1
00:00:09,033 --> 00:00:10,438
Okay, so now...

2
00:00:12,899 --> 00:00:15,852
We're gonna start discussing
men's brains, women's brains

3
00:00:15,852 --> 00:00:17,757
and how they're very different
from each other.

4
00:00:17,757 --> 00:00:20,429
Now, I wanna start with men's brains.

5
00:00:20,429 --> 00:00:23,348
All right. Now men's brains are very unique.

6
00:00:23,348 --> 00:00:25,726
Men's brains are made up of little boxes.

7
00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:28,968
And we have a box for everything.

8
00:00:29,076 --> 00:00:32,127
We've got a box for the car,
we got a box for the money,

9
00:00:32,127 --> 00:00:34,893
we got a box for the job,
we got a box for you,

10
00:00:34,893 --> 00:00:37,393
we got a box for the kids,
we got a box for your mother

11
00:00:37,393 --> 00:00:38,976
somewhere in the basement.

12
00:00:41,361 --> 00:00:43,543
We got boxes everywhere.

13
00:00:43,974 --> 00:00:47,132
And the rule is: the boxes don't touch.

14
00:01:01,409 --> 00:01:04,630
When a man discusses a particular subject

15
00:01:04,630 --> 00:01:07,044
we go to that particular box,

16
00:01:07,044 --> 00:01:12,030
we pull that box out,
we open the box,

17
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:18,082
we discuss only what is in that box,
all right?

18
00:01:27,851 --> 00:01:30,627
And then we close the box and put it away

19
00:01:30,627 --> 00:01:35,507
being very, very careful
not to touch any other boxes.

20
00:02:00,676 --> 00:02:03,711
Sorry, my Catholic upbringing got
in there for a minute. But, I'm....

21
00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:11,138
I'm not a Catholic but I went to
Catholic school when I was little.

22
00:02:11,416 --> 00:02:14,403
I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there.

23
00:02:14,403 --> 00:02:16,157
I mean, I'll never forget it, but uh...

24
00:02:18,865 --> 00:02:20,885
It did me good, actually.
It was a good thing.

25
00:02:24,635 --> 00:02:27,549
Now women's brains are
very, very different from men's brains.

26
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:30,939
Women's brains are made
of a big ball of wire.

27
00:02:32,955 --> 00:02:37,585
And everything is connected to EVERYTHING.

28
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:41,175
bzzz.... the money is connected to the car

29
00:02:41,175 --> 00:02:42,573
the car is connected to your job

30
00:02:42,573 --> 00:02:44,332
and your kids are connected to your mother

31
00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:49,199
and everything is connected to everything... It's like bzzzzz

32
00:02:55,722 --> 00:02:58,359
It's like the Internet superhighway. OK?

33
00:02:59,559 --> 00:03:03,288
And it's all driven by energy
that we call 'emotion'.

34
00:03:03,288 --> 00:03:07,416
It's this bzzzzzzzzz

35
00:03:07,416 --> 00:03:12,914
It's one of the reasons why women
tend to remember everything.

36
00:03:15,475 --> 00:03:20,546
Because... if you take an event
and you connect it to an emotion

37
00:03:20,546 --> 00:03:23,892
it burns in your memory
and you can remember it forever.

38
00:03:23,892 --> 00:03:26,377
The same thing happens for men,
it just doesn't happen very often

39
00:03:26,377 --> 00:03:29,309
because quite frankly, we don't care.

40
00:03:35,429 --> 00:03:39,416
Women tend to care about EVERTHING...

41
00:03:43,212 --> 00:03:50,261
And she just loves it, bzzzzzzzz ha ha ha ha

42
00:03:56,516 --> 00:03:58,756
Now, men we have a box in our brain

43
00:03:58,756 --> 00:04:00,602
that most women are not aware of.

44
00:04:00,694 --> 00:04:04,090
This particular box has nothing in it.

45
00:04:15,536 --> 00:04:16,524
It's true.

46
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,744
In fact, we call it the Nothing Box.

47
00:04:26,156 --> 00:04:30,309
And of all the boxes a man has in his brain,

48
00:04:30,309 --> 00:04:34,050
the Nothing Box is our favourite box.

49
00:04:39,376 --> 00:04:43,707
If a man has a chance he'll go
to his Nothing Box every time.

50
00:04:44,949 --> 00:04:47,207
That's why a man can do something seemingly

51
00:04:47,207 --> 00:04:49,510
completely braindead for hours on end.

52
00:04:50,986 --> 00:04:52,361
You know, like fishing...

53
00:05:12,393 --> 00:05:14,464
And we love it, that's why a guy can sit in front

54
00:05:14,464 --> 00:05:15,762
of the TV and go...

55
00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:37,713
haaa, it glows haaa...

56
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,878
Of course, this drives our wives nuts

57
00:05:39,878 --> 00:05:43,078
because they'll come up and say 'STOP IT!'

58
00:05:43,078 --> 00:05:46,397
"You can't possibly be watching ANYTHING!"

59
00:05:55,366 --> 00:05:56,366
"I'm not!"

60
00:06:06,889 --> 00:06:07,614
"Go away!"

61
00:06:15,537 --> 00:06:17,327
Now, they've actually measured this.

62
00:06:17,327 --> 00:06:18,794
The University of Pennsilvania a couple of years ago

63
00:06:18,794 --> 00:06:21,743
did a study and discovered that men have the ability

64
00:06:21,743 --> 00:06:26,561
to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe.

65
00:06:28,376 --> 00:06:30,496
You know, they connected all the wires and stuff like that

66
00:06:30,496 --> 00:06:35,570
watched the brain activity, then [all of a sudden] Hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

67
00:06:36,262 --> 00:06:37,865
"I think he's dead!"

68
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,376
"Huh? "

69
00:06:42,638 --> 00:06:45,145
Women can't do it, they can't do it,

70
00:06:45,145 --> 00:06:50,914
their minds never stop 'zee zeecke teeee'

71
00:06:50,914 --> 00:06:54,095
and they don't understand the Nothing Box!

72
00:06:54,095 --> 00:06:56,743
And it drives them crazy, because

73
00:06:56,743 --> 00:06:59,360
nothing drives a woman more crazy,

74
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:01,392
and makes her feel more irritated

75
00:07:01,392 --> 00:07:05,175
than to witness a man doing NOTHING!

76
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,036
Now, one of the biggest revelations I get out of women

77
00:07:20,036 --> 00:07:22,559
is this whole Nothing Box issue. They's "Aah aah,"

78
00:07:22,559 --> 00:07:25,100
"everything's starting to make sense!"

79
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,066
And I've had women say: "Oh, this nothing..."

80
00:07:28,066 --> 00:07:32,638
Can I go in this nothing... ?

81
00:07:32,638 --> 00:07:35,183
Now, one of the biggest revelations
I get out of women

82
00:07:35,183 --> 00:07:36,880
is this whole Nothing Box issue.

83
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:37,809
They's "Aah aah,"

84
00:07:37,809 --> 00:07:42,205
"everything's starting to make sense!"

85
00:07:42,205 --> 00:07:45,136
And I've had women say: "Oh, this nothing..."

86
00:07:45,136 --> 00:07:48,067
Can I go in this nothing box with him?

87
00:07:51,358 --> 00:07:54,649
NO!

88
00:07:54,649 --> 00:07:57,941
Why not? Because then it's SOMETHING!

89
00:07:59,710 --> 00:08:01,752
Besides, you walk in there and go:

90
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:09,208
"You know, this place could really use some pictures."

91
00:08:10,921 --> 00:08:13,107
"A nice little table over here, some flowers..."

92
00:08:13,423 --> 00:08:17,081
NO! Nothing! Get out! We don't want nothing.

93
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:28,129
Now, this handles the way men and women handle stress

94
00:08:28,252 --> 00:08:32,252
OK? When a man is stressed out, all he wants to do is

95
00:08:32,410 --> 00:08:34,590
run to his Nothing Box

96
00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:36,549
This is how we unwind

97
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,562
The last thing we wanna do when we're stressed out is

98
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:39,232
talk about it

99
00:08:39,674 --> 00:08:43,674
We don't want to talk about it, we just wanna...

100
00:08:47,688 --> 00:08:50,038
'Cause this drives her nuts, you know?

101
00:08:50,586 --> 00:08:52,516
A woman will see a man in this vegetative state,

102
00:08:52,526 --> 00:08:54,136
she'll come up ang go

103
00:08:59,135 --> 00:09:01,285
"What you thinking about?"

104
00:09:24,984 --> 00:09:28,234
"Nothing."

105
00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:32,875
"You gotta be thinking about something!"

106
00:09:34,410 --> 00:09:36,537
"Nah, I was thinkin' about nothing..."

107
00:09:38,117 --> 00:09:40,520
"Like, I was on a roll
until you showed up."

108
00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:43,604
Go away!

109
00:09:43,758 --> 00:09:45,878
All right? 'Cause that's how
he handles stress.

110
00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:46,824
He just...

111
00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:53,596
Now, when a woman is stressed out

112
00:09:54,152 --> 00:09:56,212
she has to talk about it.

113
00:09:56,936 --> 00:10:02,296
If she doesn't talk about it,
her brain will literally explode.

114
00:10:05,513 --> 00:10:07,173
So, she has to start just...

115
00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:11,590
I don't know, I might have do this...
...never though about this...
...my brother...

116
00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:18,224
And I know men who run from
their wives when they do this.

117
00:10:19,266 --> 00:10:21,926
And then I do say:
"Why do you run from her?"

118
00:10:22,009 --> 00:10:24,839
And he says:
"Cause I don't know what to tell her."

119
00:10:24,894 --> 00:10:28,384
And I said "Dear God, man,
who told you to tell her anything."

120
00:10:29,269 --> 00:10:31,289
She doesn't want you to tell her anything.

121
00:10:31,289 --> 00:10:33,215
See, there's lot of guys,
they feel obligated

122
00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:36,328
when you start explaining all your stress

123
00:10:36,479 --> 00:10:38,869
they feel obligated to fix it.

124
00:10:39,101 --> 00:10:40,951
Right? Cause that's what a man does.

125
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:44,861
A man ONLY tells his troubles
to another man

126
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:47,078
in hopes that the man will help fix it.

127
00:10:47,525 --> 00:10:49,908
Okay? But she's not a man.

128
00:10:49,908 --> 00:10:54,641
And if you try to fix her,
she gonna kill you.

129
00:10:57,607 --> 00:10:59,487
She doesn't want your advice.

130
00:10:59,487 --> 00:11:00,817
She doesn't want your help.

131
00:11:00,817 --> 00:11:02,619
She wants you to SHUT UP and LISTEN!

132
00:11:05,009 --> 00:11:07,335
And, a couple of ladies:
"That's right! You tell him!"

133
00:11:08,009 --> 00:11:09,391
"Tell him to shut up."

134
00:11:16,150 --> 00:11:17,158
They like that.

135
00:11:18,914 --> 00:11:22,097
Now I had one guy tells me:
"If she'd just tell me how she FEELS!"

136
00:11:22,097 --> 00:11:23,767
I says: "She doesn't know yet."

137
00:11:24,235 --> 00:11:25,025
He says: "What do you mean?"

138
00:11:25,025 --> 00:11:26,649
I say: "That's how she figures out
how she feels about it."

139
00:11:26,649 --> 00:11:30,009
"Connecting this wire to that wire.
This wire is all -bzzzz-"

140
00:11:30,462 --> 00:11:38,318
Now, because they love each other
they offer to each other THEIR answer.

141
00:11:38,727 --> 00:11:40,674
THEIR solution.

142
00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:44,759
A man senses his wife is stressed out.

143
00:11:44,759 --> 00:11:51,163
He loves the girl. He offers to the girl
his BEST and FINEST solution.

144
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,937
"Well just quit talking about it."

145
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,482
"Just... just quit thinking about it."

146
00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:15,628
And that's when she starts
reaching for the knives.

147
00:12:15,628 --> 00:12:17,682
And start screaming:
"I'm gonna stab you if you keep it up!"

148
00:12:17,682 --> 00:12:22,443
Okay, now, a woman, she senses 
her husband's all stressed out.

149
00:12:22,443 --> 00:12:29,745
She loves him. Therefore she offers to him
her BEST and FINEST solution!

150
00:12:32,974 --> 00:12:35,478
"Talk to me!"

151
00:12:38,478 --> 00:12:42,478
"Why won't you talk to meeee?"

152
00:12:42,478 --> 00:12:46,543
"eeeeeeeeeee"

153
00:13:06,573 --> 00:13:08,073
"Go away."

154
00:13:09,606 --> 00:13:11,363
He doesn't want to talk to you.

155
00:13:11,566 --> 00:13:13,688
Leave him alone.

156
00:13:14,468 --> 00:13:16,814
He will not die.

157
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,231
He's not a woman.

158
00:13:20,692 --> 00:13:25,748
"I know you've gotta talk it through,
you've gotta be twisted inside."

159
00:13:25,748 --> 00:13:27,330
He's not like that.

160
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,725
Leave the boy alone.

161
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:33,133
You tell he's stressed out,
just let him to go his nothing box.

162
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,370
Just stay away.