0:00:08.556,0:00:09.911
And up next,

0:00:10.251,0:00:12.000
we have another good friend of mine.

0:00:12.000,0:00:15.561
He's a former combat veteran[br]of the United States Marine Corps.

0:00:16.187,0:00:18.681
He's passionate about[br]helping veterans in distress.

0:00:18.681,0:00:21.575
Ladies and gentlemen,[br]my good friend, Mr. Ron Self.

0:00:22.053,0:00:25.102
(Applause)

0:00:26.662,0:00:28.739
Hello. Thank you.

0:00:31.559,0:00:32.634
I've got to say,

0:00:32.634,0:00:35.773
I just got to pet a dog[br]for the first time in 19 years,

0:00:35.779,0:00:38.542
and I'm feeling some kind[br]of way about that.

0:00:40.302,0:00:41.784
Okay, here we go.

0:00:44.094,0:00:46.862
November 9, 2011.

0:00:47.542,0:00:49.992
A regular day just like any other day.

0:00:50.332,0:00:51.698
I walked into my cell.

0:00:52.633,0:00:54.088
Stepped up on the toilet seat.

0:00:54.655,0:00:56.366
Put a rope around my neck.

0:00:56.564,0:00:59.143
Attached it to the locker,[br]and stepped off.

0:01:02.345,0:01:04.043
About an hour and a half later,

0:01:05.073,0:01:06.460
I woke up on the floor.

0:01:06.650,0:01:09.102
The rope had broke, which surprised me,

0:01:10.747,0:01:13.492
because I made the rope[br]out of a sheet.

0:01:13.492,0:01:14.434
A four-grade rope

0:01:14.434,0:01:16.774
Soaked in water,[br]real good tensile strength.

0:01:16.774,0:01:19.016
Probably made 100 of those[br]in the Marine Corps,

0:01:19.016,0:01:21.034
towed Humvees with them.

0:01:21.034,0:01:23.121
But this one broke. Okay.

0:01:24.801,0:01:27.055
Initially what I felt was two-fold:

0:01:27.195,0:01:29.822
Shame for having attempted to kill myself,

0:01:30.612,0:01:32.352
and shame for having not succeeded.

0:01:32.872,0:01:34.686
And while I'm not a religious man,

0:01:34.866,0:01:37.175
at some level I felt the rope[br]broke for a reason.

0:01:37.175,0:01:39.309
Or maybe I just wanted[br]to believe it broke.

0:01:39.569,0:01:41.985
Okay, so I figured[br]I'd sit with that for a while.

0:01:42.145,0:01:43.570
About two weeks later,

0:01:43.880,0:01:47.691
I was in a prison university project[br]English 204 research class,

0:01:47.901,0:01:49.981
the end result being to produce

0:01:49.981,0:01:53.611
a 15 to 25 page paper [br]on the topic of your choice.

0:01:53.611,0:01:57.389
It was the beginning of the semester[br]and someone handed me a document.

0:01:57.389,0:02:01.049
Keep in mind, I didn't tell anyone[br]tried to kill myself, nobody knew that.

0:02:01.795,0:02:03.818
And so someone handed me this document.

0:02:03.818,0:02:05.666
And what it was was a legal opinion,

0:02:05.666,0:02:08.828
filed by Judge Reinhart[br]of the Ninth Circuit Court

0:02:08.828,0:02:13.055
September 2009, in response to a lawsuit

0:02:13.495,0:02:16.591
filed by the family of a veteran[br]who committed suicide.

0:02:16.941,0:02:21.209
In his response, he cited[br]a Katz suicide study,

0:02:21.209,0:02:25.156
which indicated that 18 veterans a day[br]were committing suicide at that time.

0:02:27.168,0:02:30.559
Throughout the course of the semester,[br]and in months to follow,

0:02:30.636,0:02:34.044
I went on to discover something[br]that I found incomprehensible.

0:02:34.393,0:02:36.548
And that is, in the 14 years,

0:02:36.548,0:02:40.972
from the start of the Iraqi War[br]to include the Afghanistan War,

0:02:40.972,0:02:45.900
6,855 American personnel[br]were killed in action.

0:02:46.560,0:02:52.126
In that same period of time,[br]73,000 veterans committed suicide.

0:02:53.066,0:02:56.159
Now when I share these statistics,[br]these numbers, with people,

0:02:56.159,0:02:57.963
they think I must be mistaken.

0:02:57.963,0:03:00.725
I'm in prison, we don't have[br]access to good information.

0:03:00.725,0:03:02.892
But we actually, in the college program,

0:03:02.892,0:03:06.293
we have real good access to a lot[br]of literature to do the research,

0:03:06.293,0:03:08.766
and that's an accurate number.

0:03:10.576,0:03:13.457
And I went on to discover[br]a few other things.

0:03:14.257,0:03:16.911
And that is that I don't know why[br]that number's so high.

0:03:16.911,0:03:19.054
I can only speak[br]for a small percentage of it.

0:03:19.054,0:03:21.418
So that's what I'm going[br]to talk about right now.

0:03:21.418,0:03:24.691
And when I explain that to people,[br]what I ask them to understand,

0:03:24.737,0:03:28.679
is that the relationship forged[br]between men in combat

0:03:28.679,0:03:32.139
is similar to that[br]between a parent and a child.

0:03:33.750,0:03:37.833
And for a veteran, there's no greater loss[br]than than that of a brother in combat.

0:03:38.383,0:03:40.180
To actually see him fall.

0:03:40.470,0:03:44.143
And the biggest lie of your life, you tell[br]to yourself the rest of your life;

0:03:44.143,0:03:47.825
that being, you could have done[br]something different to alter that outcome

0:03:48.005,0:03:49.889
And you simply couldn't.

0:03:50.139,0:03:53.051
And while you saw them fall,[br]you know they're gone;

0:03:55.074,0:03:57.051
they're not really gone.

0:03:57.051,0:03:59.617
Because every night[br]when you close your eyes,

0:04:01.807,0:04:04.284
you see their faces[br]in the shadows of your dreams,

0:04:04.284,0:04:06.729
constant reminders of the brotherhood,

0:04:06.729,0:04:10.545
of the camaraderie, of the family[br]you search for the rest of your life

0:04:10.545,0:04:13.555
but intuitively know you will never find.

0:04:14.625,0:04:16.435
Now friends and family,

0:04:16.435,0:04:19.420
they try to span that emotional divide.

0:04:19.420,0:04:21.838
They try to bridge the gap.

0:04:23.638,0:04:24.928
But it's pointless.

0:04:25.168,0:04:28.434
I mean, they may as well look[br]to the stars and try and talk to people

0:04:28.434,0:04:30.413
in a distant galaxy as talk to you.

0:04:30.413,0:04:33.789
And that's because serving with men

0:04:33.789,0:04:35.498
that died by your side,

0:04:35.498,0:04:37.523
sometimes in your arms,

0:04:38.503,0:04:40.963
proving their worth to you

0:04:41.103,0:04:43.593
has rendered pre-war family and friends

0:04:44.013,0:04:46.571
untrustworthy, undependable.

0:04:47.571,0:04:51.336
Translation: there's a stranger among us.[br]That stranger's the veteran. Its me.

0:04:52.715,0:04:54.675
So, clearly the seeds of suicide,

0:04:54.675,0:04:57.222
in my opinion,[br]are planted on the battlefield.

0:04:57.501,0:05:01.228
And they remain dormant for the most part[br]while you're on the battlefield.

0:05:02.135,0:05:05.311
Only now your tour of duty's up[br]and it's time to rotate back home,

0:05:05.311,0:05:06.220
or you get injured.

0:05:06.220,0:05:09.616
Either way you're coming back home,[br]and that's where they start to grow.

0:05:09.996,0:05:12.077
From the second[br]you step foot on that plane

0:05:12.077,0:05:14.584
and arrive at the very same airports

0:05:14.584,0:05:17.350
that our brothers and sisters[br]from Vietnam arrived at

0:05:17.350,0:05:19.138
and were greeted by people[br]

0:05:19.138,0:05:22.327
calling them names, like, "Baby killer,"[br]"Murderer," "War criminal,"

0:05:22.327,0:05:25.012
"Go away," "We don't want you[br]in our country."

0:05:26.582,0:05:29.202
I've got to say, America gave itself[br]a good ass-kicking

0:05:29.221,0:05:31.519
in how it treated Vietnam veterans.

0:05:31.759,0:05:35.434
Only now it's 45 years later,[br]and this generation of veterans

0:05:35.774,0:05:37.956
from the Gulf War, Iraq, Afghanistan,

0:05:37.956,0:05:40.118
and a dozen other places[br]you've never heard of

0:05:40.118,0:05:43.333
are returning home and they're arriving[br]at those very same airports.

0:05:43.333,0:05:45.025
And it's become an opportunity

0:05:45.025,0:05:47.238
for those people that gave[br]the Vietnam veterans

0:05:47.238,0:05:49.673
such a hard time to redeem themselves.

0:05:49.673,0:05:52.402
It's become an opportunity[br]for America to redeem itself

0:05:52.402,0:05:55.056
in relation to how[br]it treats its veterans.

0:05:55.566,0:05:57.746
And so, we step off the plane.

0:05:57.746,0:05:59.341
People are waving flags.

0:05:59.341,0:06:02.540
"Welcome home, you're a hero,[br]we love you, we're so proud of you."

0:06:02.950,0:06:04.948
And while many of the Vietnam veterans

0:06:04.948,0:06:07.327
would have appreciated [br]that type of reception,

0:06:07.327,0:06:09.706
they, and this is the hard part,[br]

0:06:10.336,0:06:14.763
as this generation of veterans knows,[br]there's some truth to those insults.

0:06:15.013,0:06:17.696
You see many of the things [br]that happen in combat

0:06:17.696,0:06:20.347
simply do not translate[br]into being a hero.

0:06:20.463,0:06:24.328
Yet you come back, and everybody's saying,[br]"You're a hero. We're so proud of you."

0:06:24.328,0:06:27.941
So, we come back, and that's all[br]we we ever wanted was to make it back.

0:06:28.960,0:06:31.981
And now that you are back,[br]you've never felt so alone.

0:06:32.376,0:06:35.056
You never felt so much[br]guilt and shame in your life.

0:06:35.066,0:06:36.826
Now you just want to go back.

0:06:36.826,0:06:39.135
And you won't have to worry[br]about thanking people

0:06:39.135,0:06:40.900
for thanking you for your service.

0:06:40.900,0:06:44.534
You won't have to worry about[br]feeling like you're alienating people,

0:06:44.763,0:06:47.992
and that's just what you do,[br]you alienate everybody around you.

0:06:48.535,0:06:49.952
And there's a reason for that

0:06:49.952,0:06:53.459
because if you let anybody in,[br]if you let anybody get close,

0:06:53.898,0:06:55.241
you might lose them.

0:06:55.241,0:06:57.841
And the thought of losing anyone else

0:06:57.841,0:07:01.011
just brings you back to losing [br]your brothers in combat.

0:07:01.501,0:07:03.918
And for many veterans,

0:07:03.918,0:07:06.799
it's just that you can't go back to war.

0:07:06.799,0:07:10.082
And you can't go forward,[br]or you feel like you can't go forward.

0:07:10.278,0:07:13.462
The easiest solution for many[br]is just to chamber around.

0:07:13.462,0:07:14.945
And drop the hammer.

0:07:14.945,0:07:17.038
That's what many do.

0:07:17.038,0:07:20.815
Another option, clearly my option,[br]is I came to prison.

0:07:20.815,0:07:25.253
Coming to prison is a different path[br]to the same destination: death.

0:07:25.663,0:07:28.614
It's just a slower path.

0:07:29.054,0:07:31.310
Only for me, as you know, the rope broke.

0:07:31.310,0:07:34.503
And when the rope broke,[br]a solution appeared to me.

0:07:34.727,0:07:38.710
And in 2012, I founded "Veterans[br]Healing Veterans From the Inside Out."

0:07:38.959,0:07:40.369
And in it what I believe

0:07:40.369,0:07:43.902
is the solution to the problem[br]of the high rate of suicides.

0:07:43.902,0:07:46.227
Now, it's really simple.

0:07:46.227,0:07:48.551
As some things in life are.

0:07:48.551,0:07:49.990
When you join the military,

0:07:49.990,0:07:52.894
it's understood that you[br]have to graduate boot camp

0:07:52.894,0:07:55.515
to go on to be a member[br]of that branch of service.

0:07:55.515,0:08:00.573
If you think of society[br]as a branch of service, which it is,

0:08:00.573,0:08:03.379
before you can return to it[br]from the military,

0:08:03.379,0:08:06.088
you have to complete Boot Camp Out.

0:08:06.268,0:08:08.316
To not implement Boot Camp Out,

0:08:08.316,0:08:11.106
and have veterans complete it, [br]in my opinion,

0:08:11.256,0:08:15.435
is the equivalent of bringing[br]a 60-ton Abrams tank back from war,

0:08:15.531,0:08:16.561
painting it yellow,

0:08:16.561,0:08:19.614
slapping some stickers on it,[br]and calling it a school bus.

0:08:19.884,0:08:21.724
That's not going to work out too well.

0:08:21.724,0:08:25.234
Can you imagine a big yellow Abrams tank,[br]cruising down the street,

0:08:25.270,0:08:29.047
leaving a wake of torn-up asphalt,[br]crushed cars behind it?

0:08:29.047,0:08:32.091
It's not trying to do that,[br]it's not trying to be destructive.

0:08:32.472,0:08:36.015
But it's a tank. It's a weapon of war.

0:08:36.185,0:08:39.807
When the veteran comes back[br]from war,it's the same thing.

0:08:40.129,0:08:43.750
For that tank to be a school bus,[br]clearly some changes have to be made.

0:08:43.750,0:08:47.416
And that's what Boot Camp Out's about;[br]it's about making those changes.

0:08:47.743,0:08:49.193
Now, Boot Camp In,

0:08:49.193,0:08:52.207
first thing you do in the morning[br]is strap on your combat boots,

0:08:52.207,0:08:55.982
put your rucksack on, check your weapon,[br]make sure it's sighted and good to go.

0:08:56.341,0:08:58.898
Boot Camp Out's the opposite of that.

0:08:58.898,0:09:02.376
First thing you do in the morning[br]is you put on your flip-flops,

0:09:02.376,0:09:04.504
your board shorts, baseball cap.

0:09:04.814,0:09:08.756
Daily exercise begins with yoga, meditation,[br]maybe a few laps in the pool,

0:09:08.989,0:09:10.787
mountain bike riding.

0:09:10.827,0:09:13.826
Definitely not a backpack carrying an M16.

0:09:14.986,0:09:18.557
The heart of the program would revolve [br]around narration therapy.

0:09:18.917,0:09:21.482
Now, most veterans,[br]myself included, will tell you,

0:09:21.482,0:09:24.878
"I don't need to write[br]my experiences of war down.

0:09:24.878,0:09:25.605
I lived them.

0:09:25.605,0:09:29.154
They're forever burned into my memories,[br]etched into my soul."

0:09:29.862,0:09:32.746
But there's something[br]about writing them down.

0:09:32.746,0:09:33.933
They're tangible now.

0:09:33.933,0:09:35.463
You can hold them, look at them,

0:09:35.463,0:09:38.477
relate to them in a different way[br]than just thinking about them.

0:09:38.517,0:09:41.107
And when you share those experiences

0:09:41.107,0:09:43.628
with other veterans[br]that have similar experiences,

0:09:44.258,0:09:45.858
something starts to happen.

0:09:45.858,0:09:49.404
Something unexpected, something [br]you didn't think could ever happen again.

0:09:49.404,0:09:53.218
You start to feel a connection.[br]You start to feel alive.

0:09:53.218,0:09:54.771
And you learn that it's okay

0:09:54.771,0:09:58.361
to take one step out of the shadows[br]of denial and depression.

0:09:58.361,0:10:02.367
And that it's okay to share[br]those repressed and subdued memories.

0:10:03.045,0:10:05.237
And every time you do that,

0:10:05.237,0:10:08.391
every time you share that[br]with another group of veterans,

0:10:08.391,0:10:10.072
it gets easier.

0:10:10.232,0:10:12.163
It has for me.

0:10:12.163,0:10:16.174
Now the program I speak of[br]will be unprecedented in military history

0:10:16.174,0:10:17.683
because it doesn't exist yet.

0:10:17.683,0:10:20.083
There is no Boot Camp Out.[br]There never has been.

0:10:20.229,0:10:23.449
Now the powers that be will say,[br]"We're doing plenty.

0:10:23.491,0:10:26.163
We're addressing the problem.[br]We have programs in place."

0:10:26.240,0:10:29.995
And I would say, as evidenced[br]by the high rate of suicide, the 73,000,

0:10:29.995,0:10:32.299
that those programs are ineffective.

0:10:32.299,0:10:35.160
Now in the military,[br]it's all about the chain of command.

0:10:35.160,0:10:37.491
So, the orders come from the top down.

0:10:37.491,0:10:39.942
Being here in prison, San Quentin,

0:10:39.942,0:10:43.101
I couldn't be any farther away[br]from that chain of command.

0:10:43.311,0:10:45.812
And that's why I need your help.

0:10:45.972,0:10:51.349
We need people of power and influence[br]to help make this program happen.

0:10:51.561,0:10:55.528
Without people of power and influence,[br]this program won't exist.

0:10:56.020,0:10:59.761
Now America claims[br]to love and support its veterans.

0:10:59.771,0:11:01.556
I say, prove it.

0:11:01.996,0:11:04.668
We ask that you use your power,[br]your influence,

0:11:04.668,0:11:08.442
to advocate for a change[br]in how veterans re-enter society.

0:11:08.442,0:11:10.699
Advocate for this change.

0:11:11.589,0:11:15.377
I would ask you to contact "Veterans[br]Healing Veterans From the Inside Out"

0:11:15.389,0:11:18.148
to find out what you can do,[br]what more you can do,

0:11:18.390,0:11:20.964
to help us save our brothers and sisters,

0:11:20.964,0:11:23.389
your brothers and sisters,[br]your sons and daughters,

0:11:23.389,0:11:28.600
from a fate that's undeserving of them[br]and their service to this country.

0:11:29.150,0:11:31.377
And one other thing.

0:11:31.877,0:11:37.398
It's not often that people[br]from all walks of life

0:11:37.398,0:11:39.298
can actually make history.

0:11:39.738,0:11:43.664
And this is what this is; an opportunity[br]for everybody here, everybody in blue,

0:11:43.664,0:11:47.262
everybody that's come in from the street,[br]everybody that hears this message,

0:11:47.444,0:11:51.444
to get involved and make[br]Boot Camp Out happen.

0:11:51.864,0:11:54.941
We already have a version of it[br]here at San Quentin Prison.

0:11:55.471,0:11:58.414
Of course, it's a smaller,[br]scaled-down version.

0:11:59.184,0:12:02.304
I don't think I can convince[br]the Warden to put a pool in.

0:12:02.304,0:12:03.451
(Laughter)

0:12:03.481,0:12:06.843
But it's a very successful program[br]that we have here.

0:12:07.683,0:12:09.622
And we have several veterans

0:12:09.622,0:12:12.623
that have paroled from San Quentin[br]and they're thriving.

0:12:12.623,0:12:16.207
So, we have a good idea[br]of what to do and how to do it.

0:12:16.207,0:12:18.391
We just need your help to do it.

0:12:18.961,0:12:21.372
So, before I leave,[br]all I'm going to say is,

0:12:23.722,0:12:25.992
I'm just asking for your help.

0:12:25.992,0:12:27.546
Thank you.

0:12:27.546,0:12:30.456
(Applause)