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Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier

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and welcome to Google Feud,

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the game where YOU try to guess what Google's gonna guess 
when YOU'RE trying to look up porn!

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Unless you're not looking up porn...

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and if you're not,

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what're you doing with your life?

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Come on!

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What else is the internet for?

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So I--My favorite category is people,

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and not any of the other ones,

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I'll do the other ones to show you what they are,

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but my favorite is people,

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because they're relatable human problems,

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that we humans have to experience

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in our HUMAN lives,

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with our HUMAN limbs!

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Never put a..

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dick in your butt.

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Dammit, god dammit,

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I TOLD MYSELF I WASN'T GONNA START IT OFF THIS WAY.

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NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD?!

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NEVER PUT A HAT ON YOUR BED?!

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NEVER PUT A SOCK IN A TOASTER?!

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WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

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I JUST SAID THIS WAS #RELATABLE BULLSHIT,

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YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME THIS ASSETRY?!

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FUCK OFF, GOOGLE.

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How to look..

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handsome.

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Fuck.

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How to look beautiful.

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FUCK.

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HOW TO LOOK HOT!

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God, I gotta know what the internet wants,

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I gotta speak the internet lingo!

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It's very simpllistic language!

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How to look...

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less stupid.

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How to look cooooool!

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Also known as less stupid!

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Bam--OH FUCK OFF!

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How to look older, pretty, younger, skinny?

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for bed bugs?

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like a model?

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This is bullshit.

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I wanna buy a..snowman~

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Fuck.

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I wanna buy a car!

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I wanna buy a house!

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I wanna buy a dog!

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I wanna buy a cat!

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Fuck.

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I wanna buy a sibling..(laughs)

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I wanna buy..

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I wanna buy a wife!

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Dammit!

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I want to buy a timeshare?

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Gun, boat, ti--

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TINY, TINY HOUSE.

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I WANNA BUY AN ITTY-BITTY HOUSE

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FOR TINY BOX TIM TO LIVE IN,

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JUST A LITTLE BITTY ONE,

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IT'LL BE ADORABLE.

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My best friend is..

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a snowman~

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My best friend is an asshole.

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Oh fuck, come on, that makes me look bad..

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oh no!

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My best friend is a cool guy?

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Dammit.

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Is a guy? Girl?

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Who wo--Why would you need to look this up?

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This isn't a Google-worthy phrase!

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Alright fine, you know what, whatever.

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My friends are all dead..

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OH MY GOD.

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OH MY GOD, THAT WAS ONE OF THEM..

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My friends are all jerks..

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My friends are all..

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cooler than I am?

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Man, this is talking about my friends a lot.

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My friends are all...

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mean?

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Fuck.

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Wasted?

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Wasted and I hate this club?

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God, I gotta think more millennial.

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I gotta be more millennial on this.

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How to draw a snowman~

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Stick figure?

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Hand?

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FUCK!

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Rose?

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How to get rich off..

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of stupid people.

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off the internet?

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How to get rich off..

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YOUR FAMILY?

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How to get rich off of exploiting slave labor?

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I gotta spell it right!

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NO!

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Stocks, YouTube, penny stocks,

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fuck.

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Best way to kill time.

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WHAT?

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Best way to kill your family.

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Best way to kill your WIFE.

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GOD DAMMIT, I'M TERRIBLE!

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OH MY GOD.

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THAT WAS ALL LOGICAL THINGS!

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WHAT WAS I DOING??

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WHY WAS I DEFAULTING TO MURDER??

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I love the feeling of being..

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(silence)

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(cough)

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Okay, alright then.

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I love the (softly) taste of semen.

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(giggles)

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I love the taste of dick..

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Dammit!

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Wrong both times..

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I love the taste of blood..

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YEAH!

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HAAAAAA...

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I love the taste of..

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meat.

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dammit.

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I love the taste of balls..

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I was so close!

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Oh my god..

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I was on the right track..

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I didn't know how close I was..

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It is so stupid.

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It's so stupid, I'm sorry, that's so stupid.

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I accidentally ate...

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Jeff Goldbloom..

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That's not how you spell his name..

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dammit!

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I accidentally ate Adam Sandler..

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I accentally ate balls..

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OH NO!

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I accidentally ate gluten!

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OH FUCK, MAN!

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I think I have an erection..

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I think I have a tumor..

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I think I have cancer..

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I think I have a pet named Steve..

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(laughs)

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I don't know--I don't know why that really made me laugh.

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I've been in a very giggly mood, okay?

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I wanna be a snowman.

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I wanna be a marine.

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I wanna be an engineer..?

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God dammit.

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Oh, I wanna be a million--that's obvious. That's obvious.

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I think I swallowed a penis...

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I think I swallowed a my pet named Steve..

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I'm sorry, I'm--

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This is not funny!

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This is not funny! I know this!

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I mean..I know!

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Fuck, man!

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I'm sorry!

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a nail.

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Dammit.

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I think I swallowed--oh, chicken bone.

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Piece of glass. Tha--that makes sense.

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What's it like to be gay.

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What's it like to be a girl.

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What's it like to be a pet named Steve..

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(laughs)

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God, that's so not funny..

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that's so not funny.

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I'm going out of my goddamn mind.

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When you die..

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you die for real?

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You die in the game?

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When you die, you..

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go to heaven?

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When you die you go to hell.

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Dammit.

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When you die you become a tree..

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You just become a great, beautiful tree..

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Oh man..

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I'm sorry.

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I am so sorry.

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I'm so--I'm sorry for this video,

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I'm sorry for being a goddamned giggly fool.

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I--and you can play this game through the link in the description below.

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Thank you everybody so much for watching,

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if you want to see more of this, let me know,

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I might explore the other categories, but so far people's my favorite.

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So thanks again everybody for watching,

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and as always, I will see YOU,

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in the next video.

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Buh-bye!