[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.58,0:00:03.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.64,0:00:10.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As you can see it on this map, la Suisse, die Schweiz
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.00,0:00:13.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is made up of four linguistic regions but mainly two regions:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.74,0:00:17.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First we have here in blue "la Suisse romande", where people speak french
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.52,0:00:21.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in other words normal people
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.45,0:00:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we have "la Suisse Alémanique", primitive Switzerland
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.70,0:00:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is mainly habited by swiss germans
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.86,0:00:32.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we call "les bourbines" in order to simplify
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.91,0:00:36.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,La Suisse romande, "the French Switzerland"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.18,0:00:38.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has a border in the north with France
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.36,0:00:40.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and another one in the south with Italy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.30,0:00:44.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two latin countries with an excellent influence.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.85,0:00:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the other hand
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.73,0:00:56.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,German-speaking Switzerland is surrounded by Liechtenstein
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.33,0:01:00.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a kind of Monaco with a bad weather
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.72,0:01:04.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by Austria, "Österreich" and by Germany, "Deutschland"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.14,0:01:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two countries with an influence but no need to tell you which one
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.98,0:01:09.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might not know but Switzerland isn't a member
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.94,0:01:12.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the European Union even if it's right in the middle of Europe.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.75,0:01:14.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you don't know why?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.03,0:01:16.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because each time there's a referendum the french-speaking swisses vote yes
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.52,0:01:19.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and "bourbines" say nein, nein!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.49,0:01:21.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pay attention, this is not german.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.51,0:01:24.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Bourbines" speak a language that nobody understands except them.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.33,0:01:26.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called swiss-german
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.59,0:01:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a bit like german but they spit it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.21,0:01:34.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Schwiizerdütsch".
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.07,0:01:36.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's nice. "Schwiizerdütsch".
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.46,0:01:40.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In German we say "Schweizerdeutsch" \Nbut they say "Schwiizerdütsch".
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.91,0:01:42.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The need to stain everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.44,0:01:46.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For exemple they say Kroala bear for Koala bear
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.72,0:01:49.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A camera becomes a kramera.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.66,0:01:51.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They don't say "ka" but "kra".
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.67,0:01:56.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imagine when they order a Coca-Cola?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.04,0:01:58.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By the way they also change our cities name.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.43,0:02:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Geneva is called Genf. Morat becomes Murten.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.36,0:02:04.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Soleure is Solothurn.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.72,0:02:12.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The limit is Porrentruy.\NThey call it Pruntrut.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.91,0:02:17.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pruntrut, seriously?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.32,0:02:22.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imagine the trauma that represents for a child?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.08,0:02:25.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Where do you live? I live in Pruntrut."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.69,0:02:36.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even Germans are frightened when they meet Swiss-Germans.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.66,0:02:38.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One has to get up early to scare a german.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.85,0:02:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For exemple, how are you doing in german we say
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.51,0:02:43.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Wie geht es?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.39,0:02:49.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But "Bourbines" say "Wie gots".
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.13,0:02:51.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when you are fine you don't answer "Gut"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.51,0:02:53.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you say "Guet".
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.82,0:02:57.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wie gots? Guet. Wie gots? Guet. \NWie gots? Guet.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.15,0:03:00.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let's try. Wie gots?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.70,0:03:03.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, not guet, gueet.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.53,0:03:08.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the mouth which falls and with a very disgusted face
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.90,0:03:14.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like this yes, it means you're fine.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.26,0:03:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wie gots? Wie gots? Wie gots?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.61,0:03:23.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You must be swiss-german. It's not possible.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.96,0:03:26.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wie gots?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.49,0:03:30.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Läck bisch du blöd du fetti schnäpfe? (insults in swiss-german)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.18,0:03:33.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,false alarm.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.44,0:03:38.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We never know. Is there a swiss-german in the room?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.14,0:03:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We always ask if there's a doctor
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.40,0:03:47.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we never think to ask if there's a sick person.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.18,0:03:51.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't tell me there is\Nno swiss-german tonight
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.00,0:03:55.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Where? Oh over there!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.93,0:03:58.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hallo! Wie gots?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.93,0:04:04.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's a real one, she's a real one.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.91,0:04:06.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's your name?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.75,0:04:12.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cornelia
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.30,0:04:15.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cornelia, this is definitively a real one.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.66,0:04:20.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell me where do you come from?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.90,0:04:23.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cornelia): Luzern.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.84,0:04:26.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is nice of you to made such a long trip to see me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.71,0:04:29.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But reassure me, you came in Lausanne for the show
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.51,0:04:34.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you'll go back to german-speaking Switzerland\Nand leave french-speaking Switzerland!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.01,0:04:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have a nice trip!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.46,0:04:42.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applauses)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.94,0:05:02.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get lost. Let's come back to my geography class.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.93,0:05:05.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Switzerland, that we also call Helvetian Confederation
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.61,0:05:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was founded in 1291. Eh Cornelia?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.53,0:05:16.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Zwolfhundertnünününtkkht."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.96,0:05:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Contrary to what people think
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.46,0:05:34.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the capital is not Geneva or Zürich but the city of Bern.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.06,0:05:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't know Bern? How can I describe it to you?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.28,0:05:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever fallen into a coma?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.98,0:05:45.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's nearly the same but in Bern
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.64,0:05:49.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you almost have no chance to wake up.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.13,0:05:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hence the expression, \N"mettre le drapeau en berne" (lower the flag)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.60,0:05:56.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pay attention Bern is only the political capital
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.05,0:05:58.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have an economical capital : Zürich
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.22,0:06:01.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a diplomatical capital : Geneva
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.37,0:06:07.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and an anatomical capital : "Gland" (glans)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.34,0:06:10.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gland, that's where I live, near lake Geneva.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.10,0:06:13.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, Gland! I don't see what is funny!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.05,0:06:16.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In France, you have a village called Montcul (my ass).
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.77,0:06:18.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't it?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.85,0:06:23.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By the way I think we should pair Gland with Montcul.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.30,0:06:30.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I get lost, I get lost.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.44,0:06:33.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Zürich is the biggest city of Switzerland with 1,5 mio of idiots...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.93,0:06:37.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of inhabitants!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.13,0:06:39.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is only if we take the suburbs into account
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.65,0:06:46.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gattikon, Dietikon, Effretikon, \NOerlikon, Pfäffikon, Zollikon. (conne = stupid)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.66,0:06:51.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are a lot in the region.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.22,0:06:57.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the middle there is what we call the Röschtigrabe, the barrier of Röschti.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.08,0:07:06.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(traditional music)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.84,0:07:15.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can immediately see that their music represents them.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.54,0:07:20.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am joking, I am joking. I love the swiss-germans.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.05,0:07:22.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By the way I'm sure that you do too.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.32,0:07:27.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're not going to do a war in our own country.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.85,0:07:31.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, on the other hand they should not have started
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.71,0:07:37.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The bourbines" are a sect trying to infiltrate french-speaking Switzerland.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.39,0:07:42.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Haven't you noticed? They are more and more
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.53,0:07:48.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They come here and say we're lazy, we don't know how to work
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.92,0:07:53.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we only think about laughing. They are sooo "chiant" (boring).
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.30,0:07:58.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The bourbines are chiantologists.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.43,0:08:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On Saturdays and Sundays,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.74,0:08:03.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have a good time, we go out, we party.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.35,0:08:06.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But they spend their Sundays cleaning, mopping the floor (swiss word)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.81,0:08:11.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The "panosse" (mop), that's something they don't know in Paris
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.53,0:08:16.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Over there we have to say "serpillière" (French word for mop)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.25,0:08:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(piano music of "La Bohème")
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.30,0:08:31.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ I am speaking about something that French people do not know ♪
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.97,0:08:37.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ We use it here and there, after the party to clean our windows ♪
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.81,0:08:40.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ From the floor to the ceiling, it's this humble duster ♪
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.01,0:08:42.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ which cleans the kitchen ♪
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.68,0:08:45.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ this ecru piece of cloth, that seduces my neighbours ♪
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.85,0:08:48.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ but is unknown to you ♪
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.25,0:08:53.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ "La panosse, la panosse" ♪\N
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.88,0:08:59.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ we can say what we want but it cleans everything ♪
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.81,0:09:04.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ "La panosse, la panosse" ♪\N\N
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.76,0:09:12.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,♪ This is how we call it here ♪