1 00:00:09,948 --> 00:00:11,998 Hello, my name is Vanessa, 2 00:00:11,998 --> 00:00:14,964 and I am a recovering awkward person. 3 00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:16,921 (Laughter) 4 00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:21,480 This is me at the peak of what I like to call my plaid vest phase. 5 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,202 (Laughter) 6 00:00:23,202 --> 00:00:25,852 Luckily, my years of social awkwardness 7 00:00:25,852 --> 00:00:30,713 led me to a fascinating career trying to figure out how people work. 8 00:00:31,625 --> 00:00:34,067 So, what I didn't realize is that many years ago, 9 00:00:34,067 --> 00:00:35,296 I would do an experiment 10 00:00:35,296 --> 00:00:38,576 that led me right on this stage in front of you here today. 11 00:00:38,765 --> 00:00:43,005 My lab researchers and I were curious about TED Talks. 12 00:00:43,395 --> 00:00:44,664 We wanted to know, 13 00:00:44,664 --> 00:00:47,805 Why do some TED Talks go viral and others don't? 14 00:00:48,297 --> 00:00:50,285 So we embarked on a huge experiment. 15 00:00:50,285 --> 00:00:54,425 We analyzed thousands of hours of TED Talks, looking for patterns. 16 00:00:54,591 --> 00:00:56,512 I wasn't sure if we would find anything, 17 00:00:56,515 --> 00:01:00,699 so we were analyzing body language, hand gestures, vocal variety - 18 00:01:00,971 --> 00:01:03,140 we even looked at outfit choices, 19 00:01:03,140 --> 00:01:05,700 which made today particularly pressure-filled. 20 00:01:06,729 --> 00:01:11,698 And very quickly, there was a pattern in the data that made me curious. 21 00:01:11,898 --> 00:01:14,498 And after we coded more and more TED Talks, 22 00:01:14,511 --> 00:01:16,450 we realized there was a pattern. 23 00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:19,827 Now, before I tell you what that is, I have a personal question for you, 24 00:01:19,837 --> 00:01:22,478 which is, When you see someone, 25 00:01:22,485 --> 00:01:25,358 what part of the body do you look at first? 26 00:01:25,358 --> 00:01:26,557 You can just call it out. 27 00:01:26,557 --> 00:01:28,812 What do you look at first when you see someone? 28 00:01:28,962 --> 00:01:31,912 Face, eyes - so most people - 29 00:01:31,912 --> 00:01:32,916 shoes. 30 00:01:32,916 --> 00:01:36,097 (Laughter) 31 00:01:37,095 --> 00:01:39,037 They are very high. 32 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:43,977 So most people say eyes, face or mouth. 33 00:01:44,195 --> 00:01:46,973 But actually, when we first see someone, 34 00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:49,383 the first place we look is the hands. 35 00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,984 And this is left over from our caveman days. 36 00:01:51,984 --> 00:01:54,443 Because if we were approached by a stranger caveman, 37 00:01:54,443 --> 00:01:56,301 the first place we looked was the hands 38 00:01:56,301 --> 00:01:58,490 to see if they were carrying a rock or a spear. 39 00:01:58,490 --> 00:02:01,988 We wanted to know if we were safe, if they were friend or foe. 40 00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:05,247 Now, this actually still remains from caveman days, 41 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,645 and when we can't see someone's hands, 42 00:02:07,645 --> 00:02:09,378 something interesting happens. 43 00:02:09,378 --> 00:02:11,858 So I just did something a little mean to your brain. 44 00:02:11,858 --> 00:02:15,301 You should start to feel just a little bit uncomfortable. 45 00:02:16,009 --> 00:02:18,469 The reason for that is when you can't see my hands, 46 00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:21,709 you wonder, What is she doing back there? 47 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:22,925 (Laughter) 48 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:25,719 And then, the longer I leave my hands behind my back, 49 00:02:25,974 --> 00:02:28,790 you get more and more distracted because you can't see them. 50 00:02:28,790 --> 00:02:30,960 And eventually, your brain is just screaming, 51 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,721 Can't she just bring her hands off from behind her back? 52 00:02:34,131 --> 00:02:36,003 And the moment I bring them back out, 53 00:02:36,971 --> 00:02:38,522 it feels so much better. 54 00:02:38,522 --> 00:02:41,573 And this because our brain knows that if we can't see hands, 55 00:02:41,573 --> 00:02:43,073 we can't see intention. 56 00:02:43,398 --> 00:02:47,160 And we found as we compared the most viewed TED Talks 57 00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:50,300 side by side with the least viewed TED Talks, 58 00:02:50,424 --> 00:02:52,702 we found a pattern with hand gestures. 59 00:02:52,702 --> 00:02:54,480 Specifically, on average, 60 00:02:54,480 --> 00:03:00,302 the most popular TED talkers use an average of 465 hand gestures 61 00:03:00,302 --> 00:03:01,712 in 18 minutes. 62 00:03:02,042 --> 00:03:04,542 Yes, we painstakingly counted every single one. 63 00:03:04,984 --> 00:03:07,254 I have 465 prepared for you today. 64 00:03:07,379 --> 00:03:09,562 (Laughter) 65 00:03:09,562 --> 00:03:15,242 And the least popular TED talkers use an average of 272 hand gestures. 66 00:03:15,334 --> 00:03:16,924 Almost half. 67 00:03:17,477 --> 00:03:18,785 What's happening here? 68 00:03:18,785 --> 00:03:21,212 So when TED speakers take the stage, 69 00:03:21,217 --> 00:03:23,735 they are showing you first "Friend, friend, friend." 70 00:03:23,735 --> 00:03:26,306 You'll notice when I walked onto the stage, I waved. 71 00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,634 I was saying, "Friend, friend, friend, friend." 72 00:03:28,636 --> 00:03:29,658 (Laughter) 73 00:03:29,658 --> 00:03:31,663 And the other thing that TED speakers do - 74 00:03:31,663 --> 00:03:33,283 see if this looks familiar. 75 00:03:33,402 --> 00:03:36,756 So they come onto the red dot, and they do something like this. 76 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:42,626 "Today, I want to talk to you about a big idea." 77 00:03:42,626 --> 00:03:44,200 (Laughter) 78 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,873 "I am going to break it down into three different areas 79 00:03:46,873 --> 00:03:49,511 that are going to change your life." 80 00:03:49,984 --> 00:03:50,994 Right? 81 00:03:50,994 --> 00:03:52,554 (Applause) 82 00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:58,307 So the most viral TED talkers 83 00:03:58,307 --> 00:04:01,012 seemed to sit in the same way with these hand gestures 84 00:04:01,012 --> 00:04:03,516 because what they are doing is they are showing you, 85 00:04:03,516 --> 00:04:05,630 "I know my content so well 86 00:04:05,630 --> 00:04:08,760 that I can speak to you on two different tracks. 87 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,533 I can speak to you with my words, 88 00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:14,123 but I can also explain my concepts with my hands." 89 00:04:14,603 --> 00:04:17,533 And this way, they underline their concepts with their words. 90 00:04:17,533 --> 00:04:19,429 For example, if I were to say, 91 00:04:19,549 --> 00:04:23,588 "Today, I have a really big idea." 92 00:04:23,593 --> 00:04:25,724 (Laughter) 93 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:27,140 "It's huge." 94 00:04:27,143 --> 00:04:28,596 (Laughter) 95 00:04:28,896 --> 00:04:32,602 You laugh, and you are like, "Vanessa, it's so small, it's not very big," 96 00:04:33,596 --> 00:04:39,049 and that is because your brain gives 12.5 times more weight to hand gestures. 97 00:04:39,214 --> 00:04:44,556 So today I have a really, really big idea, 98 00:04:45,476 --> 00:04:48,166 and I am going to explain it to you in three different ways. 99 00:04:48,296 --> 00:04:52,264 My big idea is that we are contagious. 100 00:04:52,324 --> 00:04:54,016 Specifically, as humans, 101 00:04:54,021 --> 00:04:58,416 we are constantly sending and decoding body language signals. 102 00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:01,492 We also do this emotionally and chemically. 103 00:05:01,806 --> 00:05:02,926 To explain this, 104 00:05:02,930 --> 00:05:06,948 I have a rather disgusting but very fascinating study. 105 00:05:07,727 --> 00:05:11,929 So, in this study, researchers collected sweat pads 106 00:05:12,259 --> 00:05:14,499 from people who ran on a treadmill. 107 00:05:14,969 --> 00:05:16,553 Then they collected sweat pads 108 00:05:16,553 --> 00:05:20,073 from skydivers on their first time skydive. 109 00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:21,717 Two very different kinds of sweat. 110 00:05:21,717 --> 00:05:23,054 Here is the disgusting part. 111 00:05:23,054 --> 00:05:26,300 Then they had poor unsuspecting participants - 112 00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:27,448 (Laughter) 113 00:05:27,448 --> 00:05:28,453 I know - 114 00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:30,847 they had unsuspecting participants in the lab 115 00:05:30,847 --> 00:05:31,889 (sniffing) 116 00:05:31,889 --> 00:05:35,899 smell these sweat pads while they were in an fMRI machine. 117 00:05:36,532 --> 00:05:38,438 Here's where it gets interesting. 118 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:42,191 Even though the participants had no idea what they were smelling, 119 00:05:42,494 --> 00:05:45,690 the ones that smelled the skydiving sweat pads 120 00:05:46,017 --> 00:05:48,953 had their fear response in their brain activated. 121 00:05:49,243 --> 00:05:52,438 In other words, they caught the fear. 122 00:05:53,917 --> 00:05:57,279 This means that our emotions are contagious. 123 00:05:57,279 --> 00:06:00,489 Our fear is contagious. Our confidence is contagious. 124 00:06:00,863 --> 00:06:02,863 And this begs the big question: 125 00:06:03,493 --> 00:06:05,553 If our emotions are contagious, 126 00:06:05,703 --> 00:06:09,503 how do we make sure that we are infecting people with the right ones? 127 00:06:10,030 --> 00:06:13,415 So, I believe that we can be contagious in three different ways. 128 00:06:13,566 --> 00:06:15,274 The first one is non-verbally. 129 00:06:15,343 --> 00:06:16,624 Now, to test this idea, 130 00:06:16,624 --> 00:06:19,814 I did a very simple experiment in the streets of Portland, Oregon. 131 00:06:19,834 --> 00:06:22,209 What I did is I stood in the street, 132 00:06:22,339 --> 00:06:24,409 and I looked up at nothing. 133 00:06:25,059 --> 00:06:26,527 And I wanted to see 134 00:06:26,617 --> 00:06:29,656 if people would catch or mirror my non-verbal. 135 00:06:30,006 --> 00:06:32,277 So you can see in this video, 136 00:06:32,277 --> 00:06:35,356 I stand in the streets looking at nothing, 137 00:06:36,226 --> 00:06:37,885 and slowly one by one ... 138 00:06:37,885 --> 00:06:39,546 (Laughter) 139 00:06:39,546 --> 00:06:41,176 I infect people walking by. 140 00:06:41,176 --> 00:06:42,618 (Laughter) 141 00:06:43,773 --> 00:06:46,080 (Laughter) 142 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,070 we begin to gather a crowd. 143 00:06:48,070 --> 00:06:50,940 (Laughter) 144 00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:53,607 (Applause) 145 00:06:42,618 --> 00:06:43,773 And slowly ... 146 00:06:54,485 --> 00:06:57,454 This poor woman, you know - she was standing there with me, 147 00:06:57,732 --> 00:07:00,922 and we are standing there, and remember, we're looking at nothing. 148 00:07:01,347 --> 00:07:05,707 And we are standing, and I am going, How long are we going to stand here? 149 00:07:06,006 --> 00:07:07,332 Who's going to break first? 150 00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:09,175 And after about 40 seconds, 151 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:12,353 we are looking, and she leans over and says, 152 00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,218 "Is he going to jump?" 153 00:07:14,323 --> 00:07:17,924 (Laughter) 154 00:07:18,858 --> 00:07:23,505 And this experience taught me that we catch emotions, 155 00:07:23,727 --> 00:07:28,558 and then we create rationales for why we've caught that emotion. 156 00:07:28,711 --> 00:07:30,478 Now, this is actually a good thing. 157 00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:32,387 As humans, this keeps us safe. 158 00:07:32,674 --> 00:07:35,864 Dr. Paul Ekman has studied something called the microexpression. 159 00:07:35,865 --> 00:07:37,646 It's a universal facial expression, 160 00:07:37,652 --> 00:07:39,739 and he's discovered there are seven of them. 161 00:07:39,739 --> 00:07:41,368 Across genders and races, 162 00:07:41,369 --> 00:07:44,907 we all make the same expression when we feel an intense emotion. 163 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,547 This is the fear microexpression. 164 00:07:48,286 --> 00:07:50,228 So, fear is a really important emotion 165 00:07:50,228 --> 00:07:52,591 because we want to catch it from someone else 166 00:07:52,591 --> 00:07:54,941 to warn us if something is about to go wrong. 167 00:07:55,222 --> 00:07:58,386 And this facial expression also keeps us safe. 168 00:07:58,718 --> 00:08:02,077 So imagine for a second that you're walking and you see a snake. 169 00:08:02,636 --> 00:08:05,518 Your eyelids and your eyebrows jump out of the way 170 00:08:05,518 --> 00:08:08,281 so you can take in as much of the environment as possible. 171 00:08:08,281 --> 00:08:10,657 "Is there another snake? What is my escape route?" 172 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,261 Then your mouth - "huh" - opens 173 00:08:13,261 --> 00:08:17,287 so you can take in oxygen in case you have to fight, yell for help, or flee. 174 00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:22,280 We make this face before we consciously realize we've seen a snake. 175 00:08:23,013 --> 00:08:25,304 Now, what's interesting about it 176 00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:28,044 is you should be starting to feel a little bit anxious. 177 00:08:28,044 --> 00:08:30,469 That's because when we see other people have fear - 178 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,106 If we saw this face in the subway, 179 00:08:32,109 --> 00:08:34,428 we would be like, What's wrong? What's going on? 180 00:08:34,428 --> 00:08:36,281 Because it keeps us safe. 181 00:08:36,281 --> 00:08:37,981 So I want you to try it with me. 182 00:08:37,981 --> 00:08:39,802 Open your eyes as wide as possible. 183 00:08:39,802 --> 00:08:41,624 Raise your eyebrows up. Very good. 184 00:08:41,624 --> 00:08:43,091 Now, take in a short breath. 185 00:08:43,091 --> 00:08:44,180 (Gasp) 186 00:08:44,180 --> 00:08:45,204 Perfect. 187 00:08:45,204 --> 00:08:47,384 Do you feel anxious? 188 00:08:48,056 --> 00:08:50,277 What's interesting about facial expressions 189 00:08:50,277 --> 00:08:52,877 is they cause our emotions. 190 00:08:52,987 --> 00:08:55,354 So not only do our emotions cause our face, 191 00:08:55,354 --> 00:08:57,714 but our face also causes our emotions. 192 00:08:57,714 --> 00:08:59,751 It's called the facial feedback hypothesis. 193 00:08:59,751 --> 00:09:03,328 So when we see someone with this face, we catch their emotion, 194 00:09:03,448 --> 00:09:06,858 and then we are ready to fight, flee, or yell for help. 195 00:09:07,378 --> 00:09:10,328 Luckily, this also works with positive emotions. 196 00:09:10,799 --> 00:09:14,369 So one of the faces behind me is a real happiness microexpression, 197 00:09:14,369 --> 00:09:15,898 and one of them is fake. 198 00:09:17,347 --> 00:09:19,654 (Laughter) 199 00:09:20,735 --> 00:09:25,339 So the real happiness microexpression is when the smile reaches all the way up 200 00:09:25,339 --> 00:09:28,849 into these upper crow's feet muscles, those upper cheek muscles. 201 00:09:29,139 --> 00:09:30,470 And this is really important 202 00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:33,510 because, you know, when you tell a frenemy good news, 203 00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:34,762 (Laughter) 204 00:09:34,762 --> 00:09:38,041 and they say they are happy for you, but you know they are not really. 205 00:09:38,319 --> 00:09:42,154 It looks like this - "Oh yeah, I am so happy for you." 206 00:09:42,154 --> 00:09:44,311 (Laughter) 207 00:09:44,311 --> 00:09:46,642 So try the fake expression for me first. 208 00:09:46,642 --> 00:09:49,762 Just try this fake smile, only on the bottom half of the face. 209 00:09:49,762 --> 00:09:52,273 You can even go, "Uh, uh." 210 00:09:52,411 --> 00:09:53,951 It doesn't feel so good, right? 211 00:09:53,951 --> 00:09:55,041 It feels inauthentic. 212 00:09:55,041 --> 00:09:56,851 Now, go all the way up into your eyes. 213 00:09:56,851 --> 00:09:59,431 So smile all the way up to the upper cheek muscles. 214 00:09:59,581 --> 00:10:01,736 Ah, that one should feel so much better. 215 00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:04,474 What is interesting about this facial expression 216 00:10:04,474 --> 00:10:06,734 is it causes our own happiness. 217 00:10:07,154 --> 00:10:09,873 And we also catch it when we see it. 218 00:10:09,893 --> 00:10:13,655 Researchers of the University of Finland looked at these two facial expressions. 219 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,935 They had participants look at photos 220 00:10:15,935 --> 00:10:18,725 of people with the real happiness and fake happiness. 221 00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:20,921 They found that when they showed participants 222 00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:23,311 pictures of the real happiness smile, 223 00:10:23,631 --> 00:10:25,311 those emotions caught - 224 00:10:25,311 --> 00:10:27,137 they caught the positive emotions, 225 00:10:27,137 --> 00:10:29,657 and they themselves had a positive mood change. 226 00:10:29,983 --> 00:10:33,285 But when they looked at the face with the fake happiness smile, 227 00:10:33,288 --> 00:10:35,202 they caught nothing. 228 00:10:35,562 --> 00:10:38,917 In other words, if we show up to events that we are ambivalent about, 229 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,629 interact with people that we don't really like, 230 00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:44,212 we become less memorable. 231 00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:48,521 This doesn't just happen in person, it also happens on the phone. 232 00:10:48,665 --> 00:10:50,708 So I worked with a lot of different clients, 233 00:10:50,708 --> 00:10:53,131 corporate clients who are on the phone all the time. 234 00:10:53,131 --> 00:10:54,223 They said "Vanessa, 235 00:10:54,223 --> 00:10:56,943 I get being happy in person, but how about on the phone?" 236 00:10:56,943 --> 00:10:58,646 So we decided to do an experiment. 237 00:10:58,646 --> 00:11:03,466 We had participants in our lab record different versions of their hello, 238 00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:05,465 the first impression on the phone. 239 00:11:05,546 --> 00:11:06,535 We wanted to know 240 00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:10,945 if people could hear happiness, sadness or anger. 241 00:11:11,315 --> 00:11:14,132 So we had people record different versions of their hello 242 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:18,684 with happiness, sadness, anger and while power posing. 243 00:11:18,684 --> 00:11:20,936 We wanted to see if they would sound different. 244 00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:23,731 So I wanna play you two different versions of hello 245 00:11:23,731 --> 00:11:26,709 and see if you can guess which one is the happy hello. 246 00:11:26,709 --> 00:11:27,913 Are you ready? Alright. 247 00:11:27,913 --> 00:11:29,483 Same person. Here is a). 248 00:11:30,395 --> 00:11:31,775 (Sound recording) Hello. 249 00:11:32,232 --> 00:11:33,212 Here is b). 250 00:11:33,707 --> 00:11:34,927 (Sound recording) Hello. 251 00:11:35,543 --> 00:11:37,662 How many people think a) is the happy hello? 252 00:11:37,662 --> 00:11:39,545 How many think b) is the happy hello? 253 00:11:39,646 --> 00:11:40,672 Very good. 254 00:11:40,765 --> 00:11:43,277 We can hear this difference. 255 00:11:43,281 --> 00:11:45,333 We can hear this microexpression. 256 00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:48,942 Now, I thought this was interesting, but I wanted to take it a step further. 257 00:11:48,955 --> 00:11:51,087 So we devised a second part of our experiment 258 00:11:51,091 --> 00:11:55,283 where we had participants in our lab listen to these recordings 259 00:11:55,283 --> 00:11:57,947 and rate that person on likeability. 260 00:11:58,896 --> 00:12:00,010 We wanted to see 261 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,870 if the happiness microexpressions or the anger microexpressions 262 00:12:02,870 --> 00:12:05,065 or the power posing expression did better. 263 00:12:05,346 --> 00:12:06,372 Here's what happened. 264 00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:08,023 After we asked people, 265 00:12:08,637 --> 00:12:10,639 "I do like this person a lot," 266 00:12:10,902 --> 00:12:14,007 "I like this person a little," or "I do not like this person," 267 00:12:14,176 --> 00:12:16,229 we found that the happiness microexpressions 268 00:12:16,229 --> 00:12:18,699 across all trials for both men and women, 269 00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:20,959 they became more likeable. 270 00:12:21,327 --> 00:12:25,639 Whereas the same persons who baited the anger or sadness microexpression 271 00:12:25,639 --> 00:12:27,119 were less likeable. 272 00:12:27,779 --> 00:12:32,302 This is the happy side effect of having your confidence be contagious. 273 00:12:32,531 --> 00:12:35,542 Not only do you infect someone else with that happiness, 274 00:12:35,542 --> 00:12:37,992 you also become more likeable. 275 00:12:38,456 --> 00:12:39,791 We talked about non verbal, 276 00:12:39,792 --> 00:12:42,578 and I have to talk about what comes after the hello. 277 00:12:42,671 --> 00:12:45,731 How do we infect confidence verbally? 278 00:12:46,394 --> 00:12:48,727 So in this study we did in Portland, Oregon, 279 00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:51,437 we took 500 Speed-Networkers, 280 00:12:51,774 --> 00:12:53,817 and we asked each of these Speed-Networkers 281 00:12:53,817 --> 00:12:56,297 to go through a conversation starter round - 282 00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:57,597 eight of these rounds. 283 00:12:57,751 --> 00:12:59,983 So we assigned each participant 284 00:12:59,983 --> 00:13:02,213 a conversation starter to have with a stranger. 285 00:13:02,483 --> 00:13:05,629 Then we set up cameras in all corners of the room, 286 00:13:05,629 --> 00:13:09,299 and we analyzed each of these speed rounds for patterns. 287 00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:11,801 We were looking for body language patterns: 288 00:13:11,931 --> 00:13:14,971 leans, nods, laughs, smiles, confidence. 289 00:13:15,033 --> 00:13:17,623 We were also looking for volume differences. 290 00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,870 In a really good conversation, usually the volume goes up. 291 00:13:20,874 --> 00:13:22,688 In a really awkward bad conversation, 292 00:13:22,688 --> 00:13:24,988 there are lots of silences, the volume goes down. 293 00:13:25,186 --> 00:13:29,846 And we also asked each of the participants to rate the conversation starters. 294 00:13:30,107 --> 00:13:34,406 We wanted to know which ones produced the highest quality of conversation. 295 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:39,069 What we found was that the conversation starters that worked 296 00:13:39,455 --> 00:13:42,255 centered on this little chemical called dopamine. 297 00:13:42,613 --> 00:13:46,641 So dopamine is the neurotransmitter that we produce when we feel pleasure 298 00:13:46,642 --> 00:13:48,542 or when we get a reward. 299 00:13:48,706 --> 00:13:50,991 And I noticed that most of our chit-chat 300 00:13:50,991 --> 00:13:53,821 that we have at parties or networking events is the same. 301 00:13:53,857 --> 00:13:55,087 It sounds like this. 302 00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,890 "So, what do you do?" 303 00:13:59,197 --> 00:14:00,747 "Where are you from?" 304 00:14:01,195 --> 00:14:02,905 "Live around here? Huh?" 305 00:14:03,101 --> 00:14:05,116 "Well, I am going to go get some more wine. 306 00:14:05,116 --> 00:14:06,631 It was great talking to you." 307 00:14:07,528 --> 00:14:10,578 Those conversations happened over and over again. 308 00:14:10,662 --> 00:14:13,362 It was almost as if they were socially scripted. 309 00:14:13,826 --> 00:14:15,666 My brain was on autopilot. 310 00:14:15,742 --> 00:14:16,747 What we found was 311 00:14:16,747 --> 00:14:18,972 is that the worst ranked conversation starters, 312 00:14:18,979 --> 00:14:20,939 the ones that got the lowest ratings, 313 00:14:20,949 --> 00:14:23,019 the ones that produced the lowest volume, 314 00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:27,786 the ones that got the most leans away, worst head nods, worst microexpressions, 315 00:14:28,074 --> 00:14:30,514 those were the ones that we use the most. 316 00:14:30,993 --> 00:14:32,795 "What do you do?" "How are you?" 317 00:14:32,795 --> 00:14:34,095 "Where are you from?" 318 00:14:34,095 --> 00:14:37,345 from a physiological perspective, have no effect. 319 00:14:37,636 --> 00:14:38,766 No pleasure. 320 00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:42,117 So what we tried was to find conversation starters 321 00:14:42,117 --> 00:14:45,711 that could spark or create some kind of excitement. 322 00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:48,618 Can you verbally trigger dopamine? 323 00:14:48,990 --> 00:14:51,296 We found that the brain is really interesting. 324 00:14:51,614 --> 00:14:55,503 If you ask somebody a question, it tends to look for hits and not misses. 325 00:14:55,693 --> 00:14:57,749 What I mean by this is if you ask someone 326 00:14:58,110 --> 00:14:59,404 "Been busy lately?" 327 00:15:00,071 --> 00:15:03,027 their brain immediately looks for all the hits of "been busy." 328 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,503 They think about negative things that have happened - 329 00:15:05,503 --> 00:15:08,607 the stress, the busyness, all the bad things in their life. 330 00:15:08,767 --> 00:15:12,051 Whereas if you ask someone, "Working on any exciting recently?" 331 00:15:12,727 --> 00:15:16,517 their brain immediately begins to look for all the hits of "excitement." 332 00:15:16,965 --> 00:15:19,464 It starts to think about the good and happy things, 333 00:15:19,464 --> 00:15:21,974 all the excitement that's going on in their own life. 334 00:15:21,974 --> 00:15:23,466 And that does two things. 335 00:15:23,466 --> 00:15:26,041 One, it creates pleasure for them. 336 00:15:26,436 --> 00:15:27,863 You are literally asking them 337 00:15:27,863 --> 00:15:30,684 to borrow excitement from other places in their life 338 00:15:30,684 --> 00:15:32,824 and bring it to the situation that you're in. 339 00:15:33,202 --> 00:15:36,332 And the other thing that it does is it makes you more memorable. 340 00:15:36,612 --> 00:15:39,025 Dr. John Medina found that dopamine, 341 00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,139 when it's triggered in a verbal conversation, 342 00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:43,199 makes a mental post-it note. 343 00:15:43,645 --> 00:15:47,810 In other words, when you ask someone else to think of what's exciting in their life, 344 00:15:47,976 --> 00:15:51,669 the happy side effect is that you become more memorable. 345 00:15:52,177 --> 00:15:54,345 So here's my big challenge for today. 346 00:15:55,223 --> 00:15:58,093 Instead of using the typical 347 00:15:58,093 --> 00:15:59,195 "What do you do?" 348 00:15:59,195 --> 00:16:01,109 "How are you?" and "Where are you from?" 349 00:16:01,111 --> 00:16:04,114 let's banish those conversation starters forever, 350 00:16:04,114 --> 00:16:08,262 and let's try ones that ask the brain to look for hits of excitement. 351 00:16:08,732 --> 00:16:11,922 Try "Working on anything exciting these days?" 352 00:16:11,922 --> 00:16:13,718 "Have any vacations coming up?" 353 00:16:13,796 --> 00:16:15,802 "Anything good happen today?" 354 00:16:15,909 --> 00:16:20,612 I think this is the greatest gift we can give our fellow human beings. 355 00:16:20,685 --> 00:16:23,825 We are asking them to flip into optimism. 356 00:16:24,121 --> 00:16:28,731 We are triggering dopamine and excitement and getting them off autopilot. 357 00:16:29,662 --> 00:16:32,841 The last way that we are contagious is emotionally. 358 00:16:33,234 --> 00:16:35,619 So, this study is one of my favorites. 359 00:16:35,901 --> 00:16:39,682 In this experiment, they asked students to sing the song 360 00:16:39,702 --> 00:16:41,372 "Don't Stop Believing" 361 00:16:41,722 --> 00:16:43,505 into an accuracy software. 362 00:16:43,505 --> 00:16:45,509 Now, this a very nerve-racking experiment. 363 00:16:45,509 --> 00:16:48,538 They are rated on vocal tone, words, 364 00:16:48,538 --> 00:16:50,288 and they are given no preparation. 365 00:16:50,288 --> 00:16:52,871 But they did three different trials of this experiment. 366 00:16:52,871 --> 00:16:55,204 First, they had them just walk into the room 367 00:16:55,204 --> 00:16:57,144 and sing into an accuracy software. 368 00:16:57,174 --> 00:17:00,752 The second group got into the room and had to say out loud, 369 00:17:01,052 --> 00:17:02,382 "I'm nervous." 370 00:17:02,572 --> 00:17:05,050 And the last group had to walk into the room and say, 371 00:17:05,070 --> 00:17:06,740 "I'm excited." 372 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:10,341 They found with this simple reframe 373 00:17:10,974 --> 00:17:13,665 the nervous group got 53% accuracy, 374 00:17:14,025 --> 00:17:15,918 the control group got 69%, 375 00:17:15,918 --> 00:17:20,486 but the "I'm excited" group got 80% accuracy. 376 00:17:21,089 --> 00:17:22,086 Why? 377 00:17:22,086 --> 00:17:25,685 Anxiety and excitement are very similar emotions. 378 00:17:25,855 --> 00:17:28,005 The only difference is mindset. 379 00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:30,701 So my challenge for you today 380 00:17:30,703 --> 00:17:33,785 is to think about how you want to infect people. 381 00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:37,638 When you want harness incitement or trigger excitement: 382 00:17:37,638 --> 00:17:40,541 ask dopamine-worthy conversation starters; 383 00:17:40,541 --> 00:17:42,324 use more hand gestures; 384 00:17:42,324 --> 00:17:43,966 make authentic smiles; 385 00:17:43,966 --> 00:17:46,476 and never pick up the phone in a bad mood. 386 00:17:46,476 --> 00:17:47,903 (Laughter) 387 00:17:47,903 --> 00:17:51,382 And the last thing I want to do is I want to end on a note of excitement. 388 00:17:51,382 --> 00:17:53,359 I want to make you really infectious. 389 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:55,367 So what we are going to do to end this talk 390 00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:58,279 is on the count of three, with all the energy you can muster, 391 00:17:58,279 --> 00:18:01,169 I want you to yell out "I'm excited." 392 00:18:01,261 --> 00:18:02,321 Are you ready? 393 00:18:02,401 --> 00:18:03,990 One, two, three! 394 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,596 "I'm excited." 395 00:18:06,596 --> 00:18:07,841 You rocked it. 396 00:18:07,841 --> 00:18:11,751 (Applause)