My name's Willam. I'm a successful drag queen,
and not some bitch who has to show for a dollar.
Now no one else can have it.
I'm an ego-maniac. Everybody knows that.
I'm a power-bottom like that.
I'm a trouble maker and a sh*t stirrer.
Me? You must have a television
I got my ass kicked on every major network.
I've always been an actor on TV. I was on Boston Public with you.
I was best friends with Candis Cayne when she died.
I died on Nip Tuck, CSI New York, Women's Murder Club. If you
name a cop show in the last 10 years I've probably been on it.
It's right on my head shots, right in there. Just on the way out, so... (mouth click)
-Willam, you're funny. -Thank you. Hire me.
I brought 34 pairs of shoes.
I'm just going to have a good rapport with my shoes.
Breaking out the Westwood.
This is the Westwood.
This is Mackie, too.
I'm wearing Alexander McQueen, thank you.
Patricia Fields.
They're Versace.
I'm going to Macy's.
Tramp stamp!
My look is "god, I want to go to Miami,
but I can only afford Ft. Lauderdale."
Ass ass, tittys, hair hair, gas mask.
My theme was "Clash of the Titans" if "Clash of the Titans"
was set in a strip club.
Is anybody shocked that I won a slut contest?
He knocked on my door, and it was a delivery.
Whores get paid. I was a slut.
The hardest part about this challenge is not telling
everybody else that I'm going to win.
I'm going to learn Spanish by the time I win.
It feels correct to win. When it's right, it's right.
I won. You know, it's kind of a hobby of mine.
Thank you, god, for all this bod'.
Touch this, all of this.
Yo' boat gon' blow.
You know what my boat reminds me of?
-(Jiggly) What? -A winner.
You shut your ugly boat mouth.
I'm giving you maritime realness with the Starship Willam.
Amenities include: Wi-Fi, there's a party deck and business center.
(singing) My boat is the best. My boat is pretty.
Crap. Now I'm going to have to be the funny one and not the pretty one.
(singing) I'm the prettiest one, now that Kenya's gone.
(singing) You can't f*ck me.
(singing) I want some breasts.
I wanted a vagina.
I love being a woman.
I'm a big boy dresses in big girl's clothes.
Team talent, hey.
I had a proper ghetto booty, and I was the only one wearing lipstick.
Team Willam put on a god damn show.
Sex sells, people. Sex sells.
I have good bones.
Your head is so unprofessional.
(imitating) You like that bitch? Yeah, I like that, daddy.
You like that, fat bitch? Whoah!
Yes, some of these bitches fell.
Y'all wish for me to be nice, then I'm going to try.
Lashauwn thinks he's Magellan, splitting the earth in half or something.
-Overgrown orangutan. - --grown orangutan.
Like a web-footed duck.
Plus-size Jujubee!
Is the carpet comfortable?
Milan just danced circles around you, and swiffered the floor
with his taint.
Did Dida not like you? Did you rob her or something?
Sorry about it.
You look like you probably got f*cked over a
moonshine barrel.
You ain't never going to be in "West Side Story" again.
Not even a touring production, bitch.
If I would have made Milan's boat, I wouldn't have put
"The Milan Invasion" on it.
I would've blamed it one someone else.
Like, "I didn't do this boat. No, this is her boat. That girl's boat.
Not my boat."
Their heads are uneven, and they wouldn't let me put nails in them.
Next week, I'm going to wear a burqa. A black chiffon burqa, and
a 301 and say, "Suck it, Michelle."
Don't talk to me, don't look at the camera. It's about me.
To be late is to be left.
Excuse me, sir.
Epic fail. Hashtag.
Girl, no.
Ding ding ding. Points for everybody.
Nurse. It's like, "Ooh, nurse." Yeah, because she needs help,
and nurses help people.
Nurse!
(Jiggly) Did this bitch really just come for me?
What didn't I do?
That's bullsh*t. She should be studied down there.
I don't understand it.
I never retaliated on the show because I didn't care.
I tend to think that emotions are for ugly people.
It didn't add any humility to me.
And I'm not going to "RuPaulogize" for anything that I'm doing now.
Your tone seems very pointed right now.
And indifference is worse than hate.
Let's go.
Alright now, clean this sh*t up.
Go home, go home.
Bye, girl, bye.
Bye.