[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.53,0:00:16.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's good
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.33,0:00:17.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.41,0:00:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm married
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.34,0:00:24.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ages ago... quiet a long time.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.78,0:00:27.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've been married for a while. I've got married to... to...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.92,0:00:29.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my wife.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.79,0:00:31.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Seemed appropiate.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.92,0:00:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was... she was my
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.90,0:00:35.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,childhood sweetheart...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.17,0:00:39.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I met her when I was sevent...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.77,0:00:42.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I met her when I was seventeen
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.16,0:00:45.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually this is something that is\Nprobably quite uncommon these days,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.62,0:00:50.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,probably something you don't wanna know,\Nbut I actually lost my virginity to...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.49,0:00:52.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the woman I ended up marrying.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.08,0:00:59.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not quite as sad as it sounds...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.69,0:01:02.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's pretty fucking close.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.07,0:01:07.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I love her, I love her very much
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.12,0:01:08.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've written a lot of songs about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.61,0:01:11.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come, come, come... \NI thought you left because of the god bashing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.88,0:01:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's so hard to tell these days
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.80,0:01:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pentecostal are more blended. I don't know
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.73,0:01:27.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've written a lot of songs for Sara —\Nfor that is her name — over the years.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.67,0:01:29.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I always try to include one in my shows.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.97,0:01:32.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a sort of thank you really, because...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.05,0:01:35.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just can't imagine my life without her. And...
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.79,0:01:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is for you Sara
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.98,0:01:38.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called\N"If I didn't have you."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.58,0:01:42.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.56,0:01:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I didn't have you
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.30,0:01:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.73,0:01:51.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I didn't have you to hold me tight
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.13,0:01:55.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(If I didn't have you)\NIf I didn't have you to lie with at night
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.30,0:02:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(When I'm feeling blue)\NIf I didn't have you to share my sights
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.02,0:02:05.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Share my sights)\NAnd to kiss me and dry my tears when I cry...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.03,0:02:08.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well I, really think that I would...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.26,0:02:10.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have somebody else.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.46,0:02:14.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(If I didn't have you)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.10,0:02:17.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I didn't have you, someone else would do
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.76,0:02:21.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your love is one in a million
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.37,0:02:25.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(One in a million)\NYou couldn't buy it at any price
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.03,0:02:31.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Can't buy love)\NBut of the 9.999 hundred thousand other possible loves,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.39,0:02:34.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Statistically some of them would be
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.13,0:02:35.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,equally nice.\N(Equally nice)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.87,0:02:39.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe not as nice but, say,\Nsmarter than you...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.100,0:02:43.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or dumber but better at sport or...
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.34,0:02:45.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or fucking tracing
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.24,0:02:47.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm just saying I\N(I really think that I would)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.37,0:02:50.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Probably\N(Have somebody else)\NYeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.73,0:02:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(If I didn't have you)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.38,0:02:57.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I didn't have you someone else would do\N(Someone else would surely do)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.60,0:03:01.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I were a rich man\NDiddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-ee
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.94,0:03:06.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I guess I would be with a surgeon or a model\NOr a rellie of the Royals or a Kennedy
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.33,0:03:10.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or a nymphomanical exhibitionist heiress\Nto a large chain of hotels
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.74,0:03:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I were a rich man maybe I would fiddle\NFiddle diddle diddle with the rich man girls
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.35,0:03:21.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not saying that I'd not love you if I was wealthy or handsome\NBut realistically there's lots of fish in the sea
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.38,0:03:26.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if I had a different rod I would concievably land some\NEven though I am fiscally consistantly pitiable
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.84,0:03:33.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And considerably less Brad Pitt than Brad Pitiful\NAnd I'm really so poor and ugly that you reckon only you could possibly love me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.32,0:03:37.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I\N(Really think that I would)\NProbably\N(Have somebody else)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.96,0:03:41.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(If I didn't have you)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.57,0:03:45.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I didn't have you someone else would do\N(Someone else would surely do)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.52,0:03:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look, I'm not undervaluing what we've got when I say\NThat given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of "fate",
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.80,0:03:55.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's obtuse to deduce that I've found my soul-mate at the age of 17
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.91,0:03:59.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.54,0:04:03.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I happened to stumble on the one girl on Earth\Nspecifically designed for me
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.58,0:04:08.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if I may conjecture a further objection\Nlove has nothing to do with destined perfection
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.04,0:04:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The connection is strengthened\Nthe affection simply grows over time
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.60,0:04:17.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like a flower, or a mushroom, or a guinea pig,\Nor a vine, or a sponge, or bigotry...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.99,0:04:21.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a banana (banana)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.10,0:04:25.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama\Nof shared experience and synergy
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.50,0:04:28.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a kind of symbiotic empathy, or...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.29,0:04:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.58,0:04:33.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I trust it would go without saying\NThat I would feel really very sad
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.83,0:04:36.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\NIf tomorrow you were to fall off something high
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.01,0:04:37.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or catch something bad.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.87,0:04:41.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I'm just saying\NI don't think you're special
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.75,0:04:46.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean... I think your special\NBut you fall within a bell curve
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.79,0:04:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, I'm just saying I\N(Think that I would)\NProbably\N(Have somebody else)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.32,0:04:54.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think you are unique and beautiful
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.22,0:04:59.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You make me happy just by being around\N(Just being around)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.53,0:05:04.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But objectively you would have to agree that\Nbaby when I found you
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.14,0:05:08.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Options were relatively thin on the ground
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.17,0:05:12.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Thin on the ground)\NYou're lovely but there must be girls as lovely as you
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.52,0:05:17.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And maybe more open to spanking or...\Nfucking table tennis
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.77,0:05:21.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm just saying\N(That I think that I would)\NProbably\N(Have somebody else)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.57,0:05:24.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean I reckon it's pretty likely that if for example
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.24,0:05:26.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first girlfriend Jackie hadn't dumped me
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.79,0:05:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After I kissed Winston's ex girlfriend Neah\Nat Steph's party back in 1993
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.96,0:05:35.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And our variables would probably have been\Naltered by the absence of that event
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.44,0:05:39.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To have meant the advent\Nof a tangential narrative and which we don't meet.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.57,0:05:43.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is to say there exists a theoretical hypothetical parallel life
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.32,0:05:47.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where "what is" is not as it is\Nand I am not your husband and you are not my wife
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.22,0:05:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I am a stuntman living in LA
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.42,0:05:52.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Married to a small blonde portugese skier\NWho when she's not training
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.81,0:05:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Does abstract painting, practises yoga, and brews her own beer
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.78,0:06:02.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And really like making home movies\NAnd suffers neck down alopecia
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.09,0:06:09.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But with all my heart and all my mind I know one thing is true
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.39,0:06:13.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have just one life and just one love\Nand my love that love is you
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.78,0:06:17.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if it wasn't for you\NDarling you
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.09,0:06:20.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(I really think that I would)\NPossibly\N(Have somebody else)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.16,0:06:23.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh yeah
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.50,0:06:30.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(If I didn't have you)\NIf I didn't have you someone else would surely do\N(Someone else would surely do)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.93,0:06:33.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do the motherfucker do
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.58,0:06:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I mmm... yeah...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.48,0:06:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've write that song because I thought... after all the... nasty...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.00,0:06:51.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I thought I should write one that didn't offend anyone
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.27,0:06:54.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's always one, you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.24,0:06:57.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I came out of my show a couple months ago
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.00,0:07:02.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the first time after performing that song, and there was a girl, a young woman. Why, I would've told nineteen or twenty year I couldn't know
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.07,0:07:07.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at some point I said "Did you enjoy the show?"\Nand she said "Yeah it was really good, mostly..."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.68,0:07:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I: "Ok, what didn't you like?"\NAnd she said
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.10,0:07:17.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"It's just... I liked it all... it's just...\Nthat "If I didn't have you"... the sexist one..."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.72,0:07:23.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I just don't like sexist...\Nthat sort of sexist comedy... I just don't find it funny"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.84,0:07:32.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I was just sitting there all the time thinking\Nwhat it would it be like being your wife\Nbeing the subject of such a sexist song"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.27,0:07:37.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said: "Oh..."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.48,0:07:41.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You are studying feminism in the Uni"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.31,0:07:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't say that. I should have said that!
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.97,0:07:55.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I realized immediately that she made a mistake 'cause she obviously thought that that was a song about love or relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.88,0:07:59.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or something when it's quite clearly a song about maths
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.40,0:08:02.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And also, I thought: "What a hypocrite!"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.83,0:08:06.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, because actually if you think about it\Nshe was being sexist
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.24,0:08:10.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In making the rather condescending assumption\Nthat my wife is a woman
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.09,0:08:13.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who couldn't handle that sort of humor, that my wife is some kind
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.67,0:08:18.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of wilting flower of a woman who\Ncrawls in the corner of my kitchen as I
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.02,0:08:22.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,periodically beat her with bags of\Ncomedy oranges.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.84,0:08:27.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's not the case. I mean Sara and I\Nshare a sense of humor obviously.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.82,0:08:30.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've been together almost half our lives
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.88,0:08:34.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She made me like this
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.22,0:08:42.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,However if anyone stills thinks I'm sexist I'll give you an example of Sara sense of humor, to clear it up...
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.76,0:08:47.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A little bit of back story for this one...\NA couple of years ago Sara and I went and did a...
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.04,0:08:51.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a baby.\NIt was good, yeah...
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.26,0:08:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You should definitely do one if you want but I want to tell you something because I didn't know this right.\NWhen you first get your first baby
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.32,0:09:01.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When they're little things, the first couple of months,\Nyou spend your whole life scared shitless.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.64,0:09:05.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cause tiny babies, they sleep all the time\Nand when they sleep, they sleep like this, they go:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.81,0:10:27.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck you baby!!!
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.96,0:10:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's how little babies are.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.10,0:10:36.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So anyway when my baby was\Nabout that age, sort of two month old
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.52,0:10:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my wife and I were... it was evening,\Nyou know, night-time, and we put her in bed
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.00,0:10:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a little cart, in a little room,\Nin our little house, in our little lives...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.54,0:10:50.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we where sitting there in our\Nmedium size sofa watching quite a big telly
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.76,0:10:55.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just trying to watch a movie, and you know it\Nwas evening, just trying to relax and chill out together
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.23,0:10:57.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And about a quarter of the way through the movie I said to Sara
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.44,0:10:59.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm just going to pop in and check on the baby"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.73,0:11:05.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Sara said: "Tim, don't go check\Non the baby, just sit down and relax for once..."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.11,0:11:11.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If she's asleep, you'll just wake her up, and if\Nshe's dead...
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.50,0:11:15.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"There's not much we can do about it"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.72,0:11:22.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We might as well watch\Nthe end of the movie"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.89,0:11:26.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Get an hour and a half more\Nhappiness before our life collapses"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.58,0:11:32.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So don't worry about my sick fucking wife
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.97,0:11:38.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Although, have you noticed...
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.93,0:11:41.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone has a line,\Ndon't they, with dark humor
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.93,0:11:44.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone has their line, you know,\NI've never met anyone who doesn't say
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.29,0:11:47.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I really have a dark sense of humor,\Nyou know, I really like dark comedy"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.86,0:11:49.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone has a line...\N"That's very funny, that's very funny"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.55,0:11:54.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, I'm outraged, I wanna write\Na shit letter to a bad news paper"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.04,0:11:57.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I find that line difficult to navigate, I always have
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.35,0:12:02.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even in my private life... and still,\Njust a few months ago, I was in my kitchen
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.62,0:12:06.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my baby who at that stage was not quite 2
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.43,0:12:10.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was wondering in the kitchen making a sandwich and\Nnotice she had found something and stuck it in her mouth
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.63,0:12:12.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, they put it in their mouths. And I was:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.25,0:12:16.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Honey came here, what have you got in your mouth there"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.28,0:12:22.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Spit it out, spit it out... spit it out, good girl.\NDarling you don't put coins in your mouth..."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.32,0:12:30.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Coins are dirty, coins are yuckie, you don't put\Ncoins in your mouth, your mouth is for food..."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.25,0:12:31.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"and a little later on"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.80,0:12:34.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"cock."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.29,0:12:39.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See, I fucking knew that was funny, right?\NThat's funny, isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.85,0:12:44.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Exactly!\NBut my wife was in the kitchen
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.01,0:12:46.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my wife was like: "Tim!"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.79,0:12:50.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"For Christ sake, you can't said that!"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.29,0:12:52.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"She might like pussy!"