[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.03,0:00:07.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,www.SubCentral.de\Npresents...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.53,0:00:12.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Inbetweeners S03E01\N"The Fashion Show"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.03,0:00:18.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sync & corrections: extreme
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.49,0:00:23.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My name is Will McKenzie\Nand my first year in state education
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.78,0:00:25.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has been an unqualified success.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.71,0:00:28.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And by unqualified,\NI mean I failed all my exams.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.06,0:00:33.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That said, I have made three friends.\NYep, three whole friends in one year.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.36,0:00:36.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they're the sort of friends everyone\Nshould have. Ones that are so tragic,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.94,0:00:39.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- they almost make someone like me...\N- Feisty one, you are!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.82,0:00:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,...look normal. But things were\Ngoing to be different this year.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.86,0:00:45.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For one, Jay could now drive,\Nmeaning we had a choice
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.11,0:00:47.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of which shit embarrassing car\Nwe got a lift to school in.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.53,0:00:51.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Simon's was more yellow,\Nbut Jay's was more dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.66,0:00:54.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Morning, benders.\NJump in the minge mobile.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.17,0:00:57.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Strange thing to\Ncall your mum's car.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.52,0:01:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jay driving us to school really\Ndid make me feel like royalty.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.61,0:01:04.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unfortunately, the royalty\NI felt like was Princess Diana.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.57,0:01:08.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Roundabout, Jay!\N- Give way to the fucking left!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.88,0:01:10.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stupid old bint.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.46,0:01:13.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I think it's the right, mate.\N- Is it?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.51,0:01:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, wait, yeah,\Nthat does sound familiar.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.22,0:01:17.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- What's that in your ear?\N- Oh, it's a piercing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.71,0:01:20.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just a stud for now, but my dad's\Nmining me a diamond to put in it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.48,0:01:21.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Cool.\N- Hang on,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.59,0:01:23.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- have you had your left ear pierced?\N- Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.94,0:01:25.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't that the one you get\Npierced to show you're gay?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.82,0:01:28.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Fuck off!\N- Oh, yeah, that is the gay one.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.02,0:01:30.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a quick way to tell, Neil -\Nwhich ear has your dad got pierced?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.64,0:01:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Neither, cos he's not bent.\N- Course not. Will, which ear is gay?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.62,0:01:36.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm the last person to ask.\N- I thought you knew everything?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.08,0:01:39.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know any men who've had their ears\Npierced cos I went to a private school.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.10,0:01:41.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Why have you that done anyway?\N- I like to keep my look fresh.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.98,0:01:43.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plus I'll probably need it\Nfor the fashion show tomorrow.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.92,0:01:48.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, yes, the school charity fashion show.\NWhere only people deemed good-looking enough
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.20,0:01:51.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by other good-looking people\Nget to take part and raise money.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.17,0:01:53.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, there's going to be special guests.\N- Special guests?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.77,0:01:57.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wonder who that's going to be?\NMaybe Beyonce and Jay-Z? The Obamas?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.90,0:02:01.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, I don't give a shit what you think\Nabout it, because when I'm up there modelling,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.20,0:02:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll have my pick of the snatch. Everyone\Nknows male models get all the pussy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.86,0:02:07.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I didn't know they asked you to model, Jay.\N- They haven't yet. They haven't asked anyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.87,0:02:09.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I think they have.\N- I'm telling you they haven't
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.65,0:02:11.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- cos no-one's asked me.\N- But it's tomorrow.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.75,0:02:13.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you deaf? I've not been asked.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.63,0:02:17.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd be the first in line for\Nany modelling work. Look at me.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.02,0:02:19.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, I've been asked.\N- Fuck off!
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.26,0:02:21.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Carli's one of the organisers\Nand she's asked me to model.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.35,0:02:24.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You? Who wants a model\Nthat looks like a spotty baby
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.34,0:02:26.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- crossed with the Statue of Liberty?\N- Statue of Liberty?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.56,0:02:28.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- His hair.\N- Oh, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.12,0:02:31.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was hard to know where Jay got\Nthe idea he should be a male model.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.07,0:02:34.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It seemed like it just stemmed from a sense\Nof thinking Simon was spectacularly ugly.'
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.74,0:02:37.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seriously, what clothes are going\Nto look better on you than me?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.27,0:02:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Apart from a paper bag for your fucking head.\N- Brilliant. Shall we give it a rest now, Jay?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.24,0:02:44.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good morning. Shut up and\Nlet's get this over with. Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.96,0:02:47.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wait a minute, Cartwright,\Nwhat is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.75,0:02:50.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a stud, sir,\Nand I don't mean the earring.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.71,0:02:54.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Take it out or I will rip it out.\N- But... what about my human rights?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.68,0:02:57.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to be human for those\Nto apply, Cartwright. Out, now.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.72,0:03:01.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right, I'm sure that most of you\Nwill remember Alistair Scott.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.53,0:03:02.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yes, Sutherland?\N- I don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.63,0:03:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You sat next to him in\Nregistration for four years.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.03,0:03:06.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, Alistair!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.29,0:03:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, thankfully,\Nafter a tough year,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.41,0:03:11.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they found a donor\Nand he's finally on the mend.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.02,0:03:14.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In preparation for his return to school,\Nhe's coming in at lunchtime to answer
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.47,0:03:18.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,any questions you might have\Nabout his illness. Yes, Sutherland?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.02,0:03:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Can I catch it?\N- No, you cannot catch kidney failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.10,0:03:24.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,McKenzie, my office, 10 minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.96,0:03:26.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's Gilbert want?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.25,0:03:28.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Probably wants me to act as a\Nchaperone for that Alistair kid.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.94,0:03:31.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Poor guy, imagine\Nwhat he's been through.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.51,0:03:33.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- He's a dick.\N- Jay!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.34,0:03:35.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What? He is a dick. I never\Nliked him when he was well,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.74,0:03:38.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never liked him when he was ill, and I don't\Nlike him now he's getting better. Simples.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.42,0:03:40.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh, he was all right.\N- No, he wasn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.35,0:03:43.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was a complete bell-end.\NHe was worse than Briefcase.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.02,0:03:46.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thanks very much. Look, he's had a\Nhugely traumatic time. Maybe he's changed.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.63,0:03:50.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's not going to have got more interesting in a\Nhospital bed attached to a drip for a year, is he?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.42,0:03:52.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What a sympathetic view\Nof a life-threatening illness.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.83,0:03:56.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- And he used to stink. I'm not going.\N- Come on, Jay, there might be sausage rolls.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.63,0:03:59.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Why would there be sausage rolls?\N- We had sausage rolls when my nan died.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.30,0:04:01.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- He's not dead, Neil.\N- Isn't he?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.77,0:04:03.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They still might\Nhave sausage rolls, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.31,0:04:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fine, fuck it, I'll come,\Nbut I'm warning you, he's a dick.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.58,0:04:10.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If Jay thought Alistair was a dick,\Nhe was almost certainly a nice bloke.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.06,0:04:11.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Unlike Mr Gilbert.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.71,0:04:14.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You wanted to see me, sir?\N- "Want" is an overstatement.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.65,0:04:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm putting you in charge of collecting\Nthe money for tomorrow's fashion show.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.57,0:04:20.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Last time they had a collection for charity,\Nnearly half the money went missing,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.60,0:04:23.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then the organisers started\Nturning up in new trainers.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.31,0:04:26.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, whilst I'm really pleased\Nthat you think I'm trustworthy...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.21,0:04:27.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, it's not that.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.69,0:04:31.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just know that if anything did\Nhappen, I could break you.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.13,0:04:35.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right. Well, the thing is, I object to\Nthe fashion show on a moral level.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.41,0:04:37.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm sorry?\N- It's not about raising money,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.20,0:04:40.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a popularity parade. It's just the\Nself-elected attractive people
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.14,0:04:43.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,using charity as an excuse to show off.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.12,0:04:47.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, this is a first. As it happens,\NMcKenzie, I agree with you.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.10,0:04:48.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You do?\N- Yes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.63,0:04:51.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Great. So you understand why I'd\Nrather not compromise my principles.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.16,0:04:55.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes I do, totally. Unfortunately for you,\Nit's not the First World War.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.49,0:04:57.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't conscientiously object.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.51,0:05:00.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you either collect\Nthe money, or it's detention,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.18,0:05:03.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starting now\Nand continuing indefinitely.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.42,0:05:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But...you said you agreed with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.91,0:05:08.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, I know.\NIt's a tricky one, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.28,0:05:13.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK, fine, I'll do it. But I'm still\Nexercising my right to protest.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.10,0:05:16.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good. Just make sure it's not\Na dirty protest like the last one.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.12,0:05:20.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just as a stopped clock gives\Nthe correct time twice a day,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.95,0:05:23.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,once a term,\NNeil gets something right.'
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.24,0:05:26.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Told you there'd be sausage rolls.\N- Look at him,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.51,0:05:29.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- fucking milking it.\N- Jay, he's in a wheelchair.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.47,0:05:32.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- He was always a bit lazy, though.\N- I don't think it's that, Neil.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.09,0:05:34.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is Carli finding\Nhim so funny? I mean,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.36,0:05:37.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what can he be saying that's\Nso funny? He was never funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.28,0:05:40.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Excuse me, everyone,\Nquiet, I want to talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.03,0:05:44.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted to say\Nsuper thanks to everyone
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.98,0:05:47.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's given up their time to take\Npart in the fashion show tomorrow
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.96,0:05:51.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to raise money for a new dialysis\Nmachine for St Margarets.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.41,0:05:53.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Especially all the sexy girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.50,0:05:58.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did he just say "super thanks"?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.55,0:06:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No-one told me we was\Nraising money for that twat.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.96,0:06:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I might think twice about modelling tomorrow.\N- You're not modelling anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.98,0:06:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's going to be a gash-a-rama.\NI might try getting a job backstage,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.22,0:06:10.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that way, I'll get to see some\Nclose-up flange, but for charity.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.77,0:06:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hi, Simon. You coming to\Nthe rehearsal after school?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.68,0:06:14.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yeah, course.\N- How much rehearsal does it take
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.56,0:06:18.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- to walk up and down in a straight line?\N- It's more for timings and stuff, really.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.92,0:06:21.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Do you need any helpers, Carli?\N- Oh, brilliant, we do, actually.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.60,0:06:24.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hardly anyone has volunteered and we really\Nneed people to help get the models dressed.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.85,0:06:27.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Christ, I knew they were stupid,\Nbut can't they even dress themselves?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.16,0:06:30.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's for the quick changes, actually.\NWhip one outfit off and another on.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.32,0:06:32.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- If you're sure you don't mind, Neil?\N- Are you joking?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.17,0:06:33.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Great, thanks.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.20,0:06:36.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hey, guys, everybody cool?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.05,0:06:38.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hi, I'm Will, by the way,\NI'm relatively new.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.34,0:06:40.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you the kid who\Nshit himself in the exam?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.75,0:06:44.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nice to meet you, too. Now, I was wondering\Nif you and I could have a chat about other ways
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.15,0:06:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to raise money, ways that could\Ninclude everyone, whatever they look like?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.41,0:06:51.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, could do, only\Nyou're not as pretty as Carli,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.44,0:06:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I think right now, I'm going\Nto chat to her, yeah? See ya.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.42,0:06:56.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Carli? Carli?\N- Dick.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.15,0:06:58.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't think him\Nand Carli are...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.75,0:07:02.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- If they are, I bet he's "wheely" good at it.\N- Brilliant.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.21,0:07:05.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to have to go. I've got\Na missed call from Ralph Lauren.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.73,0:07:07.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Didn't even ring, did it?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.04,0:07:09.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm well excited. Imagine the\Nbirds I'm going to see as a dresser.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.87,0:07:14.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not top international models, Neil, it's\Njust girls from school that you see every day.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.08,0:07:17.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, but I think I'd fancy them\Na lot more if I saw them naked.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.19,0:07:21.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll say this for Neil, at least his ambitions\Nwere simple. See tits and or fanny.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.49,0:07:23.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jay's were a lot more unrealistic.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.53,0:07:26.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Carli, can I have a word?\N- I'm a bit busy. What's up?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.06,0:07:29.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was just wondering if you\Nneed any more models for tomorrow?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.02,0:07:31.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- No, we're fine.\N- Good, good.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.48,0:07:33.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know if you noticed\Nbut I've had my ear pierced.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.97,0:07:35.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, right.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.27,0:07:37.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So do you think you\Ncould fit one more in now?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.05,0:07:40.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, no, because we only\Nhave a certain amount of clothes.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.55,0:07:43.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I could wear my own clothes.\N- We're probably OK.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.85,0:07:45.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm like "first reserve" then?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.93,0:07:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We haven't really got\Nany reserves, so, sort of, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.86,0:07:51.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cool, cool, cool. Simples.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.28,0:07:53.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How about a free ticket instead?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.94,0:07:56.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it's for charity, so there\Naren't really any free tickets.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.02,0:07:58.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, nice one, Carls.\NI'll catch you later, yeah?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.25,0:08:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Jay had a size zero chance of becoming\Na model, but Simon was practicing hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.07,0:08:07.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Simon's my best friend.\NThis bloke is my best friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.39,0:08:11.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What the fuck do you think\Nyou're doing? Spying on me?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.37,0:08:13.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Spying, is that\Nhow you get your kicks?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.98,0:08:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's all right. It's just I think\Nwe've found the new David Beckham.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.36,0:08:18.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right, that's it. That is it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.66,0:08:20.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sick of you people. I'm leaving.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.84,0:08:22.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not going out now,\Nyou've got school tomorrow.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.86,0:08:24.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, run away at the weekend\Nwhen you've got your car back.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.86,0:08:28.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I'm not spending another second\Nin this house with you utter twats!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.74,0:08:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where are you going, Paris or Milan?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.96,0:08:32.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck off!
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.82,0:08:36.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's just like Naomi Campbell.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.43,0:08:38.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Simon was well on his way\Nto becoming a supermodel.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.99,0:08:43.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had the temperament, now all he needed\Nwas bulimia and a cocaine addiction.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.51,0:08:46.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next night was the fashion show\Nand I realised in my role as doorman,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.74,0:08:49.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had the perfect opportunity\Nto ruin everything for everyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.54,0:08:52.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not saying don't give to\Ncharity, do give to charity.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.08,0:08:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm just saying you can give without\Nsupporting this vanity fest.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.11,0:08:57.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My daughter is one of the models.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.23,0:08:59.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Then you've failed her.\N- What?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.63,0:09:02.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God, 5, please.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.45,0:09:06.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will, I think it's so great you're\Nhelping out. I knew you'd come round.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.39,0:09:10.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I haven't come round! I still feel exactly the\Nsame about this sham popularity parade.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.27,0:09:13.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're being such an arse!\NWhat is wrong with you?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.07,0:09:15.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alistair nearly died. God!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.59,0:09:18.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Carli! What did you say to her?\N- Nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.42,0:09:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe a small dose of the truth.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.40,0:09:23.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will, seriously, you have to stop\Ncock-blocking with all this principled shit.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.97,0:09:27.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Simon, if Nelson Mandela hadn't stood up\Nfor his beliefs, where would we be now?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.37,0:09:30.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- We wouldn't have Nelson's Column, for a start.\N- Yes, we would.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.26,0:09:32.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right, I'd better have a\Npiss before this starts.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.03,0:09:34.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- And a poo, Si?\N- What have you done?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.64,0:09:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- It's my new look.\N- What, the Pat Butcher look?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.80,0:09:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'd say more Pirates Of The Caribbean.\N- Exactly!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.96,0:09:41.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- If the pirates shopped at Matalan.\N- You won't be laughing
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.39,0:09:43.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I'm getting all the pussy\Ncos I'm up on the catwalk.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.68,0:09:45.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not on the catwalk.\NYou aren't modelling.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.80,0:09:47.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm first reserve.\N- What, in case the models
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.67,0:09:50.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fancy themselves so much they\Nactually eat themselves?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.11,0:09:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You would if you could, though.\N- What?
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.26,0:09:54.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Suck yourself off.\N- That's not what I meant.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.47,0:09:56.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, but I bet you've tried it.\NWe all have.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.64,0:10:00.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I managed to lick the tip once, but it took a\Nlot of stretching, twice a day for couple weeks.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.44,0:10:03.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Well, thanks for sharing, Neil.\N- Right, I'm desperate for a piss.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.81,0:10:08.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Neil may have had dirty stretching powers,\Nbut what he really needed was X-ray vision.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.06,0:10:10.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh, what the fuck is this?\N- It's a curtain.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.90,0:10:13.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where's all the birds? I thought it would\Nbe wall-to-wall poontang in here.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.58,0:10:15.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Presumably they're on the other side.\N- Well, why have they done that?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.90,0:10:18.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- We can't see them getting undressed.\N- For that exact reason, Neil.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.99,0:10:23.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fucking bollocks! That's a spanner\Nto my plan. There's got to be a hole.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.34,0:10:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, you're meant to\Nbe getting my clothes ready.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.80,0:10:26.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I think this is\Na little bit more important!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.00,0:10:29.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You ready to go, yeah, Simon?\N- Yeah, nearly ready.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.31,0:10:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Great. We're having an after-party\Nin the common room later.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.52,0:10:33.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mark Donovan's got some booze,\Nso you'll come to that, yeah?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.55,0:10:35.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, obviously. Amazing.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.60,0:10:41.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was washing my hands and\Nit splashed back onto my lap.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.54,0:10:44.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's fine. Just make sure everything\Nis spotless for the runway, yeah?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.99,0:10:46.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm really sorry.\N- It's OK.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.52,0:10:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got to run. There's a million\Nthings to deal with. Oh, Neil?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.71,0:10:53.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Do you know which boys you're dressing?\N- Boys? I thought I was dressing the girls?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.90,0:10:56.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, of course not. You and\NMr Kennedy are dressing the boys.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.66,0:10:59.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You were the only volunteers.\NSee you later.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.35,0:11:00.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, no.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.52,0:11:04.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Paedo Kennedy? I suppose at least if\Nyou run out of space you'll be able
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.06,0:11:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to hang the clothes on\Nthe end of his erect cock.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.30,0:11:10.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, no naked girls for Neil.\NJust a sexual predator in a waistcoat.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.34,0:11:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meanwhile, I was having difficulty\Nconvincing proud parents to join my boycott.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.98,0:11:16.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Charity, not vanity!\N- Hello, stranger.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.84,0:11:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Charlotte!\N- Hi.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.48,0:11:21.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Charlotte. Here!\N- Yeah, good spot.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.49,0:11:24.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes! No! I mean,\Nwhat are you doing here?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.55,0:11:26.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I had a reading week,\Nso I thought I'd come home.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.74,0:11:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know this was your\Nsort of thing. You know, fashion.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.62,0:11:32.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, it's not. I think it's shit and everyone\Ntaking part is a vain, talentless twat.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.90,0:11:35.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm in it.\N- Apart from you. And maybe Si.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.41,0:11:38.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did no-one tell me\Nyou were in it?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.30,0:11:42.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't know if I could make it,\Nso they put me down as a "special guest",
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.24,0:11:44.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just cos I once did some\Ncatalogue modelling.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.33,0:11:46.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Underwear?\N- No.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.20,0:11:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are going to come and watch me though,\Naren't you? Even though I'm a "talentless twat"?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.97,0:11:53.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah! No, I was only joking. Oh, yeah,\NI'm really behind this whole thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.50,0:11:56.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- taking the money, helping set it up...\N- Why are you trying to ruin this event, McKenzie?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.27,0:11:58.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Good timing.\N- Do you think kidney patients like me
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.37,0:12:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- should die? Is that it?\N- Come on, mate. That's a bit extreme.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.99,0:12:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Is he trying to stop you coming in too?\N- No, I'm one of the models.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.62,0:12:07.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, you must be Charlotte.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.15,0:12:10.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wowzeroony!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.96,0:12:14.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you aware this weasel's trying to\Nstop people giving money to charity?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.02,0:12:16.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Will?\N- No, that's not...entirely correct.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.78,0:12:19.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alistair, why don't we go chat\Nabout this somewhere different, eh?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.10,0:12:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- No, let's talk about it here.\N- Wasn't a request. See you later, Charlotte!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.66,0:12:25.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are you doing?\NAre you trying to wheel me away?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.44,0:12:28.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This thing's got brakes, you know.\NYou can't just roll me off!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.00,0:12:29.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're trying to sabotage this event.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.00,0:12:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I won't stand for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.66,0:12:35.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know what, I...\NI won't stand for it. I won't have it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.03,0:12:39.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is my special day\Nand you're trying to ruin it!
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.07,0:12:41.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to go and get ready.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.39,0:12:45.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I think I got away with that.\NBrilliant.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.31,0:12:54.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At the school fashion show,\NSimon's big moment had almost arrived.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.53,0:12:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- And Neil didn't give a shit.\N- Neil, give me a hand.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.32,0:13:00.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is torture. I've spent a week thinking\Nabout the snatches back there.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.44,0:13:03.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm in a rush, Neil.\N- I reckon Sarah Bell's got lovely nipples,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.30,0:13:06.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- and I bet Jo Larken shaves her pubes.\N- We can hear you, you pervert.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.34,0:13:08.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Who said that?\N- It's only a curtain,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.11,0:13:10.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- we can hear everything you're saying.\N- Shit. He's really sorry.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.90,0:13:13.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I recognise one of the\Nvoices, it's Simon Cooper.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.30,0:13:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Do something, Neil.\N- How big are Sarah Bell's nipples?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.74,0:13:19.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Right. That's it I'm getting a teacher.\N- Shit. Thanks, Neil, good job.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.21,0:13:22.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- All right, Yves Saint le Ponce, what's going on?\N- Neil's getting me in shit.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.33,0:13:25.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They've put a curtain up so we can't\Nsee the clunge. It's totally sexist.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.59,0:13:28.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The crafty fuckers. They tried\Nthis when we did the school play.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.62,0:13:32.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We cut a hole in the curtain and stuck\Nour knobs through. It was well horny.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.02,0:13:34.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- We were getting noshed-off between scenes.\N- We can still hear you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.86,0:13:37.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- And that never happened.\N- Simon, you're on, hon.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.85,0:13:41.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- It's models only back here.\N- Yeah, but look. Two.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.73,0:13:44.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The left one looks infected.\NPlease hurry up, Simon, you're on next.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.36,0:13:46.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can someone just help me with\Nmy fucking cufflinks, please?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.56,0:13:50.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right, precious. I'll help you.\NBut if you haven't got them on in 30 seconds
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.32,0:13:51.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm going out there in your place.\N- No, you aren't.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.98,0:13:55.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The girls said there was\Nsome sort of problem back...
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.10,0:14:00.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, we'd better get\Nyou out of these clothes.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.14,0:14:02.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, Sir, I'm not modelling.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.38,0:14:05.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You should be.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.60,0:14:10.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As Neil swerved the advances of a man\Nwho it seemed incredible the school employed,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.03,0:14:12.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the world's least stylish\Nfashion show got underway.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.31,0:14:15.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our first collection's\Ntheme is glamorous nights,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.11,0:14:18.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and is put together,\Nincorrect tense, by Carli D'Amato.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.72,0:14:22.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Modelling, that should be two Ls,\Nthese gorgeous outfits
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.42,0:14:25.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are the equally gorgeous...\NChrist who wrote this...
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.95,0:14:29.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stephen DeBell,\NRichard Murray and Simon Cooper.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.15,0:14:36.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not sure what the word\Nfor the opposite of cool is,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.76,0:14:39.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I think I know\Nwhat it looks like.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.79,0:14:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sadly, I couldn't enjoy Simon's\Ndreadful modelling for long.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.88,0:14:51.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a two-wheeled\Nnightmare on my case.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.13,0:14:53.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,McKenzie!
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.50,0:14:57.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You try anything like that again...\N- I think we got off on the wrong foot...
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.87,0:15:01.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that meant to be a joke about the chair?\NI can walk, you know, I just get tired easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.30,0:15:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it's not that. I think\Nwe just differ on ways to raise money.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.94,0:15:06.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I happen to think that this\Nis exclusive and about vanity.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.53,0:15:09.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I happen to\Nthink you're a wanker!
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.06,0:15:12.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- That's not very mature, is it?\N- Even in this chair, I could kick your arse.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.62,0:15:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could kick your arse right in.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.74,0:15:18.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Let's not make a scene.\N- Come on!
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.32,0:15:20.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're mental. He's mental!
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.14,0:15:22.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck you!
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.53,0:15:25.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will, you've got to help me. I was supposed\Nto be modelling with Paul Keenan,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.57,0:15:30.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he got so nervous, he drank a bottle of vodka\Nand passed out. Please, will you take his place?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.39,0:15:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Me?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.94,0:15:36.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He won't do it, he thinks\Nit's exclusive vanity.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.79,0:15:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Right.\N- No, he's talking shit, it's the painkillers.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.62,0:15:40.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Of course I'll do it.\N- Great.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.90,0:15:44.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- What?! You hypocrite!\N- OK. Right, you, time for a sleep.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.73,0:15:47.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Don't touch me!\N- Come on!
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.23,0:15:48.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Is he OK?\N- Yeah. He's fine.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:48.71,0:15:51.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He gets very grumpy when he's tired.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.13,0:15:54.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, this is going really well.\NAmazingly, no cock-ups so far.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.73,0:15:58.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well done, you've mastered walking like a knob\Nand looking like a dick at the same time.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.51,0:16:02.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is actually enjoyable in an\N"I'm shitting myself" kind of way.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.05,0:16:04.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you've shit in them trousers,\NI'm ain't touching them.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.06,0:16:05.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Of course I haven't.\N- You walk like you have.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.80,0:16:08.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Neil, quick, I need help getting dressed.\N- You are dressed.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.58,0:16:11.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dressed into something else.\NThis. For the fashion show,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.34,0:16:14.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm modelling in the fashion show.\N- That's not happening, I'm first reserve.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.48,0:16:16.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- No, no way!\N- What's up with you?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:16.32,0:16:19.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I thought this was the worst sort of vanity?\N- Yeah, well, I've changed my mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.37,0:16:23.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Somebody pulled out and Charlotte\Nasked me to fill in. So give me the clothes.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.24,0:16:27.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now it makes sense. One flash of Charlotte's\Ntits and your morals go out the window.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.18,0:16:31.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can discuss my morals later, after I get\Nthese fucking jeans on! God, they're tight.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.23,0:16:34.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can't be comfortable\Nto wear jeans this tight every day.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:34.37,0:16:35.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here. Let me help.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.91,0:16:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, this is fucking bang\Nout of order! I'm first reserve!
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.03,0:16:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was me Charlotte wanted, she chose me,\Nthat's the only reason I'm doing it.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.97,0:16:45.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- They'll be sorry. I'll show them.\N- Columbine massacre show them,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.90,0:16:49.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- or futile gesture show them?\N- Whatever's worse.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.94,0:16:52.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Neil, you just brushed my penis there.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.21,0:16:53.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.69,0:16:57.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- That's the second time.\N- Yeah, I know.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.36,0:17:00.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, the only reason I was taking part in\Nthe fashion show was to get my penis brushed.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:00.77,0:17:03.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But by Charlotte. Not Neil.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.47,0:17:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well done for getting ready\Nso quickly. Exciting, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.88,0:17:10.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. Look, I just wanted to say, I'm really\Npleased you picked me. It means a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.84,0:17:13.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I didn't have a choice, really, did I?\N- Didn't you?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.23,0:17:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, we had to find someone\Nto fit the clothes and I was like,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:15.74,0:17:19.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Who do I know that's really short?"\NAnd then obviously I thought of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:19.26,0:17:21.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Is that really the reason?\N- No, not really.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.93,0:17:24.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They let me choose\Nwho I wanted, and I chose you.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:24.59,0:17:27.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Thanks, Charlotte.\N- Although it did have to be someone short.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:27.32,0:17:29.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Right.\N- And the next theme is...
Dialogue: 0,0:17:30.06,0:17:31.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'70s Disco.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:31.78,0:17:32.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, brilliant.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:37.61,0:17:40.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a principled man.\NAnd one of those principles turns out
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.38,0:17:44.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be I'll do literally\Nanything a girl I fancy asks me to.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:53.25,0:17:57.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right. I'm willing to admit\NI also got a bit carried away.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.04,0:18:04.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they do say a woman can tell a\Nlot about what a man's like in bed
Dialogue: 0,0:18:04.85,0:18:07.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from the way he dances. Which\Nmeant that if I did pull Charlotte,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:07.66,0:18:10.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she'd be expecting surprising\Nenthusiasm, a lot of finger-work,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:10.88,0:18:14.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and an abrupt stop\Nwhen I remembered where I was.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:16.79,0:18:20.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meanwhile, backstage, Neil was finally\Nexperiencing some job satisfaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:20.99,0:18:23.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Fucking hell. At last.\N- Simon, there's been a slight change of plan.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:23.84,0:18:26.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chris Yates was meant to be\Nwearing this for my sexy finale.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.48,0:18:30.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he's just taken off his shirt and his\Nback is disgustinglyhairy so I sacked him.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.26,0:18:32.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I thought this was for charity?\N- You know when you get hair
Dialogue: 0,0:18:32.51,0:18:35.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,caught in the plughole,\Nand it gets matted and wet?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.64,0:18:39.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His back looked like that, it nearly\Nmade me vomit, so he's sacked. Anyway,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:39.03,0:18:42.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it means that I need you to wear\Nthis instead for the sexy finale.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:42.49,0:18:45.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Are they Speedos?\N- You've been brilliant all night.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:45.28,0:18:48.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Plus you've got a great body.\NPlease, for me?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.10,0:18:51.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Of course.\N- Thanks.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:51.00,0:18:53.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See you out there.\NYou've got one minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:53.86,0:18:56.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is so fucking unfair!\NSo I'm not even second reserve now.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:56.97,0:19:01.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Who's she going to ask next, Big John?\N- Do you want to wear the Speedos?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.25,0:19:03.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the point?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:03.59,0:19:06.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mate, your ear don't look\Ngreat, it's covered in puss.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:06.77,0:19:09.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fucking hell. I'd better get\Nthis looked at. Good luck, boner.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:09.89,0:19:12.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Try not to get a stiffy in them Speedos.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.71,0:19:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's right, you're in trouble. I nearly\Nshot my bolt just looking at her,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:15.69,0:19:17.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all she was doing\Nwas standing here.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:17.61,0:19:20.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Did you hear what she said?\NShe thinks I've got a great body.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:20.18,0:19:22.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I could just do this one thing for her,\Nwho knows what could happen?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.41,0:19:24.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know. You'll get a boner\Nin front of the whole school.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.42,0:19:26.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in Speedos,\Nthere is no hiding it, trust me.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:26.84,0:19:30.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's only a couple of minutes,\NI can do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:30.22,0:19:33.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I can do this.\N- Simon, are you ready yet?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:33.14,0:19:35.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you give me a hand, Neil?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:35.75,0:19:37.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nah, you're all right.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:37.85,0:19:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Simon!
Dialogue: 0,0:19:41.37,0:19:45.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was so amazing, so brilliant.\NI could not have done it without you.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:45.09,0:19:47.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- How was it?\N- He was brilliant!
Dialogue: 0,0:19:47.38,0:19:50.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Was he?\N- Yeah, he was all, like, "Yay!"
Dialogue: 0,0:19:50.76,0:19:53.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I wasn't entirely "yay".\N- And now, ladies and gentlemen,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:53.05,0:19:55.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- it's time for the grand finale.\N- Come on, Simon, we're on.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:55.33,0:19:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Are you all right?\N- Please don't distract me.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:58.81,0:20:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Simon was concentrating\Nso hard on not getting a boner,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:01.50,0:20:03.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he was oblivious to\Nwhat can only be described
Dialogue: 0,0:20:03.42,0:20:06.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as quite a serious\Nwardrobe malfunction.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:44.17,0:20:47.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I loved that. Seriously,\Nthank you, Will. I'm so grateful.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:47.36,0:20:49.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was nothing,\Njust what was left of my dignity.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:49.75,0:20:53.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on. It wasn't that bad. And what\Nother guy would have done that for me?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:53.03,0:20:55.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, Uni's great,\Nbut there's no-one there like you.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:55.09,0:20:57.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Shut up.\N- Seriously,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:57.18,0:21:00.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all I want is a boyfriend like you.\NYou're funny, and you're sweet,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:00.73,0:21:02.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're kind to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:02.49,0:21:06.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I'd be happy if I had\Nsomeone in my life just like you.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:06.09,0:21:08.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, what about me?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:10.37,0:21:14.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, no, not you.\NNo, no, someone like you.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:14.87,0:21:17.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're so funny.\NNot you, obviously.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:17.88,0:21:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, lovely,\Nlet's go for a drink.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:19.90,0:21:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, I'm OK, thanks.\NI'll just wait here, I think.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:23.56,0:21:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:28.42,0:21:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nice one, twat-face, good dancing.\NAll that whining and complaining, for what?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:32.96,0:21:36.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing. You're what they call\Na sanctimonious prick.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:36.70,0:21:39.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, well, good to talk\Nto you again, Al. Is that all?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:39.27,0:21:40.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:40.67,0:21:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope one day\Nyou get a serious illness, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:46.21,0:21:48.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, fuck off, Alistair, you dick!
Dialogue: 0,0:21:48.82,0:21:50.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You're a dick.\N- You're a dick!
Dialogue: 0,0:21:50.73,0:21:52.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You were great!\N- Bit of a weird reaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:52.61,0:21:54.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't meant to be funny.\NIt was meant to be glamorous.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:54.29,0:21:56.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You're a dick!\N- No, you're a dick!
Dialogue: 0,0:21:56.20,0:21:59.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Guys, come on, calm down,\Ndon't spoil a good evening.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:59.51,0:22:02.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've put on a great show and raised\Na hell of a lot of money.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:02.38,0:22:05.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You know your testicle's sticking out?\N- What?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:05.45,0:22:08.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that why everyone was laughing?\NHas it been out the whole time?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:08.43,0:22:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, my God, you've been\Nwalking behind me, mocking me.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:11.24,0:22:15.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've ruined my big night.\NI thought you liked me, you arsehole!
Dialogue: 0,0:22:15.02,0:22:19.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Carls, it's all right. It's cool. Come on.\N- Carli, listen, please.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:19.07,0:22:22.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Bit overdramatic, it's only a bollock.\N- Fucking hell, I'm going to kill Neil!
Dialogue: 0,0:22:22.33,0:22:24.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Didn't you feel a draft?\N- It was tingling,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:24.20,0:22:26.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I thought it was nerves.\NOh, god. Do you think people saw?
Dialogue: 0,0:22:26.96,0:22:30.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes. It was eye level\Nfor most of the audience.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:30.26,0:22:32.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God, no! No!
Dialogue: 0,0:22:32.61,0:22:36.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suppose you thought that was funny, did you?\NYour little joke's got you in a lot of trouble.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:36.29,0:22:38.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Honestly, it wasn't a joke.\N- No,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:38.62,0:22:41.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is nothing funny\Nabout testicles, Cooper,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:41.09,0:22:43.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as you'll discover tomorrow\Nin my office.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:44.12,0:22:46.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- What?\N- Sorry, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:46.13,0:22:48.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- That sounded a bit weird.\N- No, it didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:49.26,0:22:50.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See me tomorrow.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:51.24,0:22:54.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It did sound weird.\NAnd talking of weird...
Dialogue: 0,0:22:55.17,0:22:58.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right, then,\Nlet's get you out these clothes.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:58.58,0:23:02.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Sir, I told you I'm not modelling.\N- No, you are, you are.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:02.20,0:23:04.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had a word with the man.\NThe man said.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:04.73,0:23:06.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The show finished ten minutes ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:07.50,0:23:09.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You been drinking, sir?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:09.14,0:23:12.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come on, John.\NLet's go and get some fresh air.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:12.43,0:23:14.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm putting my fucking neck\Non the line for you, John!
Dialogue: 0,0:23:14.94,0:23:17.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we headed home, Simon\Nhaving learnt at least one thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:17.99,0:23:19.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Never put on Speedos in a rush.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:19.78,0:23:21.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why did you agree\Nto wear it in the first place?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:21.89,0:23:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Carli told me to.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:22.98,0:23:25.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even with your whole sack\Ncovered, you'd look ridiculous.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:25.45,0:23:29.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Speedos, DMs, top hat and a leash.\NWhat maniac designed that?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:29.44,0:23:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who thought, "What's fashionable?\NDressing like an upper-class mental patient."
Dialogue: 0,0:23:33.60,0:23:35.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Did you get that boner, Si?\N- No.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:35.59,0:23:36.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well done.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:36.55,0:23:38.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But my left bollock was\Nsticking out the entire time.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:38.74,0:23:41.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Fucking hell! Unlucky.\N- I blame you.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:41.33,0:23:43.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- All right, gays?\N- How's your ear, Jay?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:43.76,0:23:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perfect. That's why I've got\Nto wear this massive bandage.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:46.34,0:23:49.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- That's your modelling career fucked.\N- He never had a modelling career.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:49.86,0:23:52.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not bothered cos I fucked\Nthe nurse that looked after me.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:52.48,0:23:54.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The St John's Ambulance lady?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:54.29,0:23:56.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Yes.\N- Isn't she Warren Duncan's nan?
Dialogue: 0,0:23:56.57,0:23:58.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nah, there was another one\Nthat looked like Lucy Pinder.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:58.65,0:24:00.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Course there was.\N- We going to this party, then?
Dialogue: 0,0:24:00.57,0:24:03.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I'm definitely not going.\N- Nor me, I think I'd burst into tears.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:03.37,0:24:07.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Oh, what, cos you're so unpopular?\N- No, Neil, because of Charlotte.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:07.08,0:24:08.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- What happened with her, then?\N- She basically told me
Dialogue: 0,0:24:08.71,0:24:11.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- I had no chance, at all, ever.\N- I told you that!
Dialogue: 0,0:24:11.49,0:24:13.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, but funnily enough,\Nit hurt more coming from her.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:13.74,0:24:17.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- You know I snogged her once.\N- No, I did not know that!
Dialogue: 0,0:24:17.07,0:24:18.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could have sworn I told you.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:18.25,0:24:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I would have remembered\Nsuch crushing news.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:20.58,0:24:22.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Don't worry, it was after you.\N- That makes it worse.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:22.95,0:24:26.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Now it's like a betrayal, too.\N- Was it just a snog?
Dialogue: 0,0:24:26.64,0:24:28.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Neil, please.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:28.17,0:24:30.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, course, mate.\NCourse. Just a snog.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:30.19,0:24:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, that's something.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:34.54,0:24:38.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd learnt a few things that week\Nmyself. None good, all bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:38.21,0:24:40.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Jay's driving is worse\Nthan his fashion sense.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:40.83,0:24:42.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Neil is catnip for paedos.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:42.69,0:24:45.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just because you've only got one kidney\Ndoesn't mean you're not a total dick.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:45.80,0:24:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Simon has extremely hairy balls.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:52.00,0:24:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,www.SubCentral.de