WEBVTT 00:00:00.396 --> 00:00:03.654 What is love? 00:00:03.654 --> 00:00:05.961 It's a hard term to define 00:00:05.961 --> 00:00:09.466 in so far as it has a very wide application. 00:00:09.466 --> 00:00:11.697 I can love jogging. 00:00:11.697 --> 00:00:13.645 I can love a book, a movie. 00:00:13.645 --> 00:00:16.563 I can love escalopes. 00:00:16.563 --> 00:00:18.711 I can love my wife. 00:00:18.711 --> 00:00:23.147 (Laughter) 00:00:23.147 --> 00:00:27.010 But there's a great difference 00:00:27.010 --> 00:00:31.901 between an escalope and my wife, for instance. 00:00:31.901 --> 00:00:34.906 That is, if I value the escalope, 00:00:34.906 --> 00:00:41.019 the escalope, on the other hand, it doesn't value me back. 00:00:41.019 --> 00:00:44.321 Whereas my wife, she calls me 00:00:44.321 --> 00:00:46.122 the star of her life. 00:00:46.122 --> 00:00:47.754 (Laughter) 00:00:47.754 --> 00:00:50.662 Therefore, only another desiring conscience 00:00:50.662 --> 00:00:53.894 can conceive me as a desirable being. 00:00:53.894 --> 00:00:55.474 I know this, that's why 00:00:55.474 --> 00:00:57.820 love can be defined in a more accurate way 00:00:57.820 --> 00:01:02.130 as the desire of being desired. 00:01:02.130 --> 00:01:04.925 Hence the eternal problem of love: 00:01:04.925 --> 00:01:10.700 how to become and remain desirable? 00:01:10.700 --> 00:01:14.489 The individual used to find 00:01:14.489 --> 00:01:16.784 an answer to this problem 00:01:16.784 --> 00:01:19.727 by submitting his life to community rules. 00:01:19.727 --> 00:01:22.004 You had a specific part to play 00:01:22.004 --> 00:01:24.449 according to your sex, your age, 00:01:24.449 --> 00:01:25.925 your social status, 00:01:25.925 --> 00:01:27.955 and you only had to play your part 00:01:27.955 --> 00:01:32.032 to be valued and loved by the whole community. 00:01:32.032 --> 00:01:35.789 Think about the young woman who must remain chaste before marriage. 00:01:35.789 --> 00:01:39.863 Think about the youngest son who must obey the eldest son, 00:01:39.863 --> 00:01:45.861 who in turn must obey the patriarch. 00:01:45.861 --> 00:01:50.147 But a phenomenon 00:01:50.147 --> 00:01:53.510 started in the 13th century, 00:01:53.510 --> 00:01:57.512 mainly in the Renaissance, in the West, 00:01:57.512 --> 00:02:00.891 that caused the biggest identity crisis 00:02:00.891 --> 00:02:03.088 in the history of humankind. 00:02:03.088 --> 00:02:05.358 This phenomenon is modernity. 00:02:05.358 --> 00:02:08.306 We can basically summarize it through a triple process. 00:02:08.306 --> 00:02:14.029 First, a process of rationalization of scientific research, 00:02:14.029 --> 00:02:16.714 which has accelerated technical progress. 00:02:16.714 --> 00:02:21.178 Next, a process of political democratization, 00:02:21.178 --> 00:02:24.292 which has fostered individual rights. 00:02:24.292 --> 00:02:28.850 And finally, a process of rationalization of economic production 00:02:28.850 --> 00:02:31.735 and of trade liberalization. 00:02:31.735 --> 00:02:34.617 These three intertwined processes 00:02:34.617 --> 00:02:37.026 have completely annihilated 00:02:37.026 --> 00:02:41.332 all the traditional bearings of Western societies, 00:02:41.332 --> 00:02:43.957 with radical consequences for the individual. 00:02:43.957 --> 00:02:46.518 Now individuals are free 00:02:46.518 --> 00:02:49.922 to value or disvalue 00:02:49.922 --> 00:02:54.127 any attitude, any choice, any object. 00:02:54.127 --> 00:03:00.344 But as a result, they are themselves confronted 00:03:00.344 --> 00:03:02.409 with this same freedom that others have 00:03:02.409 --> 00:03:06.861 to value or disvalue them. 00:03:06.861 --> 00:03:12.201 In other words, my value was once ensured 00:03:12.201 --> 00:03:16.114 by submitting myself to the traditional authorities. 00:03:16.114 --> 00:03:21.398 Now it is quoted in the stock exchange. 00:03:21.398 --> 00:03:26.048 On the free market of individual desires, 00:03:26.048 --> 00:03:30.033 I negotiate my value every day. 00:03:30.033 --> 00:03:32.619 Hence the anxiety of contemporary man. 00:03:32.619 --> 00:03:36.705 He is obsessed: "Am I desirable? How desirable? 00:03:36.705 --> 00:03:39.803 How many people are going to love me?" 00:03:39.803 --> 00:03:42.509 And how does he respond to this anxiety? 00:03:42.509 --> 00:03:51.025 Well, by hysterically collecting symbols of desirability. 00:03:52.493 --> 00:03:55.460 (Laughter) 00:03:55.460 --> 00:03:57.765 I call this act of collecting, 00:03:57.765 --> 00:04:01.119 along with others, seduction capital. 00:04:01.119 --> 00:04:03.162 Indeed, our consumer society 00:04:03.162 --> 00:04:08.631 is largely based on seduction capital. 00:04:08.631 --> 00:04:12.742 It is said about this consumption that our age is materialistic. 00:04:12.742 --> 00:04:16.690 But it's not true! We only accumulate objects 00:04:16.690 --> 00:04:19.501 in order to communicate with other minds. 00:04:19.501 --> 00:04:24.918 We do it to make them love us, to seduce them. 00:04:24.918 --> 00:04:28.638 Nothing could be less materialistic, or more sentimental, 00:04:28.638 --> 00:04:32.863 than a teenager buying brand new jeans 00:04:32.863 --> 00:04:35.355 and tearing them at the knees, 00:04:35.355 --> 00:04:37.467 because he wants to please Jennifer. 00:04:37.467 --> 00:04:39.917 (Laughter) 00:04:39.917 --> 00:04:43.201 Consumerism is not materialism. 00:04:43.201 --> 00:04:45.276 It is rather what is swallowed up 00:04:45.276 --> 00:04:48.285 and sacrificed in the name of the god of love, 00:04:48.285 --> 00:04:52.731 or rather in the name of seduction capital. 00:04:52.731 --> 00:04:58.112 In light of this observation on contemporary love, 00:04:58.112 --> 00:05:01.427 how can we think of love in the years to come? 00:05:01.427 --> 00:05:03.711 We can envision two hypotheses: 00:05:03.711 --> 00:05:06.447 The first one consists of betting 00:05:06.447 --> 00:05:12.141 that this process of narcissistic capitalization will intensify. 00:05:12.141 --> 00:05:16.209 It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take, 00:05:16.209 --> 00:05:17.940 because it largely depends 00:05:17.940 --> 00:05:20.708 on social and technical innovations, 00:05:20.708 --> 00:05:25.755 which are by definition difficult to predict. 00:05:25.755 --> 00:05:27.657 But we can, for instance, 00:05:27.657 --> 00:05:31.381 imagine a dating website 00:05:31.381 --> 00:05:35.513 which, a bit like those loyalty points programs, 00:05:35.513 --> 00:05:38.705 uses seduction capital points 00:05:38.705 --> 00:05:42.500 that vary according to my age, my height/weight ratio, 00:05:42.500 --> 00:05:45.023 my degree, my salary, 00:05:45.023 --> 00:05:49.488 or the number of clicks on my profile. 00:05:49.488 --> 00:05:53.374 We can also imagine 00:05:53.374 --> 00:05:56.747 a chemical treatment for breakups 00:05:56.747 --> 00:06:00.565 that weakens the feelings of attachment. 00:06:00.565 --> 00:06:04.622 By the way, there's a program on MTV already 00:06:04.622 --> 00:06:08.606 in which seduction teachers 00:06:08.606 --> 00:06:12.524 treat heartache as a disease. 00:06:12.524 --> 00:06:16.226 These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists." 00:06:16.226 --> 00:06:19.470 "Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste." 00:06:19.470 --> 00:06:22.182 "Pick-up" is to pick someone up, 00:06:22.182 --> 00:06:24.298 but not just any picking up -- it's picking up chicks. 00:06:24.298 --> 00:06:28.767 So they are artists of picking up chicks. 00:06:28.767 --> 00:06:30.224 (Laughter) 00:06:30.224 --> 00:06:35.339 And they call heartache "one-itis." 00:06:35.339 --> 00:06:38.889 In English, "itis" is a suffix that signifies infection. 00:06:38.889 --> 00:06:43.353 One-itis can be translated as "an infection from one." 00:06:43.353 --> 00:06:47.122 It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists, 00:06:47.122 --> 00:06:50.571 falling in love with someone 00:06:50.571 --> 00:06:52.403 is a waste of time, 00:06:52.403 --> 00:06:54.310 it's squandering your seduction capital, 00:06:54.310 --> 00:06:56.102 so it must be eliminated 00:06:56.102 --> 00:06:59.831 like a disease, like an infection. 00:06:59.831 --> 00:07:03.532 We can also envision 00:07:03.532 --> 00:07:06.549 a romantic use of the genome. 00:07:06.549 --> 00:07:10.199 Everyone would carry it around 00:07:10.199 --> 00:07:13.399 and present it like a business card 00:07:13.399 --> 00:07:18.393 to verify if seduction can progress to reproduction. 00:07:18.393 --> 00:07:22.021 (Laughter) 00:07:22.021 --> 00:07:27.184 Of course, this race for seduction, 00:07:27.184 --> 00:07:29.287 like every fierce competition, 00:07:29.287 --> 00:07:34.220 will create huge disparities in narcissistic satisfaction, 00:07:34.220 --> 00:07:38.270 and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too. 00:07:38.270 --> 00:07:41.014 So we can expect that modernity itself, 00:07:41.014 --> 00:07:45.550 which is the origin of seduction capital, would be called into question. 00:07:45.550 --> 00:07:48.181 I'm thinking particularly of the reaction 00:07:48.181 --> 00:07:53.110 of neo-fascist or religious communes. 00:07:53.110 --> 00:07:58.746 But such a future doesn't have to be. 00:07:58.746 --> 00:08:04.168 Another path to thinking about love may be possible. 00:08:04.168 --> 00:08:06.258 But how? 00:08:06.258 --> 00:08:10.572 How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued? 00:08:10.572 --> 00:08:14.780 Well, by becoming aware of my uselessness. 00:08:14.780 --> 00:08:16.879 (Laughter) 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:17.818 Yes, 00:08:17.818 --> 00:08:20.109 I'm useless. 00:08:20.109 --> 00:08:21.980 But rest assured: 00:08:21.980 --> 00:08:23.442 so are you. 00:08:23.442 --> 00:08:25.592 (Laughter) 00:08:25.592 --> 00:08:29.629 (Applause) 00:08:29.629 --> 00:08:33.999 We are all useless. 00:08:33.999 --> 00:08:36.414 This uselessness is easily demonstrated, 00:08:36.414 --> 00:08:40.015 because in order to be valued 00:08:40.015 --> 00:08:43.026 I need another to desire me, 00:08:43.026 --> 00:08:45.316 which shows that I do not have any value of my own. 00:08:45.316 --> 00:08:48.689 I don't have any inherent value. 00:08:48.689 --> 00:08:53.489 We all pretend to have an idol; 00:08:53.489 --> 00:08:56.408 we all pretend to be an idol for someone else, but actually 00:08:56.408 --> 00:08:59.830 we are all impostors, a bit like a man on the street 00:08:59.830 --> 00:09:02.689 who appears totally cool and indifferent, 00:09:02.689 --> 00:09:05.838 while he has actually anticipated and calculated 00:09:05.838 --> 00:09:09.443 so that all eyes are on him. 00:09:09.443 --> 00:09:11.012 I think that becoming aware 00:09:11.012 --> 00:09:13.219 of this general imposture 00:09:13.219 --> 00:09:14.627 that concerns all of us 00:09:14.627 --> 00:09:16.447 would ease our love relationships. 00:09:16.447 --> 00:09:18.837 It is because I want to be loved 00:09:18.837 --> 00:09:20.334 from head to toe, 00:09:20.334 --> 00:09:22.309 justified in my every choice, 00:09:22.309 --> 00:09:25.081 that the seduction hysteria exists. 00:09:25.081 --> 00:09:27.374 And therefore I want to seem perfect 00:09:27.374 --> 00:09:28.994 so that another can love me. 00:09:28.994 --> 00:09:30.521 I want them to be perfect 00:09:30.521 --> 00:09:32.678 so that I can be reassured of my value. 00:09:32.678 --> 00:09:35.065 It leads to couples 00:09:35.065 --> 00:09:37.357 obsessed with performance 00:09:37.357 --> 00:09:39.513 who will break up, just like that, 00:09:39.513 --> 00:09:42.067 at the slightest underachievement. 00:09:42.067 --> 00:09:46.190 In contrast to this attitude, 00:09:46.190 --> 00:09:48.928 I call upon tenderness -- love as tenderness. 00:09:48.928 --> 00:09:50.296 What is tenderness? 00:09:50.296 --> 00:09:54.169 To be tender is to accept the loved one's weaknesses. 00:09:54.169 --> 00:09:57.826 It's not about becoming a sad couple of orderlies. 00:09:57.826 --> 00:09:59.021 (Laughter) 00:09:59.021 --> 00:10:01.091 It's not so bad. 00:10:01.091 --> 00:10:02.423 On the contrary, 00:10:02.423 --> 00:10:05.189 there's plenty of charm and happiness in tenderness. 00:10:05.189 --> 00:10:09.238 I refer specifically to a kind of humor that is unfortunately underused. 00:10:09.238 --> 00:10:12.115 It is a sort of poetry of deliberate awkwardness. 00:10:12.115 --> 00:10:14.896 I refer to self-mockery. 00:10:14.896 --> 00:10:17.717 For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported 00:10:17.717 --> 00:10:19.794 by the constraints of tradition, 00:10:19.794 --> 00:10:21.342 I believe that self-mockery 00:10:21.342 --> 00:10:25.695 is one of the best means for the relationship to endure.