WEBVTT

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Okay, so now...

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We're gonna start discussing
men's brains, women's brains

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and how they're very different
from each other.

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Now, I wanna start with men's brains.

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All right. Now men's brains are very unique.

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Men's brains are made up of little boxes.

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And we have a box for everything.

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We've got a box for the car,
we got a box for the money,

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we got a box for the job,
we got a box for you,

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we got a box for the kids,
we got a box for your mother

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somewhere in the basement.

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We got boxes everywhere.

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And the rule is: the boxes don't touch.

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When a man discusses a particular subject

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we go to that particular box,

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we pull that box out,
we open the box,

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we discuss only what is in that box,
all right?

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And then we close the box and put it away

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being very, very careful
not to touch any other boxes.

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Sorry, my Catholic upbringing got
in there for a minute. But, I'm....

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I'm not a Catholic but I went to
Catholic school when I was little.

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I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there.

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I mean, I'll never forget it, but uh...

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It did me good, actually.
It was a good thing.

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Now women's brains are
very, very different from men's brains.

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Women's brains are made
of a big ball of wire.

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And everything is connected to EVERYTHING.

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bzzz.... the money is connected to the car

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the car is connected to your job

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and your kids are connected to your mother

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and everything is connected to everything... It's like bzzzzz

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It's like the Internet superhighway. OK?

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And it's all driven by energy
that we call 'emotion'.

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It's this bzzzzzzzzz

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It's one of the reasons why women
tend to remember everything.

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Because... if you take an event
and you connect it to an emotion

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it burns in your memory
and you can remember it forever.

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The same thing happens for men,
it just doesn't happen very often

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because quite frankly, we don't care.

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Women tend to care about EVERTHING...

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And she just loves it, bzzzzzzzz ha ha ha ha

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Now, men we have a box in our brain

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that most women are not aware of.

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This particular box has nothing in it.

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It's true.

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In fact, we call it the Nothing Box.

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And of all the boxes a man has in his brain,

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the Nothing Box is our favourite box.

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If a man has a chance he'll go
to his Nothing Box every time.

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That's why a man can do something seemingly

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completely braindead for hours on end.

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You know, like fishing...

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And we love it, that's why a guy can sit in front

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of the TV and go...

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haaa, it glows haaa...

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Of course, this drives our wives nuts

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because they'll come up and say 'STOP IT!'

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"You can't possibly be watching ANYTHING!"

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"I'm not!"

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"Go away!"

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Now, they've actually measured this.

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The University of Pennsilvania a couple of years ago

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did a study and discovered that men have the ability

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to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe.

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You know, they connected all the wires and stuff like that

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watched the brain activity, then [all of a sudden] Hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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"I think he's dead!"

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"Huh? "

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Women can't do it, they can't do it,

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their minds never stop 'zee zeecke teeee'

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and they don't understand the Nothing Box!

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And it drives them crazy, because

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nothing drives a woman more crazy,

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and makes her feel more irritated

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than to witness a man doing NOTHING!

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Now, one of the biggest revelations I get out of women

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is this whole Nothing Box issue. They's "Aah aah,"

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"everything's starting to make sense!"

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And I've had women say: "Oh, this nothing..."

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Can I go in this nothing... ?

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Now, one of the biggest revelations
I get out of women

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is this whole Nothing Box issue.

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They's "Aah aah,"

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"everything's starting to make sense!"

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And I've had women say: "Oh, this nothing..."

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Can I go in this nothing box with him?

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NO!

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Why not? Because then it's SOMETHING!

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Besides, you walk in there and go:

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"You know, this place could really use some pictures."

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"A nice little table over here, some flowers..."

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NO! Nothing! Get out! We don't want nothing.

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Now, this handles the way men and women handle stress

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OK? When a man is stressed out, all he wants to do is

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run to his Nothing Box

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This is how we unwind

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The last thing we wanna do when we're stressed out is

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talk about it

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We don't want to talk about it, we just wanna...

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'Cause this drives her nuts, you know?

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A woman will see a man in this vegetative state,

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she'll come up ang go

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"What you thinking about?"

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"Nothing."

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"You gotta be thinking about something!"

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"Nah, I was thinkin' about nothing..."

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"Like, I was on a roll
until you showed up."

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Go away!

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All right? 'Cause that's how
he handles stress.

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He just...

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Now, when a woman is stressed out

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she has to talk about it.

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If she doesn't talk about it,
her brain will literally explode.

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So, she has to start just...

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I don't know, I might have do this...
...never though about this...
...my brother...

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And I know men who run from
their wives when they do this.

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And then I do say:
"Why do you run from her?"

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And he says:
"Cause I don't know what to tell her."

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And I said "Dear God, man,
who told you to tell her anything."

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She doesn't want you to tell her anything.

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See, there's lot of guys,
they feel obligated

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when you start explaining all your stress

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they feel obligated to fix it.

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Right? Cause that's what a man does.

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A man ONLY tells his troubles
to another man

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in hopes that the man will help fix it.

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Okay? But she's not a man.

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And if you try to fix her,
she gonna kill you.

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She doesn't want your advice.

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She doesn't want your help.

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She wants you to SHUT UP and LISTEN!

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And, a couple of ladies:
"That's right! You tell him!"

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"Tell him to shut up."

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They like that.

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Now I had one guy tells me:
"If she'd just tell me how she FEELS!"

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I says: "She doesn't know yet."

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He says: "What do you mean?"

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I say: "That's how she figures out
how she feels about it."

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"Connecting this wire to that wire.
This wire is all -bzzzz-"

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Now, because they love each other
they offer to each other THEIR answer.

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THEIR solution.

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A man senses his wife is stressed out.

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He loves the girl. He offers to the girl
his BEST and FINEST solution.

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"Well just quit talking about it."

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"Just... just quit thinking about it."

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And that's when she starts
reaching for the knives.

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And start screaming:
"I'm gonna stab you if you keep it up!"

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Okay, now, a woman, she senses 
her husband's all stressed out.

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She loves him. Therefore she offers to him
her BEST and FINEST solution!

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"Talk to me!"

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"Why won't you talk to meeee?"

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"eeeeeeeeeee"

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"Go away."

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He doesn't want to talk to you.

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Leave him alone.

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He will not die.

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He's not a woman.

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"I know you've gotta talk it through,
you've gotta be twisted inside."

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He's not like that.

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Leave the boy alone.

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You tell he's stressed out,
just let him to go his nothing box.

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Just stay away.