1 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,152 Picture a child sitting next to a projector 2 00:00:12,152 --> 00:00:13,237 learning from your films 3 00:00:13,237 --> 00:00:14,781 to become a much better director 4 00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:16,430 now picture a 3 billion dollar 5 00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:17,167 dream machine 6 00:00:17,167 --> 00:00:18,280 who can block bust all over 7 00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:19,508 your crop duster scene 8 00:00:19,508 --> 00:00:20,951 try to Duel with me Alfred 9 00:00:20,951 --> 00:00:22,129 you must be Psycho 10 00:00:22,129 --> 00:00:23,130 I'll bring back JAWS 11 00:00:23,130 --> 00:00:24,675 and take a bite of your LIfeboat 12 00:00:24,675 --> 00:00:26,239 I'm Always so on top of my game 13 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:27,173 I get the Vertigo 14 00:00:27,173 --> 00:00:28,254 my jet's in the Terminal 15 00:00:28,254 --> 00:00:29,574 waiting for me to Murder! ya 16 00:00:29,574 --> 00:00:31,060 I rock the Academy and the DGA 17 00:00:31,060 --> 00:00:33,042 you rock as many Oscars 18 00:00:33,042 --> 00:00:34,495 as that schlep Michael Bay 19 00:00:34,495 --> 00:00:35,717 next time you're filling up those jowls 20 00:00:35,717 --> 00:00:36,922 with three steaks and soufflé 21 00:00:36,922 --> 00:00:37,994 check the trades 22 00:00:37,994 --> 00:00:39,283 see me Amblin to my next big play 23 00:00:39,283 --> 00:00:40,403 I produce cartoons 24 00:00:40,403 --> 00:00:41,903 and make games for all ages 25 00:00:41,903 --> 00:00:43,038 you produce Jimmy Stewart 26 00:00:43,038 --> 00:00:44,461 making one of two faces 27 00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,464 maybe next time I visit 28 00:00:45,464 --> 00:00:46,916 you'll be a bit more gracious 29 00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,031 now kiss my full moon 30 00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:49,545 and just bask in my greatness 31 00:00:49,545 --> 00:00:50,671 that was a close encounter 32 00:00:50,671 --> 00:00:51,846 of the turd kind 33 00:00:51,846 --> 00:00:52,973 but there won't be 34 00:00:52,973 --> 00:00:54,333 a pretty ending this time 35 00:00:54,333 --> 00:00:55,488 half your billions 36 00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:56,696 should go to John Williams 37 00:00:56,696 --> 00:00:57,769 now brace yourself 38 00:00:57,769 --> 00:00:59,244 as I reveal my brilliance 39 00:00:59,244 --> 00:01:00,061 I'm the master 40 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,033 of suspense 41 00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:01,616 so intense 42 00:01:01,616 --> 00:01:02,906 no defense against Hitchcock 43 00:01:02,906 --> 00:01:04,003 once he presents 44 00:01:04,003 --> 00:01:05,279 my skill is enormous 45 00:01:05,279 --> 00:01:06,630 orchestrate brilliant performance 46 00:01:06,630 --> 00:01:07,664 you're more horrible than 47 00:01:07,664 --> 00:01:09,219 Megan Fox's acting in Transformers 48 00:01:09,219 --> 00:01:09,965 c'mon 49 00:01:09,965 --> 00:01:10,765 fish puppets and Muppets 50 00:01:10,765 --> 00:01:11,767 to stir the fears up 51 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,979 I squeeze screams out of chocolate syrup 52 00:01:13,979 --> 00:01:15,204 I'm the best mamma-jamma 53 00:01:15,204 --> 00:01:16,379 ever stood behind the camera 54 00:01:16,379 --> 00:01:17,413 damage panderers 55 00:01:17,413 --> 00:01:19,069 and haunt you like the last Indiana 56 00:01:19,069 --> 00:01:20,513 Cut gimmie a Tylenol 57 00:01:20,513 --> 00:01:21,231 stop rhyming y'all 58 00:01:21,231 --> 00:01:22,488 Alfred you got no style dog 59 00:01:22,488 --> 00:01:23,561 I'm the king of dialogue 60 00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:25,597 there's only one movie I know you from 61 00:01:25,597 --> 00:01:27,183 and I've seen more blood in the shower 62 00:01:27,183 --> 00:01:28,186 when I stubbed my toe in one 63 00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:29,413 you tried to fight in World War I 64 00:01:29,413 --> 00:01:30,418 but couldn't do that 65 00:01:30,418 --> 00:01:31,450 the British army wouldn't let you join 66 00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:32,625 cause you were too fat 67 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:34,109 look it up it's a true fact 68 00:01:34,109 --> 00:01:35,081 Wikipedia that 69 00:01:35,081 --> 00:01:36,083 now allow me to attack 70 00:01:36,083 --> 00:01:37,046 Steven the hack 71 00:01:37,046 --> 00:01:38,120 due to War of the Worlds 72 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:39,225 a failure's what I label you 73 00:01:39,225 --> 00:01:40,515 it looked like some sellout bullshit 74 00:01:40,515 --> 00:01:41,587 Michael Bay would do 75 00:01:41,587 --> 00:01:42,458 ask anybody 76 00:01:42,458 --> 00:01:43,717 what's your favorite Sam Jackson part? 77 00:01:43,717 --> 00:01:44,719 no one's gonna say 78 00:01:44,719 --> 00:01:46,181 what's his name from Jurassic Park 79 00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:47,409 the scripts that I write ain't the 80 00:01:47,409 --> 00:01:48,597 cleanest 81 00:01:48,597 --> 00:01:49,487 but when I grip mics I'm the 82 00:01:49,487 --> 00:01:50,590 meanest 83 00:01:50,590 --> 00:01:51,881 Quentin Tarantino is a 84 00:01:51,881 --> 00:01:52,495 genius 85 00:01:52,495 --> 00:01:53,721 a bad mother fucker 86 00:01:53,721 --> 00:01:56,278 from the wallet to the penis 87 00:02:07,278 --> 00:02:09,487 Genius is a powerful word 88 00:02:09,487 --> 00:02:10,970 but there's no reason to use it 89 00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:12,557 less you're talking about the Kubrick 90 00:02:12,557 --> 00:02:14,151 then there's really nothing to it 91 00:02:14,151 --> 00:02:16,025 everything I do is visionary 92 00:02:16,025 --> 00:02:17,672 every single frame a painting 93 00:02:17,672 --> 00:02:19,624 made exactly how I wanna make it 94 00:02:19,624 --> 00:02:21,457 do another take and get it right 95 00:02:21,457 --> 00:02:23,104 127 times 96 00:02:23,104 --> 00:02:24,208 I'll make you learn to love me 97 00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:25,047 I'm the bomb 98 00:02:25,047 --> 00:02:26,020 drop ultraviolent rhymes 99 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:26,797 like Clockwork 100 00:02:26,797 --> 00:02:27,707 make you all hurt 101 00:02:27,707 --> 00:02:29,038 beat Spielberg The Color Purple 102 00:02:29,038 --> 00:02:30,888 A.I. is the worst waste of potential 103 00:02:30,888 --> 00:02:32,557 since the Ninja Turtles 104 00:02:32,557 --> 00:02:33,640 That's enough 105 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:35,279 I've heard enough crap from all of you 106 00:02:35,279 --> 00:02:36,711 why don't I come down there 107 00:02:36,711 --> 00:02:38,326 and show you what a real star can do 108 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:39,985 I swoop low with the telephoto 109 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,692 no Bruckheimer I work solo 110 00:02:41,692 --> 00:02:43,217 if there's one thing I've learned bitch 111 00:02:43,217 --> 00:02:44,250 this game is about 112 00:02:44,250 --> 00:02:45,805 mother fucking money 113 00:02:45,805 --> 00:02:47,290 I make that dollar y'all 114 00:02:47,290 --> 00:02:48,845 mother fucking money 115 00:02:48,845 --> 00:02:49,784 even make Mark Wahlberg 116 00:02:49,784 --> 00:02:51,330 make some mother fucking money 117 00:02:51,330 --> 00:02:52,956 I set up shop and got a few drops 118 00:02:52,956 --> 00:02:54,347 of that Got Milk money 119 00:02:54,347 --> 00:02:55,196 rose to The Rock 120 00:02:55,196 --> 00:02:57,418 now I got that socks made of silk money 121 00:02:57,418 --> 00:02:58,808 I ain't got that guilt money 122 00:02:58,808 --> 00:03:00,178 I don't give a fuck 123 00:03:00,178 --> 00:03:02,828 I take my checks to the bank 124 00:03:02,828 --> 00:03:03,452 and I sign'em with my nuts 125 00:03:03,452 --> 00:03:04,833 I give the people what they love 126 00:03:04,833 --> 00:03:06,349 while the critics say I'm evil 127 00:03:06,349 --> 00:03:07,911 got no time to read reviews 128 00:03:07,911 --> 00:03:09,848 while I'm working on the sequel 129 00:03:09,848 --> 00:03:11,116 got a gift from above 130 00:03:11,116 --> 00:03:12,600 and the eyes of an eagle 131 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,124 when it comes to blowing up 132 00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:16,609 no director is my equal 133 00:03:16,609 --> 00:03:17,980 Who won? 134 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:19,207 Who's next? 135 00:03:19,207 --> 00:03:21,733 You decide