0:00:00.424,0:00:04.133 Host: Ladies and gentlemen,[br]allow me to introduce you 0:00:04.133,0:00:08.958 the one and only, the very funny,[br]my mentor and comedian, idol, 0:00:08.959,0:00:10.293 Ahmed Ahmed. 0:00:10.314,0:00:12.035 (Applause) 0:00:15.315,0:00:17.340 Ahmed Ahmed: Hello everyone! 0:00:17.341,0:00:20.604 How about another round of applause[br]for Mohammed, everybody, please! 0:00:20.605,0:00:22.385 (Applause) (Cheers) 0:00:24.775,0:00:26.320 Thank you for coming out, 0:00:26.321,0:00:28.815 I'm really honored[br]to be part of this platform, 0:00:28.816,0:00:31.416 and working with the TEDx organizers, 0:00:31.417,0:00:34.520 and this whole thing[br]that's happening in Doha. 0:00:34.521,0:00:38.381 It's eye-opening for me[br]and it's been a great experience so far. 0:00:38.382,0:00:42.211 For those of you who don't know[br]who I am, my name is Ahmed Ahmed, 0:00:42.212,0:00:45.003 and I've been an actor for 20 years, 0:00:45.004,0:00:47.159 a comedian for 15 years, 0:00:47.160,0:00:49.400 and it's great being a comedian. 0:00:49.401,0:00:52.963 I get to travel all over the world[br]and meet people from all over the world, 0:00:52.964,0:00:56.147 the problem is,[br]getting there it's always the trick 0:00:56.167,0:01:01.702 because if you Google my name,[br]it comes up on the FBI's most wanted list. 0:01:01.703,0:01:03.064 (Laughter) 0:01:04.024,0:01:06.112 There's this terrorist[br]in the Middle East 0:01:06.113,0:01:09.471 - he's from Egypt -[br]and he kind of looks like me. 0:01:11.111,0:01:12.540 He uses all the names; 0:01:12.541,0:01:17.742 the aliases he goes by are "Ahmed Ahmed",[br]and "Ahmed The Egyptian". 0:01:17.743,0:01:21.092 So, I'm like, I got to find[br]this guy, it's killing me. 0:01:21.093,0:01:22.318 (Laughter) 0:01:22.318,0:01:23.557 And then it dawned to me, 0:01:23.558,0:01:25.887 maybe he's in the Middle East[br]googling me, going: 0:01:25.888,0:01:28.561 "Hey bro, look, there is[br]this comedian in America, man!" 0:01:28.562,0:01:29.539 (Laughter) 0:01:29.540,0:01:31.611 "He's using my name,[br]I can't believe this!" 0:01:31.612,0:01:32.631 (Laughter) 0:01:32.632,0:01:34.175 Random Arabs walk up to him: 0:01:34.176,0:01:37.285 "Hey bro, I saw you on YouTube,[br]you're so funny, tell me a joke!" 0:01:37.286,0:01:39.343 And he's like: "I'm not a comedian, bro." 0:01:39.344,0:01:41.660 "I'm a terrorist,[br]want me to prove it to you?" 0:01:41.661,0:01:42.550 (Laughter) 0:01:42.551,0:01:44.371 "I blow myself up right now, I swear!" 0:01:44.372,0:01:45.840 (Laughter) 0:01:45.841,0:01:47.600 "Google me!" 0:01:47.601,0:01:48.954 (Laughter) 0:01:48.959,0:01:53.460 The great thing is[br]that traveling around the world, 0:01:53.476,0:01:57.552 we got the privilege and honor[br]to come to the Middle East, 0:01:57.553,0:02:00.411 and some of you are surely familiar[br]with our tour called, 0:02:00.412,0:02:02.504 "The axis of evil comedy tour" 0:02:02.505,0:02:05.941 which we were privileged to do in 2007, 0:02:05.942,0:02:09.834 and we have done 27 sold out shows, 0:02:09.835,0:02:13.185 in 5 countries, and in 30 days. 0:02:13.186,0:02:16.225 And it was a great,[br]sort of pioneering experience for 0:02:16.226,0:02:20.189 not only for us[br]but the generations that followed us. 0:02:20.190,0:02:24.339 And the last tour we did in 2009,[br]we were able to document this tour. 0:02:24.340,0:02:29.379 We went to Dubai, Lebanon,[br]Egypt, and Saudi Arabia. 0:02:29.380,0:02:34.160 It was another groundbreaking tour for us[br]because we got to document it as a film, 0:02:34.161,0:02:36.286 and called it "Just like us." 0:02:36.287,0:02:39.611 We were blessed and honored to be[br]in the Tribeca Film Festival, 0:02:39.612,0:02:41.680 that's where we premiered our film. 0:02:41.681,0:02:46.417 And after being denied by[br]a lot of festivals, Tribeca embraced us. 0:02:46.417,0:02:49.615 When we got into Tribeca,[br]they did the same thing as they did here, 0:02:49.616,0:02:52.615 they gave us a nice world premier, 0:02:52.616,0:02:54.831 celebrities showed up, 0:02:54.832,0:02:58.136 I was introduce to Robert De Niro. 0:02:58.137,0:03:01.630 When I met Robert De Niro,[br]I was fascinated 0:03:01.631,0:03:05.438 because he's one of the guys[br]who made me want to be an actor. 0:03:05.439,0:03:07.892 So the publicists[br]pulled me aside, and they said: 0:03:07.893,0:03:09.840 "Ahmed, this is Robert De Niro. 0:03:09.841,0:03:12.543 Mr. De Niro,[br]this is director Ahmed Ahmed." 0:03:12.569,0:03:14.556 And De Niro looks at me and he goes -- 0:03:14.557,0:03:17.265 (Laughter) 0:03:20.645,0:03:23.171 "My wife and I watched your movie, and -- 0:03:24.384,0:03:25.894 it's good." 0:03:25.895,0:03:27.615 (Laughter) 0:03:27.616,0:03:29.253 "Your movie was -- 0:03:30.420,0:03:31.527 it's good." 0:03:31.528,0:03:32.529 (Laughter) 0:03:32.530,0:03:35.396 I said: "Thanks![br]This is coming from Robert De Niro." 0:03:35.397,0:03:39.291 He says: "I noticed there's a part[br]in your movie where..." (Laughter) 0:03:39.292,0:03:42.948 "you go to Egypt. You know,[br]I've been in Egypt before." 0:03:42.949,0:03:44.162 I go: "Yeah? Where?" 0:03:44.163,0:03:45.965 He goes: "You now, around." 0:03:45.966,0:03:47.578 (Laughter) 0:03:47.584,0:03:50.751 Like, don't ask too many questions,[br]or I'm going to wack you! 0:03:50.752,0:03:52.081 (Laughter) 0:03:52.082,0:03:55.873 So, I said: "Wow, this is great,[br]can I introduce you to my father?" 0:03:55.874,0:03:57.559 He's like: "Yeah, yeah, of course." 0:03:57.560,0:04:00.372 So my father is on the film,[br]he actually steals the movie. 0:04:00.373,0:04:03.948 And my father is a 5'5'' Egyptian guy, 0:04:03.949,0:04:07.340 who doesn't watch American television,[br]doesn't watch American movies, 0:04:07.341,0:04:09.921 he's got no clue who De Niro is. 0:04:09.922,0:04:11.688 (Laughter) 0:04:11.709,0:04:16.115 I said: "Baba, I'm going to[br]introduce you to Robert De Niro." 0:04:16.116,0:04:18.512 And he goes: "Yes, yes, let him meet me." 0:04:18.512,0:04:19.995 (Laughter) 0:04:25.927,0:04:28.618 I'm like, "Oh, this is going[br]to go horribly -" 0:04:30.088,0:04:32.231 "Just be cool, dad." 0:04:32.250,0:04:34.739 "Mr. De Niro, this is my father,[br]Abu Bakhar Ahmed." 0:04:34.740,0:04:37.981 "Dad, this is Robert De Niro,[br]it's his Film Festival." 0:04:37.982,0:04:40.044 And De Niro looks at my dad and he goes -- 0:04:40.045,0:04:41.834 (Laughter) 0:04:41.839,0:04:43.501 "You're the guy in the movie!" 0:04:43.502,0:04:44.850 (Laughter) 0:04:44.851,0:04:46.475 And he hugs my dad. 0:04:46.476,0:04:49.103 And they had a moment,[br]and it was really sweet. 0:04:49.104,0:04:54.106 We had an after party after the screening[br]and the whole thing, 0:04:54.107,0:04:57.376 and my dad is walking around[br]the after party telling all his friends: 0:04:57.376,0:05:00.011 (imitating father's voice)[br]"I just met Johnny De Niro." 0:05:00.011,0:05:01.150 (Laughter) 0:05:01.151,0:05:03.762 "He's good guy, nice guy." 0:05:03.763,0:05:06.557 I said: "Baba, it's Bobby De Niro." 0:05:06.558,0:05:10.097 (imitating father's voice) "Bobby, Johnny.[br]Ahmed, they are the same thing." 0:05:10.098,0:05:11.101 (Laughter) 0:05:11.102,0:05:12.500 I talk about my father 0:05:12.501,0:05:16.240 because he's one of the people[br]who has influenced me as a comedian, 0:05:16.241,0:05:20.222 because he's one of the funniest guys[br]I've ever been around. 0:05:20.223,0:05:24.418 He's also, being Egyptian, has[br]the (Egyptian) "muthif" -- 0:05:24.441,0:05:25.812 (Laughter) 0:05:25.813,0:05:27.851 which means, he's light-blooded. 0:05:29.301,0:05:32.213 For the non-Arab speaking people. 0:05:32.214,0:05:33.287 (Laughter) 0:05:33.288,0:05:35.660 And he's always cracking jokes,[br]he can't help it, 0:05:35.661,0:05:37.593 he has to crack a joke wherever he goes. 0:05:37.594,0:05:40.412 He smoked for 40 years,[br]had a heart attack, 0:05:40.413,0:05:43.204 and they had to give him[br]an open-heart surgery. 0:05:43.205,0:05:45.508 He goes under the knife, 0:05:45.509,0:05:49.257 they dissect him like a frog,[br]cut the heart out of his body, 0:05:49.258,0:05:51.585 take veins out of his legs[br]to make new arteries, 0:05:51.586,0:05:53.156 it was a major operation. 0:05:53.157,0:05:55.921 He's at the Intensive[br]Care Unit for 12 hours. 0:05:56.931,0:06:00.022 He wakes up from[br]the anesthesia, open his eyes, 0:06:00.023,0:06:03.083 there's two nurses hovering over him,[br]he looks up and he says: 0:06:03.084,0:06:06.172 (Exhaling) "Where I am?" 0:06:06.173,0:06:07.544 (Laughter) 0:06:07.545,0:06:09.772 One of the nurses said, "ICU". 0:06:09.773,0:06:12.370 He says: "I see you too, but where I am?" 0:06:12.371,0:06:14.724 (Laughter) 0:06:14.725,0:06:17.160 (imitating father's voice)[br]"That was a good one." 0:06:17.161,0:06:18.640 (Laughter) 0:06:18.641,0:06:20.712 The nurse says: "Are you OK, Mr. Ahmed?" 0:06:20.713,0:06:23.118 He goes: "Yes, I am OK." 0:06:23.119,0:06:24.904 "Thanks God." 0:06:24.905,0:06:27.301 "Thanks God, I am OK." 0:06:27.302,0:06:30.468 "I know I cannot be dead.[br]This is not Heaven." 0:06:30.469,0:06:32.594 (Laughter) 0:06:32.595,0:06:34.501 "There's only two of you." 0:06:34.502,0:06:36.729 (Laughter) (Cheers) 0:06:42.283,0:06:45.911 Now, with our film -- (Chuckles) 0:06:48.001,0:06:49.998 we've managed to cover a lot of ground. 0:06:49.999,0:06:52.571 We've been in 17 film festivals[br]since Tribeca, 0:06:52.572,0:06:56.635 we've been honored to be here,[br]at the Doha Tribeca Film Festival, 0:06:56.636,0:07:00.944 and I've also met some influential people,[br]aside from Robert De Niro. 0:07:00.945,0:07:02.530 I was doing a speech 0:07:02.531,0:07:05.632 at the Arab-American Institute[br]in Washington D.C., 0:07:05.633,0:07:09.835 that James Zogby, who is the President,[br]asked me to come to speak at. 0:07:09.836,0:07:11.752 It was for the Khalid Al Gibran Award, 0:07:11.759,0:07:14.127 where they gave an award[br]to somebody, and he said: 0:07:14.128,0:07:16.385 "Would you come up[br]and speak for 7-8 minutes?" 0:07:16.386,0:07:18.942 I said: "Sure, can I show[br]a trailer for my film?" 0:07:18.943,0:07:20.174 He says: "Sure, why not." 0:07:20.175,0:07:23.470 So, I showed the trailer for my film[br]and in the audience that night, 0:07:23.471,0:07:26.120 was somebody from Barack Obama's camp 0:07:26.121,0:07:29.735 because a couple of weeks later,[br]I received an email that said: 0:07:29.736,0:07:31.870 "Dear Mr. Ahmed Ahmed, 0:07:31.871,0:07:34.335 the President of the United States,[br]Barack Obama, 0:07:34.336,0:07:36.617 would like to invite you[br]to the White House 0:07:36.626,0:07:39.833 for his Iftar dinner[br]in observance of Ramadan." 0:07:39.834,0:07:42.501 I thought it was a joke,[br]so I replied: "LOL". 0:07:42.502,0:07:44.846 (Laughter) 0:07:44.847,0:07:48.088 "Wink, wink... is this Rob?" 0:07:48.089,0:07:49.686 (Laughter) 0:07:49.687,0:07:51.021 "Send". 0:07:51.022,0:07:52.552 I got a replied the next day, 0:07:52.553,0:07:55.019 "No, for real, you're invited[br]to the White House." 0:07:55.020,0:07:56.813 (Laughter) 0:07:56.814,0:08:02.083 I got a plane ticket, flew to D.C.,[br]I showed up to the White House, 0:08:02.084,0:08:05.327 and there's about 150 Muslims[br]standing outside. 0:08:05.328,0:08:07.314 And I'm like: "This looks really shady." 0:08:07.315,0:08:09.249 (Laughter) 0:08:09.250,0:08:13.250 This woman walks up with the hijab,[br]and she got a guest list, and she says: 0:08:13.274,0:08:15.700 "Are you here for the dinner?"[br]I said: "Yes, I am." 0:08:15.701,0:08:17.495 "What's your name?"[br]"Ahmed Ahmed." 0:08:17.496,0:08:20.180 And she's flipping through[br]the pages on the guest list, 0:08:20.181,0:08:22.829 and the most important people[br]in the world were there, 0:08:22.830,0:08:26.348 ambassadors, diplomats, royalty, VIPs. 0:08:26.349,0:08:28.880 On the very bottom it says,[br]"community member" 0:08:28.881,0:08:30.559 (Laughter) 0:08:30.560,0:08:32.091 Ahmed Ahmed. 0:08:32.092,0:08:36.004 She checks me off, I go in,[br]we all kind of mingle in the lobby, 0:08:36.005,0:08:39.333 and next thing I know, I hear[br]the Adhan call the prayer, 0:08:39.337,0:08:40.981 in the White House. 0:08:40.982,0:08:43.333 Next thing you know,[br]these two doors popped open 0:08:43.335,0:08:46.189 into the big banquet hall[br]where they have the big dinners, 0:08:46.190,0:08:47.590 and it was completely empty. 0:08:47.591,0:08:50.742 On the floors were huge prayer rugs. 0:08:50.743,0:08:53.403 So, all the Muslims walked in,[br]took their shoes off, 0:08:53.404,0:08:58.091 an imam came in, started the prayer,[br]and we made prayer in the White House. 0:08:58.092,0:09:02.607 After my prayer, I'm sitting on my knees,[br]looking up to the ceiling, 0:09:02.608,0:09:05.681 and I thought to myself, "We got in!" 0:09:05.682,0:09:06.856 (Laughter) 0:09:08.826,0:09:10.287 (Applause) 0:09:15.129,0:09:17.187 After the prayer was over with, 0:09:17.188,0:09:20.863 everyone put their shoes on[br]and proceeded into the dinner room. 0:09:20.864,0:09:22.136 Now, in the dinner room, 0:09:22.137,0:09:26.322 there was about 20-30 tables[br]with about 10 people at each table. 0:09:26.323,0:09:29.047 I don't know who the wedding planner[br]was for this thing, 0:09:29.048,0:09:31.212 but the had me at table number 7. 0:09:31.213,0:09:35.283 Table number 7 was[br]right next to Barack Obama's table, 0:09:35.284,0:09:38.831 and in front of the podium[br]where he was doing his speech. 0:09:38.832,0:09:40.298 So, I'd sit down, 0:09:40.299,0:09:43.943 and there's a little name card[br]with my name, Ahmed Ahmed. 0:09:43.944,0:09:46.279 I'm looking at it, I'm like,[br]oh, this is great. 0:09:46.280,0:09:48.597 I'm taking silverware[br]and putting it into my -- 0:09:48.598,0:09:49.823 I'm taking whatever I can 0:09:49.824,0:09:52.387 because I want evidence[br]that I was at the White House. 0:09:52.388,0:09:57.272 Next thing I know, this important-looking[br]short guy with a bald head sits next to me 0:09:57.292,0:10:00.319 and I said: "As-salamu-alaikum",[br]he goes: "Wa-alaikum-salaam." 0:10:00.320,0:10:01.958 And I said: "So, what do you do?" 0:10:01.959,0:10:04.348 He said: "I am the Ambassador[br]of Libya, and you?" 0:10:04.348,0:10:06.052 (Laughter) 0:10:07.641,0:10:08.931 "It's not important --" 0:10:08.932,0:10:10.884 (Laughter) 0:10:10.885,0:10:13.770 What am I going to say[br]to the Ambassador of Libya? 0:10:13.771,0:10:16.302 Next thing I know, Barack walks in 0:10:16.303,0:10:19.000 - I call him Barack[br]because we're on first name basis - 0:10:19.000,0:10:20.395 (Laughter) 0:10:22.582,0:10:26.582 he goes up to the podium,[br]and he does this beautiful speech, 0:10:26.583,0:10:30.532 and then he goes to the table next to me,[br]sits down for about 20 minutes, 0:10:30.533,0:10:32.732 and right before dinner was over with, 0:10:32.733,0:10:37.988 he gets up and starts shaking[br]everyone's hand in the dinner room. 0:10:37.989,0:10:42.064 And he's giving everyone[br]like 15-30 seconds. 0:10:42.065,0:10:45.580 So, when he's coming toward me,[br]I'm like, what do I say to the President? 0:10:45.581,0:10:49.380 He walks up, he stick his hand up,[br]and I go: "As-salamu-alaikum", 0:10:49.381,0:10:51.538 and he goes: "Wa-alaikum-salaam." 0:10:51.539,0:10:54.565 And I said: "It's an honor[br]to be here, at this Iftar dinner." 0:10:54.566,0:10:59.797 "I'm grateful for the opportunity[br]and thanks for having me." 0:10:59.798,0:11:03.980 And I said: "Not for nothing,[br]but you were in Saudi Arabia 0:11:03.981,0:11:07.487 the same day we were,[br]when you went to meet the King." 0:11:07.488,0:11:10.872 "What were you doing in Saudi?"[br]I said: "We were doing comedy shows." 0:11:10.873,0:11:14.058 He goes: "You're a comedian."[br]I was like: "Yeah, on my good days." 0:11:14.059,0:11:15.525 (Laughter) 0:11:15.526,0:11:17.240 He was like: "Well, that's great." 0:11:17.241,0:11:19.969 I said: "Well, we made a movie[br]about it, you are in it." 0:11:19.970,0:11:21.359 He goes: "Really?" 0:11:22.959,0:11:27.379 I said: "Yeah, I actually brought a copy[br]and I gave it to your assistant. 0:11:28.129,0:11:29.468 I know you're busy--" 0:11:29.469,0:11:30.691 (Laughter) 0:11:30.692,0:11:32.949 "trying to save[br]the world and everything --" 0:11:32.950,0:11:34.370 (Laughter) 0:11:36.580,0:11:40.150 "but if you have some time,[br]I'd love for you to watch it." 0:11:40.151,0:11:42.700 And he says:[br]"Well, how long is your project?" 0:11:42.701,0:11:44.333 I said: "It's 72 minutes." 0:11:44.334,0:11:48.610 He says: "I can't promise you 72[br]but I give you 30," and he walked away. 0:11:50.850,0:11:52.265 (Laughter) 0:11:55.190,0:11:57.375 And when he walked away,[br]I thought to myself: 0:11:57.376,0:11:59.937 "Well, can you get Michelle[br]to watch the other 42?" 0:11:59.938,0:12:01.934 (Laughter) 0:12:01.935,0:12:05.820 Anyway, he came back,[br]he had to walk past my table 0:12:05.821,0:12:10.228 because it was near the exit,[br]he has to walk past our table, 0:12:10.229,0:12:13.757 he comes right past me,[br]and naturally, I stand up, and I go: 0:12:13.758,0:12:16.913 "Mr. President, thank you very much[br]for having me at this dinner." 0:12:16.914,0:12:18.624 And he says: "That's our pleasure". 0:12:18.625,0:12:22.400 And he pats me at the shoulder and says:[br]"I'll make sure and watch your video." 0:12:22.401,0:12:24.612 And he walked away[br]and I was like-- (Chuckle) 0:12:24.613,0:12:25.777 video? 0:12:25.778,0:12:27.870 (Laughter) 0:12:27.871,0:12:29.336 It's a film, dude. 0:12:29.337,0:12:30.750 (Laughter) 0:12:30.751,0:12:33.460 justlikeusthemovie.com -- look it up. 0:12:35.159,0:12:37.344 Well, that led to another experience. 0:12:38.204,0:12:41.348 Apparently, what's happening in D.C. is 0:12:42.568,0:12:44.451 they're trying to fix foreign policies. 0:12:44.452,0:12:47.717 Our governments are trying[br]to shake hands with the Middle East, 0:12:47.718,0:12:49.313 especially the Muslim world. 0:12:49.314,0:12:53.571 The next day I received an email[br]from Hillary Clinton's Office. 0:12:54.401,0:12:57.032 Hillary's Clinton's Office[br]sends me an email saying -- 0:12:57.033,0:12:59.418 (Laughter) 0:13:01.027,0:13:04.039 All my friends think[br]I'm Forrest Gump, just so you know. 0:13:04.040,0:13:05.625 (Laughter) 0:13:07.205,0:13:10.961 They are like: "Dude, you're always[br]at important places, with important people 0:13:10.962,0:13:12.480 and nobody knows you!" 0:13:12.481,0:13:13.722 (Laughter) 0:13:16.404,0:13:22.203 Hillary Clinton gives me the same invite: 0:13:22.204,0:13:24.668 "State Department, September 7th, 0:13:24.669,0:13:27.288 we'd be honored[br]if you attend the Iftar dinner." 0:13:27.289,0:13:29.196 I'm like, great, this has to be real 0:13:29.197,0:13:32.372 because nobody is going to play a prank[br]from the State Department, 0:13:32.373,0:13:34.965 and I think Hillary was like:[br]"Give me Barack's list." 0:13:34.966,0:13:35.929 (Laughter) 0:13:35.930,0:13:39.518 "I want to know who's on Barack's list,[br]I want those people at my dinner." 0:13:39.519,0:13:41.283 Her dinner was a little different -- 0:13:41.284,0:13:45.105 She had about 300 people,[br]mostly people who were 40 and under, 0:13:45.106,0:13:47.254 that were progressive in their fields. 0:13:47.255,0:13:52.621 Novelists, playwrights, doctors,[br]lawyers, engineers, comedians, 0:13:52.622,0:13:56.579 directors, actors, actresses, dancers. 0:13:56.580,0:13:59.680 And I was really shocked[br]that she was pushing this initiative 0:13:59.681,0:14:04.650 to have people from[br]our community at her dinner. 0:14:04.651,0:14:06.232 And same thing: 0:14:06.233,0:14:09.873 walked in, my table was number 5, 0:14:10.533,0:14:13.874 and I'm looking at my card,[br]I'm looking at the tables, and I'm like, 0:14:13.875,0:14:16.249 maybe I'm in the back,[br]where is this thing? 0:14:16.250,0:14:19.403 And I noticed it's right[br]in front of the podium again. 0:14:19.404,0:14:21.440 So, I'm like, I love the wedding planner. 0:14:21.441,0:14:22.548 (Laughter) 0:14:22.549,0:14:26.640 So, I sit down, Hillary Clinton walks in, 0:14:26.641,0:14:28.722 she gives this amazing speech, 0:14:28.723,0:14:30.370 and then she walks around, 0:14:30.371,0:14:32.661 does the same thing,[br]shakes everybody hands 0:14:32.662,0:14:34.599 - this is the before dinner, mind you - 0:14:34.600,0:14:36.466 Now, when she gets to me, I said: 0:14:36.467,0:14:39.062 "Hello, Secretary, my name is Ahmed Ahmed, 0:14:39.083,0:14:43.531 I was invited by Farah Pandith,[br]one of the people in your camp, 0:14:43.532,0:14:45.693 it's an honor to be here." 0:14:45.694,0:14:49.463 And she said: "It's great to have you."[br]And I said: "I'm a stand-up comedian." 0:14:49.464,0:14:52.585 And she said: "Well, then you'd better[br]make me laugh at dinner." 0:14:52.586,0:14:56.321 So, I'm like: "Cool, I guess[br]I'm sitting with the Secretary." 0:14:56.322,0:14:58.263 She sits right across from me. 0:14:58.264,0:15:01.379 Now, to my left is the Ambassador[br]of Kuwait, and to right was -- 0:15:01.380,0:15:04.401 I don't know, somebody else[br]that was too important to talk to. 0:15:04.402,0:15:05.534 (Laughter) 0:15:05.542,0:15:08.357 And Hillary, I call her Hil, 0:15:08.358,0:15:11.002 (Laughter) 0:15:11.003,0:15:12.669 Hil leaned over 0:15:12.670,0:15:16.069 and I thought she was going right[br]to the ambassadors or the diplomats, 0:15:16.070,0:15:19.840 [but] she leans right into me and says:[br]"So, tell me about your comedy shows." 0:15:19.841,0:15:22.895 "We've been performing[br]in the Middle East for the past 3 years." 0:15:22.896,0:15:26.340 "How many people show up to your shows?"[br]"Sometimes 2,000 - 3,000." 0:15:26.341,0:15:28.947 She says: "That's amazing.[br]And you do it in English?" 0:15:28.948,0:15:32.260 I said: "Yes, we do it in English."[br]She said: "And did they get it?" 0:15:32.261,0:15:33.665 (Laughter) 0:15:34.685,0:15:36.266 I said: "Yeah, they get it." 0:15:36.267,0:15:37.205 (Laughter) 0:15:37.206,0:15:40.242 "We actually made a movie about it.[br]It's called 'Just like us'." 0:15:40.243,0:15:42.901 "I'd love to see it."[br]"Funny you should mention that --" 0:15:42.902,0:15:44.182 And I got her a DVD. 0:15:44.183,0:15:46.204 (Laughter) 0:15:47.404,0:15:51.606 She sent me a really nice personalized[br]thank-you note, a few weeks later, 0:15:51.607,0:15:53.733 recognizing the work that we're doing. 0:15:53.734,0:15:57.607 I say "we" because there's a lot of us[br]doing stand-up comedy initiative 0:15:57.608,0:16:00.725 because we all have to laugh[br]at ourselves at the end of the day, 0:16:00.726,0:16:04.880 despite our cultural differences,[br]despite our religious differences, 0:16:04.881,0:16:07.621 we are all just alike[br]when it comes to laughter. 0:16:07.622,0:16:11.209 And when she sent me this note,[br]I got some chill at my spine 0:16:11.210,0:16:15.481 because it was a really nice note,[br]and she took the time to do it. 0:16:15.482,0:16:18.232 I give her kudos for that. 0:16:18.233,0:16:23.755 When I left D.C. I went on a tour,[br]I was sort of going around, 0:16:23.756,0:16:27.161 to the UK, went to Scandinavia, 0:16:27.162,0:16:30.010 and eventually ended up here, in Doha. 0:16:30.011,0:16:33.258 And what happened was,[br]when I was flying here to Doha, 0:16:33.259,0:16:35.486 because my name is in all these lists, 0:16:35.487,0:16:38.870 it's very tough to flight around[br]with the name Ahmed Ahmed. 0:16:38.871,0:16:42.150 I can't even flight a kite anymore,[br]that's how bad it's gotten. 0:16:42.151,0:16:43.368 (Laughter) 0:16:43.369,0:16:45.494 And I'm always getting profiled 0:16:45.495,0:16:49.059 - and I get profile[br]before being profiled - 0:16:49.060,0:16:52.015 I'm walking to the ticket[br]counter to check-in 0:16:52.016,0:16:54.743 and I can see the woman[br]looking at me as I'm walking up. 0:16:54.744,0:16:56.784 She's an older African-American woman, 0:16:56.785,0:16:59.868 and I give her my ID[br]and she does one of these -- 0:16:59.869,0:17:01.668 (imitating the woman) Hmm...uh... 0:17:01.669,0:17:03.096 (Laughter) 0:17:05.959,0:17:09.207 (Clicking sound imitating typing[br]on computer) (Imitating the woman) 0:17:09.208,0:17:12.502 "Yeah, honey, you know your name[br]comes up on a list, you know that." 0:17:12.502,0:17:13.700 (Laughter) 0:17:13.701,0:17:15.383 "I have to make a phone call." 0:17:16.333,0:17:18.829 (Clicking sound[br]imitating phone dialing) 0:17:18.830,0:17:20.915 (Imitating the woman) "Yeah, we got one." 0:17:20.915,0:17:22.361 (Laughter) 0:17:23.209,0:17:26.835 (Imitating the woman)[br]"Hmm...uh... hmm-mm... uh." 0:17:26.842,0:17:27.906 (Laughter) 0:17:27.907,0:17:29.715 "Yeah, his name is Ahmed Ahmed." 0:17:29.716,0:17:30.841 (Laughter) 0:17:30.842,0:17:33.679 (imitating the woman)[br]"Yeah, his ID says he's 6'3'', 210." 0:17:33.680,0:17:35.250 "Oh yeah, he's hairy." 0:17:35.251,0:17:37.065 (Laughter) 0:17:37.083,0:17:40.402 (imitating the woman)[br]"Hmm...uh... hmm-mm... uh" 0:17:40.403,0:17:41.591 (Laughter) 0:17:41.592,0:17:43.656 "Yeah, hold on one second, I'll ask him." 0:17:43.657,0:17:46.565 "Mr. Ahmed, what's your purpose[br]for business in Doha, Qatar?" 0:17:46.584,0:17:49.043 "Hmm...uh... hmm-mm... uh." 0:17:49.032,0:17:50.186 (Laughter) 0:17:50.187,0:17:52.563 (imitating the woman)[br]"He says he's a comedian." 0:17:52.564,0:17:53.887 (Laughter) 0:17:53.888,0:17:56.002 (imitating the woman)[br]"Hmm...uh..." 0:17:56.003,0:17:57.520 "Say something funny." 0:17:57.521,0:17:59.251 (Laughter) 0:18:01.561,0:18:03.383 (imitating the woman)[br]"Hmm...uh..." 0:18:03.384,0:18:07.537 "Yeah, he says he just graduated[br]from flight school." (Chuckles) 0:18:07.538,0:18:08.777 (Laughter) 0:18:09.967,0:18:11.455 Thank you very much, Doha. 0:18:11.456,0:18:13.096 (Applause) (Cheers) 0:18:14.976,0:18:16.076 Thank you. 0:18:16.077,0:18:17.952 It's a big honor, thank you very much. 0:18:17.953,0:18:18.922 (Applause) 0:18:18.923,0:18:20.640 Enjoy the rest of your time here. 0:18:20.641,0:18:22.513 (Applause) ( Cheers)