1
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What is love?

2
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It's a hard term to define

3
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in so far as it has a very wide application.

4
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I can love jogging,

5
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I can love a book, a movie.

6
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I can love escalopes...

7
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I can love my wife.

8
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(Laughter)

9
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But there's a great difference 
between an escalope and my wife,

10
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for instance.

11
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That is, if I value the escalope,

12
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the escalope, on the other hand, it doesn't value me back.

13
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Whereas my wife, she calls me

14
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the star of her life.

15
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Therefore, only another desiring conscience

16
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can conceive me as a desirable being.

17
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I know this, that's why

18
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love can be defined in a more accurate way

19
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as the desire of being desired.

20
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Hence the eternal problem of love:

21
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how to become and remain desirable?

22
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Once, the individual would find

23
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an answer to this problem

24
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by submitting his life to community rules.

25
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they had a specific part to play

26
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according to their sex, their age,

27
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their social status, 
and they only had to play their part

28
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to be valued and loved by the whole community.

29
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Think about the young maiden
that must remain chaste before the wedding.

30
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Think about the youngest son 
who must obey the eldest son,

31
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who in turn must obey the patriarch.

32
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But a phenomenon

33
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started in the 13th century,

34
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and happened mainly in the Renaissance in the West.

35
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It caused the biggest identity crisis

36
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in the history of humankind.

37
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This phenomenon is modernity.

38
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We can basically summarize it

39
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by a triple process. First,

40
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a rationalization process of scientific research,

41
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that has accelerated technical progress.

42
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Next, a political democratization process,

43
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that has developed individual rights.

44
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And finally, a rationalization process 
of the economic production

45
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and of trade liberalization.

46
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These three intertwined processes

47
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have completely annihilated all the traditional

48
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markers of the Western societies.

49
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It brings a radical consequence for the individual.

50
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Now, the individual is free

51
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to value or devalue

52
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this attitude, this choice, this object.

53
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But as a result, their own self

54
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is confronted to this same freedom that others have

55
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to value or devalue them.

56
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In other words, my former value

57
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was ensured by submitting myself 
to the traditional authorities.

58
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Now, it is quoted in the stock exchange.

59
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On the free market of individual desires

60
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I negotiate my value every day.

61
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Hence the contemporary man's anguish.

62
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His obsession: "Am I desirable? How much?

63
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How many people are going to love me?"

64
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How does he respond to this anguish?

65
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Well, by hysterically accumulating

66
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the symbols of desirability.

67
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(Laughter)

68
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I call this accumulation,

69
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along with others, the seduction capital.

70
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Indeed, our consumer society is largely based

71
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on the seduction capital.

72
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It is said about consumption 
that our age is materialistic.

73
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But it's not true! We accumulate objects

74
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in order to communicate with other minds.

75
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We do it to make them love us, to seduce them.

76
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Nothing is less materialistic or more sentimental

77
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than a teenager buying brand new jeans

78
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and tearing it at the knees,

79
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because he wants to please Jennifer.

80
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(Laughter)

81
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Consumerism is not materialism.

82
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It is rather engulfed matter,

83
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sacrificed in the name of the Love god,

84
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or rather in the name of the seduction capital.

85
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In the light of this observation on today's love,

86
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how can we think the love of the years to come?

87
00:05:02,274 --> 00:05:04,773
We can envision two hypotheses.

88
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The first one consists in betting on an intensification

89
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of the narcissistic capitalisation process.

90
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It is hard to say what shape this intensification will take,

91
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because it largely depends

92
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on social and technical innovations,

93
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which are, by definition, difficult to predict.

94
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But we can, for instance,

95
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imagine a dating website

96
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which, a bit like the fidelity programs,

97
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works with seduction capital points

98
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that vary according to my age, my height/weight ratio,

99
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my degree, my salary,

100
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or the number of clicks collected on my profile.

101
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We can also imagine

102
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a chemical treatment for breakups

103
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that weakens the attachment feeling.

104
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By the way, there's a program on MTV already

105
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in which seduction teachers

106
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treat heartache as a disease.

107
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These teachers call themselves "pick-up artists".

108
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"Artist" in French is easy, it means "artiste".

109
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To "pick-up" is to pick up someone,

110
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but it's about picking up chicks.

111
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So they are artists at picking up chicks.

112
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(Laughter)

113
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And they call heartache "one-itis".

114
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In English, "itis" is a suffix that means infection.

115
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One-itis can be translated as "the infection of the one".

116
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It's a bit disgusting. Indeed, for the pick-up artists,

117
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falling in love with someone

118
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is a waste of time,
it's squandering your seduction capital.

119
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So it must be eliminated like a disease, an infection.

120
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We can also envision

121
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an amorous use of the genomic map.

122
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Everyone would carry it around

123
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and present it like a business card

124
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to verify if seduction can develop into reproduction.

125
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(Laughter)

126
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Certainly this seduction rush,

127
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like every fierce competition, will entail

128
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big disparities in narcissistic satisfaction,

129
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and therefore a lot of loneliness and frustration too.

130
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So we can expect that modernity itself, When the seduction capital comes into being,

131
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from which the seduction capital originates,
to be challenged.

132
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I'm thinking particularly of the communitarian reactions

133
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of a neo-fascist or religious type.

134
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But such a future doesn't have to be.

135
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Another path to think love may be possible.

136
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But how?

137
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How to renounce the hysterical need to be valued?

138
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Well, by becoming aware

139
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of my uselessness. (Laughter)

140
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Yes,

141
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I'm useless.

142
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But rest assured:

143
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so are you.

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(Laughter)

145
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(Applause)

146
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We are all useless.

147
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This uselessness is pretty easy to demonstrate,

148
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because to be valued

149
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I need another to desire me,

150
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which implies that I do not have any value by myself.

151
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I don't have any value in myself.

152
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We all pretend to have an idol.

153
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We all pretend to be someone's idol, but actually

154
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we are all impostors, a bit like the man who goes by

155
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lording it indifferently over everyone in the street,

156
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while he has actually anticipated and calculated

157
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everything so that all eyes are on him.

158
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I think that becoming aware

159
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of this general imposture

160
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that concerns all of us

161
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would pacify our love relationships.

162
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It is because I want to be loved

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from head to toe, and to be

164
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justified in my every choice,

165
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that seduction hysteria exists.

166
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And therefore I want to look perfect

167
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so that another can love me.

168
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I want them to be perfect

169
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so that they can reassure me about my value.

170
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and it leads to couples obsessed

171
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with performance

172
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who will break up precisely

173
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at the slightest underachievement.

174
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In contrast to this attitude,

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I call upon tenderness, upon love as tenderness.

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What is tenderness?

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To be tender is to accept the loved one's weaknesses.

178
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It's not about becoming a sad couple

179
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of orderlies. (Laughter)

180
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There's plenty

181
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of charm and happiness in tenderness.

182
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I refer specifically to a kind of humour
that is unfortunately uncommon.

183
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It is a sort of poetry of unabashed clumsiness.

184
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I refer to self-mockery.

185
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For a couple who is no longer sustained, supported

186
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by the constraints of tradition,

187
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I believe that self-mockery

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is one of the best means for the relationship to last.