1
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Hi. My name is Mark.
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You know, there's a lot of One Direction fan fiction out there,
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but it seems like all the stuff I've read is written by girls.
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Which is great, you know, I'm not knocking girls.
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They're...girls.
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But, I just thought it was about time there was some 1D fan fic written by a dude.
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Which... I'm one — dude.
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So, that's what I did.
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And then, I animated it.
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Good morning. Y'all ready to order?
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I'll have the French Toast, please.
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I'll have the sausage biscuit, please.
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I'll have the tacos, please.
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Harry!
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What? It's my favorite food!
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Tacos are not for breakfast!
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They are now. Introducing Tac-O's.
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It's meat-, cheese- and lettuce-flavored O's
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in a tortilla bowl.
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That's disgusting.
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It even makes the milk tastes like tacos.
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That's even disgusting-er.
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That's not even a word.
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Hi guys.
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[ALL] Hello, Zayn.
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Whoa, new hairdo!
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Yeah, what'ya think?
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It's...uh...
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It's...quite steep.
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Bit like a...ski jump.
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Which I guess is what you were going for?
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Phone rings
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1D! Come in, 1D!
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Oh look! A call from Psymon.
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It's an emergency, boys!
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Report to 1D HQ ASAP.
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No time for breakfast, lads.
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The world needs our help!
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One Direction, thank goodness you're here!
40
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What seems to be the trouble, Psymon?
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It doesn't look good, boys.
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What doesn't look good? Oh, Zayn's new hairdo?
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Niall! -laughs What?
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I will mess you up!
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Mess me up? Oh, like your hairdresser messed up your hair?
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Oh, it is ON!
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Oh! Ow! Ow! Stop it! Oh!
48
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It's on like Donkey Kong. -What?
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Boys! Boys! The world is in its hour of need.
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We cannot afford to squabble over [ ].
51
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Why, what's up, Psymon?
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Yeah, what's up, besides Zayn's hair?
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'cause that's really up, isn't it, hehe?
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It's like woooosh!
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Ow! Stop! Ow!
56
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Reports are coming in all over town.
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Pussycats are going missing by the thousands!
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Oh, no! What a catastrophe!
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Or should I say, CAT-astrophe?
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Ooh! -No, you shouldn't. -[FALSETTO] Okay.
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We just need to get out there and help people find their pussycats.
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It may not be as simple as that.
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We have reason to believe Lord Faptaguise is behind this.
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[ALL] Lord Faptaguise?
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But we defeated him in the Battle of Zindalor.
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Well, he's back!
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And we all know how much Lord Faptaguise hates pussycats.
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So the pussycats didn't just go missing; they've been kidnapped!
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Or, should I say, CAT-napped?
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C-cat—catnipped... yeah?
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Ooh! -No.
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[FALSETTO] Sorry.
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So, where is Lord Faptaguise?
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His dreaded tank fortress, the Wrath-o-Sphere has been spotted
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on the outskirts of town...
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Mmm... skirts.
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...heading East.
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Toward the Dimensional Gate.
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Yes! We must act swiftly!
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If the Wrath-o-Sphere escapes to another dimension
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with the pussycats on board, we will never see them again.
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So, what's the plan?
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Liam, Niall and Zayn: you three must infiltrate the Wrath-o-Sphere
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and find your way to the Control Room.
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It no doubt will be heavily guarded, by guards.
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Niall and Zayn, you must eliminate them,
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allowing Liam to gain access to the Control Room.
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Easy! -Piece of pudding! -What?
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Liam, once inside the Control Room,
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you must hack into the Security Terminal,
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and open the prison cell doors.
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Hey! I'm on it like Donkey Konit.
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What? No, wait. What?
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Just open the cell doors?
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But who's going to round up all the pussycats
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and get them out of there?
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Yes, all the pussies. That's where you come in, Harry.
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You're telling me.
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You must go deep into the Marmitian Swamp,
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and seek the help of an old knight named Paul.
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He will teach you the ancient art of retrieving pussycats.
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I don't need help. I can do it alone.
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No you can't, Harry. That's why you and Louis
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will seek out Sir Paul together.
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Only with teamwork, can you save all the pussycats—
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including your own!
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Oh no, Molly! Did they get Molly?
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I thought his name was Dusty?
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Depends which website you read.
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Molly? gasp NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—
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ooooooooooooooooooooo.
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Nice!
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Thanks, but Faptaguise, he stole my pussycat!
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Now, it's personal.
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Or, should I say, pussy-nal?
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Oof! [FALSETTO] My balls!
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Phew, we made it inside the Wrath-o-Sphere!
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Now to make our way to the control room.
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This place is a maze. How are we going to find it?
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Easy, just follow the pipes along the ceiling.
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Duh, it's like you've never been inside a Wrath-o-Sphere before!
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Nerds.
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Right, the old knight lives in solitude deep within this swamp.
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He lives alone? So that makes him... a stag-knight!
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That's your worst one yet.
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Oof! -Now come along!
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[FALSETTO] We've been— [NORMAL VOICE] ahem, we've been walking for ages.
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Are you sure we're going in the right direction?
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Well, we're following the map!
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I think we're going the wrong way.
131
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What, do you think I can't read maps?
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That, or you're holding it wrong.
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What, with my hands? That's how most humans hold things.
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But I guess you wouldn't know anything about that.
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What, are you saying I'm not human?
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I don't know, why don't you ask your four nipples what they think?
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Maybe those will give you a clue.
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That's it, I'm going this direction.
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Harry, come back! We can't go in two directions. We have to go in one direction.
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Not anymore, I can save the pussycats myself.
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I don't need some old knight to help me, and I certainly don't need you!
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Fine. (x12)
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Fine. You tetra-titted tosser.
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Whoa, those guards look dangerous.
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I'm not so sure we can take 'em out.
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Maybe you and Niall can distract them, you know, like, dress up as hot girls or something.
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Well, I mean, at least that works in cartoons.
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What do you think, Niall?
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Already there.
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Hey there big boys.
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Whoa, check it out.
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Hubba, hubba, hubba!
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Nice!
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I love dudes in skirts.
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Huh! Like I need help getting pussycats out of the Wrath-o-Sphere.
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Huh! I've been getting pussycats out of the Wrath-o-Sphere since I was a—
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Whoa, baby.
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Hey there big boy.
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Hello.
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I'm Harry!
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April O'Kruschev. I'm a news reporter.
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I am doing a story on the missing pussycats.
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Oh, I'm- I'm gonna save them.
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You are? Oh you must be very brave.
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Mmhm, I'm brave.
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Well it sounds like we could help each other out.
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I would love to exchange fluids. Heeheehee!
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I mean information.
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Perhaps over dinner?
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Okay.
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How about some... tacos?
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Okay.
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Okay, this must be it. knocks door
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door creaks open slowly
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Who goes there?
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It is I, Louis, of One Direction.
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Greetings.
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I am Sir Paul, of The Beatles.
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gasp And Wings!
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Ehhh... The Beatles.
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Well, I am in need of your help, Sir Paul.
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Pussycats all over the land have been captured,
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and legend has it that you hold the key to retrieving them.
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Aah, I know what you're looking for.
185
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Now that, I haven't used in a long time. A long time.
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What? What is it?
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What you seek... is the pussymagnet.
188
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Behold!
189
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Nice!
190
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So... how do you turn it on?
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One does not simply turn on a pussymagnet.
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It is activated by a series of tones. You know,
193
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like the Key in the He-Man movie.
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Allow me to demonstrate.
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singing Well, she was just seventeen
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You know what I mean. And the—
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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Paul:
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What DO you mean?
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speaking I don't know, John wrote that bit.
201
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singing And the way she looked
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Was way beyond compare
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So how could I dance with another? Wooooooo!
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meow
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Whoa, that really works!
206
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Hitting the high note at the end is the key.
207
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Well, I'll try.
208
00:08:51,983 --> 00:08:53,894
Though, I bet Harry could hit it...
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Harry? Is he a friend of yours?
210
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Yeah...
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Or... we used to be.
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We had a bit of a falling out.
213
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Well, you know, you can't pull this off on your own.
214
00:09:02,614 --> 00:09:07,064
It's like I've always said: I get by with a little help from my friends.
215
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I thought that song was about drugs, though.
216
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Shhhh!
217
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Don't speak, Harry, don't speak.
218
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But I'm crazy about you!
219
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I know, Harry... but I must order now—
220
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Three tacos, please.
221
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Hard or soft shelled?
222
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:23,338
Oh... What do you think, Harry?
223
00:09:23,338 --> 00:09:28,482
Hard. A good shell is hard to find, and a hard shell is good to find.
224
00:09:28,482 --> 00:09:31,312
Oh, Harry. You always know what to say.
225
00:09:31,312 --> 00:09:36,920
Hey, tacos are my favorite food. But you know, I've never been to a Taco Bell before.
226
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You mean, this is your first time? -Mmhm.
227
00:09:40,729 --> 00:09:44,779
Then... you really must try the Nacho BellGrande.
228
00:09:44,779 --> 00:09:48,017
Well, one Nacho BellGrande please.
229
00:09:48,017 --> 00:09:51,801
Hey! What do you call a BellGrande that isn't yours?
230
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...Not-chyo BellGrande!
231
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Oof!
232
00:09:59,235 --> 00:10:04,453
Can we get those tacos to go please? We have a date... at the Wrath-o-Sphere!
233
00:10:08,115 --> 00:10:09,800
So... you two from around here?
234
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:16,722
Oh, no, I'm from Ireland. And Zayn is from a wee little town in England called... Dumbhairshire.
235
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Niall, I will slap you silly!
236
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Bring it!
237
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Hey!
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Uh oh.
239
00:10:26,950 --> 00:10:30,233
You're not crossdressers. You're just dressed up like crossdressers.
240
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Uh... Zayn? -Yeah, Niall? -RUN!
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Seize them!
242
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Zayn, here! Let's take this elevator!
243
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AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhh—
244
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OOF!
245
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The garbage chute! Really wonderful idea!
246
00:10:49,803 --> 00:10:53,475
sniff What an incredible smell you've discovered!
247
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...Don't be a c**t.
248
00:11:00,570 --> 00:11:04,070
typing
249
00:11:05,270 --> 00:11:08,309
This is a Unix system. I know this.
250
00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:11,911
I should be able to override the security system to open up the prison doors
251
00:11:11,911 --> 00:11:14,136
and let those pussycats loose.
252
00:11:15,182 --> 00:11:15,972
Yes!
253
00:11:17,849 --> 00:11:22,187
Oh, I'll open that door like Donkey Kong 64. click
254
00:11:25,049 --> 00:11:29,176
Louis, Harry: The prison doors are open. It's up to you now to save the pussycats.
255
00:11:29,176 --> 00:11:32,426
And make it—NOT SO FAST.
256
00:11:32,426 --> 00:11:36,711
You, take pretty boy here down to the Torturitorium for a nice acid bath.
257
00:11:36,711 --> 00:11:41,796
I'm sure Lord Faptaguise would enjoy seeing you burn alive to death.
258
00:11:41,796 --> 00:11:43,301
Take him away!
259
00:11:43,301 --> 00:11:45,546
And you, close the prison doors!
260
00:11:45,546 --> 00:11:48,458
Dude, this is a Unix system. I don't know this.
261
00:11:52,997 --> 00:11:56,556
Well, if it isn't Liam! -It is. -Of One Direction!
262
00:11:57,156 --> 00:11:58,586
...It is Liam of One Direction.
263
00:11:58,586 --> 00:11:59,862
Well, not for long!
264
00:11:59,862 --> 00:12:03,775
Oh, for long. And longer! You'll never dip me in a pit of acid, Faptaguise!
265
00:12:03,775 --> 00:12:05,158
I have powerful friends!
266
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,900
Ha, you mean like this one?
267
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:08,050
Harry!
268
00:12:08,050 --> 00:12:08,918
Liam!
269
00:12:08,918 --> 00:12:10,127
Well, if it isn't Harry!
270
00:12:10,127 --> 00:12:10,910
[Harry and Liam] It is.
271
00:12:10,910 --> 00:12:12,347
Well done, May.
272
00:12:12,839 --> 00:12:15,739
May? I thought your name was June!
273
00:12:15,739 --> 00:12:18,946
April. -Whatever! -Yes, it's true. My name is May.
274
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:21,940
And I am Lord Faptaguise's henchwoman sent to capture you.
275
00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:23,073
You liar!
276
00:12:23,350 --> 00:12:24,813
No, I really do work for him.
277
00:12:25,167 --> 00:12:26,692
No, I don't mean you're lying right now.
278
00:12:26,692 --> 00:12:28,993
I just mean, you know... generally.
279
00:12:29,593 --> 00:12:30,606
Oh... okay.
280
00:12:30,929 --> 00:12:31,849
Okay.
281
00:12:31,849 --> 00:12:35,055
Okay, tie him up and hang him from the ceiling as well.
282
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:38,704
He and his friend can burn in the pit of acid together!
283
00:12:38,704 --> 00:12:42,094
Oh, but frisk him first. Make sure he doesn't—Well, actually, let me do it!
284
00:12:42,432 --> 00:12:45,138
snickers creepily
285
00:12:46,384 --> 00:12:49,568
Ohhh, Faptaguise. I just now got that.
286
00:12:49,568 --> 00:12:52,254
Any weapons on him? -No, just this taco.
287
00:12:52,254 --> 00:12:54,598
Dispose of this! -Yes, my lord!
288
00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:55,976
But I bought that for him!
289
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,289
Shut up, May; no one likes you.
290
00:12:57,289 --> 00:13:00,147
Oh... I am now beginning to question my allegiance.
291
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:04,393
I AM a villain, but Harry is so sweet and Faptaguise is a total jerkface.
292
00:13:04,393 --> 00:13:05,806
I'm so confused!
293
00:13:07,806 --> 00:13:09,893
NOOOOooooo...
294
00:13:09,893 --> 00:13:11,765
You hear that? Sounds like Liam and Harry
295
00:13:11,765 --> 00:13:12,827
are in trouble!
296
00:13:12,827 --> 00:13:14,861
sliding noise You hear that?
297
00:13:16,338 --> 00:13:18,253
Ooh, yummy! I haven't eaten all day!
298
00:13:18,253 --> 00:13:23,160
guard coughing and sniffling You hear that?
299
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:27,458
guard blowing nose
300
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:30,484
guard clearing throat
301
00:13:31,059 --> 00:13:31,728
flap
302
00:13:32,005 --> 00:13:32,628
BA-THUD
303
00:13:35,739 --> 00:13:36,516
squish
304
00:13:37,932 --> 00:13:39,816
But I'm not eating that. -Yeah, you hear that.
305
00:13:40,047 --> 00:13:43,237
Lower them in! Now you will meet your doom!
306
00:13:43,237 --> 00:13:46,625
And once the Wrath-o-Sphere passes through the Dimensional Gate,
307
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,963
Earth will never see its precious little pussycats again!
308
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:51,971
glass breaking I don't think so!
309
00:13:52,402 --> 00:13:53,274
Louis!
310
00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:54,119
Harry!
311
00:13:54,119 --> 00:13:54,855
Louis!
312
00:13:54,855 --> 00:13:55,534
Liam!
313
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:56,431
Louis!
314
00:13:56,431 --> 00:13:57,186
Who are you?
315
00:13:57,186 --> 00:13:57,935
May.
316
00:13:57,935 --> 00:13:58,849
May!
317
00:13:58,849 --> 00:13:59,596
Louis!
318
00:13:59,596 --> 00:14:01,137
Har—Hey, you already got one!
319
00:14:01,137 --> 00:14:01,987
Hmph.
320
00:14:01,987 --> 00:14:03,469
sigh Harry!
321
00:14:04,069 --> 00:14:07,309
And as for me, I got—a Pussymagnet!
322
00:14:07,309 --> 00:14:08,081
[Liam and Harry] Yes!
323
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:08,788
[Faptaguise and Guard] No!
324
00:14:08,788 --> 00:14:11,820
Maybe! I am questioning my allegiance; I am so confused!
325
00:14:11,820 --> 00:14:13,031
Here goes!
326
00:14:13,031 --> 00:14:13,626
ahem
327
00:14:13,626 --> 00:14:16,641
singing Well, she was just seventeen
328
00:14:16,641 --> 00:14:18,899
You know what I mean
329
00:14:18,899 --> 00:14:22,832
And the way she looked was way beyond compare
330
00:14:22,847 --> 00:14:26,988
So how could I dance with another?
331
00:14:26,988 --> 00:14:30,633
Woo! W-Woo?! speaking I can't hit that high note!
332
00:14:30,633 --> 00:14:31,713
Woooo?
333
00:14:31,713 --> 00:14:32,397
Seize him!
334
00:14:32,397 --> 00:14:33,450
Woo! Wooo-GUHHH!
335
00:14:33,450 --> 00:14:36,035
NOOOoooooo!
336
00:14:36,035 --> 00:14:38,053
Man, they really need our help up there.
337
00:14:38,069 --> 00:14:39,781
But the only way out is up.
338
00:14:39,781 --> 00:14:40,927
How do we get up there?
339
00:14:40,927 --> 00:14:43,273
Well, there's this old skateboard here.
340
00:14:43,273 --> 00:14:46,282
And I could pick up some speed going down this hill of rubbish.
341
00:14:46,282 --> 00:14:49,007
If only we had some sort of ramp...
342
00:14:49,007 --> 00:14:50,368
ding
343
00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:53,005
What?
344
00:14:53,389 --> 00:14:54,108
Ready?
345
00:14:54,293 --> 00:14:55,615
Yeah.
346
00:14:55,615 --> 00:14:57,661
One... two... three!
347
00:14:58,830 --> 00:14:59,746
woosh
348
00:14:59,746 --> 00:15:00,415
boink
349
00:15:01,369 --> 00:15:02,658
plop Whoa! -What the?
350
00:15:02,658 --> 00:15:04,303
Harry! Catch!
351
00:15:04,810 --> 00:15:05,751
gulp
352
00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:07,067
Popeye-esque music plays
353
00:15:09,774 --> 00:15:11,255
punch AHHHHH!
354
00:15:11,255 --> 00:15:12,881
Thanks, Harry! -No sweat.
355
00:15:12,881 --> 00:15:15,072
Now, how do you work this Pussymagnet?
356
00:15:15,072 --> 00:15:17,428
It's supposed to be activated by a series of tones.
357
00:15:17,428 --> 00:15:19,405
Hitting the high note at the end is the key.
358
00:15:19,405 --> 00:15:21,758
But if anyone can do it, Harry, you can!
359
00:15:21,758 --> 00:15:23,226
Awwww, Louis.
360
00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:24,332
I mean it.
361
00:15:24,332 --> 00:15:26,962
And I mean it, when I say...
362
00:15:26,962 --> 00:15:32,432
singing Can we fall, one more time?
363
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:37,494
Stop the tape and rewind
364
00:15:37,494 --> 00:15:43,543
Oh, and if you walk away I know I'll fade -Harry, I think it's working! Keep going!
365
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:48,658
'Cause there is nobody else
366
00:15:48,666 --> 00:15:53,844
It's gotta be YOU! You! ahem Y-y-you!
367
00:15:53,844 --> 00:15:55,679
Oh no, Harry, you almost had it!
368
00:15:55,679 --> 00:15:57,572
I can't hit that high note!
369
00:15:57,572 --> 00:16:00,838
Haha! You have failed! The pussycats are mine!
370
00:16:02,130 --> 00:16:03,855
Louis! Hit me in the balls!
371
00:16:03,855 --> 00:16:04,730
What?
372
00:16:04,730 --> 00:16:06,408
Hit me in the balls!
373
00:16:06,408 --> 00:16:07,112
No, Harry, I—
374
00:16:07,112 --> 00:16:09,610
I can't be a pussy magnet without you!
375
00:16:09,610 --> 00:16:11,349
Hit me in the balls!
376
00:16:11,349 --> 00:16:13,860
Harry, I only hit you in the balls when you deserve it.
377
00:16:13,860 --> 00:16:16,530
You know, like when you make an awful pun or something.
378
00:16:16,992 --> 00:16:22,186
Hey! What do you call a Spanish toilet that weighs 2000 pounds?
379
00:16:23,756 --> 00:16:25,405
...El-Ton-John!
380
00:16:26,359 --> 00:16:31,548
smack YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
381
00:16:31,548 --> 00:16:34,498
Harry, it's working! -ONLY YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!
382
00:16:34,498 --> 00:16:38,171
confused cat noises
383
00:16:38,171 --> 00:16:43,529
YOUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuu...
384
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,499
Harry, you did it!
385
00:16:45,499 --> 00:16:46,708
We did it!
386
00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:49,723
Niall, get Liam down, and let's get out of here!
387
00:16:49,723 --> 00:16:51,156
gun cocks I don't think so!
388
00:16:51,156 --> 00:16:51,777
gasp
389
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:52,898
whirrrrrrrr
390
00:16:52,898 --> 00:16:53,644
whap
391
00:16:53,644 --> 00:16:54,282
thud
392
00:16:54,836 --> 00:16:55,373
April!
393
00:16:55,373 --> 00:16:55,888
May.
394
00:16:55,888 --> 00:16:56,610
May!
395
00:16:56,918 --> 00:16:58,359
You did that for me?
396
00:16:58,359 --> 00:16:59,952
Yes, I had to.
397
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:02,936
Once you go Harry, you don't go...
398
00:17:02,936 --> 00:17:06,947
Y-you, you don't—you don't go...
399
00:17:08,286 --> 00:17:09,819
...Well, you work on that, bye.
400
00:17:09,819 --> 00:17:10,380
Bye.
401
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:12,032
By George, we did it, lads!
402
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,078
And Harry, you really hit that high note.
403
00:17:14,309 --> 00:17:15,117
Didn't he, Molly?
404
00:17:15,317 --> 00:17:15,918
Dusty.
405
00:17:15,918 --> 00:17:18,827
And I couldn't have gotten that high without you.
406
00:17:19,089 --> 00:17:21,324
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that
407
00:17:21,324 --> 00:17:24,444
I get high with a little help from my friends.
408
00:17:24,721 --> 00:17:26,415
[Liam and Niall] Awwww...
409
00:17:27,369 --> 00:17:29,150
I thought that song was about drugs, though.
410
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:31,052
Shhhhhhh—achoo!
411
00:17:31,052 --> 00:17:31,936
Are you coming down with something?
412
00:17:31,936 --> 00:17:34,747
sniff Yeah, I think it was that taco.
413
00:17:34,747 --> 00:17:37,018
Oh, yeah! Someone's snot rag was all over that taco.
414
00:17:37,018 --> 00:17:38,380
Plus, it was on a pile of rubbish.
415
00:17:38,380 --> 00:17:40,176
There's no telling what you'll come down with!
416
00:17:40,176 --> 00:17:42,217
More like... one infection!
417
00:17:42,217 --> 00:17:43,390
[ALL] laughing
418
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:44,236
Ugh... thud
419
00:18:08,836 --> 00:18:10,044
Hello?