WEBVTT 00:00:10.178 --> 00:00:12.152 Picture a child sitting next to a projector 00:00:12.152 --> 00:00:13.237 learning from your films 00:00:13.237 --> 00:00:14.781 to become a much better director 00:00:14.781 --> 00:00:16.430 now picture a 3 billion dollar 00:00:16.430 --> 00:00:17.167 dream machine 00:00:17.167 --> 00:00:18.280 who can block bust all over 00:00:18.280 --> 00:00:19.508 your crop duster scene 00:00:19.508 --> 00:00:20.951 try to Duel with me Alfred 00:00:20.951 --> 00:00:22.129 you must be Psycho 00:00:22.129 --> 00:00:23.130 I'll bring back JAWS 00:00:23.130 --> 00:00:24.675 and take a bite of your LIfeboat 00:00:24.675 --> 00:00:26.239 I'm Always so on top of my game 00:00:26.239 --> 00:00:27.173 I get the Vertigo 00:00:27.173 --> 00:00:28.254 my jet's in the Terminal 00:00:28.254 --> 00:00:29.574 waiting for me to Murder! ya 00:00:29.574 --> 00:00:31.060 I rock the Academy and the DGA 00:00:31.060 --> 00:00:33.042 you rock as many Oscars 00:00:33.042 --> 00:00:34.495 as that schlep Michael Bay 00:00:34.495 --> 00:00:35.717 next time you're filling up those jowls 00:00:35.717 --> 00:00:36.922 with three steaks and soufflé 00:00:36.922 --> 00:00:37.994 check the trades 00:00:37.994 --> 00:00:39.283 see me Amblin to my next big play 00:00:39.283 --> 00:00:40.403 I produce cartoons 00:00:40.403 --> 00:00:41.903 and make games for all ages 00:00:41.903 --> 00:00:43.038 you produce Jimmy Stewart 00:00:43.038 --> 00:00:44.461 making one of two faces 00:00:44.461 --> 00:00:45.464 maybe next time I visit 00:00:45.464 --> 00:00:46.916 you'll be a bit more gracious 00:00:46.916 --> 00:00:48.031 now kiss my full moon 00:00:48.031 --> 00:00:49.545 and just bask in my greatness 00:00:49.545 --> 00:00:50.671 that was a close encounter 00:00:50.671 --> 00:00:51.846 of the turd kind 00:00:51.846 --> 00:00:52.973 but there won't be 00:00:52.973 --> 00:00:54.333 a pretty ending this time 00:00:54.333 --> 00:00:55.488 half your billions 00:00:55.488 --> 00:00:56.696 should go to John Williams 00:00:56.696 --> 00:00:57.769 now brace yourself 00:00:57.769 --> 00:00:59.244 as I reveal my brilliance 00:00:59.244 --> 00:01:00.061 I'm the master 00:01:00.061 --> 00:01:01.033 of suspense 00:01:01.033 --> 00:01:01.616 so intense 00:01:01.616 --> 00:01:02.906 no defense against Hitchcock 00:01:02.906 --> 00:01:04.003 once he presents 00:01:04.003 --> 00:01:05.279 my skill is enormous 00:01:05.279 --> 00:01:06.630 orchestrate brilliant performance 00:01:06.630 --> 00:01:07.664 you're more horrible than 00:01:07.664 --> 00:01:09.219 Megan Fox's acting in Transformers 00:01:09.219 --> 00:01:09.965 c'mon 00:01:09.965 --> 00:01:10.765 fish puppets and Muppets 00:01:10.765 --> 00:01:11.767 to stir the fears up 00:01:11.767 --> 00:01:13.979 I squeeze screams out of chocolate syrup 00:01:13.979 --> 00:01:15.204 I'm the best mamma-jamma 00:01:15.204 --> 00:01:16.379 ever stood behind the camera 00:01:16.379 --> 00:01:17.413 damage panderers 00:01:17.413 --> 00:01:19.069 and haunt you like the last Indiana 00:01:19.069 --> 00:01:20.513 Cut gimmie a Tylenol 00:01:20.513 --> 00:01:21.231 stop rhyming y'all 00:01:21.231 --> 00:01:22.488 Alfred you got no style dog 00:01:22.488 --> 00:01:23.561 I'm the king of dialogue 00:01:23.561 --> 00:01:25.597 there's only one movie I know you from 00:01:25.597 --> 00:01:27.183 and I've seen more blood in the shower 00:01:27.183 --> 00:01:28.186 when I stubbed my toe in one 00:01:28.186 --> 00:01:29.413 you tried to fight in World War I 00:01:29.413 --> 00:01:30.418 but couldn't do that 00:01:30.418 --> 00:01:31.450 the British army wouldn't let you join 00:01:31.450 --> 00:01:32.625 cause you were too fat 00:01:32.625 --> 00:01:34.109 look it up it's a true fact 00:01:34.109 --> 00:01:35.081 Wikipedia that 00:01:35.081 --> 00:01:36.083 now allow me to attack 00:01:36.083 --> 00:01:37.046 Steven the hack 00:01:37.046 --> 00:01:38.120 due to War of the Worlds 00:01:38.120 --> 00:01:39.225 a failure's what I label you 00:01:39.225 --> 00:01:40.515 it looked like some sellout bullshit 00:01:40.515 --> 00:01:41.587 Michael Bay would do 00:01:41.587 --> 00:01:42.458 ask anybody 00:01:42.458 --> 00:01:43.717 what's your favorite Sam Jackson part? 00:01:43.717 --> 00:01:44.719 no one's gonna say 00:01:44.719 --> 00:01:46.181 what's his name from Jurassic Park 00:01:46.181 --> 00:01:47.409 the scripts that I write ain't the 00:01:47.409 --> 00:01:48.597 cleanest 00:01:48.597 --> 00:01:49.487 but when I grip mics I'm the 00:01:49.487 --> 00:01:50.590 meanest 00:01:50.590 --> 00:01:51.881 Quentin Tarantino is a 00:01:51.881 --> 00:01:52.495 genius 00:01:52.495 --> 00:01:53.721 a bad mother fucker 00:01:53.721 --> 00:01:56.278 from the wallet to the penis 00:02:07.278 --> 00:02:09.487 Genius is a powerful word 00:02:09.487 --> 00:02:10.970 but there's no reason to use it 00:02:10.970 --> 00:02:12.557 less you're talking about the Kubrick 00:02:12.557 --> 00:02:14.151 then there's really nothing to it 00:02:14.151 --> 00:02:16.025 everything I do is visionary 00:02:16.025 --> 00:02:17.672 every single frame a painting 00:02:17.672 --> 00:02:19.624 made exactly how I wanna make it 00:02:19.624 --> 00:02:21.457 do another take and get it right 00:02:21.457 --> 00:02:23.104 127 times 00:02:23.104 --> 00:02:24.208 I'll make you learn to love me 00:02:24.208 --> 00:02:25.047 I'm the bomb 00:02:25.047 --> 00:02:26.020 drop ultraviolent rhymes 00:02:26.020 --> 00:02:26.797 like Clockwork 00:02:26.797 --> 00:02:27.707 make you all hurt 00:02:27.707 --> 00:02:29.038 beat Spielberg The Color Purple 00:02:29.038 --> 00:02:30.888 A.I. is the worst waste of potential 00:02:30.888 --> 00:02:32.557 since the Ninja Turtles 00:02:32.557 --> 00:02:33.640 That's enough 00:02:33.640 --> 00:02:35.279 I've heard enough crap from all of you 00:02:35.279 --> 00:02:36.711 why don't I come down there 00:02:36.711 --> 00:02:38.326 and show you what a real star can do 00:02:38.326 --> 00:02:39.985 I swoop low with the telephoto 00:02:39.985 --> 00:02:41.692 no Bruckheimer I work solo 00:02:41.692 --> 00:02:43.217 if there's one thing I've learned bitch 00:02:43.217 --> 00:02:44.250 this game is about 00:02:44.250 --> 00:02:45.805 mother fucking money 00:02:45.805 --> 00:02:47.290 I make that dollar y'all 00:02:47.290 --> 00:02:48.845 mother fucking money 00:02:48.845 --> 00:02:49.784 even make Mark Wahlberg 00:02:49.784 --> 00:02:51.330 make some mother fucking money 00:02:51.330 --> 00:02:52.956 I set up shop and got a few drops 00:02:52.956 --> 00:02:54.347 of that Got Milk money 00:02:54.347 --> 00:02:55.196 rose to The Rock 00:02:55.196 --> 00:02:57.418 now I got that socks made of silk money 00:02:57.418 --> 00:02:58.808 I ain't got that guilt money 00:02:58.808 --> 00:03:00.178 I don't give a fuck 00:03:00.178 --> 00:03:02.828 I take my checks to the bank 00:03:02.828 --> 00:03:03.452 and I sign'em with my nuts 00:03:03.452 --> 00:03:04.833 I give the people what they love 00:03:04.833 --> 00:03:06.349 while the critics say I'm evil 00:03:06.349 --> 00:03:07.911 got no time to read reviews 00:03:07.911 --> 00:03:09.848 while I'm working on the sequel 00:03:09.848 --> 00:03:11.116 got a gift from above 00:03:11.116 --> 00:03:12.600 and the eyes of an eagle 00:03:12.600 --> 00:03:14.124 when it comes to blowing up 00:03:14.124 --> 00:03:16.609 no director is my equal 00:03:16.609 --> 00:03:17.980 Who won? 00:03:17.980 --> 00:03:19.207 Who's next? 00:03:19.207 --> 00:03:21.733 You decide