0:00:09.033,0:00:10.438
Okay, so now...

0:00:12.899,0:00:15.852
We're gonna start discussing[br]men's brains, women's brains

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and how they're very different[br]from each other.

0:00:17.757,0:00:20.429
Now, I wanna start with men's brains.

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All right. Now men's brains are very unique.

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Men's brains are made up of little boxes.

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And we have a box for everything.

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We've got a box for the car,[br]we got a box for the money,

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we got a box for the job,[br]we got a box for you,

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we got a box for the kids,[br]we got a box for your mother

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somewhere in the basement.

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We got boxes everywhere.

0:00:43.974,0:00:47.132
And the rule is: the boxes don't touch.

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When a man discusses a particular subject

0:01:04.630,0:01:07.044
we go to that particular box,

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we pull that box out,[br]we open the box,

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we discuss only what is in that box,[br]all right?

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And then we close the box and put it away

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being very, very careful[br]not to touch any other boxes.

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Sorry, my Catholic upbringing got[br]in there for a minute. But, I'm....

0:02:08.345,0:02:11.138
I'm not a Catholic but I went to[br]Catholic school when I was little.

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I had a nun who taught on hell like she was born and raised there.

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I mean, I'll never forget it, but uh...

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It did me good, actually.[br]It was a good thing.

0:02:24.635,0:02:27.549
Now women's brains are[br]very, very different from men's brains.

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Women's brains are made[br]of a big ball of wire.

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And everything is connected to EVERYTHING.

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bzzz.... the money is connected to the car

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the car is connected to your job

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and your kids are connected to your mother

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and everything is connected to everything... It's like bzzzzz

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It's like the Internet superhighway. OK?

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And it's all driven by energy[br]that we call 'emotion'.

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It's this bzzzzzzzzz

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It's one of the reasons why women[br]tend to remember everything.

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Because... if you take an event[br]and you connect it to an emotion

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it burns in your memory[br]and you can remember it forever.

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The same thing happens for men,[br]it just doesn't happen very often

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because quite frankly, we don't care.

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Women tend to care about EVERTHING...

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And she just loves it, bzzzzzzzz ha ha ha ha

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Now, men we have a box in our brain

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that most women are not aware of.

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This particular box has nothing in it.

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It's true.

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In fact, we call it the Nothing Box.

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And of all the boxes a man has in his brain,

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the Nothing Box is our favourite box.

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If a man has a chance he'll go[br]to his Nothing Box every time.

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That's why a man can do something seemingly

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completely braindead for hours on end.

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You know, like fishing...

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And we love it, that's why a guy can sit in front

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of the TV and go...

0:05:31.208,0:05:37.713
haaa, it glows haaa...

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Of course, this drives our wives nuts

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because they'll come up and say 'STOP IT!'

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"You can't possibly be watching ANYTHING!"

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"I'm not!"

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"Go away!"

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Now, they've actually measured this.

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The University of Pennsilvania a couple of years ago

0:06:18.794,0:06:21.743
did a study and discovered that men have the ability

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to think about absolutely nothing and still breathe.

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You know, they connected all the wires and stuff like that

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watched the brain activity, then [all of a sudden] Hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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"I think he's dead!"

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"Huh? "

0:06:42.638,0:06:45.145
Women can't do it, they can't do it,

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their minds never stop 'zee zeecke teeee'

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and they don't understand the Nothing Box!

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And it drives them crazy, because

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nothing drives a woman more crazy,

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and makes her feel more irritated

0:07:01.392,0:07:05.175
than to witness a man doing NOTHING!

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Now, one of the biggest revelations I get out of women

0:07:20.036,0:07:22.559
is this whole Nothing Box issue. They's "Aah aah,"

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"everything's starting to make sense!"

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And I've had women say: "Oh, this nothing..."

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Can I go in this nothing... ?

0:07:32.638,0:07:35.183
Now, one of the biggest revelations[br]I get out of women

0:07:35.183,0:07:36.880
is this whole Nothing Box issue.

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They's "Aah aah,"

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"everything's starting to make sense!"

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And I've had women say: "Oh, this nothing..."

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Can I go in this nothing box with him?

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NO!

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Why not? Because then it's SOMETHING!

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Besides, you walk in there and go:

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"You know, this place could really use some pictures."

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"A nice little table over here, some flowers..."

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NO! Nothing! Get out! We don't want nothing.

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Now, this handles the way men and women handle stress

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OK? When a man is stressed out, all he wants to do is

0:08:32.410,0:08:34.590
run to his Nothing Box

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This is how we unwind

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The last thing we wanna do when we're stressed out is

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talk about it

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We don't want to talk about it, we just wanna...

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'Cause this drives her nuts, you know?

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A woman will see a man in this vegetative state,

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she'll come up ang go

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"What you thinking about?"

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"Nothing."

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"You gotta be thinking about something!"

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"Nah, I was thinkin' about nothing..."

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"Like, I was on a roll[br]until you showed up."

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Go away!

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All right? 'Cause that's how[br]he handles stress.

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He just...

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Now, when a woman is stressed out

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she has to talk about it.

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If she doesn't talk about it,[br]her brain will literally explode.

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So, she has to start just...

0:10:07.590,0:10:11.590
I don't know, I might have do this...[br]...never though about this...[br]...my brother...

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And I know men who run from[br]their wives when they do this.

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And then I do say:[br]"Why do you run from her?"

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And he says:[br]"Cause I don't know what to tell her."

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And I said "Dear God, man,[br]who told you to tell her anything."

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She doesn't want you to tell her anything.

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See, there's lot of guys,[br]they feel obligated

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when you start explaining all your stress

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they feel obligated to fix it.

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Right? Cause that's what a man does.

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A man ONLY tells his troubles[br]to another man

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in hopes that the man will help fix it.

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Okay? But she's not a man.

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And if you try to fix her,[br]she gonna kill you.

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She doesn't want your advice.

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She doesn't want your help.

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She wants you to SHUT UP and LISTEN!

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And, a couple of ladies:[br]"That's right! You tell him!"

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"Tell him to shut up."

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They like that.

0:11:18.914,0:11:22.097
Now I had one guy tells me:[br]"If she'd just tell me how she FEELS!"

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I says: "She doesn't know yet."

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He says: "What do you mean?"

0:11:25.025,0:11:26.649
I say: "That's how she figures out[br]how she feels about it."

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"Connecting this wire to that wire.[br]This wire is all -bzzzz-"

0:11:30.462,0:11:38.318
Now, because they love each other[br]they offer to each other THEIR answer.

0:11:38.727,0:11:40.674
THEIR solution.

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A man senses his wife is stressed out.

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He loves the girl. He offers to the girl[br]his BEST and FINEST solution.

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"Well just quit talking about it."

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"Just... just quit thinking about it."

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And that's when she starts[br]reaching for the knives.

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And start screaming:[br]"I'm gonna stab you if you keep it up!"

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Okay, now, a woman, she senses [br]her husband's all stressed out.

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She loves him. Therefore she offers to him[br]her BEST and FINEST solution!

0:12:32.974,0:12:35.478
"Talk to me!"

0:12:38.478,0:12:42.478
"Why won't you talk to meeee?"

0:12:42.478,0:12:46.543
"eeeeeeeeeee"

0:13:06.573,0:13:08.073
"Go away."

0:13:09.606,0:13:11.363
He doesn't want to talk to you.

0:13:11.566,0:13:13.688
Leave him alone.

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He will not die.

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He's not a woman.

0:13:20.692,0:13:25.748
"I know you've gotta talk it through,[br]you've gotta be twisted inside."

0:13:25.748,0:13:27.330
He's not like that.

0:13:27.515,0:13:29.725
Leave the boy alone.

0:13:29.725,0:13:33.133
You tell he's stressed out,[br]just let him to go his nothing box.

0:13:33.340,0:13:34.370
Just stay away.