WEBVTT

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Imagine that you've just received
some negative information about me,

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just before this talk.

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Maybe he or she who's with you today
has heard some rumors about me,

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some rumors about me being incompetent,

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being a liar, being a bragger,

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that I wear women's underwear -

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(Laughter)

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How much do you think that would affect
your image of me right now?

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As a psychotherapist,
working with occupational health,

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I've met countless employees and leaders

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who are suffering from a toxic
and unhealthy working environment.

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They are struggling
because they're lacking knowledge

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how to change the environment.

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They need outside help.

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I've tried to help them and failed,
times and times again.

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I've tried conflict resolutions,

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group discussions, individual interviews,

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leadership coaching,

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failing time and time again to change
this unhealthy working environment.

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So -

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Ten years ago, I started
a little investigation of my own.

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I was trying to figure out
why it is so hard to change,

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and I found out that a great number
of employees and leaders

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were talking negatively
about their colleagues

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when they were not present.

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Namely, backbiting.

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So, the definition of backbiting
is talking negatively

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about a third person who's not present.

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I have a question for you all.

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Please raise your hand

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if you think backbiting takes place
at your workplace or place of study.

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Please raise your hand.

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Wow! OK. Thank you very much.

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It's not exact, but I think
about 90% of you raised your hand.

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In ancient Greece,

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the great philosopher Socrates
met an acquaintance on the street,

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and the acquaintance said,

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"Hey, Socrates, have you heard
the latest news about your friend?"

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And Socrates says,
"No, but before you tell this news,

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I want you to pass a little test.

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It's called the triple-filter test."

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"The triple-filter test?", he said. "OK."

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"First question:

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what you're going to tell me
about my friend, is it true?"

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"Oh, no. I just heard it. I don't know."

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"OK. You can still pass the test.

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The second question:

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is it anything good you're going
to tell me about my friend?"

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"Oh, no. On the contrary,"
he said. "Nothing good."

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"OK. You may still pass the test.

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The third question:

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what you're going to tell me,
is it useful?"

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"Oh, no. It's not useful."

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"OK," Socrates said.

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"First of all, 
you don't know if it's true.

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Second, it's nothing good.

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Third of all, it's nothing useful.

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Why bother tell me?"

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Do you know who,
in our society today, that backbites?

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Yes. Women.

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(Laughter)

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It's women.

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(Laughter)

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It's another major group, as well.

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Namely, men.

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(Laughter)

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And why do we backbite?

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When I backbite,

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I've got this feeling of elevating myself,
while talking other people down.

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In an additional bonus,

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I seem interesting because I've got some
juicy information that you don't have.

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This is how we, as adults,
are bullying each other.

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I have a second question for you.

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Please raise your hand
if you want to work in a place

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where there is no backbiting going on.

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No gossip.

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OK. Thank you very much.

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It's interesting, right?

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How to get a permanent end to backbiting?

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I have done one genius thing in my life.

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(Laughter)

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I think this is it.

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I call it "Gossip 2016,"

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and this is how you can all apply it
in your workplace, if you want to.

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First of all, you gather a group.

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Perhaps, not as many as you are.

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Second of all, 
you ask the first question:

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"Do you believe backbiting
takes place here?",

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and they will raise their hand.

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Third, you need to define
what backbiting is.

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Use this triple-filter test.
It's good, right?

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Fourth, ask the second question:

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"Would you like to work in a workplace
where there's no backbiting?",

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and they will raise their hand.

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Then, you get a good
old-fashioned flipboard,

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and you capitalize "Gossip 2016,"

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and you ask your group
if they want to join a project

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that will last for six months:
"No Backbiting Takes Place Here."

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And they will sign.
This is what obligates them.

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After they sign it, you [put] this sheet
in a glass and frame,

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you put it on a wall
where everybody can see it,

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and every week, for next six months,

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you ask the group, 
"How are we doing with Gossip 2016?"

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This may seem simple, maybe naive.

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Too good to be true, right?

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But it works! I know!

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And I have over -

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I don't have, but it's over 250 CEOs
in different companies

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that could verify this.

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It works.

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They could also tell you that absenteeism,
sick leave, goes down,

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and fractionation is minimized,

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and productivity is increasing.

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If you take this concept a bit further,

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you all heard about the discussions
about how young people and children

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are being bullied at school
and on social media.

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I think that I, as an adult,
[have] the responsibility

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to be a good role model.

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I have to stop talking negatively
about my uncle, about my neighbor,

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about my colleague,
about my mother-in-law,

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around the dinner table at home,

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because, if I don't do that,

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I'm actually saying to my children
it's OK to talk negatively

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about the third person that's not there.

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New consciousness commits.

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Thank you for your attention.

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(Applause) (Cheers)