WEBVTT

00:00:10.098 --> 00:00:12.112
Picture a child sitting next to a projector

00:00:12.112 --> 00:00:13.237
learning from your films

00:00:13.237 --> 00:00:14.731
to become a much better director

00:00:14.731 --> 00:00:16.460
now picture a 3 billion dollar

00:00:16.460 --> 00:00:17.147
dream machine

00:00:17.147 --> 00:00:18.330
who can block bust all over

00:00:18.330 --> 00:00:19.548
your crop duster scene

00:00:19.548 --> 00:00:20.911
try to Duel with me Alfred

00:00:20.911 --> 00:00:22.129
you must be Psycho

00:00:22.129 --> 00:00:23.130
I'll bring back JAWS

00:00:23.130 --> 00:00:24.675
and take a bite of your LIfeboat

00:00:24.675 --> 00:00:26.239
I'm Always so on top of my game

00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:27.173
I get the Vertigo

00:00:27.173 --> 00:00:28.314
my jet's in the Terminal

00:00:28.314 --> 00:00:29.614
waiting for me to Murder! ya

00:00:29.614 --> 00:00:32.100
I rock the Academy and the DGA

00:00:32.100 --> 00:00:33.162
you rock as many Oscars

00:00:33.162 --> 00:00:34.395
as that schlep Michael Bay

00:00:34.395 --> 00:00:35.667
next time you're filling up those jowls

00:00:35.667 --> 00:00:36.812
with three steaks and soufflé

00:00:36.812 --> 00:00:37.504
check the trades

00:00:37.504 --> 00:00:39.283
see me Amblin to my next big play

00:00:39.283 --> 00:00:40.453
I produce cartoons

00:00:40.453 --> 00:00:41.873
and make games for all ages

00:00:41.873 --> 00:00:43.038
you produce Jimmy Stewart

00:00:43.038 --> 00:00:44.311
making one of two faces

00:00:44.311 --> 00:00:45.464
maybe next time I visit

00:00:45.464 --> 00:00:46.916
you'll be a bit more gracious

00:00:46.916 --> 00:00:48.031
now kiss my full moon

00:00:48.031 --> 00:00:49.545
and just bask in my greatness

00:00:49.545 --> 00:00:50.671
that was a close encounter

00:00:50.671 --> 00:00:51.916
of the turd kind

00:00:51.916 --> 00:00:52.873
but there won't be

00:00:52.873 --> 00:00:54.493
a pretty ending this time

00:00:54.493 --> 00:00:55.598
half your billions

00:00:55.598 --> 00:00:56.766
should go to John Williams

00:00:56.766 --> 00:00:57.829
now brace yourself

00:00:57.829 --> 00:00:59.164
as I reveal my brilliance

00:00:59.164 --> 00:01:00.421
I'm the master

00:01:00.421 --> 00:01:00.973
of suspense

00:01:00.973 --> 00:01:01.546
so intense

00:01:01.546 --> 00:01:02.936
no defense against Hitchcock

00:01:02.936 --> 00:01:04.603
once he presents

00:01:04.603 --> 00:01:05.389
my skill is enormous

00:01:05.389 --> 00:01:06.580
orchestrate brilliant performance

00:01:06.580 --> 00:01:07.474
you're more horrible than

00:01:07.474 --> 00:01:09.019
Megan Fox's acting in Transformers

00:01:09.019 --> 00:01:09.645
c'mon

00:01:09.645 --> 00:01:10.735
fish puppets and Muppets

00:01:10.735 --> 00:01:11.947
to stir the fears up

00:01:11.947 --> 00:01:14.009
I squeeze screams out of chocolate syrup

00:01:14.009 --> 00:01:15.244
I'm the best mamma-jamma

00:01:15.244 --> 00:01:16.429
ever stood behind the camera

00:01:16.429 --> 00:01:17.353
damage panderers

00:01:17.353 --> 00:01:19.179
and haunt you like the last Indiana

00:01:19.179 --> 00:01:20.403
Cut gimmie a Tylenol

00:01:20.403 --> 00:01:21.191
stop rhyming y'all

00:01:21.191 --> 00:01:22.628
Alfred you got no style dog

00:01:22.628 --> 00:01:23.801
I'm the king of dialogue

00:01:23.801 --> 00:01:25.597
there's only one movie I know you from

00:01:25.597 --> 00:01:27.183
and I've seen more blood in the shower

00:01:27.183 --> 00:01:28.196
when I stubbed my toe in one

00:01:28.196 --> 00:01:29.443
you tried to fight in World War I

00:01:29.443 --> 00:01:30.388
but couldn't do that

00:01:30.388 --> 00:01:31.780
the British army wouldn't let you join

00:01:31.780 --> 00:01:32.725
cause you were too fat

00:01:32.725 --> 00:01:34.109
look it up it's a true fact

00:01:34.109 --> 00:01:35.081
Wikipedia that

00:01:35.081 --> 00:01:36.163
now allow me to attack

00:01:36.163 --> 00:01:37.226
Steven the hack

00:01:37.226 --> 00:01:38.150
due to War of the Worlds

00:01:38.150 --> 00:01:39.325
a failure's what I label you

00:01:39.325 --> 00:01:40.795
it looked like some sellout bullshit

00:01:40.795 --> 00:01:41.647
Michael Bay would do

00:01:41.647 --> 00:01:42.498
ask anybody

00:01:42.498 --> 00:01:43.907
what's your favorite Sam Jackson part?

00:01:43.907 --> 00:01:44.719
no one's gonna say

00:01:44.719 --> 00:01:46.101
what's his name from Jurassic Park

00:01:46.101 --> 00:01:47.809
the scripts that I write ain't the

00:01:47.809 --> 00:01:48.367
cleanest

00:01:48.367 --> 00:01:50.097
but when I grip mics I'm the

00:01:50.097 --> 00:01:50.610
meanest

00:01:50.610 --> 00:01:52.251
Quentin Tarantino is a

00:01:52.251 --> 00:01:52.655
genius

00:01:52.655 --> 00:01:53.721
a bad mother fucker

00:01:53.721 --> 00:01:55.198
from the wallet to the penis

00:02:07.608 --> 00:02:09.547
Genius is a powerful word

00:02:09.547 --> 00:02:11.100
but there's no reason to use it

00:02:11.100 --> 00:02:12.637
less you're talking about the Kubrick

00:02:12.637 --> 00:02:14.151
then there's really nothing to it

00:02:14.151 --> 00:02:16.035
everything I do is visionary

00:02:16.035 --> 00:02:17.692
every single frame a painting

00:02:17.692 --> 00:02:19.644
made exactly how I wanna make it

00:02:19.644 --> 00:02:21.457
do another take and get it right

00:02:21.457 --> 00:02:22.954
127 times

00:02:22.954 --> 00:02:24.308
I'll make you learn to love me

00:02:24.308 --> 00:02:24.987
I'm the bomb

00:02:24.987 --> 00:02:26.050
drop ultraviolent rhymes

00:02:26.050 --> 00:02:26.867
like Clockwork

00:02:26.867 --> 00:02:27.627
make you all hurt

00:02:27.627 --> 00:02:29.168
beat Spielberg The Color Purple

00:02:29.168 --> 00:02:31.048
A.I. is the worst waste of potential

00:02:31.048 --> 00:02:32.707
since the Ninja Turtles

00:02:32.707 --> 00:02:33.440
That's enough

00:02:33.440 --> 00:02:35.219
I've heard enough crap from all of you

00:02:35.219 --> 00:02:36.321
why don't I come down there

00:02:36.321 --> 00:02:38.326
and show you what a real star can do

00:02:38.326 --> 00:02:40.135
I swoop low with the telephoto

00:02:40.135 --> 00:02:41.712
no Bruckheimer I work solo

00:02:41.712 --> 00:02:43.297
if there's one thing I've learned bitch

00:02:43.297 --> 00:02:44.320
this game is about

00:02:44.320 --> 00:02:45.915
mother fucking money

00:02:45.915 --> 00:02:47.330
I make that dollar y'all

00:02:47.330 --> 00:02:48.335
mother fucking money

00:02:48.335 --> 00:02:49.994
even make Mark Wahlberg

00:02:49.994 --> 00:02:51.230
make some mother fucking money

00:02:51.230 --> 00:02:52.846
I set up shop and got a few drops

00:02:52.846 --> 00:02:54.317
of that Got Milk money

00:02:54.317 --> 00:02:55.286
rose to The Rock

00:02:55.286 --> 00:02:57.448
now I got that socks made of silk money

00:02:57.448 --> 00:02:58.948
I ain't got that guilt money

00:02:58.948 --> 00:03:00.138
I don't give a fuck

00:03:00.138 --> 00:03:01.708
I take my checks to the bank

00:03:01.708 --> 00:03:03.002
and I sign'em with my nuts

00:03:03.002 --> 00:03:04.853
I give the people what they love

00:03:04.853 --> 00:03:06.439
while the critics say I'm evil

00:03:06.439 --> 00:03:07.971
got no time to read reviews

00:03:07.971 --> 00:03:09.528
while I'm working on the sequel

00:03:09.528 --> 00:03:11.116
got a gift from above

00:03:11.116 --> 00:03:12.680
and the eyes of an eagle

00:03:12.680 --> 00:03:14.124
when it comes to blowing up

00:03:14.124 --> 00:03:16.609
no director is my equal

00:03:16.609 --> 00:03:17.990
Who won?

00:03:17.990 --> 00:03:19.597
Who's next?

00:03:19.597 --> 00:03:21.703
You decide