WEBVTT

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My name's Willam. 
I'm a successful drag queen,

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and not some bitch who has
to show for a dollar.

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Now no one else can have it.

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I'm an ego-maniac. Everybody
knows that.

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I'm a power-bottom like that.

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I'm a trouble maker and 
a sh*t stirrer.

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Me? You must have a television

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I got my ass kicked on every major 
network.

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I've always been an actor on TV. 
I was on Boston Public with you.

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I was best friends with Candis Cayne
when she died.

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I died on Nip Tuck, CSI New York, Women's
Murder Club. If you

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name a cop show in the last 10 years
I've probably been on it.

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It's right on my head shots, right 
in there. Just on the way out, so...
(mouth click)

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-Willam, you're funny.
-Thank you. Hire me.

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I brought 34 pairs of shoes.

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I'm just going to have a good
rapport with my shoes.

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Breaking out the Westwood.

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This is the Westwood.

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This is Mackie, too.

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I'm wearing Alexander McQueen, 
thank you.

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Patricia Fields.

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They're Versace.

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I'm going to Macy's.

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Tramp stamp!

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My look is "god, I want to go
to Miami,

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but I can only afford Ft. Lauderdale."

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Ass ass, tittys, hair hair, 
gas mask.

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My theme was "Clash of the Titans"
if "Clash of the Titans"

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was set in a strip club.

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Is anybody shocked that I won 
a slut contest?

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He knocked on my door, and
it was a delivery.

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Whores get paid. I was a slut.

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The hardest part about this 
challenge is not telling

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everybody else that I'm 
going to win.

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I'm going to learn Spanish by 
the time I win.

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It feels correct to win. 
When it's right, it's right.

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I won. You know, it's kind of
a hobby of mine.

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Thank you, god, for all this bod'.

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Touch this, all of this.

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Yo' boat gon' blow.

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You know what my boat reminds
me of?

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-(Jiggly) What?
-A winner.

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You shut your ugly boat mouth.

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I'm giving you maritime realness
with the Starship Willam.

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Amenities include: Wi-Fi, there's a party 
deck and business center.

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(singing) My boat is the best. My boat
is pretty.

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Crap. Now I'm going to have to be the
funny one and not the pretty one.

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(singing) I'm the prettiest one, 
now that Kenya's gone.

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(singing) You can't f*ck me.

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(singing) I want some breasts.

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I wanted a vagina.

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I love being a woman.

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I'm a big boy dresses in big
girl's clothes.

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Team talent, hey.

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I had a proper ghetto booty, and 
I was the only one wearing lipstick.

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Team Willam put on a god damn show.

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Sex sells, people. Sex sells.

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I have good bones.

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Your head is so unprofessional.

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(imitating) You like that bitch? 
Yeah, I like that, daddy.

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You like that, fat bitch?
Whoah!

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Yes, some of these bitches fell.

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Y'all wish for me to be nice,
then I'm going to try.

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Lashauwn thinks he's Magellan, 
splitting the earth in half or something.

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-Overgrown orangutan. 
- --grown orangutan.

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Like a web-footed duck.

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Plus-size Jujubee!

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Is the carpet comfortable?

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Milan just danced circles around you,
and swiffered the floor

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with his taint.

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Did Dida not like you? Did you
rob her or something?

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Sorry about it.

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Sorry about it.

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You look like you probably got
f*cked over a

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moonshine barrel.

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You ain't never going to be in 
"West Side Story" again.

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Not even a touring production, bitch.

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If I would have made Milan's boat, 
I wouldn't have put

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"The Milan Invasion" on it.

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I would've blamed it one someone else.


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Like, "I didn't do this boat. No, this 
is her boat. That girl's boat.

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Not my boat."

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Their heads are uneven, and they
wouldn't let me put nails in them.

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Next week, I'm going to wear a burqa. 
A black chiffon burqa, and

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a 301 and say, "Suck it, Michelle."

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Don't talk to me, don't look at
the camera. It's about me.


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To be late is to be left.

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Excuse me, sir.

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Epic fail. Hashtag.

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Girl, no.

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Ding ding ding. Points for everybody.

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Nurse. It's like, "Ooh, nurse."
Yeah, because she needs help,

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and nurses help people.

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Nurse!

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(Jiggly) Did this bitch really just 
come for me?

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What didn't I do?

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That's bullsh*t. She should be studied
down there.

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I don't understand it.

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I never retaliated on the show because
I didn't care.

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I tend to think that emotions are for 
ugly people.

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It didn't add any humility to me.

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And I'm not going to "RuPaulogize" 
for anything that I'm doing now.

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Your tone seems very pointed right now.

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And indifference is worse than hate.

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Let's go.

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Alright now, clean this sh*t up.

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Go home, go home.

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Bye, girl, bye.

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Bye.

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Bye.

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Bye.