1
00:00:01,380 --> 00:00:05,540
(Half Bell)

2
00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:26,081
(Full Bell)

3
00:00:33,313 --> 00:00:35,553
(tearfully, she asks)
Dear Thay, dear Sangha

4
00:00:37,593 --> 00:00:39,738
I have a friend

5
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:44,246
She is now in deep pain

6
00:00:46,492 --> 00:00:49,829
She is married to a man

7
00:00:50,302 --> 00:00:53,476
who has a manic-depressive,

8
00:00:53,476 --> 00:00:57,457
a kind of mood disorder.

9
00:00:58,915 --> 00:01:02,680
This man has betrayed her

10
00:01:02,759 --> 00:01:05,319
several times.

11
00:01:05,505 --> 00:01:09,264
He not only slept with women

12
00:01:09,264 --> 00:01:11,590
but he also had a child

13
00:01:11,590 --> 00:01:13,412
which ended up

14
00:01:13,412 --> 00:01:15,584
in abortion.

15
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,805
She is now in despair.

16
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:23,732
This man refuses to take

17
00:01:23,732 --> 00:01:26,427
any medication

18
00:01:26,427 --> 00:01:29,092
to treat his problem.

19
00:01:31,283 --> 00:01:34,123
He now doesn't know what to do.

20
00:01:34,123 --> 00:01:38,055
I'm sorry, SHE doesn't know what to do.

21
00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:41,200
To end the relationship

22
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:48,426
and contact another person 
to help heal this man

23
00:01:48,698 --> 00:01:52,762
or to stay in the relationship,

24
00:01:53,115 --> 00:01:56,900
hoping that nothing is permanent;

25
00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:59,654
this may come to an end.

26
00:01:59,654 --> 00:02:05,701
Or to stay with the relationship 
and accept this man

27
00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:10,129
as he is?

28
00:02:10,373 --> 00:02:15,210
And from this, 
I do not know what to say to her.

29
00:02:15,516 --> 00:02:19,991
Is it: 
when there is marriage, there is betrayal;

30
00:02:21,857 --> 00:02:25,256
like when there is left, there is right.

31
00:02:35,261 --> 00:02:37,116
(Thay responds)
Where there is betrayal,

32
00:02:37,184 --> 00:02:40,983
there is faithfulness.

33
00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:44,523
We don't know,

34
00:02:44,623 --> 00:02:47,155
we did not know,

35
00:02:47,165 --> 00:02:51,741
and we still don't know 
how to water the seed of faithfulness

36
00:02:51,761 --> 00:02:54,059
in that person.

37
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:57,776
Everyone of us has the seed of betrayal

38
00:02:58,042 --> 00:03:00,889
and the seed of faithfulness.

39
00:03:02,244 --> 00:03:06,353
They are always there as a couple.

40
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:10,812
The problem is watering.

41
00:03:10,876 --> 00:03:12,106
If you are mindful,

42
00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:13,428
if you are loving,

43
00:03:13,428 --> 00:03:14,751
then you can water

44
00:03:14,751 --> 00:03:16,074
the seed of faithfulness in him or in her

45
00:03:16,074 --> 00:03:17,625
everyday,

46
00:03:17,625 --> 00:03:20,018
and that seed could become very strong

47
00:03:20,018 --> 00:03:24,424
and the other seed 
never has the chance to manifest.

48
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:29,186
So we are, somehow, responsible

49
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,154
to some degree

50
00:03:31,246 --> 00:03:32,996
about the situation.

51
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,354
And we should not blame everything

52
00:03:35,422 --> 00:03:37,198
on the other person.

53
00:03:37,198 --> 00:03:43,147
That is the first thing 
you should see.

54
00:03:43,147 --> 00:03:46,467
If you are... if you know the practice

55
00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:48,449
and if you stay fresh,

56
00:03:48,543 --> 00:03:51,328
and loving and compassionate

57
00:03:52,757 --> 00:03:55,331
you have more chance to 
persuade him or her to

58
00:03:55,493 --> 00:03:58,370
to follow our way

59
00:03:58,525 --> 00:04:01,828
because our life is a teaching.

60
00:04:02,457 --> 00:04:03,827
The way you speak,

61
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:07,524
the way you look, 
the way you act is full of compassion

62
00:04:07,834 --> 00:04:10,442
and loving kindness.

63
00:04:10,442 --> 00:04:13,843
And you are so pleasant.

64
00:04:15,815 --> 00:04:17,435
And when someone is

65
00:04:17,485 --> 00:04:19,143
compassionate and pleasant

66
00:04:19,173 --> 00:04:20,633
people like to come and sit

67
00:04:20,633 --> 00:04:22,743
close to her.

68
00:04:23,023 --> 00:04:25,210
That is natural.

69
00:04:27,235 --> 00:04:29,776
Like a Linden tree;

70
00:04:29,794 --> 00:04:31,071
people like to come and sit

71
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:32,183
at the foot of the Linden tree,

72
00:04:32,183 --> 00:04:33,296
because the Linden tree

73
00:04:33,296 --> 00:04:34,409
has the kind of energy

74
00:04:34,632 --> 00:04:39,377
of peace and relaxation.

75
00:04:40,509 --> 00:04:43,817
So if we know the practice

76
00:04:43,886 --> 00:04:47,172
and if we can stay fresh,

77
00:04:47,172 --> 00:04:50,420
compassionate, loving, patient,

78
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:53,711
we can help transform,
the other person.

79
00:04:55,872 --> 00:04:57,468
And the other person represents

80
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,014
the suffering of the world.

81
00:04:59,014 --> 00:05:03,659
If you help him, you help the whole world.

82
00:05:03,669 --> 00:05:09,063
And if you are not solid enough, 
fresh enough,

83
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:10,931
compassionate enough,

84
00:05:10,931 --> 00:05:14,312
then you should meet a Sangha:

85
00:05:14,408 --> 00:05:16,130
a community of practice

86
00:05:16,226 --> 00:05:18,023
behind you and backing you

87
00:05:18,043 --> 00:05:19,976
in the practice.

88
00:05:19,976 --> 00:05:23,732
You have a resource.

89
00:05:23,738 --> 00:05:26,244
Maybe in the beginning 
you have enough peace,

90
00:05:26,247 --> 00:05:27,507
enough patience,

91
00:05:27,507 --> 00:05:30,817
enough compassion,

92
00:05:30,853 --> 00:05:37,174
but because you don't know how to

93
00:05:37,174 --> 00:05:43,709
preserve and nourish these qualities,

94
00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:45,229
and because this situation

95
00:05:45,229 --> 00:05:46,465
is so difficult for you,

96
00:05:46,475 --> 00:05:49,106
so that is why you run out

97
00:05:49,196 --> 00:05:52,518
of these resources.

98
00:05:52,518 --> 00:05:56,542
And you cannot continue 
to help him or her.

99
00:05:57,919 --> 00:05:59,758
So that is why a good practitioner

100
00:05:59,758 --> 00:06:03,203
always has a Sangha behind her.

101
00:06:03,203 --> 00:06:07,354
And she can draw
a tremendous source

102
00:06:07,354 --> 00:06:09,954
of mindfulness, compassion,

103
00:06:10,273 --> 00:06:11,658
forgiveness,

104
00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:14,289
in order to be able to continue
helping the world,

105
00:06:15,484 --> 00:06:19,632
especially helping
the other person.

106
00:06:19,632 --> 00:06:22,970
So if you look and see,

107
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:25,989
you see that the other person suffers,

108
00:06:25,989 --> 00:06:31,065
and does not know the way
out of suffering.

109
00:06:32,995 --> 00:06:39,461
And you who know the way out,

110
00:06:39,461 --> 00:06:43,012
you should be able to show him.

111
00:06:43,024 --> 00:06:46,294
If he has not followed you

112
00:06:46,294 --> 00:06:48,205
(followed your advice)

113
00:06:48,235 --> 00:06:50,421
[it is] because your way of telling him

114
00:06:50,441 --> 00:06:53,097
is not compassionate enough,

115
00:06:53,108 --> 00:06:56,276
skillful enough, fresh enough.

116
00:06:56,276 --> 00:06:58,497
you should be a true Bodhisattva,

117
00:06:58,527 --> 00:07:04,155
full of compassion,
loving-kindness and freshness.

118
00:07:04,810 --> 00:07:07,763
And everyone needs a Bodhisattva

119
00:07:07,763 --> 00:07:09,203
like that.

120
00:07:11,113 --> 00:07:14,025
And the practice of mindfulness is to become

121
00:07:14,025 --> 00:07:17,292
a person like that: a Bodhisattva,

122
00:07:17,292 --> 00:07:19,989
as fresh as Mother Earth.

123
00:07:19,997 --> 00:07:22,552
And you have that example.
Mother Earth,

124
00:07:22,558 --> 00:07:26,465
always forgiving.
Mother Earth

125
00:07:26,465 --> 00:07:28,833
is always patient.

126
00:07:28,853 --> 00:07:30,532
Every time you come back to her,

127
00:07:30,532 --> 00:07:32,661
you get the nourishment,

128
00:07:32,768 --> 00:07:35,800
nourishment and healing that you need.

129
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,108
And you are a daughter of Mother Earth.

130
00:07:38,108 --> 00:07:39,767
You should learn 


131
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:45,070
from Mother Earth how to stay 
fresh, forgiving, compassionate.

132
00:07:45,091 --> 00:07:48,713
And then you will not lose hope,

133
00:07:48,860 --> 00:07:50,785
especially when you have a Sangha,

134
00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:54,367
a community of practice, behind you

135
00:07:54,367 --> 00:07:56,937
supporting you and you can draw

136
00:07:56,977 --> 00:08:01,347
a lot of resources from that community.

137
00:08:01,471 --> 00:08:05,348
So continue to practice in order to

138
00:08:05,348 --> 00:08:13,305
nourish your compassion, your freshness,

139
00:08:14,773 --> 00:08:17,058
and then you will suffer less.

140
00:08:17,141 --> 00:08:19,968
Because with compassion in our heart

141
00:08:20,119 --> 00:08:24,571
we suffer very little.

142
00:08:25,778 --> 00:08:31,869
Because compassion has the power to heal,

143
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:34,094
with compassion we suffer less

144
00:08:34,112 --> 00:08:39,371
and we are strong enough 
to help him or help her.

145
00:08:39,371 --> 00:08:41,312
And helping him means to help

146
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,504
yourself first.

147
00:08:43,516 --> 00:08:46,773
And the teaching of the Buddha
is very clear:

148
00:08:46,773 --> 00:08:49,307
if you cannot love yourself,

149
00:08:49,307 --> 00:08:51,058
you cannot love someone else

150
00:08:51,058 --> 00:08:54,239
and help him or her suffer less.

151
00:08:54,399 --> 00:08:56,326
So the answer is clear.

152
00:08:56,589 --> 00:08:58,488
Take care of yourself.

153
00:08:58,619 --> 00:09:00,528
Nourish compassion,

154
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,955
patience, freshness in you.

155
00:09:03,507 --> 00:09:05,823
Take refuge in the Sangha

156
00:09:06,022 --> 00:09:09,553
in order to keep being nourished.

157
00:09:09,802 --> 00:09:12,285
And then you can help him 
and help the world.