Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier
and welcome to Google Feud,
the game where YOU try to guess what Google's gonna guess when YOU'RE trying to look up porn!
Unless you're not looking up porn...
and if you're not,
what're you doing with your life?
Come on!
What else is the internet for?
So I--My favorite category is people,
and not any of the other ones,
I'll do the other ones to show you what they are,
but my favorite is people,
because they're relatable human problems,
that we humans have to experience
in our HUMAN lives,
with our HUMAN limbs!
Never put a..
dick in your butt.
Dammit, god dammit,
I TOLD MYSELF I WASN'T GONNA START IT OFF THIS WAY.
NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD?!
NEVER PUT A HAT ON YOUR BED?!
NEVER PUT A SOCK IN A TOASTER?!
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
I JUST SAID THIS WAS #RELATABLE BULLSHIT,
YOU'RE GONNA GIVE ME THIS ASSETRY?!
FUCK OFF, GOOGLE.
How to look..
handsome.
Fuck.
How to look beautiful.
FUCK.
HOW TO LOOK HOT!
God, I gotta know what the internet wants,
I gotta speak the internet lingo!
It's very simpllistic language!
How to look...
less stupid.
How to look cooooool!
Also known as less stupid!
Bam--OH FUCK OFF!
How to look older, pretty, younger, skinny?
for bed bugs?
like a model?
This is bullshit.
I wanna buy a..snowman~
Fuck.
I wanna buy a car!
I wanna buy a house!
I wanna buy a dog!
I wanna buy a cat!
Fuck.
I wanna buy a sibling..(laughs)
I wanna buy..
I wanna buy a wife!
Dammit!
I want to buy a timeshare?
Gun, boat, ti--
TINY, TINY HOUSE.
I WANNA BUY AN ITTY-BITTY HOUSE
FOR TINY BOX TIM TO LIVE IN,
JUST A LITTLE BITTY ONE,
IT'LL BE ADORABLE.
My best friend is..
a snowman~
My best friend is an asshole.
Oh fuck, come on, that makes me look bad..
oh no!
My best friend is a cool guy?
Dammit.
Is a guy? Girl?
Who wo--Why would you need to look this up?
This isn't a Google-worthy phrase!
Alright fine, you know what, whatever.
My friends are all dead..
OH MY GOD.
OH MY GOD, THAT WAS ONE OF THEM..
My friends are all jerks..
My friends are all..
cooler than I am?
Man, this is talking about my friends a lot.
My friends are all...
mean?
Fuck.
Wasted?
Wasted and I hate this club?
God, I gotta think more millennial.
I gotta be more millennial on this.
How to draw a snowman~
Stick figure?
Hand?
FUCK!
Rose?
How to get rich off..
of stupid people.
off the internet?
How to get rich off..
YOUR FAMILY?
How to get rich off of exploiting slave labor?
I gotta spell it right!
NO!
Stocks, YouTube, penny stocks,
fuck.
Best way to kill time.
WHAT?
Best way to kill your family.
Best way to kill your WIFE.
GOD DAMMIT, I'M TERRIBLE!
OH MY GOD.
THAT WAS ALL LOGICAL THINGS!
WHAT WAS I DOING??
WHY WAS I DEFAULTING TO MURDER??
I love the feeling of being..
(silence)
(cough)
Okay, alright then.
I love the (softly) taste of semen.
(giggles)
I love the taste of dick..
Dammit!
Wrong both times..
I love the taste of blood..
YEAH!
HAAAAAA...
I love the taste of..
meat.
dammit.
I love the taste of balls..
I was so close!
Oh my god..
I was on the right track..
I didn't know how close I was..
It is so stupid.
It's so stupid, I'm sorry, that's so stupid.
I accidentally ate...
Jeff Goldbloom..
That's not how you spell his name..
dammit!
I accidentally ate Adam Sandler..
I accentally ate balls..
OH NO!
I accidentally ate gluten!
OH FUCK, MAN!
I think I have an erection..
I think I have a tumor..
I think I have cancer..
I think I have a pet named Steve..
(laughs)
I don't know--I don't know why that really made me laugh.
I've been in a very giggly mood, okay?
I wanna be a snowman.
I wanna be a marine.
I wanna be an engineer..?
God dammit.
Oh, I wanna be a million--that's obvious. That's obvious.
I think I swallowed a penis...
I think I swallowed a my pet named Steve..
I'm sorry, I'm--
This is not funny!
This is not funny! I know this!
I mean..I know!
Fuck, man!
I'm sorry!
a nail.
Dammit.
I think I swallowed--oh, chicken bone.
Piece of glass. Tha--that makes sense.
What's it like to be gay.
What's it like to be a girl.
What's it like to be a pet named Steve..
(laughs)
God, that's so not funny..
that's so not funny.
I'm going out of my goddamn mind.
When you die..
you die for real?
You die in the game?
When you die, you..
go to heaven?
When you die you go to hell.
Dammit.
When you die you become a tree..
You just become a great, beautiful tree..
Oh man..
I'm sorry.
I am so sorry.
I'm so--I'm sorry for this video,
I'm sorry for being a goddamned giggly fool.
I--and you can play this game through the link in the description below.
Thank you everybody so much for watching,
if you want to see more of this, let me know,
I might explore the other categories, but so far people's my favorite.
So thanks again everybody for watching,
and as always, I will see YOU,
in the next video.
Buh-bye!