WEBVTT

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(Half Bell)

NOTE Paragraph

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(Full Bell)

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(tearfully, she asks)
Dear Thay, dear Sangha

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I have a friend

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She is now in deep pain

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She is married to a man

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who has a manic-depressive,

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a kind of mood disorder.

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This man has betrayed her

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several times.

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He not only slept with women

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but he also had a child

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which ended up

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in abortion.

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She is now in despair.

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This man refuses to take

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any medication

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to treat his problem.

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He now doesn't know what to do.

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I'm sorry, SHE doesn't know what to do.

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To end the relationship

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and contact another person 
to help heal this man

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or to stay in the relationship,

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hoping that nothing is permanent;

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this may come to an end.

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Or to stay with the relationship 
and accept this man

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as he is?

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And from this, 
I do not know what to say to her.

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Is it: 
when there is marriage, there is betrayal;

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like when there is left, there is right.

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(Thay responds)
Where there is betrayal,

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there is faithfulness.

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We don't know,

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we did not know,

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and we still don't know 
how to water the seed of faithfulness

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in that person.

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Everyone of us has the seed of betrayal

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and the seed of faithfulness.

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They are always there as a couple.

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The problem is watering.

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If you are mindful,

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if you are loving,

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then you can water

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the seed of faithfulness in him or in her

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everyday,

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and that seed could become very strong

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and the other seed 
never has the chance to manifest.

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So we are, somehow, responsible

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to some degree

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about the situation.

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And we should not blame everything

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on the other person.

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That is the first thing 
you should see.

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If you are... if you know the practice

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and if you stay fresh,

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and loving and compassionate

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you have more chance to 
persuade him or her to

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to follow our way

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because our life is a teaching.

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The way you speak,

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the way you look, 
the way you act is full of compassion

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and loving kindness.

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And you are so pleasant.

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And when someone is

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compassionate and pleasant

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people like to come and sit

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close to her.

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That is natural.

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Like a Linden tree;

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people like to come and sit

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at the foot of the Linden tree,

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because the Linden tree

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has the kind of energy

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of peace and relaxation.

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So if we know the practice

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and if we can stay fresh,

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compassionate, loving, patient,

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we can help transform,
the other person.

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And the other person represents

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the suffering of the world.

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If you help him, you help the whole world.

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And if you are not solid enough, 
fresh enough,

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compassionate enough,

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then you should meet a Sangha:

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a community of practice

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behind you and backing you

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in the practice.

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You have a resource.

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Maybe in the beginning 
you have enough peace,

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enough patience,

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enough compassion,

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but because you don't know how to

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preserve and nourish these qualities,

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and because this situation

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is so difficult for you,

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so that is why you run out

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of these resources.

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And you cannot continue 
to help him or her.

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So that is why a good practitioner

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always has a Sangha behind her.

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And she can draw
a tremendous source

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of mindfulness, compassion,

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forgiveness,

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in order to be able to continue
helping the world,

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especially helping
the other person.

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So if you look and see,

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you see that the other person suffers,

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and does not know the way
out of suffering.

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And you who know the way out,

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you should be able to show him.

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If he has not followed you

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(followed your advice)

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[it is] because your way of telling him

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is not compassionate enough,

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skillful enough, fresh enough.

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you should be a true Bodhisattva,

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full of compassion,
loving-kindness and freshness.

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And everyone needs a Bodhisattva

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like that.

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And the practice of mindfulness is to become

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a person like that: a Bodhisattva,

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as fresh as Mother Earth.

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And you have that example.
Mother Earth,

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always forgiving.
Mother Earth

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is always patient.

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Every time you come back to her,

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you get the nourishment,

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nourishment and healing that you need.

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And you are a daughter of Mother Earth.

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You should learn 


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from Mother Earth how to stay 
fresh, forgiving, compassionate.

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And then you will not lose hope,

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especially when you have a Sangha,

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a community of practice, behind you

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supporting you and you can draw

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a lot of resources from that community.

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So continue to practice in order to

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nourish your compassion, your freshness,

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and then you will suffer less.

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Because with compassion in our heart

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we suffer very little.

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Because compassion has the power to heal,

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with compassion we suffer less

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and we are strong enough 
to help him or help her.

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And helping him means to help

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yourself first.

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And the teaching of the Buddha
is very clear:

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if you cannot love yourself,

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you cannot love someone else

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and help him or her suffer less.

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So the answer is clear.

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Take care of yourself.

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Nourish compassion,

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patience, freshness in you.

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Take refuge in the Sangha

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in order to keep being nourished.

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And then you can help him 
and help the world.