE PRESS [br]ROOM DOING INTERVIEWS SAYING THIS.

0:06:24.050,0:06:28.840
I WAS HOLDING MY BEST ACTRESS[br]IN A LEADING ROLE CARD THAT ENTIRE TIME.

0:06:30.321,0:06:33.026
SO WHATEVER STORY [br]- I DON'T MEAN TO START STUFF.

0:06:33.169,0:06:35.362
BUT WHATEVER STORY THAT WAS,[br]I HAD THAT CARD.

0:06:36.296,0:06:37.931
SO SHE SAID SHE HAD THE CARD.

0:06:37.931,0:06:38.698
BUT I WAS WITH WARREN [br]AND HE HAD THE CARD.

0:06:40.007,0:06:41.509
TURNS OUT THEY BOTH HAD THE CARD. [br]FOR WHATEVER REASON.

0:06:44.204,0:06:45.272
THEY HAVE TWO OF EACH CARD [br]IN EACH ENVELOPE.

0:06:46.006,0:06:47.507
THERE'S A REGULAR [br]ENVELOPE AND A BACKUP.

0:06:47.741,0:06:48.375
JUST TO MAKE IT [br]MORE CONFUSING.

0:06:50.091,0:06:51.493
SO THE ACCOUNTANTS GAVE [br]WARREN THE WRONG CARD.

0:06:53.213,0:06:54.814
AND THEY APOLOGIZED FOR IT TODAY.

0:06:55.515,0:06:57.217
SO IT WASN'T WARREN BEATTY'S FAULT.

0:06:58.885,0:07:00.757
FAYE DUNAWAY MATE QUITE A GETAWAY.

0:07:00.978,0:07:03.690
SHE GOT THE HELL OUT OF THERE,

0:07:03.069,0:07:05.077
READ THE WRONG NAME AND SPLIT,

0:07:05.297,0:07:06.617
SHOULDN'T NOD PART OF IT.

0:07:06.818,0:07:07.627
SHE WAS SMART TOO.

0:07:07.627,0:07:10.318
I SPENT THE WHOLE REST OF [br]THE WHOLE REST OF THE NIGHT

0:07:10.537,0:07:11.428
ANSWERING [br]QUESTIONS ABOUT IT.

0:07:11.647,0:07:12.696
IT WAS QUITE AN EVENING. [br]IT REALLY WAS.