Hi. My name is Mark.
You know, there's a lot of One Direction fan fiction out there,
but it seems like all the stuff I've read is written by girls.
Which is great, you know, I'm not knocking girls.
They're...girls.
But, I just thought it was about time there was some 1D fan fic written by a dude.
Which...I'm one - dude.
So, that's what I did.
And then, I animated it.
Good morning. Y'all ready to order?
I'll have the French Toast, please.
I'll have the sausage biscuit, please.
I'll have the tacos, please.
Harry!
What? It's my favorite food!
Tacos are not for breakfast!
They are now. Introducing Tac-O's.
It's meat-, cheese- and lettuce-flavored O's
in a tortilla bowl.
That's disgusting.
It even makes the milk tastes like tacos.
That's even disgusting-er.
That's not even a word.
Hi guys.
[ALL] Hello, Zayn.
Whoa, new hairdo!
Yeah, what'ya think?
It's...uh...
It's...quite steep.
Bit like a...ski jump.
Which I guess is what you were going for?
*Phone rings*
1D! Come in, 1D!
Oh look! A call from Psymon.
It's an emergency, boys!
Report to 1D HQ ASAP.
No time for breakfast, lads.
The world needs our help!
One Direction, thank goodness you're here!
What seems to be the trouble, Psymon?
It doesn't look good, boys.
What doesn't look good? Oh, Zayn's new hairdo?
Niall! -laughs What?
I will mess you up!
Mess me up? Oh, like your hairdresser messed up your hair?
Oh, it is ON!
Oh! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Oh!
It's on like Donkey Kong. -What?
Boys! Boys! The world is in it's hour of need.
We cannot afford to squabble over [ ].
Why, what's up, Psymon?
Yeah what's up, besides Zayn's hair?
'cause that's really up, isn't it?
It's like weeeesh!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Reports are coming in all over town.
Pussycats are going missing by the thousands!
Oh, no! What a catastrophe!
Or should I say, CAT-astrophe?
Ooh! -No, you shouldn't. -[FALSETTO] OK.
We just need to get out there and help people find their pussycats.
It may not be as simple as that.
We have reason to believe Lord Faptaguise is behind this.
[ALL] Lord Faptaguise?
But we defeated him in the Battle of Zindalor.
Well, he's back!
And we all know how much Lord Faptaguise hates pussycats.
So the pussycats didn't just go missing, they've been kidnapped.
Or, should I say, CAT-napped?
cat-, catnipped... yeah?
No.
[FALSETTO] Sorry.
So, where is Lord Faptaguise?
His dreaded tank fortress, the Wrath-o-Sphere has been spotted
on the outskirts of town...
Mmm... skirts.
...heading East.
Toward the Dimensional Gate.
Yes! We must act swiftly!
If the Wrath-o-Sphere escapes to another dimension
with the pussycats on board, we will never see them again.
So, what's the plan?
Liam, Niall and Zayn: you three must infiltrate the Wrath-o-Sphere
and find your way to the Control Room.
It no doubt will be heavily guarded by guards.
Niall and Zayn, you must eliminate them,
allowing Liam to gain access to the Control Room.
Easy! -Piece of pudding! -What?
Liam, once inside the Control Room,
you must hack into the Security Terminal,
and open the prison cell doors.
Hey! I'm on it like Donkey Konit.
What? No, wait. What?
Just open the cell doors?
But who's going to round up all the pussycats
and get them out of there?
Yes, all the pussies. That's where you come in, Harry.
You're telling me.
You must go deep into the Marmitian Swamp,
and seek the help of an old knight named Paul.
He will teach you the ancient art of retrieving pussycats.
I don't need help, I can do it alone.
No you can't, Harry. That's why you and Louis
will seek out Sir Paul together.
Only with teamwork, can you save all the pussycats—
including your own!
Oh no, Molly! Did they get Molly?
I thought his name was Dusty?
Depends which website you read.
Molly? NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Nice.
Thanks, but Faptaguise, he stole my pussycat!
Now, it's personal.
Or, should I say, pussy-nal?
Oof! [FALSETTO] My balls!
Whew, we made it inside the Wrath-o-Sphere!
Now to make our way to the control room.
This place is a maze, how are we going to find it?
Easy, just follow the pipes along the ceiling.
Duh, it's like you've never been inside a Wrath-o-Sphere before!
Nerds.
Right, the old knight lives in solitude deep within this swamp.
He lives alone? So that makes him... a stag-knight!
That's your worst one yet.
Oof! -Now come along!
[FALSETTO] We've been - [NORMAL VOICE] ahem, we've been walking for ages.
Are you sure we're going in the right direction?
Well, we're following the map!
I think we're going the wrong way.
What, do you think I can't read maps?
That, or you're holding it wrong.
What, with my hands? That's how most humans hold things.
But I guess you wouldn't know anything about that.
What, are you saying I'm not human?
I don't know, why don't you ask your four nipples what they think?
Maybe those will give you a clue.
That's it, I'm going this direction.
Harry, come back! We can't go in two directions. We have to go in one direction.
Not anymore, I can save the pussycats myself.
I don't need some old knight to help me, and I certainly don't need you!
Fine. (X12)
Fine. You tetra-titted tosser.
Woah, those guards look dangerous.
I'm not so sure we can take them out.
Maybe you and Niall can distract them, you know, like, dress up as hot girls or something.
Well, I mean, at least that works in cartoons.
What do you think, Niall?
Already there.
Hey there big boys.
Whoa, check it out.
Hubba, hubba, hubba!
Nice!
I love dudes in skirts.
Like I need help getting pussycats out of the Wrath-o-Sphere.
Whoa, baby
Hey there big boy.
Hello.
I'm Harry.
April O'Kruschev. I'm a news reporter.
I am doing a story on the missing pussycats.
Oh, I'm- I'm gonna save them.
You are? Oh you must be very brave.
Uh-hum, I'm brave.
Well it sounds like we could help each other out.
I would love to exchange fluids. Heeheehee!
I mean information.
Perhaps over dinner?
Okay.
How about some... tacos?
Okay, this must be it.
Who goes there?
It is I, Louis, of One Direction.
Greetings.
I am Sir Paul, of The Beatles.
The Beatles.
But I am in need of your help, Sir Paul.
Pussycats all over the land have been captured
and legend has it that you hold the key to retrieving them.
Aah, I know what you're looking for.
Now that, I haven't used in a long time. A long time.
What? What is it?
What you seek... is the pussymagnet.
Behold!
Nice!
So... how do you turn it on?
One does not simply turn on a pussymagnet.
It is activated by a series of tones. You know,
like the Key in the He-Man movie.
Allow me to demonstrate.
singing Well, she was just seventeen
You know what I mean
Woah-woa-woa
Paul—
What DO you mean?
speaking I don't know, John wrote that bit
singing And the way she looked
Was way beyond compare
So how could I dance with another? Woooo!
Whoa, that really works!
Hitting the high note at the end is the key.
Well I'll try
though I bet Harry could hit it...
Harry? Is he a friend of yours?
Yeah...
Or... he used to be.
We had a bit of a falling out.
Well you know you can't pull this off on your own.
It's like I always said: I get by with a little help from my friends.
I thought that song was about drugs, though.
Shhhh!
Don't speak, Harry, don't speak.
But I'm crazy about you!
I know, Harry... but I must order now—
Three tacos, please.
Hard or soft shelled?
Oh... What do you think, Harry?
Hard. A good shell is hard to find, and a hard shell is good to find.
Oh, Harry. You always know what to say.
Hey, tacos are my favorite food. But you know, I've never been to a Taco Bell before.
You mean, this is your first time? -Mmhm.
Then... you really must try the Nacho BellGrande.
Well, one Nacho BellGrande please.
Hey! What do you call a BellGrande that isn't yours?
...Not-chyo BellGrande!
Oof!
Can we get those tacos to go please? We have a date... at the Wrath-o-Sphere!
So... you two from around here?
Oh, no, I'm from Ireland. And Zayn is from a wee little town in England called... Dumbhairshire.
Niall, I will slap you silly! -Bring it!
Hey! -Uh oh. -You're not crossdressers. You're just dressed up like crossdressers.
Uh, Zayn. -Yeah, Niall? -RUN!
Seize them!
Zayn, here! Let's take this elevator!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhh—OOF.
The garbage chute! Really wonderful idea!
sniff What an incredible smell you've discovered!
...Don't be a c**t.
typing This is a Unix system. I know this.
I should be able to override the security system to open up the prison doors
and let those pussycats loose.
Yes!
Oh, I'll open that door like Donkey Kong 64.
Louis, Harry: The prison doors are open. It's up to you now to save the pussycats.
And make it—NOT SO FAST.
You, take pretty boy here down to the Torturitorium for a nice acid bath.
I'm sure Lord Faptaguise would enjoy seeing you burn alive to death.
Take him away!
And you, close the prison doors!
Dude, this is a Unix system. I don't know this.
Well, if it isn't Liam! -It is. -Of One Direction!
...It is Liam of One Direction.
Well, not for long!
Oh, for long. And longer! You'll never dip me in a pit of acid, Faptaguise!
I have powerful friends!
Ha, you mean like this one?
Harry!
Liam!
Well, if it isn't Harry!
[Harry and Liam] It is.
Well done, May.
May? I thought your name was June!
April. -Whatever! -Yes, it's true. My name is May.
And I am Lord Faptaguise's henchwoman sent to capture you.
You liar!
No, I really do work for him.
No, I don't mean you're lying right now.
I just mean, you know... generally.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Okay, tie him up and hang him from the ceiling as well.
He and his friend can burn in the pit of acid together!
Oh, but frisk him first. Make sure he doesn't—Well, actually, let me do it!
*snickers creepily*
Ohhh, Faptaguise. I just now got that.
Any weapons on him? -No, just this taco.
Dispose of this! -Yes, my lord!
But I bought that for him!
Shut up, May; no one likes you.
Oh... I am now beginning to question my allegiance.
I AM a villain, but Harry is so sweet and Faptaguise is a total jerkface.
I'm so confused!
NOOOOOOOOooooooooo...
You hear that? Sounds like Liam and Harry
are in trouble!
You hear that?