Okay, so now...
We're gonna start discussing men's brains, women's brains
and how they're very different from each other.
Now, I wanna start with men's brains.
All right. Now men's brains are very unique.
Men's brains are made up of little boxes.
And we have a box for everything.
We've got a box for the car, we got a box for the money,
we got a box for the job, we got a box for you,
we got a box for the kids, we got a box for your mother
somewhere in the basement.
We got boxes everywhere.
And the rule is: the boxes don't touch.
When a man discusses a particular subject
we go to that particular box,
we pull that box out, we open the box,
we discuss only what is in that box, all right?
And then we close the box and put it away
being very, very careful not to touch any other boxes.
Sorry, my Catholic upbringing got in there for a minute. But, I'm....
I'm not a Catholic but I went to Catholic school when I was little.
I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there.
I mean, I'll never forget it, but uh...
It did me good, actually. It was a good thing.
Now women's brains are very, very different from men's brains.
Women's brains are made of a big ball of wire.
And everything is connected to EVERYTHING.
bzzz.... the money is connected to the car
the car is connected to your job
and your kids are connected to your mother
and everything is connected to everything... It's like bzzzzz
It's like the Internet superhighway. OK?
And it's all driven by energy that we call 'emotion'.
It's this bzzzzzzzzz
It's one of the reasons why women tend to remember everything.
Because... if you take an event and you connect it to an emotion
it burns in your memory and you can remember it forever.
The same thing happens for men, it just doesn't happen very often
because quite frankly, we don't care.
Women tend to care about EVERTHING...
And she just loves it, bzzzzzzzz ha ha ha ha
Now, men we have a box in our brain
that most women are not aware of.
This particular box has nothing in it.
It's true.
In fact, we call it the Nothing Box.
And of all the boxes a man has in his brain,
the Nothing Box is our favourite box.
If a man has a chance he'll go to his Nothing Box every time.
That's why a man can do something seemingly
completely braindead for hours on end.
You know, like fishing...
And we love it, that's why a guy can sit in front
of the TV and go...
haaa, it glows haaa...
Of course, this drives our wives nuts
because they'll come up and say 'STOP IT!'
"You can't possibly be watching ANYTHING!"
"I'm not!"
"Go away!"
Now, they've actually measured this.
The University of Pennsilvania a couple of years ago
did a study and discovered that men have the ability
to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe.
You know, they connected all the wires and stuff like that
watched the brain activity, then [all of a sudden] Hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
"I think he's dead!"
"Huh? "
Women can't do it, they can't do it,
their minds never stop 'zee zeecke teeee'
and they don't understand the Nothing Box!
And it drives them crazy, because
nothing drives a woman more crazy,
and makes her feel more irritated
than to witness a man doing NOTHING!
Now, one of the biggest revelations I get out of women
is this whole Nothing Box issue. They's "Aah aah,"
"everything's starting to make sense!"
And I've had women say: "Oh, this nothing..."
Can I go in this nothing... ?
Now, one of the biggest revelations I get out of women
is this whole Nothing Box issue.
They's "Aah aah,"
"everything's starting to make sense!"
And I've had women say: "Oh, this nothing..."
Can I go in this nothing box with him?
NO!
Why not? Because then it's SOMETHING!
Besides, you walk in there and go:
"You know, this place could really use some pictures."
"A nice little table over here, some flowers..."
NO! Nothing! Get out! We don't want nothing.
Now, this handles the way men and women handle stress
OK? When a man is stressed out, all he wants to do is
run to his Nothing Box
This is how we unwind
The last thing we wanna do when we're stressed out is
talk about it
We don't want to talk about it, we just wanna...
'Cause this drives her nuts, you know?
A woman will see a man in this vegetative state,
she'll come up ang go
"What you thinking about?"
"Nothing."
"You gotta be thinking about something!"
"Nah, I was thinkin' about nothing..."
"Like, I was on a roll until you showed up."
Go away!
All right? 'Cause that's how he handles stress.
He just...
Now, when a woman is stressed out
she has to talk about it.
If she doesn't talk about it, her brain will literally explode.
So, she has to start just...
I don't know, I might have do this... ...never though about this... ...my brother...
And I know men who run from their wives when they do this.
And then I do say: "Why do you run from her?"
And he says: "Cause I don't know what to tell her."
And I said "Dear God, man, who told you to tell her anything."
She doesn't want you to tell her anything.
See, there's lot of guys, they feel obligated
when you start explaining all your stress
they feel obligated to fix it.
Right? Cause that's what a man does.
A man ONLY tells his troubles to another man
in hopes that the man will help fix it.
Okay? But she's not a man.
And if you try to fix her, she gonna kill you.
She doesn't want your advice.
She doesn't want your help.
She wants you to SHUT UP and LISTEN!
And, a couple of ladies: "That's right! You tell him!"
"Tell him to shut up."
They like that.
Now I had one guy tells me: "If she'd just tell me how she FEELS!"
I says: "She doesn't know yet."
He says: "What do you mean?"
I say: "That's how she figures out how she feels about it."
"Connecting this wire to that wire. This wire is all -bzzzz-"
Now, because they love each other they offer to each other THEIR answer.
THEIR solution.
A man senses his wife is stressed out.
He loves the girl. He offers to the girl his BEST and FINEST solution.
"Well just quit talking about it."
"Just... just quit thinking about it."
And that's when she starts reaching for the knives.
And start screaming: "I'm gonna stab you if you keep it up!"
Okay, now, a woman, she senses her husband's all stressed out.
She loves him. Therefore she offers to him her BEST and FINEST solution!
"Talk to me!"
"Why won't you talk to meeee?"
"eeeeeeeeeee"
"Go away."
He doesn't want to talk to you.
Leave him alone.
He will not die.
He's not a woman.
"I know you've gotta talk it through, you've gotta be twisted inside."
He's not like that.
Leave the boy alone.
You tell he's stressed out, just let him to go his nothing box.
Just stay away.