WEBVTT

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Isn’t it funny how my last video was about
Spoon Theory and then I went almost a month

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without uploading a new video because I didn’t
have the spoons to do it?

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And by funny, I mean: son of a --

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[music]

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Hi PaulTalkers and other viewers, I'm Paul,
I’m 41, I live in LA, and this is where

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PaulTalks.

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Now, I attended a YouTube event a month ago
where a bunch of us creators were advised

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to give a call to action right at the beginning
of a video where the greatest audience retention

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is.

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Not to be too Perd Hapley about it, but now
is when I do that:

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Please click on the subscribe link on your
screen so you don’t miss my videos and so

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I can reach my goal of 10,000 subscribers.

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It’s a long way off, but if I reach it, then
I can record at the YouTube Space!

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Speaking of lots of people supporting something,
if you’re in the US, please vote for Hillary

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Clinton for President of the United States!

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And other representatives & ballot propositions!

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As I’ve been away a long time, I thought
a lot about what I wanted to put in this video.

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I want to tell you about why I haven’t uploaded
videos and what’s bringing me back to uploading

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videos now.

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Up until August, I had a full-time job with
a steady decent paycheck.

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I could work my 6 to 10 hours each day, then
completely disconnect and focus on building

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my youtube channel.

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When I shifted in August to being an independent
contractor, suddenly part of my “job”

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was to look for another job.

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I haven’t looked for a job in over thirteen
years and though I wasn’t afraid to do it…

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I didn’t want to do it.

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But I’m supposed to have a job, aren’t
I?

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I don’t know what I want to do.

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My last job was perfect for me and I don’t
know how to find another job that’s perfect

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for me.

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So suddenly, I felt torn between what I want
to do (make stuff on youtube) and what I have

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to do (make money to live).

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Each day, I’d look at the things I could
do: make videos that I like to make, or hunt

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for a job, that I didn’t want to do.

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And with those choices, I… watched Netflix
and didn’t do much of anything.

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Or explored LA.

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Or went out to spend time with friends.

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And that kept happening.

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Finally, October came along and out of nowhere,
I felt like giving Inktober a try: that’s

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where you draw something in ink each day.

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Suddenly, I could do a creative thing each
day!

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I’d spend anywhere from half an hour to
two hours being creative!

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And I did it!

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The whole month!

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And I think I did a pretty good job of it!

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That’s what I want to do.

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Not drawing, specifically, but making stuff.

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So, here we are and I’m making this video.

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And it’s because I decided that it’s okay
for me to do this instead of hunting for a

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job, which I’ve been crap at doing anyway.

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Just writing the script for this, I felt better.

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I’m going to give myself permission to focus
on creating videos first (at least once a

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week) and then hunting for a job after that,
if I can.

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It’s not the sensible thing to do, money-wise.

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But it might keep me functional?

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Which I want to be.

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And what kind of videos do I want to make?

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First of all: I want to help people.

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Second thing: I want to enjoy myself.

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Thirdly: I’d like to provide unique perspectives
on things in the world.

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Finally: I want to provide transparency on
what it’s like for me as a youtuber.

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That’s what this video is about.

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The third thing used to be the first thing
and I think that stopped me, too.

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I kept thinking my videos weren’t good enough
so I wouldn’t do them.

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I think I have to give myself permission to
make crappy videos, too.

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I don’t want to do that to you, my viewers.

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But I’m afraid if I don’t give you crappy
videos sometimes, I’ll fall back into not

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giving you any videos.

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And I really want to make videos.

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Almost as much as I want to pet dogs and visit
beaches.

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It’s right up there.

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BTW: if anyone’s hiring dog petting vloggers
on a beach somewhere, um.

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Let me know?

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We’re approaching the end of my video so
let me point out if you want to make a one-time

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donation to support me, you can do that on
this Card here.

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You can also support me by sharing this video
on Twitter, Tumblr, or Facebook.

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And how about a question you can answer in
the comments?

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Have you ever been torn between doing some
things so much that you ended up doing nothing?

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Tell me about what you went through in the
comments.

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Or tell me anything that matters to you, because
I want to know what matters to you!

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And you’ve made it to the end of my video!

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Thank you so much!

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I’m going to try to use a new thing called
an End Card on this video, so…

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In the lower left, you can click there to
subscribe if you haven’t yet.

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In the lower right, you can click to go to
my patreon and support me.

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In the upper left is my last video.

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And in the upper right is a youtube-chosen
selection from my videos.

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And I always finish my videos by saying,

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“Tomorrow

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will be even better!”