WEBVTT

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What an intriguing
group of individuals you are ...

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to a psychologist.

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(Laughter)

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I've had the opportunity
over the last couple of days

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of listening in on some
of your conversations,

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and watching you interact with each other.

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And I think it's fair to say,

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already,

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that there are 47 people in this audience,

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at this moment,

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displaying psychological symptoms
I would like to discuss today.

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(Laughter)

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And I thought you might like
to know who you are.

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(Laughter)

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But instead of pointing at you --

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which would be gratuitous and intrusive --

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I thought I would tell you
a few facts and stories

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in which you may
catch a glimpse of yourself.

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I'm in the field of research
known as Personality Psychology,

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which is part of a larger
personality science

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which spans the full spectrum
from neurons to narratives.

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And what we try to do,

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in our own way,

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is to make sense of how each of us --

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each of you --

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is in certain respects
like all other people,

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like some other people,

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and like no other person.

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Now already you may be saying of yourself,

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"I'm not intriguing ...

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I am the 46th most boring person
in the Western hemisphere."

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Or you may say of yourself,

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"I am intriguing ...

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even if I am regarded by most people
as a great, thundering twit."

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(Laughter)

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But it is your self-diagnosed boringness
and your inherent "twitiness"

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that makes me as a psychologist
really fascinated by you.

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So let me explain why this is so.

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One of the most influential
approaches in personality science

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is known as trait psychology,

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and it aligns you along five dimensions
which are normally distributed

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and that describe universally held
aspects of difference between people.

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They spell out the acronym OCEAN.

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So, O stands for open to experience

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versus those who are more closed;

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C stands for conscientiousness

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in contrast to those with a more
lackadaisical approach to life;

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E, extroversion in contrast
to more introverted people;

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A, agreeable individuals in contrast
to those decidedly not agreeable;

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and N --

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neurotic individuals in contrast
to those who are more stable.

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All of these dimensions have
implications for our well-being,

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for how our life goes.

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And so we know that for example,

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openness and conscientiousness
are very good predictors of life success,

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but the open people achieve that success
through being audacious,

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and occasionally odd.

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The conscientious people
achieve it through sticking to deadlines,

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to persevering as well as
having some passion.

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Extroversion and agreeableness are both
conducive to working well with people.

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Extroverts for example,

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I find intriguing with my classes,

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I sometimes give them a basic fact

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that might be revealing
with respect to their personality.

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I tell them that it is
virtually impossible

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for adults to lick the outside
of their own elbow.

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Did you know that?

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Already, some of you have tried to lick
the outside of your own elbow,

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but extroverts amongst you

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are probably those who've not only tried,

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but they have successfully licked

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the elbow of the person
sitting next to them.

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(Laughter)

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Those are the extroverts.

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Let me deal in a bit more detail
with extroversion,

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because it's consequential
and it's intriguing,

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and it helps us understand
what I call our three natures.

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First, our biogenic nature,

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our neurophysiology.

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Second, our sociogenic or second nature,

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which has to do with the cultural
and social aspects of our lives.

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And third,

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what makes you individually you --

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idiosyncratic --

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what I call your "idiogenic" nature.

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Let me explain.

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One of the things that characterizes
extroverts is they need stimulation.

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And that stimulation can be achieved
by finding things that are exciting:

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loud noises,

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parties

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and social events here at TED.

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You see the extroverts forming
a magnetic core,

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and they all gather together,

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and I've seen you.

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The introverts are more likely
to spend time in the quiet spaces,

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up on the second floor,

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where they are able
to reduce stimulation --

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and may be misconstrued
as being antisocial,

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but you're not necessarily antisocial.

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It may be that you simply realize
that you do better

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when you have a chance
to lower that level of stimulation.

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Sometimes it's an internal stimulant,

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from your body --

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caffeine for example works much better
with extroverts than it does introverts.

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When extroverts come into the office
at nine o'clock in the morning

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and say, "I really need a cup of coffee,"

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they're not kidding,

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they really do.

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Introverts do not do as well,

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particularly if the tasks
they're engaged in --

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and they've had some coffee --

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if those tasks are speeded,

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and if they're quantitative,

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introverts may give the appearance
of not being particularly quantitative.

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But it's a misconstrual.

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So here are the consequences
that are really quite intriguing.

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We're not always what seem to be,

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and that takes me to my next point.

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I should say,

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before getting to this,

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something about sexual intercourse.

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Although I may not have time.

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And so if you would like me to --

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yes, you would?

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OK.

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(Laughter)

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There are studies done

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on the frequency with which
individuals engage in the conjugal act.

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It's broken down by male, female;

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introvert, extrovert.

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So I ask you,

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how many times per minute ...

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Oh, I'm sorry, that was a rat study --

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(Laughter)

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How many times per month ...

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do introverted men engage in the act?

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3.0.

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Extroverted men?

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More or less?

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Yes, more.

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5.5 --

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almost twice as much.

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Introverted women: 3.1.

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Extroverted women --

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frankly speaking as an introverted male,

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which I will explain later --

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they are heroic.

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7.5.

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They not only handle
all the male extroverts,

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they pick up a few introverts as well.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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We communicate differently,

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extroverts and introverts.

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Extroverts when they interact,

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want to have lots of social encounters
punctuated by closeness.

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They'd like to stand close
from comfortable communication.

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They like to have a lot of eye contact,

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your mutual gaze.

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We found in some research

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that they use more diminutive
terms when they meet somebody.

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So when an extrovert meets Charles,

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it rapidly becomes Charlie and then Chuck,

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and then Chuckles Baby.

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(Laughter)

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Where as for introverts,

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it remains Charles until he's given
a pass to be more intimate

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by the person he's talking to.

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We speak differently.

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Extroverts prefer black and white,
concrete, simple language.

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Introverts prefer --

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and I must again tell you

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that I am as extreme an introvert
as you could possibly imagine --

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we speak differently,

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we prefer contextually complex,
contingent, weasel word sentences --

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(Laughter)

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More or less.

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(Laughter)

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As it were ...

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not to put too fine a point upon it.

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Like that.

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When we talk,

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we sometimes talk past each other.

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I had a consulting contract
I shared with a colleague,

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who's as different from me as two
people can possibly be.

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First, his name is Tom.

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Mine isn't.

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(Laughter)

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Secondly, he's six foot five,

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I have a tendency not to be.

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(Laughter)

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And thirdly,

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he's as extroverted
a person as you could find,

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I am seriously introverted.

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I overload so much

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I can't even have a cup of coffee
after three in the afternoon

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and expect to sleep in the evening.

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We had [seconded] to this project
a fellow called Michael.

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And Michael almost brought
the project to a crashing halt.

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So the person who [seconded] him
asked Tom and me,

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"What do you make of Michael?"

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Well, I'll tell you
what Tom said in a minute.

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He spoke in classic "extrovertese."

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And here is how extroverted ears
heard what I said,

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which is actually pretty accurate.

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I said, "Well Michael does have
a tendency at times

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of behaving in a way that some of us
might see as perhaps more assertive

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than is normally called for."

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(Laughter)

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Tom rolled his eyes and he said,

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"Brian, that's what I said ...

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he's an asshole!"

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(Laughter)

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Now as an introvert,

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I might gently allude to certain
"assholic" qualities

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in this man's behavior,

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but I'm not going to lunge for the a-word.

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(Laughter)

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But the extrovert says he walks like one,

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he talks like one,

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if he talks like one I call him one.

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And we go past each other.

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Now is this something
that we should be heedful of?

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Of course.

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It's important that we know this.

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Is that all we are?

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Are we just a bunch of traits?

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No we're not.

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Remember you're like some other people
and like no other person.

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How about that idiosyncratic you?

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As Elizabeth or as George,

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you may share you extraversion
or your neuroticism,

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but are their some distinctive Elizabethan
features of your behavior,

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or Georgian of yours,

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that makes us understand you
better than just a bunch of traits?

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That make us love you.

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Not just because you're
a certain type of person.

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I'm uncomfortable putting
people in pigeon holes.

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I don't even think pigeons
belong in pigeon holes.

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(Laughter)

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So what is it that makes us different?

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It's the doings that we have in our life.

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The personal projects.

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You have a personal project right now,

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but nobody may know it here.

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It relates to your kid --

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you've been back three
times to the hospital

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and they still don't know what's wrong.

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Or it could be your mom.

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And you'd been acting out of character.

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These are free traits.

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You're very agreeable,

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but you act disagreeably in order
to break down those barriers

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of administrative torpor in the hospital,

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to get something for you mom ...

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or your child.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
What are these free traits?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
They're where were enact a script

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
in order to advance a core
project in our lives.

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And they are what matters.

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Don't ask people what type you are,

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ask them:

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what are your core projects in your life?

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And we enact those free traits.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I'm an introvert,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but I have a core project,

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which is to profess.

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I'm a professor.

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And I adore my students,

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and I adore my field.

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And I can't wait to tell them
about what's new,

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what's exciting,

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what I can't wait to tell them about.

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And so I act in an extroverted way,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
because at eight in the morning,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
the students need a little bit of humor,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
a little bit of engagement
to keep them going

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
in arduous days of study.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
But we need to be very careful

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when we act protractedly out of character.

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Sometimes we may find
that we don't take care of ourselves.

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I find,

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for example after a period
of pseudo-extroverted behavior,

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I need to repair somewhere on my own.

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As Susan Cain said in her Quiet book,

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in a chapter that featured
the strange Canadian professor

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who was teaching at the time at Harvard,

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I sometimes go to the men's room

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
to escape the slings and arrows
of outrageous extroverts.

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(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
I remember one particular day,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
when I was retired to a cubicle
trying to avoid overstimulation.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And a real extrovert came beside --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
not right in my cubicle,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
but in the next cubicle over --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
and I could hear various
evacuatory noises,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
which we hate --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
even our own,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
that's why we flush during
as well as after --

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
And then I heard
this gravelly voice saying,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
"Hey is that Dr. Little?"

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Laughter)

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
If anything is guaranteed
to constipate an introvert for six months,

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
it's talking on the john.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
That's where I'm going now.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
Thank you.

99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999
(Applause)