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Today I want to talk
about the meaning of words,

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how we define them

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and how they, almost as revenge,

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define us.

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The English language
is a magnificent sponge.

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I love the English language.
I'm glad that I speak it.

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But for all that, it has a lot of holes.

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In Greek, there's a word, "lachesism"

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which is the hunger for disaster.

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You know, when you see
a thunderstorm on the horizon

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and you just find yourself
rooting for the storm.

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In Mandarin, they have a word "yù yī" --

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I'm not pronouncing that correctly --

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which means the longing
to feel intensely again

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the way you did when you were a kid.

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In Polish, they have a word "jouska"

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which is the kind of
hypothetical conversation

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that you compulsively
play out in your head.

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And finally, in German,
of course in German,

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they have a word called "Zielschmerz"

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which is the dread
of getting what you want.

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(Laughter)

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Finally fulfilling a lifelong dream.

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I'm German myself,
so I know exactly what that feels like.

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Now, I'm not sure
if I would use any of these words

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as I go about my day,

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but I'm really glad they exist.

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But the only reason they exist
is because I made them up.

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I am the author of "The Dictionary
of Obscure Sorrows,"

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which I've been writing
for the last seven years,

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and the whole mission of the project

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is to find holes
in the language of emotion

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and try to fill them

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so that we have a way of talking
about all those human peccadilloes

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and quirks of the human condition

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that we all feel
but may not think to talk about

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because we don't have the words to do it.

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And about halfway through this project,

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I defined "sonder,"

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the idea that we all think of ourselves
as the main character

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and everyone else is just extras.

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But in reality,
we're all the main character,

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and you yourself are an extra
in someone else's story.

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And so as soon as I published that,

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I got a lot of response from people

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saying "thank you for giving voice
to something I had felt all my life

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but there was no word for that."

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So it made them feel less alone.

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That's the power of words,

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to make us feel less alone.

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And it was not long after that

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that I started to notice sonder

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being used earnestly
in conversations online,

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and not long after I actually noticed it,

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I caught it next to me
in an actual conversation in person.

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There is no stranger feeling
than making up a word

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and then seeing it
take on a mind of its own.

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I don't have a word
for that yet, but I will.

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(Laughter)

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I'm working on it.

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I started to think
about what makes words real,

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because a lot of people ask me,

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the most common thing
I got from people is,

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"Well, are these words made up?
I don't really understand."

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And I didn't really know what to tell them

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because once sonder started to take off,

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who am I to say what words
are real and what aren't.

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And so I sort of felt like Steve Jobs,
who described his epiphany

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as when he realized that most of us,
as we go through the day,

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we just try to avoid
bouncing against the walls too much

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and just sort of get on with things.

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But once you realize that people --

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that this world was built
by people no smarter than you,

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then you can reach out
and touch those walls

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and even put your hand through them

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and realize that you have
the power to change it.

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And when people ask me,
"Are these words real?"

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I had a variety of answers
that I tried out.

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Some of them made sense.
Some of them didn't,

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but one of them I tried out was,

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"Well, a word is real
if you want it to be real."

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The way that this path is real
because people wanted it to be there.

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(Laughter)

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It happens on college
campuses all the time.

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It's called a "desire path."

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(Laughter)

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But then I decided,
what people are really asking

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when they're asking if a word is real,
they're really asking,

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"Well, how many brains
will this give me access to?"

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Because I think that's
a lot of how we look at language.

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A word is essentially a key

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that gets us into certain people's heads,

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and if it gets us into one brain,

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it's not really worth it,

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not really worth knowing.

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Two brains, eh, it depends on who it is.

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A million brains, OK, now we're talking.

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And so a real word is one that gets you
access to as many brains as you can.

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That's what makes it worth knowing.

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Incidentally, the realest word of all
by this measure is this.

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[O.K.]

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That's it.

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The realest word we have.

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That is the closest thing we have
to a master key.

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That's the most commonly
understood word in the world,

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no matter where you are.

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The problem with that is,

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no one seems to know
what those two letters stand for.

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(Laughter)

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Which is kind of weird, right?

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I mean, it could be a misspelling
of "all correct," I guess,

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or "old kinderhook."

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No one really seems to know,
but the fact that it doesn't matter

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says something about
how we add meaning to words.

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The meaning is not
in the words themselves.

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We're the ones
that pour ourselves into it.

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And I think, when we're all searching
for meaning in our lives,

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and searching for the meaning of life,

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I think words have
something to do with that.

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And I think if you're looking
for the meaning of something,

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the dictionary is a decent place to start.

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It brings a sense of order

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to a very chaotic universe.

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Our view of things is so limited

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that we have to come up
with patterns and shorthands

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and try to figure out
a way to interpret it

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and be able to get on with our day.

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We need words to contain us,
to define ourselves.

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I think a lot of us feel boxed in

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by how we use these words.

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We forget that words are made up.

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It's not just my words.
All words are made up,

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but not all of them mean something.

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We're all just sort of
trapped in our own lexicons

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that don't necessarily correlate
with people who aren't already like us,

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and so I think I feel us drifting apart
a little more every year,

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the more seriously we take words.

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Because remember, words are not real.

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They don't have meaning. We do.

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And I'd like to leave you with a reading

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from one of my favorite philosophers,

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Bill Watterson, who created
"Calvin and Hobbes."

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He said,

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"Creating a life that reflects
your values and satisfies your soul

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is a rare achievement.

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To invent your own life's meaning

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is not easy,

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but it is still allowed,

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and I think you'll be
happier for the trouble."

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Thank you.

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(Applause)