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[Music]

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one of the powers of innocence is the

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ability to have a world that is safe to

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be able to play

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and experiment in

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without the threat of danger

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what happens with pornography or when

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sexuality intrudes through any form

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of violation

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as you all of a sudden realize there's a

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parallel world

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next to yours

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and that if you walk through this door

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nothing will ever be the same

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[Music]

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i remember being a kid and looking at a

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rosebud and thinking how pretty it was

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and i remember thinking oh well i want

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it to open up like a rose you know so

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i'll just pull back all the petals

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and it'll open up it'll be beautiful

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like a rose

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now i realize you can't force that

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that happens when that flower is ready

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to open and when it's being fed and

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nurtured and it opens and it's very

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similar to a child's or adolescent

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sexuality you know if you try to open

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those pedals too early

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i mean they will grow and they will open

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but they're going to be damaged

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they're not going to be the same person

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that they would have been

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[Music]

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[Music]

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so

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[Music]

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growing up my dad planted a church in a

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small rural town where everyone knows

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everyone

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we would always hang out in the streets

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you know playing football with the

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neighbors and stuff like that

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[Music]

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we're in this playground and

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a friend of mine was like hey richie i

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want to show you a picture

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[Music]

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he shows me this picture of this topless

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girl

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these sensations go through my body i'm

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not even aware of the language or even

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what to you know recognize or call them

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and

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i never forgot that it was like

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imprinted in my heart

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the next week or so

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i'm riding my bike

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and out of nowhere this paper blows on

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my yard

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i went over there and picked it up and

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it was a full page like someone ripped

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it out of a playboy magazine

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and i was like this is it this is like

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my chance of actually

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getting pornography for myself

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so i actually folded it put in my pocket

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and hid it in my room

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every time it was time for bed i would

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literally just take it out

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lock the door

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and just start looking at it

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and i remember doing that for hours even

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as a child

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[Music]

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from there

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porn created this whole mental script

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on how to relate to the opposite sex

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and so i remember i wanted to pursue

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girls

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[Music]

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and i had no idea how to approach them i

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had no idea how to start the

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conversation

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all i knew was he you know we go to the

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room and have sex

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[Music]

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so it's like how do you start a

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conversation

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so i'm like well

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i'll just um

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just be the shy type but it's all

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manipulation

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and so that's how i learned it was be a

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manipulator

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so

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when i first had a relationship

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i remember just thinking

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i hope she's gonna be okay with me

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putting my hands on her breasts

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and i hope that i can put my hands down

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her pants

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in my mind i'm hoping this happens i'm

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not going to push it i just want to be

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one of the shy guys and just kind of

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just sneak it in that way so that way i

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can i can gain her trust and then i can

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go ahead and just

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do what i want what i saw in the

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pictures

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[Music]

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[Music]

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there's pretty good documentation that

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the earlier someone is exposed to really

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explicit pornography and sexual imagery

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the more likely it is that they're going

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to have compulsive and addictive

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problems around their sexuality as an

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adult

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because that nine-year-old does not have

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the emotional and biological development

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to be able to really understand what the

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meaning is of what he knows it's

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incredibly arousing and amazing and

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distracting and fun and it feels good to

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look at but their brains are really not

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ready to handle it

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[Music]

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our sexuality is wired into us

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the most sexual organ is between our

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ears not between our legs

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so when you are developing your brain

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sexually

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what happens is that pornography

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begins building that script this is the

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way we're supposed to think about it

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and so when a young person views

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pornographic material they're

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neurologically now starting to put

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bricks in this wall of kind of building

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the structure of what sex means

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[Music]

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adolescent brain is not an adult brain

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with less experience it is in a unique

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place it is anatomically physiologically

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and biologically different and what

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occurs during adolescence is several

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brain changes that have a purpose and

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the purpose is to become very excited

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about sensation seeking about rewards

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about sex

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and it's to become wired up actually

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changing the structure of the brain to

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wire up to the environment

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and it has been shown to occur with

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nerve connections

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the way nerves connect and intertwine is

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really the basis for all learning and

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all memory

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so what occurs is around age 11 the

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adolescent brain prunes down these

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connections until you're set with the

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connections that will perhaps last a

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lifetime

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pornography is a teacher and modeler of

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sexual templates

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particularly when they're

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modeled early

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because it's a powerful neuroplasticity

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device

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neuroplasticity means that our brain

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changes and we change when we want and

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when we learn and we have seen it in

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pornography now people who are watching

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pornography compulsively their brains

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look different from those that are not

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a leading researcher said recently to me

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we are in the midst of the single

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largest unregulated social experiment in

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human history and what he was talking

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about

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was the inundation

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of the brains of young children

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with content that they're not prepared

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to deal with

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and what it is doing is normalizing

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behavior that is going to affect

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particularly young boys is going to

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affect their view of women their fewer

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relationships their view of the world

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[Music]

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a few years ago when i was 16.

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i

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dated this guy and we were both virgins

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maybe a month into our relationship we

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ended up having sex

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the next morning he was like hey i want

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to show you something

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we watched porn and i had never seen i

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didn't even know it was

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a thing

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until then but then that was when i

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realized he watches this all the time

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and he told me he's like i watch it all

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the time it's not a big deal

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over the course of our relationship the

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different sexual things that he wanted

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to do became more and more

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vile and abusive and

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[Music]

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uh

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scary for me

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i just remember he would talk about

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wanting to do like certain things that

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he would see

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in porn and he said

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that

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one of his favorite things about porn is

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how

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um at the end of some of the more

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hardcore ones

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the guy

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will

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[Music]

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punch a girl in the nose

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and

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finish on her face

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and it looks like a cherry sundae

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and i was like do not do that to me you

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can't do that to me and he was like i'm

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not gonna tell you like when i'm gonna

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do it it'll just be a surprise like you

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won't even have to think about it before

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and

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i just

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i was just scared

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i just

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i was really scared i didn't want that

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to happen to me and that was when i

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broke up with him

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[Music]

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it really just felt like i was an

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object for his pleasure and like i owed

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him anything he wanted

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the whole point is that

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he was a good guy who started watching

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porn and somehow it escalated to

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him thinking it's okay to punch his

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girlfriend in the nose and finish on her

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face like

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like

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where did that become okay like at some

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point in it he stopped seeing women as

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people because porn like

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messed up his mind

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and just like distorted his whole

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thinking

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[Music]

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there's this very dangerous thing that's

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going on in our culture right now where

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we're not having a strong enough a more

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vibrant conversation with young boys

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about their sexual lives

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in the absence of adults having

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meaningful ongoing open and honest

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conversations with young people about

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sexual behavior their bodies intimacy

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respecting themselves

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the lack of that conversation enables a

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very one-sided and dangerously one-sided

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presentation of sexual behavior which is

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the one that they have access to which

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in very very often case is

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pornography

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[Music]

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we know now that boys are accessing

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pornography at age 11

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and that there's an increasing

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consumption of pornography from girls

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and so if you think about it this way

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pornography is the biggest sex educator

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it is the most significant influential

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sex educator that young people have

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today

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so we have to look at what they're

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learning from this

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when the average 12 year old boy puts

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porn into google

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he's directed immediately to the pawn

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tube site such as you porn and pornhub

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00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:49,759
and the most accessible is actually

292
00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:52,320
called gonzo porn that's the shorthand

293
00:12:49,759 --> 00:12:53,600
term for the violent porn that has no

294
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,800
storyline

295
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:57,200
[Music]

296
00:12:54,799 --> 00:12:58,559
if you want more soft core less violent

297
00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,959
porn you're going to have to spend a

298
00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:03,039
good 10 to 15 minutes looking for it and

299
00:13:00,958 --> 00:13:04,958
don't tell me that the average 12 13

300
00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:07,120
year old boy is going to start looking

301
00:13:04,958 --> 00:13:11,199
for that for 10-15 minutes he's going to

302
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:11,200
go to that which is the most accessible

303
00:13:13,839 --> 00:13:20,079
the most popular pornography it's always

304
00:13:16,399 --> 00:13:22,399
around how men get satisfied

305
00:13:20,078 --> 00:13:23,759
it's very very rarely about women's

306
00:13:22,399 --> 00:13:26,000
pleasure

307
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:28,319
women are there as instruments

308
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,360
they're simply there as as tools

309
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,839
literally

310
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:34,000
for male pleasure

311
00:13:31,839 --> 00:13:36,800
the images they're seeing are about

312
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,958
sexuality fused to domination

313
00:13:36,799 --> 00:13:41,759
an aggressive sexuality

314
00:13:38,958 --> 00:13:43,759
a sexuality that objectifies women

315
00:13:41,759 --> 00:13:46,319
treats them as nothing more than objects

316
00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:48,559
or male pleasure

317
00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:49,839
it's not about equality or egalitarian

318
00:13:48,559 --> 00:13:52,078
lovemaking

319
00:13:49,839 --> 00:13:55,519
it's all about doing something to her

320
00:13:52,078 --> 00:13:55,519
not sharing something with her

321
00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:02,079
said you'll do it right

322
00:13:59,278 --> 00:14:04,799
right

323
00:14:02,078 --> 00:14:06,319
most porn ends up with women being not

324
00:14:04,799 --> 00:14:08,399
only presented as the victims of

325
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:11,760
violence but often presented as the

326
00:14:08,399 --> 00:14:15,519
victims of violence who love it

327
00:14:11,759 --> 00:14:18,639
i want you to do anything you want

328
00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:20,240
so girls are learning to be compliant

329
00:14:18,639 --> 00:14:23,519
and they're learning that what's most

330
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:26,079
important is to be desirable to the boys

331
00:14:23,519 --> 00:14:28,480
not that their own sexual agency or

332
00:14:26,078 --> 00:14:31,638
their own sexual pleasure is important

333
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,639
at all

334
00:14:32,078 --> 00:14:36,479
whatever you want to do to her

335
00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:38,320
however debasing

336
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:41,199
however vile

337
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,199
she says yes

338
00:14:41,278 --> 00:14:45,919
so in a way what you're doing is you're

339
00:14:43,278 --> 00:14:48,958
socializing men into thinking that women

340
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:51,278
will consent to anything

341
00:14:48,958 --> 00:14:53,679
it teaches a very one-sided dangerous

342
00:14:51,278 --> 00:14:55,679
emotionless almost humanless sexual

343
00:14:53,679 --> 00:14:57,759
experience that so many young men are

344
00:14:55,679 --> 00:15:00,239
now seeing as being normal this is how

345
00:14:57,759 --> 00:15:02,480
it happens

346
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,560
14 year old high school freshman daisy

347
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:06,639
coleman says matthew barnett sexually

348
00:15:04,559 --> 00:15:08,319
assaulted her while she was unconscious

349
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,919
cornett would later claim the encounter

350
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,920
was consensual

351
00:15:09,919 --> 00:15:13,919
22 year old madison smith says the

352
00:15:11,919 --> 00:15:16,078
encounter started off with consensual

353
00:15:13,919 --> 00:15:18,240
sex but things turned violent when he

354
00:15:16,078 --> 00:15:20,239
started to strangle her and force her to

355
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:22,079
perform a sex act

356
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:24,399
two high school football stars sexually

357
00:15:22,078 --> 00:15:26,799
assaulted a visibly intoxicated 16 year

358
00:15:24,399 --> 00:15:29,278
old girl during the crime many did not

359
00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:31,519
step up to help but nearly all got out

360
00:15:29,278 --> 00:15:34,078
their cell phones and started snapping

361
00:15:31,519 --> 00:15:36,839
pictures and tweeting

362
00:15:34,078 --> 00:15:41,120
within five days children's mercy saw

363
00:15:36,839 --> 00:15:43,839
444 kids for sexual assault almost half

364
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:45,919
of our perpetrators were minors

365
00:15:43,839 --> 00:15:47,040
gagging strangling

366
00:15:45,919 --> 00:15:49,519
when a child's acting out without

367
00:15:47,039 --> 00:15:50,958
extreme violence you have to contribute

368
00:15:49,519 --> 00:15:52,959
some of that to pornography because it

369
00:15:50,958 --> 00:15:56,078
directly correlates with the genres that

370
00:15:52,958 --> 00:15:56,078
kids are being exposed to

371
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:04,240
i've seen numbers of these cases that i

372
00:16:02,799 --> 00:16:05,039
actually worked

373
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:08,799
where

374
00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:10,879
kids who were sexualized early actually

375
00:16:08,799 --> 00:16:13,919
act out on that because they don't have

376
00:16:10,879 --> 00:16:16,000
the inhibitions or the knowledge of what

377
00:16:13,919 --> 00:16:17,759
the actual sexual acts are what they

378
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,759
mean

379
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:21,600
now maybe they'll have the self-control

380
00:16:19,759 --> 00:16:23,839
to get off that

381
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,600
the more time they spend reinforcing

382
00:16:23,839 --> 00:16:27,519
that arousal pattern especially if

383
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:29,199
they're looking at violent porn my god

384
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:31,198
that's that's the worst possible thing

385
00:16:29,198 --> 00:16:33,838
they can look at because what what it

386
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:36,479
will do will trip the wires in their

387
00:16:33,839 --> 00:16:38,000
brain it will make them feel really good

388
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:40,079
about this stuff

389
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:41,278
and it will overwhelm reason in their

390
00:16:40,078 --> 00:16:43,758
brain

391
00:16:41,278 --> 00:16:46,958
and they could go down this road and

392
00:16:43,759 --> 00:16:49,278
find that they don't have the willpower

393
00:16:46,958 --> 00:16:51,919
to stop themselves from doing it

394
00:16:49,278 --> 00:16:53,529
and it could surprise them how quickly

395
00:16:51,919 --> 00:17:12,878
that can happen

396
00:16:53,529 --> 00:17:12,878
[Music]

397
00:17:13,759 --> 00:17:18,160
in previous eras to get sexually

398
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:20,000
explicit material you had to go to a

399
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:22,959
pornographic movie theater you had to go

400
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:26,318
to a bookstore now you can access

401
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:28,318
pornography sitting at home at no cost

402
00:17:26,318 --> 00:17:30,720
over the internet

403
00:17:28,318 --> 00:17:32,000
the internet has made porn not only

404
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:34,319
accessible it's really made it

405
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:36,400
inescapable because now of course

406
00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:37,918
everybody has access to porn on their

407
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:40,080
smartphone

408
00:17:37,919 --> 00:17:42,559
including children

409
00:17:40,079 --> 00:17:44,000
once the online world came about it was

410
00:17:42,558 --> 00:17:46,000
the game changer

411
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:48,960
i mean i went from being a private

412
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:50,319
practice clinician with one assistant to

413
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,079
running a clinic with eight therapists

414
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:54,319
and 150 clients a week i mean the

415
00:17:52,079 --> 00:17:56,079
internet just swamped us

416
00:17:54,319 --> 00:17:58,720
so many people started having so many

417
00:17:56,079 --> 00:18:00,960
problems so quickly in relationship to

418
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:02,880
online porn and it was really just the

419
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:05,600
very beginning

420
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:07,039
because i'm now seeing 25 year old men

421
00:18:05,599 --> 00:18:08,798
who've been looking at hardcore porn

422
00:18:07,038 --> 00:18:10,079
since they were 15.

423
00:18:08,798 --> 00:18:12,079
and they've never had a date and they've

424
00:18:10,079 --> 00:18:14,480
never had sex with a person

425
00:18:12,079 --> 00:18:18,159
and online porn really feeds that in a

426
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:18,160
way that pre-digital porn didn't

427
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:23,359
there are actually studies that show

428
00:18:20,798 --> 00:18:26,160
that the internet has the ability to

429
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:28,479
cause addiction-related brain changes

430
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:30,960
the same brain changes that occur in a

431
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:33,519
drug addiction so that tells us that the

432
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:36,160
internet is different

433
00:18:33,519 --> 00:18:38,720
what's different is the ability to

434
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:41,600
control arousal so you're sitting there

435
00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:42,720
with your mouse and you're clicking on a

436
00:18:41,599 --> 00:18:44,000
i don't want to look at that i want to

437
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,600
look at that i want to look at it i want

438
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,480
to see what george is doing i'm bored

439
00:18:45,599 --> 00:18:48,000
with that i want to see what this

440
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,519
person's doing oh what about this

441
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,279
message i want to read this and you can

442
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:53,279
go on and go on and what you're doing is

443
00:18:51,279 --> 00:18:56,639
you're controlling your arousal you're

444
00:18:53,279 --> 00:18:59,038
controlling your dopamine

445
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:01,759
is the motivation chemical to drive us

446
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:05,200
towards natural rewards such as eating

447
00:19:01,759 --> 00:19:07,919
and achievement and falling in love and

448
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:09,679
sexual desire

449
00:19:07,919 --> 00:19:13,520
when you're in the presence of something

450
00:19:09,679 --> 00:19:15,038
as arousing as images or a drama of

451
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:17,918
sexuality

452
00:19:15,038 --> 00:19:20,879
your brain is going to produce two to

453
00:19:17,919 --> 00:19:22,640
four times the normal amount of dopamine

454
00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:25,679
where we get the word dope

455
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:28,160
which is what our brains secrete as what

456
00:19:25,679 --> 00:19:31,840
we call our pleasure drug and it gives

457
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:33,759
us a sense of motivation and joy for

458
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:35,279
living our lives

459
00:19:33,759 --> 00:19:37,119
well food is about a hundred and fifty

460
00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:41,440
percent spike of dopamine

461
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:42,558
and sex is 200 which is equivalent to

462
00:19:41,440 --> 00:19:44,880
morphine

463
00:19:42,558 --> 00:19:45,918
sexual orgasm is equivalent to a morphed

464
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,880
rash

465
00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:51,280
that's a pretty powerful reward

466
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:53,600
there's also though the frontal area

467
00:19:51,279 --> 00:19:56,319
over our forehead and these are

468
00:19:53,599 --> 00:19:59,359
important in judgment and in weighing

469
00:19:56,319 --> 00:20:01,599
the pleasure that we want

470
00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:04,079
and so you have these competing areas

471
00:20:01,599 --> 00:20:07,439
you have this dopaminergic drive that

472
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:09,599
says do it with this frontal break of

473
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:10,400
the brain it says think about it weigh

474
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:13,199
it

475
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:15,200
and in a way they're competing

476
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,880
in young people those rental areas

477
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:19,360
aren't fully developed

478
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:21,919
and so that break isn't there

479
00:20:19,359 --> 00:20:23,759
our frontal judgment volitional areas

480
00:20:21,919 --> 00:20:25,759
aren't developed until we're in our mid

481
00:20:23,759 --> 00:20:27,519
to late 20s

482
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:30,558
and so you have an eight-year-old with

483
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:32,720
this undeveloped brain who doesn't

484
00:20:30,558 --> 00:20:35,599
really have the ability

485
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:37,519
to weigh or to judge what they're seeing

486
00:20:35,599 --> 00:20:40,000
whether it's harmful not harmful what

487
00:20:37,519 --> 00:20:41,359
will the result be if they participate

488
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,880
in this activity they don't even know

489
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:46,158
what it is

490
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:48,559
and so when we flood the child's brain

491
00:20:46,159 --> 00:20:52,159
with these powerful sexual images

492
00:20:48,558 --> 00:20:54,000
provide this physical emotional overload

493
00:20:52,159 --> 00:20:56,080
the child is powerless

494
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,759
there it's absolutely impossible for

495
00:20:56,079 --> 00:20:59,678
them to resist

496
00:20:57,759 --> 00:21:01,440
this kind of stimulus

497
00:20:59,679 --> 00:21:03,519
now we combine that

498
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:05,840
with a young male

499
00:21:03,519 --> 00:21:08,079
who has high hormones and is driven by

500
00:21:05,839 --> 00:21:11,038
interest and then you combine it with

501
00:21:08,079 --> 00:21:13,119
the novelty of the internet so all these

502
00:21:11,038 --> 00:21:15,038
qualities are put together

503
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:18,479
and they're matched with our highest

504
00:21:15,038 --> 00:21:20,640
natural reward and your genes number one

505
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:23,519
job and that's reproduction

506
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:25,280
and that's what makes today's high-speed

507
00:21:23,519 --> 00:21:28,759
internet porn

508
00:21:25,279 --> 00:21:28,759
so enticing

509
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:52,480
growing up i was very anti-social

510
00:21:49,839 --> 00:21:54,558
never really had any friends

511
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:56,400
i'd never had a girlfriend until just a

512
00:21:54,558 --> 00:21:58,240
couple years ago

513
00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:00,798
so i felt like i was missing out on

514
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:02,960
something i was very frustrated i was

515
00:22:00,798 --> 00:22:05,200
feel like i wasn't um like everybody

516
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,200
else

517
00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:10,079
then

518
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:13,038
when i was about 11 12 years old

519
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:14,480
i found some porn magazines

520
00:22:13,038 --> 00:22:17,119
given our household we never really

521
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:19,279
talked to much about sexuality at all so

522
00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:21,599
to see something like that was just a

523
00:22:19,279 --> 00:22:23,440
adrenaline rush it felt like what i

524
00:22:21,599 --> 00:22:25,038
thought would feel like if i had a

525
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:27,759
girlfriend or had a relation real

526
00:22:25,038 --> 00:22:29,919
relationship

527
00:22:27,759 --> 00:22:33,038
and of course my progression goes along

528
00:22:29,919 --> 00:22:35,600
with technology as the internet came

529
00:22:33,038 --> 00:22:36,798
and we got our first computer i

530
00:22:35,599 --> 00:22:40,879
would sneak in there when nobody was

531
00:22:36,798 --> 00:22:42,720
looking and keep on looking at porn

532
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,400
after a while the stuff that worked

533
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,319
before didn't work as well

534
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,080
you'll be able to tolerance

535
00:22:46,319 --> 00:22:50,000
so it would get more edgier as your

536
00:22:48,079 --> 00:22:52,399
stuff stuff that i wouldn't imagine ever

537
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:54,720
looking at

538
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:57,200
then i found a file sharing program

539
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,880
which i was using to um download music

540
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,600
and stuff like that

541
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:03,440
and there uh by some accident i found

542
00:23:01,599 --> 00:23:04,558
illegal pornography

543
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,240
childborn

544
00:23:04,558 --> 00:23:08,079
and um

545
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:10,000
it was so easy to get it it was almost

546
00:23:08,079 --> 00:23:12,158
as it was as easy as getting the regular

547
00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:14,640
stuff

548
00:23:12,159 --> 00:23:16,159
i guess my curiosity got to me so i

549
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:17,840
couldn't believe that it could be this

550
00:23:16,159 --> 00:23:19,760
easy so

551
00:23:17,839 --> 00:23:21,359
i downloaded it

552
00:23:19,759 --> 00:23:23,359
and i saw it

553
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:24,798
and i got thrush

554
00:23:23,359 --> 00:23:28,879
it worked

555
00:23:24,798 --> 00:23:28,879
it worked like nothing else did anymore

556
00:23:29,919 --> 00:23:33,520
as much as i tried to get away from it

557
00:23:31,839 --> 00:23:35,359
from time to time i would always find

558
00:23:33,519 --> 00:23:37,519
myself going back to it because i was

559
00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:39,759
looking for that fix

560
00:23:37,519 --> 00:23:40,879
looking back it was a very dark

561
00:23:39,759 --> 00:23:43,599
journey

562
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:45,840
i didn't even come to terms until i got

563
00:23:43,599 --> 00:23:45,839
caught

564
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:55,038
i was a firefighter and i was going back

565
00:23:51,759 --> 00:23:55,038
home from work about a year ago

566
00:23:55,919 --> 00:23:58,720
and all of a sudden i had blue lights

567
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,479
going by me

568
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,759
pulling me out my truck

569
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:04,759
handcuffed me and put me in back of a

570
00:24:01,759 --> 00:24:04,759
car

571
00:24:10,159 --> 00:24:13,200
pathologically speaking were you a

572
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,798
pedophile

573
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,640
no

574
00:24:14,798 --> 00:24:18,639
how would you explain reaching that

575
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:21,360
point of wanting to see a child in a

576
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,360
sexual act

577
00:24:21,839 --> 00:24:25,599
it was

578
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:27,919
the dangerous dangerousness of it it was

579
00:24:25,599 --> 00:24:30,000
dangerous it was wrong and

580
00:24:27,919 --> 00:24:32,720
that part was appealing too

581
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:35,440
just how wrong it was but

582
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:37,519
it was what worked it was like the

583
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:39,480
the heroin of

584
00:24:37,519 --> 00:24:52,900
pornography

585
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:52,900
[Music]

586
00:24:55,839 --> 00:25:00,079
for each individual it's unclear what

587
00:24:57,759 --> 00:25:01,759
the outcome of viewing pornography will

588
00:25:00,079 --> 00:25:03,278
be

589
00:25:01,759 --> 00:25:04,558
it's not uncommon the more you look at

590
00:25:03,278 --> 00:25:05,839
porn the more you're going to stumble

591
00:25:04,558 --> 00:25:07,839
into things

592
00:25:05,839 --> 00:25:09,439
and so you may stumble into a genre of

593
00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:11,359
pornography that's inherently violent

594
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:13,120
like rape porn

595
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:15,038
where you may stumble into an area of

596
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:16,239
pornography like child porn or something

597
00:25:15,038 --> 00:25:17,919
like that

598
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:20,000
most people don't start out saying i

599
00:25:17,919 --> 00:25:21,919
want to go into this particular type of

600
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:24,240
porn this is what i'm into it's that

601
00:25:21,919 --> 00:25:26,320
process by which you are now caught up

602
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:28,480
in this wave of sexual arousal and

603
00:25:26,319 --> 00:25:30,639
excitement and so what happens then is

604
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:33,599
you now as you're exposed to more things

605
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:35,440
you run the risk of now being bound to

606
00:25:33,599 --> 00:25:37,439
more and more of these dangerous really

607
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:40,960
uh dishonoring forms of pornography or

608
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,960
illegal forms of pornography too

609
00:25:41,359 --> 00:25:45,759
sex addiction is often about escalation

610
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:47,759
so someone could start looking at more

611
00:25:45,759 --> 00:25:49,679
violent images

612
00:25:47,759 --> 00:25:51,359
or more abusive images

613
00:25:49,679 --> 00:25:53,038
or things that they really never even

614
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:54,719
thought would turn them on

615
00:25:53,038 --> 00:25:56,400
even though it might feel shameful or

616
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:58,079
uncomfortable it's still intense and it

617
00:25:56,400 --> 00:26:00,320
makes the heart beat faster and faster

618
00:25:58,079 --> 00:26:02,319
and faster and that's very much what the

619
00:26:00,319 --> 00:26:04,079
non-substance addictions are about

620
00:26:02,319 --> 00:26:05,519
they're about adrenaline they're about

621
00:26:04,079 --> 00:26:07,759
endorphins they're about dopamine

622
00:26:05,519 --> 00:26:09,519
they're about feeling high and excited

623
00:26:07,759 --> 00:26:12,720
and totally into what you're doing for

624
00:26:09,519 --> 00:26:14,720
the sake of emotional escape

625
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,880
the thing i'm most concerned with is

626
00:26:14,720 --> 00:26:19,120
that escalator effect

627
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:21,520
the fact that today's images

628
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:23,359
are not going to satisfy you tomorrow

629
00:26:21,519 --> 00:26:25,639
and tomorrow's images are not going to

630
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:28,158
satisfy you the next day and there is a

631
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:30,000
continuing quest

632
00:26:28,159 --> 00:26:31,200
for something new for something

633
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:33,440
different

634
00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:36,080
and at some point because of the basic

635
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:37,200
inclination of the person

636
00:26:36,079 --> 00:26:42,359
there's at least going to be a

637
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:42,360
temptation to experience it in real life

638
00:26:51,750 --> 00:26:54,818
[Music]

639
00:26:55,200 --> 00:27:00,080
my junior senior year of high school i

640
00:26:58,319 --> 00:27:01,439
was getting more popular with not just

641
00:27:00,079 --> 00:27:04,399
girls but just with the whole school

642
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:06,080
being homecoming king

643
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:08,159
i started getting a little bit away from

644
00:27:06,079 --> 00:27:09,839
the porn a little bit it was just like

645
00:27:08,159 --> 00:27:11,520
an afterthought unless something

646
00:27:09,839 --> 00:27:14,558
triggered it

647
00:27:11,519 --> 00:27:16,879
and so i graduated from high school

648
00:27:14,558 --> 00:27:20,200
and i fell in love with this girl who's

649
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,200
not my wife

650
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:24,159
we moved from this town into actually

651
00:27:22,880 --> 00:27:27,200
where our family's at and everything

652
00:27:24,159 --> 00:27:27,200
both sides of our family

653
00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:34,158
it was during that time where i i was

654
00:27:31,839 --> 00:27:36,959
passing by a street here in town and

655
00:27:34,159 --> 00:27:38,720
there was like this adult store

656
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,759
and i remember i'm like i don't want to

657
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,679
go there

658
00:27:39,759 --> 00:27:44,319
i don't want to go there because if i go

659
00:27:41,679 --> 00:27:47,720
there that's it i'm going to go ride

660
00:27:44,319 --> 00:27:47,720
back to the bottom

661
00:27:48,319 --> 00:27:52,158
sure enough i found myself opening the

662
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:53,290
door

663
00:27:52,159 --> 00:27:55,039
and i'm walking right in

664
00:27:53,289 --> 00:27:56,720
[Music]

665
00:27:55,038 --> 00:28:00,119
this was before smartphones this was

666
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,120
like an 0.405

667
00:28:01,278 --> 00:28:04,980
and so i would just go to the adult

668
00:28:03,038 --> 00:28:08,278
store as often as i could

669
00:28:04,980 --> 00:28:08,278
[Music]

670
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:14,159
from there the relationship i had with

671
00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:17,119
pornography was definitely progressive

672
00:28:14,159 --> 00:28:19,440
so you know first it was just a girl

673
00:28:17,119 --> 00:28:21,678
and then it became two girls

674
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:25,440
and it was an orgy

675
00:28:21,679 --> 00:28:28,159
then it was oh all this behavior with

676
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:31,919
certain body parts these fetishes

677
00:28:28,159 --> 00:28:34,320
and i'm like i really like this

678
00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:37,600
it came to a point where it's like

679
00:28:34,319 --> 00:28:39,759
uh i need to experience what i'm seeing

680
00:28:37,599 --> 00:28:42,319
because this is just like

681
00:28:39,759 --> 00:28:44,240
amazing what i'm seeing oh but it's just

682
00:28:42,319 --> 00:28:46,319
paper oh but it's just the page oh but

683
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:48,558
it's on my phone

684
00:28:46,319 --> 00:28:49,918
my wife won't do any of this stuff no

685
00:28:48,558 --> 00:28:54,079
way she's gonna say where are you

686
00:28:49,919 --> 00:28:54,080
getting these ideas from so i'm like

687
00:28:54,558 --> 00:28:58,480
a stranger

688
00:28:56,079 --> 00:29:00,879
paying for it duh

689
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:02,960
i pay for it and they do what i tell

690
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:05,520
them because i'm paying for it

691
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,519
that was it

692
00:29:10,319 --> 00:29:14,960
one night my wife was going to some

693
00:29:12,798 --> 00:29:17,839
function at church

694
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:21,200
my kids were with my parents

695
00:29:17,839 --> 00:29:21,199
and i had my own laptop

696
00:29:21,759 --> 00:29:26,720
so i go on craigslist and i'm like

697
00:29:24,079 --> 00:29:29,439
what's this personal stuff

698
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:32,558
i can contact someone here

699
00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:35,919
oh i am free right now to do whatever i

700
00:29:32,558 --> 00:29:37,038
want and no one knows anything

701
00:29:35,919 --> 00:29:39,278
and i said

702
00:29:37,038 --> 00:29:41,278
i'm gonna call

703
00:29:39,278 --> 00:29:43,038
so i'm like hi

704
00:29:41,278 --> 00:29:44,558
yeah we give massages and i'm like oh

705
00:29:43,038 --> 00:29:46,558
that's cool all right

706
00:29:44,558 --> 00:29:49,119
nude massages i'm like oh that's that's

707
00:29:46,558 --> 00:29:51,119
great that's fine

708
00:29:49,119 --> 00:29:52,319
so when can i come

709
00:29:51,119 --> 00:29:54,639
and she's like you can come right now if

710
00:29:52,319 --> 00:29:58,158
you want and i said right now that's

711
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:58,159
what i needed to hear right now

712
00:30:01,359 --> 00:30:06,798
i go there and

713
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:08,720
i'm naked and she's naked

714
00:30:06,798 --> 00:30:11,679
i can literally feel my heart pumping

715
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:14,000
out of my chest and my mouth dry and my

716
00:30:11,679 --> 00:30:15,679
fingers shaking and i'm like what's

717
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:17,200
going on what going on what's going on

718
00:30:15,679 --> 00:30:20,519
what am i doing what am i doing i'm

719
00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,519
thinking this

720
00:30:22,079 --> 00:30:26,960
but because of all those unspoken

721
00:30:25,599 --> 00:30:28,959
secrets

722
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:31,360
they all just started taking over me and

723
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:33,519
saying this is your chance

724
00:30:31,359 --> 00:30:36,240
this is your chance to be like a porn

725
00:30:33,519 --> 00:30:38,398
star or you can say and ask the person

726
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:40,558
to do whatever you want and because

727
00:30:38,398 --> 00:30:42,079
you're paying for it they will do it

728
00:30:40,558 --> 00:30:43,200
when your wife was like i don't want to

729
00:30:42,079 --> 00:30:45,759
do that

730
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:47,440
should this lady here she will and i

731
00:30:45,759 --> 00:30:51,839
said in my mind

732
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:51,840
that is so right it's so true

733
00:30:53,039 --> 00:30:55,678
[Music]

734
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:59,120
and so

735
00:30:55,679 --> 00:31:02,159
that was the lowest i have ever been

736
00:30:59,119 --> 00:31:04,269
and it was a porn dream that i had as a

737
00:31:02,159 --> 00:31:14,130
child

738
00:31:04,269 --> 00:31:14,129
[Music]

739
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:22,558
after we were finished

740
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:23,839
she looked at my ring

741
00:31:22,558 --> 00:31:26,798
and she was like

742
00:31:23,839 --> 00:31:29,599
how are you and your wife

743
00:31:26,798 --> 00:31:32,639
and i said something so twisted

744
00:31:29,599 --> 00:31:34,000
i said you know i love my wife and she

745
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,799
was like you do

746
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,369
and i said i i do

747
00:31:36,798 --> 00:31:39,278
i need to go

748
00:31:37,369 --> 00:31:41,359
[Music]

749
00:31:39,278 --> 00:31:43,200
i gave her my money

750
00:31:41,359 --> 00:31:45,359
and i left

751
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:47,840
and i went in my car

752
00:31:45,359 --> 00:31:50,240
and i wept

753
00:31:47,839 --> 00:31:53,439
i said i can't believe i did this oh my

754
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:56,720
gosh like this trust

755
00:31:53,440 --> 00:32:00,038
am i going to tell anyone this

756
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:00,038
it was scary

757
00:32:00,079 --> 00:32:07,149
[Music]

758
00:32:07,278 --> 00:32:12,230
okay

759
00:32:09,089 --> 00:32:12,230
[Music]

760
00:32:13,679 --> 00:32:18,310
take us back to that moment that you

761
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:20,640
found out what did he say to you

762
00:32:18,309 --> 00:32:24,319
[Music]

763
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:26,799
we were lying in bed and he asked me to

764
00:32:24,319 --> 00:32:29,200
not get mad at him he was going to tell

765
00:32:26,798 --> 00:32:31,759
me something he's like you promise you

766
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:33,600
don't get mad and i was like i promise

767
00:32:31,759 --> 00:32:36,798
he's like you promise you won't get mad

768
00:32:33,599 --> 00:32:38,158
and i was like yeah just tell me

769
00:32:36,798 --> 00:32:40,960
um

770
00:32:38,159 --> 00:32:43,360
and so he tells me

771
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:46,240
and it just like felt like i got punched

772
00:32:43,359 --> 00:32:46,240
in the heart

773
00:32:47,278 --> 00:32:50,880
um

774
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:53,600
and he just started crying and i just

775
00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:53,600
held him

776
00:32:54,240 --> 00:33:00,240
i just held him because

777
00:32:57,119 --> 00:33:01,789
i've messed up really bad you know

778
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:06,108
and people would hold me

779
00:33:01,789 --> 00:33:06,108
[Music]

780
00:33:06,558 --> 00:33:10,879
and um

781
00:33:08,650 --> 00:33:12,480
[Music]

782
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,320
so that was hard

783
00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,679
because i was

784
00:33:14,319 --> 00:33:18,480
you know

785
00:33:15,679 --> 00:33:20,480
expressing love to him and then i felt

786
00:33:18,480 --> 00:33:23,390
like i didn't want you to be by him

787
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:24,558
anymore

788
00:33:23,390 --> 00:33:26,720
[Music]

789
00:33:24,558 --> 00:33:27,759
and she's like richie i can't even see

790
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,159
you right now

791
00:33:27,759 --> 00:33:31,919
you need to sleep in the boys room

792
00:33:30,159 --> 00:33:33,200
so i'd be in the boys room and my boys

793
00:33:31,919 --> 00:33:35,919
would be like

794
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:38,480
why are you here daddy

795
00:33:35,919 --> 00:33:41,519
i remember crying i hurt mama

796
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,519
i hurt mommy and

797
00:33:41,599 --> 00:33:45,759
i i'm here right now i need i was so

798
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,759
broken i just remember saying i hurt

799
00:33:45,759 --> 00:33:49,519
mama

800
00:33:47,759 --> 00:33:53,038
and

801
00:33:49,519 --> 00:33:55,278
hearing myself saying that to my my own

802
00:33:53,038 --> 00:33:57,519
son my two little boys

803
00:33:55,278 --> 00:34:02,200
something in my heart was like

804
00:33:57,519 --> 00:34:02,200
i remember when i was their age

805
00:34:06,079 --> 00:34:09,840
i don't want this to repeat in my kids

806
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:47,710
this can't happen anymore

807
00:34:13,360 --> 00:34:47,710
[Music]

808
00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:55,900
[Music]

809
00:35:01,519 --> 00:35:13,909
[Music]

810
00:35:18,230 --> 00:35:39,240
[Music]

811
00:35:36,239 --> 00:35:39,239
so

812
00:35:40,079 --> 00:35:46,460
[Music]

813
00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:55,929
[Music]

814
00:35:59,230 --> 00:36:37,030
[Music]

815
00:36:57,119 --> 00:36:59,200
you