[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.25,0:00:05.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When my 91-year-old mother, Elia,\Nmoved in with me,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.23,0:00:07.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought I was doing her a service.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.46,0:00:11.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, it was the other way around.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.91,0:00:16.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, Mom was having issues\Nwith memory loss and accepting her age.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.13,0:00:19.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She looked defeated.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.91,0:00:23.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tried to make her\Nas comfortable as possible,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.35,0:00:25.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but when I was at my easel, painting,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.77,0:00:29.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would peek over\Nand see her just ... there.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.84,0:00:32.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She'd be staring at nothing in particular.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.63,0:00:37.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd watch her slowly climb the stairs,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.41,0:00:39.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she wasn't the mom I grew up with.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.05,0:00:43.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I saw, instead, a frail,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.44,0:00:47.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tiny, old woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.34,0:00:52.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A few weeks went by,\Nand I needed a break from my painting.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.90,0:00:55.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted to play with the new camera\NI had just bought.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.58,0:00:58.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was excited --\Nit had all sorts of dials,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.99,0:01:01.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,buttons and settings I wanted to learn,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.34,0:01:06.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I set up my tripod\Nfacing this large mirror,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.05,0:01:11.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,blocking the doorway\Nto the only bathroom in the house.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.44,0:01:12.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.24,0:01:15.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a while, I hear,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.09,0:01:19.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Imitating Italian accent)\N"I need to use the washroom."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.76,0:01:20.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.78,0:01:23.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Five minutes, Mom. I need to do this."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.38,0:01:29.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,15 minutes later, and I hear, again,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.20,0:01:32.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I need to use the washroom."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.16,0:01:35.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Five more minutes."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.91,0:01:37.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then this happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.32,0:01:45.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.31,0:01:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.07,0:01:54.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.14,0:02:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.61,0:02:05.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, this.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.38,0:02:13.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.81,0:02:16.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had my "aha!" moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.20,0:02:18.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We connected.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.73,0:02:21.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We had something tangible\Nwe could do together.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.99,0:02:29.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mom was born in a small\Nmountain village in central Italy,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.35,0:02:31.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where her parents had land and sheep.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.66,0:02:35.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At a young age,\Nher father died of pneumonia,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.56,0:02:39.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,leaving his wife and two daughters alone\Nwith all the heavy chores.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.26,0:02:43.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They found that they couldn't cope.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.36,0:02:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So a very hard decision was made.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.49,0:02:50.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom, the oldest, at 13,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.97,0:02:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was married off to a complete\Nstranger twice her age.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.93,0:03:01.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She went from being just a kid\Nand was pushed into adulthood.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.62,0:03:06.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom had her first child\Nwhen she was only 16.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.73,0:03:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Years later, and now living in Toronto,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.74,0:03:14.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom got work in a clothing factory
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.05,0:03:18.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and soon became manager\Nof a very large sewing department.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.84,0:03:22.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And because it was full\Nof immigrant workers,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.39,0:03:26.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom taught herself words\Nfrom translation books.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.42,0:03:30.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She then practiced them in French,\NGreek, Spanish, Portuguese, Danish,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.79,0:03:34.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Polish, Russian, Romanian, Hungarian,\Nall around the house.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.70,0:03:41.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in awe of her focus\Nand determination to succeed
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.45,0:03:44.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at whatever she loved to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.86,0:03:47.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After that bathroom "aha!" moment,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.55,0:03:52.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I practiced my newfound camera skills\Nwith Mom as portrait model.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.05,0:03:56.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Through all of this,\Nshe talked, and I listened.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.90,0:04:01.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She'd tell me about her early childhood\Nand how she was feeling now.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.95,0:04:03.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We had each other's attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.40,0:04:07.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom was losing her short-term memory,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.42,0:04:10.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but was better recalling\Nher younger years.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.02,0:04:13.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd ask, and she would tell me stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.88,0:04:16.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I listened, and I was her audience.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.93,0:04:19.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got ideas.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.38,0:04:22.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote them down,\Nand I sketched them out.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.93,0:04:26.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I showed her what to do\Nby acting out the scenarios myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.04,0:04:29.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We would then stage them.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.43,0:04:35.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So she posed, and I learned\Nmore about photography.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.58,0:04:41.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom loved the process, the acting.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.18,0:04:45.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She felt worthy again,\Nshe felt wanted and needed.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.42,0:04:48.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she certainly wasn't camera-shy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.77,0:04:52.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.56,0:04:59.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.75,0:05:03.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom laughed hysterically at this one.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.24,0:05:07.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.09,0:05:11.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The idea for this image\Ncame from an old German film I'd seen,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.57,0:05:13.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about a submarine, called "Das Boot."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.48,0:05:18.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As you can see, what I got instead\Nlooked more like "E.T."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.27,0:05:20.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.17,0:05:23.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I put this image aside,\Nthinking it was a total failure,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.86,0:05:26.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it didn't reach\Nmy particular vision.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.75,0:05:29.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But Mom laughed so hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.16,0:05:34.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I eventually, for fun,\Ndecided to post it online anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.13,0:05:39.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It got an incredible amount of attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.88,0:05:44.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, with any Alzheimer's, dementia,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.05,0:05:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a certain amount\Nof frustration and sadness
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.82,0:05:49.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for everyone involved.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.43,0:05:53.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is Mom's silent scream.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.53,0:05:56.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her words to me one day were,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.74,0:06:00.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why is my head so full of things to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.97,0:06:05.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but before they reach my mouth,\NI forget what they are?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.24,0:06:13.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why is my head so full of things to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.95,0:06:20.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but before they reach my mouth,\NI forget what they are?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.97,0:06:28.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.56,0:06:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, as full-time care partner\Nand full-time painter,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.84,0:06:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had my frustrations too.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.01,0:06:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.59,0:06:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But to balance off\Nall the difficulties, we played.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.87,0:06:48.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was Mom's happy place.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.16,0:06:51.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I needed her to be there, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.91,0:06:55.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.11,0:07:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.09,0:07:07.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.20,0:07:10.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, Mom was also preoccupied with aging.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.45,0:07:15.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She would say,\N"How did I get so old, so fast?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.77,0:07:19.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Audience sighs)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.100,0:07:31.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"So old."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.80,0:07:37.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"So fast."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.29,0:07:44.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also got Mom to model\Nfor my oil paintings.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.94,0:07:48.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This painting is called "The Dressmaker."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.10,0:07:53.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember, as a kid,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.11,0:07:55.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom sewing clothes for the whole family
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.85,0:07:59.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on this massive, heavy sewing machine
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.39,0:08:02.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was bolted\Nto the floor in the basement.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.17,0:08:07.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Many nights, I would go downstairs\Nand bring my schoolwork with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.81,0:08:12.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would sit behind her\Nin this overstuffed chair.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.94,0:08:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The low hum of the huge motor\Nand the repetitive stitching sounds
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.78,0:08:20.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were comforting to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.61,0:08:23.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When Mom moved into my house,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.47,0:08:27.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I saved this machine and stored it\Nin my studio for safekeeping.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.22,0:08:31.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This painting brought me\Nback to my childhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.28,0:08:34.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The interesting part
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.12,0:08:38.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that it was now Mom,\Nsitting behind me,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.18,0:08:41.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,watching me paint her
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.45,0:08:44.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,working on that very same\Nmachine she sewed at
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.28,0:08:49.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I sat behind her, watching her sew,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.55,0:08:51.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,50 years earlier.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.47,0:08:59.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also gave Mom a project to do,\Nto keep her busy and thinking.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.83,0:09:01.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I provided her with a small camera
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.02,0:09:05.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and asked her to take at least\N10 pictures a day of anything she wanted.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.54,0:09:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are Mom's photographs.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.41,0:09:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's never held a camera\Nin her life before this.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.62,0:09:15.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was 93.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.39,0:09:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We would sit down together\Nand talk about our work.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.19,0:09:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would try to explain
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.89,0:09:48.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.07,0:09:50.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how and why I did them,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.01,0:09:54.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the meaning, the feeling,\Nwhy they were relevant.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:55.49,0:09:58.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Mom, on the other hand,\Nwould just bluntly say,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.88,0:10:00.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"sì,"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.08,0:10:01.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"no,"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.58,0:10:03.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"bella" or "bruta."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.74,0:10:05.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:05.35,0:10:07.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I watched her facial expressions.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.68,0:10:14.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She always had the last say,\Nwith words or without.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.64,0:10:20.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This voyage of discovery\Nhasn't ended with Mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.70,0:10:25.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is now in an assisted\Nliving residence,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.20,0:10:27.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a 10-minute walk away from my home.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.04,0:10:30.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I visit her every other day.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.65,0:10:35.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Her dementia had gotten to the point
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.43,0:10:37.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where it was unsafe for her\Nto be in my house.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.67,0:10:40.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has a lot of stairs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.55,0:10:44.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She doesn't know my name anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.76,0:10:48.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Voice breaking)\NBut you know what? That's OK.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.78,0:10:53.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She still recognizes my face
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.34,0:10:57.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and always has a big smile\Nwhen she sees me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.81,0:11:05.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.22,0:11:12.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause ends)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.08,0:11:15.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't take pictures of her anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.29,0:11:19.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That wouldn't be fair\Nor ethical on my part.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.49,0:11:23.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she wouldn't understand\Nthe reasons for doing them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.39,0:11:25.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.40,0:11:27.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my brother,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.25,0:11:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Voice breaking) my nephew,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.89,0:11:37.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my partner and my best friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.38,0:11:39.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all passed away suddenly.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.98,0:11:41.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I didn't have the chance
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.02,0:11:45.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to tell them how much\NI appreciated and loved them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.81,0:11:50.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With Mom, I need to be there
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.76,0:11:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and make it a very long goodbye.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.07,0:12:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.81,0:12:09.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause ends)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.68,0:12:14.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For me, it's about being present\Nand really listening.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.38,0:12:18.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dependents want to feel\Na part of something, anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.57,0:12:22.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't need to be something\Nexceptionally profound that's shared --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.04,0:12:25.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it could be as simple as walks together.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.64,0:12:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Give them a voice
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.26,0:12:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of interaction, participation,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.58,0:12:35.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a feeling of belonging.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.36,0:12:39.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Make the time meaningful.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.69,0:12:44.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Life, it's about wanting to live
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.14,0:12:46.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and not waiting to die.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.79,0:12:56.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.34,0:13:00.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause ends)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.78,0:13:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I get a wave and a smile\Nfrom everyone, please?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.66,0:13:08.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.19,0:13:09.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is for you, Mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.55,0:13:12.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Camera clicks)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.57,0:13:19.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)